In all seriousness, the only thing that makes sense to me as to how it is currently working is that h2h is thrown out and conference record is the #1 tiebreaker. It is the only thing I have found in numerous examples of incorrect tiebreakers (based on what has been posted as official tiebreakers) that seems to check out.
1 - h2h not being used is dumb. 2 - conference record as a tiebreaker for players in different conferences may even be more dumb.