So the last couple editions I've been bitc...err...discussing my distaste for avocado based condiments. And last time I mentioned that I was happy that HOLY DIAPER FILLING! had lost and been knocked out of the top ten, and hence, I would be spared the mouth-vomit that results from even thinking about that vile stuff. Well, it seems the gods of GLB2 are a malicious and conniving lot as you'll never guess who my rookie team's next ladder match is against. Go on. Guess.
[SamKinison]
AH AHHHHHHHHHHHG!!!!
OH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
[/SamKinison]
Okay, I feel better. Now on to the picks...
#10 Rhode Island Falcons vs. #15 Drunken Mayan Potato Farmers of Omerta
Okay. I live in Idaho. There are no Mayans anywhere near me. (there aren't any potatoes either, but why let reality get in the way of snark) The closest I've ever been to Mayans was back when I was suffering a temporary bout of insanity and had gotten married. My ex and I had our honeymoon in Cancun, and while on the trip, we went and saw Chichen Itza, and I even climbed to the top of of El Castillo, the famous pyramid. I know none of this has anything to do with this game, but this game is boring, so whatever.
Rhode Island is going to throw the ball a lot, but not score many points. The Wanna-be Idahoans are going to throw some, run some, and score even fewer points. The crowd is going to throw up a lot and score with Jampy's mom in the men's room.
Rhode Island 17 - Drunks 7
#9 Victorious Secret vs #13 D'Haran Empire
Back to back Galithor and Adderfist who I'm sure think they're sneaky. What better way to win more than 4 ships than to join a playoff team in every league in every tier in the game. It's not enough that Adderfist managed 4 ships last season. This season he wants 40, and he's bringing Galithor along for the ride.
I'm going to go way out on a limb here and predict both teams are going to run the ball a lot. So what this game comes down to is which do I think has the better defense and can actually stop the run. Well, that's not really that hard of decision.
Victorious 30 - D'Haran 13
#8 Meth Cookers vs #12 Denver Nightmares
What would you like to know about the Meth Cookers? I'm playing them in the Lincoln championship so I can tell you just about everything you'd want to know. For example, did you know that their GM Duo wears pink silk panties on his head when he sleeps claiming it prevents him from getting headaches? It's amazing what you find out when you pay some kid $5 to spend a night staring in someone's window.
Meth Cookers are a team that pretends to throw the ball, but really lives and dies by the run. Denver is a team that pretends to run the ball, but really lives and dies by the pass. So ultimately this game will come down to which has the better imagination. Well, there's nothing like a little chemical enhancement to get those creative juices flowing.
Meth 42 - Denver 7
#7 Nigerian My Little Ponies vs. #11 Tampa Bay Tuskenraiders
Guess what happened last ladder? I predicted the My Little Ponies would win. So, of course, they lost. I have to admire their steadfastness in refusing to try to bribe me if not their intelligence. Maybe they should ask Princess Celestia if it's better to win or to do a favor for a friend. I'm pretty sure she'd say friendship is magic.
There is of course, a tiny little problem here. I can't for the life of me figure out how Tampa Bay is going to win this. I mean, last time was easy. Red Imps were going to run all over them so calling it for the My Little Ponies was a no-brainer. But this time we're talking about a team with really questionable rush defense going up a galloping run game. Still...
My Little Ponies 1 Bazillion - Tampa Bay 1
#6 Alaskan Assassins vs. #3 Baby BULLIES
Finally. A matchup between two top ten teams. What's more. This should be a good game between two balanced teams. The trick to predicting games like this is making sure you use the right coin to flip. For this game, I chose a 1982 penny with a scratch over Lincoln's left eye. And, if you have any doubts about my methodology, it likely means you're a no-life loser who needs to get a new hobby.
According to Mr. Lincoln (and the bazillion or so scrims they've run against my team recently), this game will come down to the fact that for all it's supposed awesomeness, the BULLIES defense has huge gaping holes in it. Alaska, on the other hand, is a solid all-around squad.
Alaska 24 - Baby 14
#5 Lincoln City Red Imps vs. #2 All Madden
When I looked at the matchup for this game, I saw a whole bunch of 1's on All Madden's side, and a whole bunch of random numbers on the Red Imp's side. This would give the initial impression that All Madden is the hands down better team. But you have to remember that those matchup numbers are league stats so while things might look good for All Madden, they might also just be in an easy league. Of course, that's not the case as All Madden is in the same league as Alaskan Assassins, so you can put at least some faith in those numbers.
The thing is, I just can't shake the feeling that the Imps are on a tear. They've won their last 5 straight, and none of them were all that close. It's like they've finally found that last little tweak to their team that they needed.
Red Imps 35 - All Madden 24
#211 1995 Nebraska Future Convicts vs #221 Leetsauce Noobcrushers
If ever there was a team with exactly the right name, it's the Noobcrushers. They are a seasoned time with three wins, all against rookie teams. Against other seasoned teams, they get absolutely destroyed. It's a lot like a few of the other owners here who spend all their time talking a great game, but when it comes time to play, they get wrecked. I'm not going to name names. I don't have to. You know who you are. *cough*Corndog*cough*
Last edition, I predicted a rookie win over a bad seasoned team. I think Nebraska can do it as well provided they get one thing straight. They are a running team. Not a passing team. Trying to pretend you are a passing team when you are a running team only leads to heartache and sorrow (and Xavori laughing hysterically).
Nebraska 30 - Noobcrushers 7
#184 Jesse Venturas versus #191 Charleston Commandos
Last game, the Venturas got to play an inactive seasoned team. I predicted that even with the disparity in player development, the Venturas would be able to pull out the win. And they did with an impressive 21-10 showing.
This time though, they're playing an active sophomore team. While Charleston isn't exactly a powerhouse (obviously if they're playing a rookie team), they're at least active. That's a huge, huge thing as it means they might actually gameplan and have players on the field who've been kept up to date.
Charleston 10 - Venturas 3
[SamKinison]
AH AHHHHHHHHHHHG!!!!
OH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
[/SamKinison]
Okay, I feel better. Now on to the picks...
#10 Rhode Island Falcons vs. #15 Drunken Mayan Potato Farmers of Omerta
Okay. I live in Idaho. There are no Mayans anywhere near me. (there aren't any potatoes either, but why let reality get in the way of snark) The closest I've ever been to Mayans was back when I was suffering a temporary bout of insanity and had gotten married. My ex and I had our honeymoon in Cancun, and while on the trip, we went and saw Chichen Itza, and I even climbed to the top of of El Castillo, the famous pyramid. I know none of this has anything to do with this game, but this game is boring, so whatever.
Rhode Island is going to throw the ball a lot, but not score many points. The Wanna-be Idahoans are going to throw some, run some, and score even fewer points. The crowd is going to throw up a lot and score with Jampy's mom in the men's room.
Rhode Island 17 - Drunks 7
#9 Victorious Secret vs #13 D'Haran Empire
Back to back Galithor and Adderfist who I'm sure think they're sneaky. What better way to win more than 4 ships than to join a playoff team in every league in every tier in the game. It's not enough that Adderfist managed 4 ships last season. This season he wants 40, and he's bringing Galithor along for the ride.
I'm going to go way out on a limb here and predict both teams are going to run the ball a lot. So what this game comes down to is which do I think has the better defense and can actually stop the run. Well, that's not really that hard of decision.
Victorious 30 - D'Haran 13
#8 Meth Cookers vs #12 Denver Nightmares
What would you like to know about the Meth Cookers? I'm playing them in the Lincoln championship so I can tell you just about everything you'd want to know. For example, did you know that their GM Duo wears pink silk panties on his head when he sleeps claiming it prevents him from getting headaches? It's amazing what you find out when you pay some kid $5 to spend a night staring in someone's window.
Meth Cookers are a team that pretends to throw the ball, but really lives and dies by the run. Denver is a team that pretends to run the ball, but really lives and dies by the pass. So ultimately this game will come down to which has the better imagination. Well, there's nothing like a little chemical enhancement to get those creative juices flowing.
Meth 42 - Denver 7
#7 Nigerian My Little Ponies vs. #11 Tampa Bay Tuskenraiders
Guess what happened last ladder? I predicted the My Little Ponies would win. So, of course, they lost. I have to admire their steadfastness in refusing to try to bribe me if not their intelligence. Maybe they should ask Princess Celestia if it's better to win or to do a favor for a friend. I'm pretty sure she'd say friendship is magic.
There is of course, a tiny little problem here. I can't for the life of me figure out how Tampa Bay is going to win this. I mean, last time was easy. Red Imps were going to run all over them so calling it for the My Little Ponies was a no-brainer. But this time we're talking about a team with really questionable rush defense going up a galloping run game. Still...
My Little Ponies 1 Bazillion - Tampa Bay 1
#6 Alaskan Assassins vs. #3 Baby BULLIES
Finally. A matchup between two top ten teams. What's more. This should be a good game between two balanced teams. The trick to predicting games like this is making sure you use the right coin to flip. For this game, I chose a 1982 penny with a scratch over Lincoln's left eye. And, if you have any doubts about my methodology, it likely means you're a no-life loser who needs to get a new hobby.
According to Mr. Lincoln (and the bazillion or so scrims they've run against my team recently), this game will come down to the fact that for all it's supposed awesomeness, the BULLIES defense has huge gaping holes in it. Alaska, on the other hand, is a solid all-around squad.
Alaska 24 - Baby 14
#5 Lincoln City Red Imps vs. #2 All Madden
When I looked at the matchup for this game, I saw a whole bunch of 1's on All Madden's side, and a whole bunch of random numbers on the Red Imp's side. This would give the initial impression that All Madden is the hands down better team. But you have to remember that those matchup numbers are league stats so while things might look good for All Madden, they might also just be in an easy league. Of course, that's not the case as All Madden is in the same league as Alaskan Assassins, so you can put at least some faith in those numbers.
The thing is, I just can't shake the feeling that the Imps are on a tear. They've won their last 5 straight, and none of them were all that close. It's like they've finally found that last little tweak to their team that they needed.
Red Imps 35 - All Madden 24
#211 1995 Nebraska Future Convicts vs #221 Leetsauce Noobcrushers
If ever there was a team with exactly the right name, it's the Noobcrushers. They are a seasoned time with three wins, all against rookie teams. Against other seasoned teams, they get absolutely destroyed. It's a lot like a few of the other owners here who spend all their time talking a great game, but when it comes time to play, they get wrecked. I'm not going to name names. I don't have to. You know who you are. *cough*Corndog*cough*
Last edition, I predicted a rookie win over a bad seasoned team. I think Nebraska can do it as well provided they get one thing straight. They are a running team. Not a passing team. Trying to pretend you are a passing team when you are a running team only leads to heartache and sorrow (and Xavori laughing hysterically).
Nebraska 30 - Noobcrushers 7
#184 Jesse Venturas versus #191 Charleston Commandos
Last game, the Venturas got to play an inactive seasoned team. I predicted that even with the disparity in player development, the Venturas would be able to pull out the win. And they did with an impressive 21-10 showing.
This time though, they're playing an active sophomore team. While Charleston isn't exactly a powerhouse (obviously if they're playing a rookie team), they're at least active. That's a huge, huge thing as it means they might actually gameplan and have players on the field who've been kept up to date.
Charleston 10 - Venturas 3
