Last edition was a nearly flawless rendition of picks (which stands to reason since they're mine). My only mistake was trusting to the wrong trend in my Wastelanders-South End pick. I should have realize that the erratic gameplay of the Wastelands would give way to a string of losses against their quality opponents and that the erratic gameplay was merely a canary in the coal mine rather than a trend in and of itself.
So this time I will make only the most careful and scientific of picks. Each team will be analyzed with the utmost care and consideration. Pay no attention to the fact I'm posting this not long after the games were set. I assure you that these picks were made with the same high standards and quality I put in to my most recent defensive gameplan for Yorick...
#10 Rhode Island Falcons vs. #11 MMArmy Can Crushers
Rhode Island's staff is a who's who of top GLB2 coaching talent. You have the owner Adderfist who last season won 4 championships as the DC for 4 different teams. You have Pariah who owns the #7 overall ranked team in all of GLB2. You have Galithor who has built the scariest offense in the toughest division in all of GLB2. Finally, there is hiimjake who's attached to a plethora of top teams. The only thing really missing is me, which is prolly why it took them so long to finally get to the top ten.
This game is an easy pick. The Falcons score more points, allow fewer, have one of the best rookie QB's around, and oh ya, have great coaching. The only thing MMArmy has going for them is that they know the Falcons will be throwing the ball. Of course, this is a lot like knowing the thread holding the Sword of Damoclese over your head is about to break. Sure, you can see the fraying, but there just isn't a lot you can do about it.
Rhode Island 30 - MMArmy 13
#9 1995 Nebraska Cornhuskers vs # 13 Fully Torqued Dry Guys
Before I begin, I would like to ask who thought "cornhusker" was a good mascot? Does it inspire fear in your opponent? Does it project an image of power and courage? No. I mean, sure it's better than "Bugeaters" (I'm dead serious when I tell you that once upon a time Nebraska really was the Bugeaters), but that's like saying having sex with Rosanne Barr is better than having sex with Jampy's mom. Either way, you're not bragging about it to anyone.
As for the game, it should come as no surprise that a team calling itself the 1995 Nebraska Cornhuskers would be a run first team (you also have to wonder if they'd rack up the impressive prison record of that team if sim players could actually commit felonies...). The Dry Guys, since they're like so many other rookies, are also a run first team, but with a solid enough passing attack to move the ball in the air if they need to. Defensively, the Dry Guys again have the advantage which is why I foresee the Cornhuskers visit to the top ten being a short one.
Fully Torqued 24 - Nebraska 17
#8 Sexy Dance Fighters vs. #6 (tied) Yorick's Gravediggers
Once upon a time there was a very clever GM who spent way too much time breaking down his opponents and building gameplans to beat them. This GM was especially careful in his most recent gameplan as he knew a victory in that game would give his team a near mortal lock on a playoff spot. When he was finished with his gameplan, he was excited to see how it turned out. So like always, the GM started the game without seeing the final score. It makes things much more exciting. And as he watched his shiny new defense, panic started to set in. It was so bad that he paused the game IN THE FIRST QUARTER and opened up his playbook and tactics pages in new windows. And as he read the tactics page and realized he'd made a tragic oversight, he sighed deeply believing his team was doomed. They weren't...cuz awesomesauce offense...but still, it made for a depressing game. After the game, the GM quickly ordered that the playbook and tactics page be looked in the deepest darkest dungeon beneath the most remote, scariest castle in the land, and that the key...and the castle itself for good measure, be tossed into the deepest part of the ocean.
I've been picking Yorick with my heart the last two times. This time I get to pick them with my head as well. Sexy is good. Yorick is better.
Yorick 38 - Sexy 17
#6 (tied) Lincoln City Red Imps vs. #3 Victorious Secret
I'm very familiar with Lincoln City as they're one of the many teams my defense shut out when I was DC for Darkside. And I have to admit it was with a bit of regret that I watched them reset to join this year's rookies since they were good sports and excellent opponents. So I was bit excited to see that there was the possibility the rookie team I coach would have a good chance of playing them again.
Alas, 'tis not to be. The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune have taken arms against them and brought them a sea of troubles known as Victorious Secret. And now Lincoln City will know the heartaches and the thousand natural shocks that one of the best rookies offenses in GLB2 brings.
Victorious Secret 38 - Red Imps 7
#5 Baby BANGER - #2 All Madden
I'm tempted to copy and paste my prediction from last time right here. Nothing that these two teams have done over the last three days has convinced me that anything is going to change this time, except that I think they'll only get beaten by 10 instead of 18 like I predicted that time.
Baby's defensive reputation is still built on beating up bad teams in a bad league. All Madden is still way better.
All Madden 20 - Baby Banger 10
#4 Minnesota Stunners vs. #1 Nigerian Minimares
So last time around, I picked the Minimares to score a bunch of point only to have them all show up and swear up and down that they sucked more than your mom at a minor league hockey game. Turns out they were right. They do suck at scoring lots of points. They are the pathetic scrapings from the crevices of a homeless cross-dressing furry's fake My Little Pony outfit which is prolly where they got the name "Minimares".
On the other side, we have the lame-named Stunners (it's even lame as Steve Austin's finishing move...ooo..steve...stunner...it'll be all alliterationy and stuffs). I can't wait till we read about them tasering some old guy with a walker for not respecting their authoriTIE!
So here's my prediction. The Stunners will try to run the ball a lot (stunning prediction...I know). The Minimares will run and pass the ball, not just try to. The Minimares, however, will not score points as apparently it's against their frakkin' religion. So the game will end in a 0-0 tie.
Not.
Minimares 1 - Stunners 0
So this time I will make only the most careful and scientific of picks. Each team will be analyzed with the utmost care and consideration. Pay no attention to the fact I'm posting this not long after the games were set. I assure you that these picks were made with the same high standards and quality I put in to my most recent defensive gameplan for Yorick...
#10 Rhode Island Falcons vs. #11 MMArmy Can Crushers
Rhode Island's staff is a who's who of top GLB2 coaching talent. You have the owner Adderfist who last season won 4 championships as the DC for 4 different teams. You have Pariah who owns the #7 overall ranked team in all of GLB2. You have Galithor who has built the scariest offense in the toughest division in all of GLB2. Finally, there is hiimjake who's attached to a plethora of top teams. The only thing really missing is me, which is prolly why it took them so long to finally get to the top ten.
This game is an easy pick. The Falcons score more points, allow fewer, have one of the best rookie QB's around, and oh ya, have great coaching. The only thing MMArmy has going for them is that they know the Falcons will be throwing the ball. Of course, this is a lot like knowing the thread holding the Sword of Damoclese over your head is about to break. Sure, you can see the fraying, but there just isn't a lot you can do about it.
Rhode Island 30 - MMArmy 13
#9 1995 Nebraska Cornhuskers vs # 13 Fully Torqued Dry Guys
Before I begin, I would like to ask who thought "cornhusker" was a good mascot? Does it inspire fear in your opponent? Does it project an image of power and courage? No. I mean, sure it's better than "Bugeaters" (I'm dead serious when I tell you that once upon a time Nebraska really was the Bugeaters), but that's like saying having sex with Rosanne Barr is better than having sex with Jampy's mom. Either way, you're not bragging about it to anyone.
As for the game, it should come as no surprise that a team calling itself the 1995 Nebraska Cornhuskers would be a run first team (you also have to wonder if they'd rack up the impressive prison record of that team if sim players could actually commit felonies...). The Dry Guys, since they're like so many other rookies, are also a run first team, but with a solid enough passing attack to move the ball in the air if they need to. Defensively, the Dry Guys again have the advantage which is why I foresee the Cornhuskers visit to the top ten being a short one.
Fully Torqued 24 - Nebraska 17
#8 Sexy Dance Fighters vs. #6 (tied) Yorick's Gravediggers
Once upon a time there was a very clever GM who spent way too much time breaking down his opponents and building gameplans to beat them. This GM was especially careful in his most recent gameplan as he knew a victory in that game would give his team a near mortal lock on a playoff spot. When he was finished with his gameplan, he was excited to see how it turned out. So like always, the GM started the game without seeing the final score. It makes things much more exciting. And as he watched his shiny new defense, panic started to set in. It was so bad that he paused the game IN THE FIRST QUARTER and opened up his playbook and tactics pages in new windows. And as he read the tactics page and realized he'd made a tragic oversight, he sighed deeply believing his team was doomed. They weren't...cuz awesomesauce offense...but still, it made for a depressing game. After the game, the GM quickly ordered that the playbook and tactics page be looked in the deepest darkest dungeon beneath the most remote, scariest castle in the land, and that the key...and the castle itself for good measure, be tossed into the deepest part of the ocean.
I've been picking Yorick with my heart the last two times. This time I get to pick them with my head as well. Sexy is good. Yorick is better.
Yorick 38 - Sexy 17
#6 (tied) Lincoln City Red Imps vs. #3 Victorious Secret
I'm very familiar with Lincoln City as they're one of the many teams my defense shut out when I was DC for Darkside. And I have to admit it was with a bit of regret that I watched them reset to join this year's rookies since they were good sports and excellent opponents. So I was bit excited to see that there was the possibility the rookie team I coach would have a good chance of playing them again.
Alas, 'tis not to be. The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune have taken arms against them and brought them a sea of troubles known as Victorious Secret. And now Lincoln City will know the heartaches and the thousand natural shocks that one of the best rookies offenses in GLB2 brings.
Victorious Secret 38 - Red Imps 7
#5 Baby BANGER - #2 All Madden
I'm tempted to copy and paste my prediction from last time right here. Nothing that these two teams have done over the last three days has convinced me that anything is going to change this time, except that I think they'll only get beaten by 10 instead of 18 like I predicted that time.
Baby's defensive reputation is still built on beating up bad teams in a bad league. All Madden is still way better.
All Madden 20 - Baby Banger 10
#4 Minnesota Stunners vs. #1 Nigerian Minimares
So last time around, I picked the Minimares to score a bunch of point only to have them all show up and swear up and down that they sucked more than your mom at a minor league hockey game. Turns out they were right. They do suck at scoring lots of points. They are the pathetic scrapings from the crevices of a homeless cross-dressing furry's fake My Little Pony outfit which is prolly where they got the name "Minimares".
On the other side, we have the lame-named Stunners (it's even lame as Steve Austin's finishing move...ooo..steve...stunner...it'll be all alliterationy and stuffs). I can't wait till we read about them tasering some old guy with a walker for not respecting their authoriTIE!
So here's my prediction. The Stunners will try to run the ball a lot (stunning prediction...I know). The Minimares will run and pass the ball, not just try to. The Minimares, however, will not score points as apparently it's against their frakkin' religion. So the game will end in a 0-0 tie.
Not.
Minimares 1 - Stunners 0
