Your friendly neighborhood Speedcat is back with some of his shitty write ups once again. Enjoy and please remember, I don't make fun of anyone in particular. I hate you all, equally.
This weeks theme song here ---> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XynTJLeXhmA
Welcome to the Season 80 Rookie Casual #3 Week 3:
Big Fatty Game of the Week!
Rooster Boys (1-1) vs Linköping Vargar (2-0)
For the second week in a row the IKEA Wolves are playing the Big Fatty as they are quickly establishing themselves as the team to beat in RC3. The Rooster Boys had a great week 2 and redeemed themselves for the last minute purchase and name change almost screwing up my week 1 write up.
However the theme song for the week should have been a tip off how this one is gonna roll, like a delicious meatball! Vargar beat the Cocks, handily.
New Orleans Gators (1-1) vs Dumbledore Devil Dots (1-1)
The Gators got linköpved last week and the Nerd Alert Devil Dots didn't fare very well against the Outlaws. The Gators beat the Outlaws who then beat the Devil Dogs. Logic dictates a Gators win on this one. But can you overthink logic? If the Outlaws were partying in week 1 and lost to a Gators team that was focused but the Devil Dots cocked the Rooters in week one and won then I still say Gators take this one. Logic be damned! Wait... logic be not damned?
Las Vegas Outlaws (1-1) vs Off In The Woods (0-2)
There really isn’t anything I can say about this game. Really. I’ve tried. Thought about a whole lot of stuff.
Speaking of masturbation, here's a comprehensive list of the worst place in the world to try to masturbate:
- your grandmother's house
Why the fuck are the only magazines she has 20 years of Readers Digest back issues? All the women in that magazine are already dead. I looked at one and the cover was Angela Landsbury. I was like I know she's dead, but the only channels grandma got on TV were Hallmark and PBS. So I was like, fuck this, it's jerkin she wrote. I flip to the Angela Landsbury story and I'm reading her profile: Interests include decomposing and fucking necrophiliacs. I KNEW IT. And the next page was a double feature on Marie Antoinette and Mitochondrial Eve. FUCK THIS.
P.S. you can google Mitochondrial Eve. HA HA NOW YOU LEARNED SOMETHING
P.P.S. i left the Marie Antoinette page a bit sticky after she let me eat her cake, if you catch my drift.
Oh, Outlaws grab their 2nd win of the season.
Taco Tuesday (0-2) vs Delaware Dragons (1-1)
Dragons eat some crow after being cocky in the IROC before the week 2 beat down by the Freedom and will take out all their sexual frustrations on the poor Pink Tacos this week. Expect a lopsided win for the Dragons with no lube… just like Tyron likes it!
(edit - not that I would know. Just late night conversations is all we have ever had. Although I don't really remember much after that cosmo that Tyron passed me......
)
America Freedom (1-1) vs Massachusetts Monkey Mafia (CPU) (1-1)
Freedom rang big time last week. MAGA hats and 'Merica Flags for every fan on every corner in Tallahassee. Not really sure where the Freedom are based out of but in my mind, its Florida-man land. Just sayin'.
My favorite CPU team takes another beating this week as the Freedom pound Triple M like the wife of the drunk in a Florida trailer park.
Mata-Utu Voodoo (2-0) vs Hattgenstein Zombie Vols (CPU) (1-1)
Voodoo versus Zombies. I know the outcome of this one, the Zombies get mind controlled by the crazy witch doctor type person and eat all the Angela Landsb.. wait, went there before. Don't need that image again. No, just no. Voodoo win. I need to go wash my brain in bleach.
Speeds Bragging Rights Standings:
Right (7) vs 
Wrong (5)
This weeks theme song here ---> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XynTJLeXhmA
Welcome to the Season 80 Rookie Casual #3 Week 3:
Big Fatty Game of the Week!
Rooster Boys (1-1) vs Linköping Vargar (2-0)
For the second week in a row the IKEA Wolves are playing the Big Fatty as they are quickly establishing themselves as the team to beat in RC3. The Rooster Boys had a great week 2 and redeemed themselves for the last minute purchase and name change almost screwing up my week 1 write up.
However the theme song for the week should have been a tip off how this one is gonna roll, like a delicious meatball! Vargar beat the Cocks, handily.
New Orleans Gators (1-1) vs Dumbledore Devil Dots (1-1)
The Gators got linköpved last week and the Nerd Alert Devil Dots didn't fare very well against the Outlaws. The Gators beat the Outlaws who then beat the Devil Dogs. Logic dictates a Gators win on this one. But can you overthink logic? If the Outlaws were partying in week 1 and lost to a Gators team that was focused but the Devil Dots cocked the Rooters in week one and won then I still say Gators take this one. Logic be damned! Wait... logic be not damned?
Las Vegas Outlaws (1-1) vs Off In The Woods (0-2)
There really isn’t anything I can say about this game. Really. I’ve tried. Thought about a whole lot of stuff.
Speaking of masturbation, here's a comprehensive list of the worst place in the world to try to masturbate:
- your grandmother's house
Why the fuck are the only magazines she has 20 years of Readers Digest back issues? All the women in that magazine are already dead. I looked at one and the cover was Angela Landsbury. I was like I know she's dead, but the only channels grandma got on TV were Hallmark and PBS. So I was like, fuck this, it's jerkin she wrote. I flip to the Angela Landsbury story and I'm reading her profile: Interests include decomposing and fucking necrophiliacs. I KNEW IT. And the next page was a double feature on Marie Antoinette and Mitochondrial Eve. FUCK THIS.
P.S. you can google Mitochondrial Eve. HA HA NOW YOU LEARNED SOMETHING
P.P.S. i left the Marie Antoinette page a bit sticky after she let me eat her cake, if you catch my drift.
Oh, Outlaws grab their 2nd win of the season.
Taco Tuesday (0-2) vs Delaware Dragons (1-1)
Dragons eat some crow after being cocky in the IROC before the week 2 beat down by the Freedom and will take out all their sexual frustrations on the poor Pink Tacos this week. Expect a lopsided win for the Dragons with no lube… just like Tyron likes it!
(edit - not that I would know. Just late night conversations is all we have ever had. Although I don't really remember much after that cosmo that Tyron passed me......
)America Freedom (1-1) vs Massachusetts Monkey Mafia (CPU) (1-1)
Freedom rang big time last week. MAGA hats and 'Merica Flags for every fan on every corner in Tallahassee. Not really sure where the Freedom are based out of but in my mind, its Florida-man land. Just sayin'.
My favorite CPU team takes another beating this week as the Freedom pound Triple M like the wife of the drunk in a Florida trailer park.
Mata-Utu Voodoo (2-0) vs Hattgenstein Zombie Vols (CPU) (1-1)
Voodoo versus Zombies. I know the outcome of this one, the Zombies get mind controlled by the crazy witch doctor type person and eat all the Angela Landsb.. wait, went there before. Don't need that image again. No, just no. Voodoo win. I need to go wash my brain in bleach.
Speeds Bragging Rights Standings: Right (7) vs Wrong (5)
