Warrior General Games

and we're straight off with:

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”

“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”

“Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”

“Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?”

“You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!”

from our OC:

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating.

She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?"

One of the Japanese men says, "Can't you see? We are all berry hungry."

The waitress says, "So how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation?"

One of the other businessmen replies: "The menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!"

a few that i stole from one of the team forums i belong to:

A prisoner in jail received a letter from his wife:
"I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"

The prionser, knowing that the prison guards real all the mail , replied in a letter:
"Dear Wife, whatever you do , DO NOT touch the back garden! That is where I hid all the gold."

A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:
"You wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the whole back garden."

The prisoner wrote another letter:
"Dear, Wife, NOW is the best time to plant lettuce"
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Three men were waiting at Heaven's Gate. St. Peter says, "OK, guys, pretty much anything goes up here, but whatever you do, never lie, or you will spend the rest of eternity with the ugliest women in the universe."

So they all agree and are admitted in. The first guy makes it a week before he lies about how rich he was on Earth. Bam! Right at his side appears the ugliest woman he had ever seen.

The second guy makes it another couple weeks before he lies about how smart he is. Bam! At his side appears the second ugliest woman in the universe.

So the first two guys are walking around with their monsters of women when they see their third friend walking with the hottest woman ever conceived by man. The first two guys say in unison, "How did you land with that babe when we get stuck with these nasty women?"

He nudges the babe and says, "Tell them." She says to the first two guys, "I lied."
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One day in the jungle, 3 explorers were hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of natives attacked and captured them.

When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe's throne.

The chief then said "All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me."

So after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The chief then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed.

Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The chief soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After the 9th grape, the man started laughing so hard for no apparant reason, and was killed.

The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy asked the second, "Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you'd have gotten away!"

The second guy answered while still laughing, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples."