Welcome to the Bowl To Be Named Later Bowl! This is the inaugural Casual Pro League championship. Tomorrow we'll crown our first League champion.
Before that, however, let us pray.
Dear Football Jeebus, please bless our league with the final it deserves. Please do not let the sim go whacko and make this game a laugher. And finally, please make the correct calls so that each team plays to the best of their abilities. Amen.
Let us take a moment to acknowledge the dearly departed:
►►►Cozumel Jedi Knights, Athens Minotaurs
►►Wellington Spitfires, GLB Most Wanted, Atlantis Golden Wolves, Wild Thangs
►Bay Area Bulls, Texoma Bay Pirates, The World’s Most Interesting Men, Gridiron Phantoms, Twilight Vampires, Sin City Gamblers, Bridgetown Rum Runners, The World’s Most Interesting Men, and the North Dakota Bison.
So here we are. Finally, the final. Welcome to Casual Pro's first ever Championship Game, which is as of now unnamed, although my sources tell me that league leaders will convene during the offseason to agree upon a name for the Casual Bowl. The culmination of a season is always exciting but bittersweet, the excitement and rivalries that have developed this season were nonpareil, and although they'll be slightly diminished due to demotion/rebuilding, I have no doubt that during the next season new rivalries will continue to bloom.
The teams who have earned their place in the Championship are a pair that have been on everyone's radar for a very long time. Both teams are chock full of savvy coordinators, GLB Addict agents, and excellent owner/coaches. This is a game in which literally anything could happen.
From the Western corner, with a 69 lolBar rating, the Western Conference Champion Gridiron Armageddon!!!
In the Eastern corner, with a 72 lolBar rating, the Eastern Conference Champion Diablo Dots!!!
◄◄◄◄◄◄◄◄Date: 18 March 2010►►►►►►►►
◄◄◄◄◄◄◄◄Time: 9 PM EST►►►►►►►►
◄◄◄◄◄◄◄◄Place: The Hell Hole, Diablo►►►►►►►►
Western Conference Recap
The Gridiron Armageddon needed to make their way past the Athens Minotaurs in a game that featured two teams with big chips on their shoulders. This season's initial power rankings had the Minotaurs ranked 11th and the Armageddon ranked 7th overall in the league. I guess we know how well that ranking turned out. The Armageddon were coming off a 57-6 trouncing of the GLB Most Wanted, while the Minotaurs entered the game high on their 30-14 victory over the Wellington Spitfires. This particular analyst, proving his complete objectivity and lack of homerism, predicted that the game would end with Armageddon winning 33-14, and the final tally of 36-10 was not too far off. After a slow first quarter where the teams traded field goals, the Armageddon used two 50+ yard field goals and a 3.5 yard rush from HB Toadie Flex to open up a 16-3 halftime lead. Those 16 points were all the Armageddon would need, as they pushed the lead to 26-3 before Athens QB Randy Floyd connected with HB Silky Jackson for a 75 yard strike with just 20 minutes left in the game. Athens tried to burnish their reputation as one of the best closers in league history, but they ran out of time and energy en route to the 36-10 defeat. The Armageddon piled up 542 yards and 3 rushing TDs, and kicker Lou Groza III had one of the best days in Casual Pro kicking history, as he went 5/5 on FGs, including bombs of 50.5, 52.5, and 60.0 yards to seal the victory. Athens threw for 307 yards, but in the end the Armageddon's swarming defense proved to be too difficult to penetrate. Offensive MVP goes to HB Toadie Flex, who ran for 184.5 yards, 2 TDs, and broke 31 tackles. On the other side of the ball, FS Tony Mafia was flying all over the field, racking up 7 tackles and recovering a fumble.
Asked about his team's performance, Athens owner Joseph Blitz suggested that the Minotaurs had simply been outcoached. "When you have two teams as even in talent and desire as the Armageddon and the Minotaurs, it frequently comes down to tactics, and the Armageddon responded perfectly to everything we threw at them. I think Diablo's in for a tougher game than they expect."
Eastern Conference Recap
As expected, this game was much closer than their earlier meeting. On 18 Feb Diablo stormed to a 64-10 statement victory, sending a resounding message to some of their critics who suggested that they may have met their match. After spotting the Jedi Knights a 9 point lead on the strength of 3 field goals by kicker Neon Lite, the Dots answered with 10 points in 90 seconds as the second half came to an end, a scoring outburst punctuated by Diablo QB Dan Marino's pass to Herm Aroid for 48.5 yards with 90 seconds remaining in the half. At the bell, the score was Diablo 10, Cozumel 9.
Cozumel came out fired up for the second half, needing just 3 minutes to retake the lead on Eastern Conference MVP HB Eaton Beaver's 8 yard rush. However, it was all Diablo from there, as over the next 15 minutes they put on a dominating clinic, scoring 4 straight touchdowns to take a 38-16 lead before Beaver scored his 2nd TD of the day with 7 minutes remaining. In the end, Cozumel left themselves too large a hill to climb, with too little time left to climb it, as they fell to the Dots 41-23. The Dots demonstrated their ability to run and throw, as they accumulated 175 yards on the ground and 300 in the air. Offensive MVP WR Herm Aroid got loose for 133.5 receiving yards and the TD that kept Diablo close, and Defensive MVP FS Justine Suissa had 7 tackles, including one for a loss, to go along with 2 PDs.
Cozumel owner DisFrigginGuy was unhappy with his team's performance, but he said the Jedi Knight's first half performance bodes well for the future. "It was anyone's game going into the second half. We just didn't do the things necessary to come out on top. We'll reload and be looking for gold in season 15."
And Now For the Main Event
For the first time in Casual history, there will be a Pro championship. This will determine who gets to hold the crown of "best" Casual team for the next 40+ days. There's a lot at stake in this game. The Diablo Dots are riding a 59 game official winning streak, and would love to push it to 60 total. They're looking for their 3rd straight League title and 4th overall. On the other hand, the Armageddon have consistently run into the top teams early on, and have yet to win a single title. Combined with the fact that they are sure to demote next year and reboot their franchise, it appears that this will be their last chance for a legitimate League title for several seasons. There's plenty of personal and social pressure on these two proud franchises, each team needs this victory to cement their legacies. To add further intrigue, there's a bit of internecine rivalry going here, as both are officially sponsored by the GLB Addicts Corp.
Both teams are loaded, offensively and defensively. The Gridiron Armageddon sport a tri-pronged HB attack and some of the fastest WRs in the game, combined with their incredible O-line corps and a relentless defense, it will surely take everything Diablo has to win. Diablo's famous passing attack needs no further ink spilled, we all know what they can do. Add their resurgent rushing game and the fastest defense in the league, and it all makes for one of the deadliest teams of all time.
I decided to wander around the locker room following tonight's games and find out what the players were thinking.
I got in contact with Western Conference O-MVP Toadie Flex shortly after the conclusion of the Athens-Armageddon game.
"Toadie," I said, "You just played in one of the best games of the season. How are you going to follow it up in the finals?"
"Wubb gubb ub uh tubb, mubb. Wubb gubb ub uh tubb. Muh uh muh O-Lubb, we gonn duh uh thanb, mubb. Whubb," the 6'3" halfback responded.
"English, mother fucker." I said. "Do you speak it?"
The big bastard removed his mouth guard and stared at me before speaking:
"Oh, sorry. One game at a time, man. One game at a time. Me and my O-line, we gonna do our thang, man. Me and the Ali Mafia and that vindictive bitch Rihanna, we just take the ball and stare at some mighty fine big O-line booty until we see daylight. Then it's on. We know we got a tough challenge ahead of us with some demon-ass dots over there, but we seen them two times already and you know we gonna bring it. Gonna be a war, man. Gonna be a war. Looking forward to the challenge against a mean mean defense. Hopefully this time it will be different."
"Man," I said. "Didn't know you were so verbose. Anything else?"
"Get ya popcorn ready."
I think it's fair to say that having averaged nearly 200 yards per game in the playoffs so far, Mr. Flex will be very ready for Thursday's finale.
Also nearby was LB General Lee Disruptive, who won this writer's award for best pun. Here's what he had to say:
"After spending several seasons bouncing around and not finding a true "home". I'm thrilled to be here and to be helping get The Armageddon where they are. It's a great team and any little part that I may have played has been a truly great experience. That being said, I look forward to wrapping my career up, right here with the Armageddon and a championship in the Pros. We're here for a reason, to win. I plan on doing everything I can to lead my men to victory. Look out Dots. "
Afterward I spoke to WR Mr. Irvin, who came over to the Armageddon halfway through the season.
"Them Dots can't cover me. Heck, nobody can cover me. I know we lost to 'em in week one. But I wasn't on the team yet. How many games have we lost since I got here--ZERO!"
I found Armageddon coach GmanV2 sitting in his office, talking on his cell phone. As anyone can tell from his agent page, he's a busy man.
"Well coach," I said, " How are ya feeling? A good win tonight. Isn't it weird that in addition to owning a team, I'm an objective reporter?"
"That is weird," Gman said. "Also, where are your pants?"
"Nevermind that," I said. "Give me a quote."
"We will do our best to represent our mighty conference and do Athens & Wellington proud as the rep going to the League Championship Game. We are humbled and proud to be the first Pro Western Conference Champs!"
Later I was in the Diablo stadium, which is fortunately across the street from the Armageddon's stadium. I caught up with one player who shares an agent with many of the Gridiron players, and asked him how it felt to be playing against so many people he knows.
"Well... I have mixed emotions about the finals once again, this season, as a lot of my brothers play for the Armageddon," Diablo DE Havoc Junior said. "However, I won't be holding back. I have Xavier Griffin in my sight. He's a great field general, but he doesn't have the wheels to escape me if I get him in my crosshairs."
Behind him stood the vaunted halfback of the Dots, Usain Bolted, who had some surprising comments when I asked him for an opinion.
"The Armageddon did a pretty decent job of shutting down our running game when we scrimmaged them, so I don't know if I should be talking too much. However, for the sake of entertainment I'll go on record as saying that I am confident in our chances and I think our coordinators will have the right game plan in place when we hit the LOLplaying field."
Before I left, I had to ask him one more question--what did he think about his name sake's chance at the 400m world record?
"I also would agree that the 400m WR is in serious jeopardy. Bolt is a freak."
Finally, I caught up with the esteemed owner of the Dots, the chrome-faced killer, the angelic assassin, the one and only Avenger.
"Coach, what are you thinking?"
The coach put down his 64oz. slurpee and stroked his shiny chin.
"I believe we will see an EPIC battle for the ages. Its the 1st ever Pro Casual league championship final and its very exciting to say the least. Gman has taken care of his team very well at every level and like myself, we can both agree that this game its ultra important to us but equally respected."
"I see," I responded. "And what do you make of Armadeddon back Toadie Flex's comments earlier tonight?"
"I'd tell him to bring it. With extra butter."
Tomorrow's game will redefine the meaning of barnburner. These two teams are going to set the entire country on fire, not just some measly barn.* The Armageddon has to stop the Diablo passing attack, and the Dots have to step up and hold down the Armageddon's halfbacks. Special teams might be the key to the game, as the Dots coughed up 2 fumbles last game and cannot afford to make any mistakes against the Armageddon. This one might come down to field goals.
Prediction: Diablo Dots, 21-20
Before that, however, let us pray.
Dear Football Jeebus, please bless our league with the final it deserves. Please do not let the sim go whacko and make this game a laugher. And finally, please make the correct calls so that each team plays to the best of their abilities. Amen.
Let us take a moment to acknowledge the dearly departed:
►►►Cozumel Jedi Knights, Athens Minotaurs
►►Wellington Spitfires, GLB Most Wanted, Atlantis Golden Wolves, Wild Thangs
►Bay Area Bulls, Texoma Bay Pirates, The World’s Most Interesting Men, Gridiron Phantoms, Twilight Vampires, Sin City Gamblers, Bridgetown Rum Runners, The World’s Most Interesting Men, and the North Dakota Bison.
So here we are. Finally, the final. Welcome to Casual Pro's first ever Championship Game, which is as of now unnamed, although my sources tell me that league leaders will convene during the offseason to agree upon a name for the Casual Bowl. The culmination of a season is always exciting but bittersweet, the excitement and rivalries that have developed this season were nonpareil, and although they'll be slightly diminished due to demotion/rebuilding, I have no doubt that during the next season new rivalries will continue to bloom.
The teams who have earned their place in the Championship are a pair that have been on everyone's radar for a very long time. Both teams are chock full of savvy coordinators, GLB Addict agents, and excellent owner/coaches. This is a game in which literally anything could happen.
From the Western corner, with a 69 lolBar rating, the Western Conference Champion Gridiron Armageddon!!!
In the Eastern corner, with a 72 lolBar rating, the Eastern Conference Champion Diablo Dots!!!
◄◄◄◄◄◄◄◄Date: 18 March 2010►►►►►►►►
◄◄◄◄◄◄◄◄Time: 9 PM EST►►►►►►►►
◄◄◄◄◄◄◄◄Place: The Hell Hole, Diablo►►►►►►►►
Western Conference Recap
The Gridiron Armageddon needed to make their way past the Athens Minotaurs in a game that featured two teams with big chips on their shoulders. This season's initial power rankings had the Minotaurs ranked 11th and the Armageddon ranked 7th overall in the league. I guess we know how well that ranking turned out. The Armageddon were coming off a 57-6 trouncing of the GLB Most Wanted, while the Minotaurs entered the game high on their 30-14 victory over the Wellington Spitfires. This particular analyst, proving his complete objectivity and lack of homerism, predicted that the game would end with Armageddon winning 33-14, and the final tally of 36-10 was not too far off. After a slow first quarter where the teams traded field goals, the Armageddon used two 50+ yard field goals and a 3.5 yard rush from HB Toadie Flex to open up a 16-3 halftime lead. Those 16 points were all the Armageddon would need, as they pushed the lead to 26-3 before Athens QB Randy Floyd connected with HB Silky Jackson for a 75 yard strike with just 20 minutes left in the game. Athens tried to burnish their reputation as one of the best closers in league history, but they ran out of time and energy en route to the 36-10 defeat. The Armageddon piled up 542 yards and 3 rushing TDs, and kicker Lou Groza III had one of the best days in Casual Pro kicking history, as he went 5/5 on FGs, including bombs of 50.5, 52.5, and 60.0 yards to seal the victory. Athens threw for 307 yards, but in the end the Armageddon's swarming defense proved to be too difficult to penetrate. Offensive MVP goes to HB Toadie Flex, who ran for 184.5 yards, 2 TDs, and broke 31 tackles. On the other side of the ball, FS Tony Mafia was flying all over the field, racking up 7 tackles and recovering a fumble.
Asked about his team's performance, Athens owner Joseph Blitz suggested that the Minotaurs had simply been outcoached. "When you have two teams as even in talent and desire as the Armageddon and the Minotaurs, it frequently comes down to tactics, and the Armageddon responded perfectly to everything we threw at them. I think Diablo's in for a tougher game than they expect."
Eastern Conference Recap
As expected, this game was much closer than their earlier meeting. On 18 Feb Diablo stormed to a 64-10 statement victory, sending a resounding message to some of their critics who suggested that they may have met their match. After spotting the Jedi Knights a 9 point lead on the strength of 3 field goals by kicker Neon Lite, the Dots answered with 10 points in 90 seconds as the second half came to an end, a scoring outburst punctuated by Diablo QB Dan Marino's pass to Herm Aroid for 48.5 yards with 90 seconds remaining in the half. At the bell, the score was Diablo 10, Cozumel 9.
Cozumel came out fired up for the second half, needing just 3 minutes to retake the lead on Eastern Conference MVP HB Eaton Beaver's 8 yard rush. However, it was all Diablo from there, as over the next 15 minutes they put on a dominating clinic, scoring 4 straight touchdowns to take a 38-16 lead before Beaver scored his 2nd TD of the day with 7 minutes remaining. In the end, Cozumel left themselves too large a hill to climb, with too little time left to climb it, as they fell to the Dots 41-23. The Dots demonstrated their ability to run and throw, as they accumulated 175 yards on the ground and 300 in the air. Offensive MVP WR Herm Aroid got loose for 133.5 receiving yards and the TD that kept Diablo close, and Defensive MVP FS Justine Suissa had 7 tackles, including one for a loss, to go along with 2 PDs.
Cozumel owner DisFrigginGuy was unhappy with his team's performance, but he said the Jedi Knight's first half performance bodes well for the future. "It was anyone's game going into the second half. We just didn't do the things necessary to come out on top. We'll reload and be looking for gold in season 15."
And Now For the Main Event
For the first time in Casual history, there will be a Pro championship. This will determine who gets to hold the crown of "best" Casual team for the next 40+ days. There's a lot at stake in this game. The Diablo Dots are riding a 59 game official winning streak, and would love to push it to 60 total. They're looking for their 3rd straight League title and 4th overall. On the other hand, the Armageddon have consistently run into the top teams early on, and have yet to win a single title. Combined with the fact that they are sure to demote next year and reboot their franchise, it appears that this will be their last chance for a legitimate League title for several seasons. There's plenty of personal and social pressure on these two proud franchises, each team needs this victory to cement their legacies. To add further intrigue, there's a bit of internecine rivalry going here, as both are officially sponsored by the GLB Addicts Corp.
Both teams are loaded, offensively and defensively. The Gridiron Armageddon sport a tri-pronged HB attack and some of the fastest WRs in the game, combined with their incredible O-line corps and a relentless defense, it will surely take everything Diablo has to win. Diablo's famous passing attack needs no further ink spilled, we all know what they can do. Add their resurgent rushing game and the fastest defense in the league, and it all makes for one of the deadliest teams of all time.
I decided to wander around the locker room following tonight's games and find out what the players were thinking.
I got in contact with Western Conference O-MVP Toadie Flex shortly after the conclusion of the Athens-Armageddon game.
"Toadie," I said, "You just played in one of the best games of the season. How are you going to follow it up in the finals?"
"Wubb gubb ub uh tubb, mubb. Wubb gubb ub uh tubb. Muh uh muh O-Lubb, we gonn duh uh thanb, mubb. Whubb," the 6'3" halfback responded.
"English, mother fucker." I said. "Do you speak it?"
The big bastard removed his mouth guard and stared at me before speaking:
"Oh, sorry. One game at a time, man. One game at a time. Me and my O-line, we gonna do our thang, man. Me and the Ali Mafia and that vindictive bitch Rihanna, we just take the ball and stare at some mighty fine big O-line booty until we see daylight. Then it's on. We know we got a tough challenge ahead of us with some demon-ass dots over there, but we seen them two times already and you know we gonna bring it. Gonna be a war, man. Gonna be a war. Looking forward to the challenge against a mean mean defense. Hopefully this time it will be different."
"Man," I said. "Didn't know you were so verbose. Anything else?"
"Get ya popcorn ready."
I think it's fair to say that having averaged nearly 200 yards per game in the playoffs so far, Mr. Flex will be very ready for Thursday's finale.
Also nearby was LB General Lee Disruptive, who won this writer's award for best pun. Here's what he had to say:
"After spending several seasons bouncing around and not finding a true "home". I'm thrilled to be here and to be helping get The Armageddon where they are. It's a great team and any little part that I may have played has been a truly great experience. That being said, I look forward to wrapping my career up, right here with the Armageddon and a championship in the Pros. We're here for a reason, to win. I plan on doing everything I can to lead my men to victory. Look out Dots. "
Afterward I spoke to WR Mr. Irvin, who came over to the Armageddon halfway through the season.
"Them Dots can't cover me. Heck, nobody can cover me. I know we lost to 'em in week one. But I wasn't on the team yet. How many games have we lost since I got here--ZERO!"
I found Armageddon coach GmanV2 sitting in his office, talking on his cell phone. As anyone can tell from his agent page, he's a busy man.
"Well coach," I said, " How are ya feeling? A good win tonight. Isn't it weird that in addition to owning a team, I'm an objective reporter?"
"That is weird," Gman said. "Also, where are your pants?"
"Nevermind that," I said. "Give me a quote."
"We will do our best to represent our mighty conference and do Athens & Wellington proud as the rep going to the League Championship Game. We are humbled and proud to be the first Pro Western Conference Champs!"
Later I was in the Diablo stadium, which is fortunately across the street from the Armageddon's stadium. I caught up with one player who shares an agent with many of the Gridiron players, and asked him how it felt to be playing against so many people he knows.
"Well... I have mixed emotions about the finals once again, this season, as a lot of my brothers play for the Armageddon," Diablo DE Havoc Junior said. "However, I won't be holding back. I have Xavier Griffin in my sight. He's a great field general, but he doesn't have the wheels to escape me if I get him in my crosshairs."
Behind him stood the vaunted halfback of the Dots, Usain Bolted, who had some surprising comments when I asked him for an opinion.
"The Armageddon did a pretty decent job of shutting down our running game when we scrimmaged them, so I don't know if I should be talking too much. However, for the sake of entertainment I'll go on record as saying that I am confident in our chances and I think our coordinators will have the right game plan in place when we hit the LOLplaying field."
Before I left, I had to ask him one more question--what did he think about his name sake's chance at the 400m world record?
"I also would agree that the 400m WR is in serious jeopardy. Bolt is a freak."
Finally, I caught up with the esteemed owner of the Dots, the chrome-faced killer, the angelic assassin, the one and only Avenger.
"Coach, what are you thinking?"
The coach put down his 64oz. slurpee and stroked his shiny chin.
"I believe we will see an EPIC battle for the ages. Its the 1st ever Pro Casual league championship final and its very exciting to say the least. Gman has taken care of his team very well at every level and like myself, we can both agree that this game its ultra important to us but equally respected."
"I see," I responded. "And what do you make of Armadeddon back Toadie Flex's comments earlier tonight?"
"I'd tell him to bring it. With extra butter."
Tomorrow's game will redefine the meaning of barnburner. These two teams are going to set the entire country on fire, not just some measly barn.* The Armageddon has to stop the Diablo passing attack, and the Dots have to step up and hold down the Armageddon's halfbacks. Special teams might be the key to the game, as the Dots coughed up 2 fumbles last game and cannot afford to make any mistakes against the Armageddon. This one might come down to field goals.
Prediction: Diablo Dots, 21-20
Edited by josephblitz on Mar 17, 2010 22:36:19
Edited by josephblitz on Mar 17, 2010 10:14:51
, you mean, 
