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Speedcat
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No comments on my previous post left me feeling like Bort on a Saturday night, lonely and sad. But then I remembered that I write these for me, not for you bastards. So y'all can suck it for another week of Speed logic and fun! As long as another CPU team doesn't get bought out last minute this will stick!


This weeks theme song here ---> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAG4XXCOj48&t=6s


Welcome to the Season 80 Rookie Casual #3 Week 2:

Big Fatty Game of the Week!
Linköping Vargar (1-0) vs New Orleans Gators (1-0)
Wolves vs Gators... sharp teeth vs sharp teeth... this one looks good with two teams coming off good solid wins. The IKEA Wolves are rolling a apparently 18 game winning streak with a two headed rushing QB tandem. I get it, probably like putting together an end table and having a bunch or left over parts, you just build something else. Gators rode a FB and cpu QB to victory. bnascar3 may be feeling down this week with the confederate flag being pulled from all remaining turn left races in the deep south and he may not have his A game for this one. Another week, more meatballs... those sweet, sweet meatballs. Vargar win!


Off In The Woods (0-1) vs Rooster Boys (0-1)
I love the new name of the Rooster Boys… makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. That plus the sixer I downed before writing this might be kicking in. But mainly because I get to write this now. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!
What does that all mean? Dicks = Cocks = Roosters win


Hattgenstein Zombie Vols (CPU) (0-1) vs Taco Tuesday (0-1)
My favorite rotting corpse CPU team vs the Taco's that try... Dammit.. sheeeit. Okay, something witty… yeah. I got nothing left for this game. Sorry, make it up next week. Anyway its coin flip time… Taco Tuesday ftw on a Friday?


Delaware Dragons (1-0) vs America Freedom (0-1)
The first state Dragons had no problem beating down the CPU Zombies last week and the Freedom ran into a remarkable Voodoo buzzsaw that kind of came out of nowhere., at least to all of us here at the Voodoo anyway. Tyron is feeling good and rolling around town with his t-tops off his 92 Iroc Camero. I think Freedom does not ring this week and the Dragons crush it.


Dumbledore Devil Dots (1-0) vs Las Vegas Outlaws (0-1)
Well I was wrong about the Devil Dots last week and wrong about the Outlaws as well. Maybe I overthunk it but I still believe the Devil Dots are holding back due to the damn Harry Potter shit and the Vegas Outlaws were just caught partying too much before game 1. Every season I do these there is one team I bet to win that bites my ass each game.. I am hoping it won't be Vegas this season. Vegas with help from the Flying Elvis's pull out a close win.


Massachusetts Monkey Mafia (CPU) (1-0) vs Mata-Utu Voodoo (1-0)
I normally keep my own teams write ups nice a short after a lucky Amazon Prime delivery of my dotball strategy guide came this morning and we caught a break. Mainly I keep em short cause you really don’t want to just post something like the goddamn awesome future CPU overlords Triple M COULD NEVER BEAT THE VOODOO UNLESS SOME CRAZY STAR TREK SHIT HAPPENS LIKE WORMHOLES AND SHIT. PERIOD. END O STORY. Cause it will usually bite you in the ass later on. Anyway Voodoo kills this week.


As a new feature for this week I am introducing….( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ek56AgxwybI )
The premier of: Speeds Mailbag!!!

I get letters and notes from time to time and I think this would be a great addition to my picks! All real names have been edited and changed for the senders protection! Now lets get to it shall we???

“Dear Speed, I am writing this as I need some build advice…” Kasey from San Antonio, TX
That’s simple. Sounds like you’re a girl.. moar boobs and high heels. That was easy… next!

“Speed, why are you such a dick all the time? Nobody likes you and your pathetic write ups. Grow up and quit picking on us from the U.K.” - Charles from London, UK
Well, tbh I went back and re-read every post and I can honestly say that I’ve never meant to insult anyone from the University of Kentucky. I think it’s a fine school, with a great basketball tradition and I’m sure all those allegations about the coach and hookers will be found to be false.

“Speed, I have a friend and he’s be experimenting with some supplements, and my friend has been having a lot of wet dreams. Think that they could be related?” WilliamTalksHoovers from Atlanta, GA
I think you should get off the juice, buy a shirt with no holes in, find a nice goat and take her to dinner.

“What is your favourite thing about GLB?” – Graham from Montreal, Quebec
I’m having some trouble understanding you son. Take the cock out of yer mouth and spell it correctly you ½ froggy bastard…
Favorite thing would be the friendships I’ve made, plus I feel I’m a great role model for the game and an ambassador of GLB for the rest of the world as I enjoy meeting people from all over the globe… as long as they spell correctly, play by the geographical limitations and don’t eat deserts called Spotted Dick.

“SC, I have been waking up in the morning with my back all sticky… whaddya think that could be from?” DDSVampire from Atlanta, GA
Far be it for me to say much about anyone’s lifestyle but I’d recommend sleeping with your back facing the wall, your door locked and keeping any GLB "friends" named Tyron who may live nearby out.

That's it for this week! Keep the messages of support, love and questions coming!

Speed


Speeds Bragging Rights Standings:
Right (3) vs Wrong (3)
Edited by Speedcat on Jun 11, 2020 11:53:15
 
Mystbayne
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keep these coming I really enjoyed this!
 
Speedcat
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Originally posted by Mystbayne
keep these coming I really enjoyed this!



Thanks for replying! I enjoy doing them and its always nice to know someone looks at it
 
LG_85
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Not in your division but great write up.
 
JennyMac
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Good job
 


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