Warrior General Games

Page 3


Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
Day 3 update: I hate everyone but my wife


So this is more a recap of day 2 and day three, since day 2 was very early in the day. I think Bin Laden must be doing a cleanse, because I have a very similar desire to live in a cave and avoid being seen. While his bowels of terror seem to be rather irritable, mine are... doing okay. Except, of course, for the liquishits. But that's expected.

What I am hating is everyone else. I went over to a friend's house for some games. It was apparently someone's birthday. Everyone else was eating ice cream cake. Me... I got to enjoy my little plastic bottle of lemtercayrup. And one or eleven people noticed.

"Don't you like ice cream?"

"You lactose intolerant?"

"There's enough you know. Have some."

"What is that nasty swillwater you're drinking?"

And then comes the explanation of why one of these kids is doing his own thing. And suddenly, the ice cream cake was soooooo much tastier. And those chips, they weren't as stale and the guacamole was like a legion of angels had eaten avocados and shit out the chip dip of the gods. Friends are so wonderful.

And the foster child who is here with us... you can tell when he likes what is going on with us as parents and when he doesn't. I am willing to cook for him even though I don't get to eat anything. So he gets barbecued chicken and shepherd's pie. But when he's not happy.... suddenly that couscous he is eating right now is being described like he's writing a Harlequin romance.

So just let me say....

I really do hate everyone except my wife.

And I'm sure that includes all of you as well. So.... fuck off in advance of whatever you are gonna post.


Originally posted by Skanker irl


Originally posted by inurbase
Originally posted by Skanker irl





Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
Day 4: HOLY FUCK!!!!!

Cayenne pepper in the eye!!!!!

But on the bright side, today can only get better from here.....

Originally posted by talmon
LMFAO!!!

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
Day 4 continued: Where's Tom Cruise when you need him (and really... when *don't* you need him)?

Two things so far today:

1) I pay cash for everything. If I don't have a credit card on me, then I can't spend money I don't have. But I have left all my cash at home. Because now I can't spend money I don't have. And the vending machine takes money. And those vanilla Zingers are calling me.... like creme-filled spongy sirens, beckoning me to wreck my bowels upon a porcelain coastline... they beckon....

I will not be bringing cash to work this week. Maybe not next week either.

2) So this lemonade thing is not as bad as it was day 1. Apparently, if you add the cayenne pepper and let it stew, it ramps up its level of kickintheface to over 9000. So my solution: lemonade shots. I brought a glass, a stir stick, and my bottle of cayenne to work with my 64 oz jug of lemonade. So I pour myself a shot of lemonade, sprinkle in the cayenne and stir right here at my desk. I'm getting a stare or three, but I am not living in fear of the only thing I'm allowed to digest, and that feels somewhat important to me at the moment.

So what I'm thinking is... since I have to humiliate myself this way, why not go all the way? I need a martini shaker. Why just stir when I can make a huge production of the matter for the entertainment of all? Get a martini glass and everything. Well, not everything. I'd feel bad having to toss out the olive.

Originally posted by blazzinken


Thats great...

Originally posted by Ubasstards
have you checked to see if you lost weight?

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
I'm holding off on that until the end. I've heard that weight fluctuates up and down at various times during the day. So I weighed myself at the start and took measurements of waist, arse and such. Then once this is done, I'll weigh myself again. I'm afraid if I see a result that discourages me, I'll give up just before I "turn the corner."

Originally posted by ImTheScientist
How long do you have to do this for?

Post cleanse......what will be the first thing you will eat?

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
10 days is what I'm scheduled for. And for the first few days afterwards, I'm supposed to eat light. Raw fruits and veggies... maybe a veggie soup that is mostly broth. But once I feel I can stomach heavier foods again, it's either Five Guys or Chipotle's.

ooooOOOOoooohhhhh... just had a thought of a great transition food: pho. between the light veggies and the heavy return to decadence... I think that would be the perfect excuse to get some great Vietnamese noodle soup. I'd been craving it for months before this. Now it is a certainty.

Originally posted by Ubasstards
pho.......one of my favorites

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
With tripe and tendon. And lots of sri hot sauce.

Excuse me... I have to hate you all again for getting me to obsess on this.

For whatever reason, I was doing well at not being hungry the first three days. Today... not so well. And there won't be lemons in the house to make more swill until my wife gets home.

mmmmmm..... phoooooo.....

Originally posted by Ubasstards
exactly.

I use the Srirachi about 4 times a week depending on meal.

Originally posted by ElvisTCB
I decided to join in the fun and cleanse too

just got back from taco bell

Page 4

Originally posted by Ubasstards
not a bad idea. How much weight can you gain when the food is out of your system in no time?

Originally posted by ImTheScientist
Have you lost weight? Do you feel better or just hungry as hell? Isn't a "cleanse" supposed to dislodge crap stuck in your intestines? Did your wife's brother that did it just gain weight right back? Did it actually make him feel healthier?


Originally posted by Ubasstards
he said he didnt check if he lost weight yet.

Originally posted by ImTheScientist
I wonder how much weight is muscle mass (assuming the Thumb has some muscle).

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
Weight loss, I'm not gonna check until I'm done because I don't want to risk discouragement.

Today has been the first day I've been hungry, believe it or not. The rest of the time, I feel fine. If I get hungry, just do a shot of the juice or water, and it's good. But as to whether I feel "better," it fluctuates. Because you are right that this is supposed to dislodge intestinal tract stuff. Toxins and the like. So when they get dislodged and on the move, my body feels it. But once they get cleaned out, I feel better. I expect that the bouts of ick feelings will diminish as there are fewer and fewer toxins to flush.

Bro in law lost 20 right afterward, and he's gained 8 back since then, but he attributes it to the exercise he's doing. Supposedly it's good weight. He's thinking of doing it again. And even if I lose 20 and gain 10, if I do it again in 3 or 4 months (I won't pseudo-blog about it like I am this first time) and lose 20 more then gain 10 more back... I think I could live with that.

As to his health, he says that even though he is back to eating as bad as he did before the cleanse, he feels better. He notices it in his bowels, he has more energy, he doesn't need to eat as much to feel full or have energy... he is raving about it. It must be great, because feeling like I do at this moment, if he is going back for seconds, it must *really* be worth it.


ETA: and as for muscle mass, considering I never started with any (except my love muscle, if'n you know what I'm sayin' nudge nudge wink wink), I would not be the best test subject for that.

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
Just because it leaves a skidmark trail of caulkgunrefriedbeans along your intestines that helps everything slide out in one fiery mass doesn't constitute a "cleanse."

Originally posted by talmon
The question is, how much did u weigh before u started

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
A doughy 247. And so you have the other vitals, I'm 6'4" and 39 years old.

Originally posted by blazzinken
Heart Rate and Blood Pressure too please

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
Remarkably good. I don't have the exact numbers, they are all well short of warning levels. I know my heart rate is under 70.

Originally posted by talmon
Okay, I just asked like if u were 320 pounds and u lost 50 pounds it would explain it more. Id say u lose 15-25 pounds.

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
Day 5: I need a hydraulic engineer

This has been going on for two or three days now, and since I am used to.... unique movement, even pre-cleanse, I was just thinking it was something that was a one-of. But I think I am finding out this may be an issue.

There is something that is rattling around in my bowels. Well, not so much "rattling" as sitting there like a sumo at a sushi bar... and it will not be moved. All this laxative and saltwater flush is clearing stuff out of my intestines, and I'm getting plenty of liquid, but there are solids in there too. And they are still in there. It wants to come out, but I can't generate any pressure because it is surrounded by liquid. When I push, the solid moves a little... but the liquid moves a lot. It is moving around the resident shit and shooting out. And once the liquid is gone, there just isn't any pushing left to be done. I mean, it isn't like I'm going into labor.

The problem with this solid is... it holds in more liquid. So the waves keep coming. And sometimes, that wave arrives while you are in the shower. I think weve all peed in the shower at least once. And trust me.... what I'm generating isn't all that much different, so I figured....

NOTE TO THOSE WHO WOULD TRY THE CLEANSE: When you do shower while experiencing this wave, I advise you to turn your back towards the wall of your shower that will be sprayed by your showerhead. It may make sense to you at first to face the shower so it will rinse as it goes, but that solid mass is like a thumb on the end of a garden hose. You will be clearing the wall that can't be reached by the natural water flow. And I suggest you hurry, because your wife me be on her way in. She'll be slightly grossed out if she sees this.

Okay... she'll be horrified. And that will be the second bathroom jettisoned from the house.

Originally posted by Ubasstards


i may have to stop reading these. Where is the barf smiley

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
Okay.... I cheated. My wife weighed herself today. I swore I wouldn't do it until we were done with this. But I saw that in 5 days, she'd lost 9 pounds. So I held out... and I held out.... and finally I decided a mid-term would be acceptable.

Down 10.4 pounds.

And on a related note, I am 11 WiiFit years younger.

Originally posted by volcomrj
nice

I heard if u sip down a few cases of Molson over a wekend u also get fascinating results in the bathroom. That is if u are lucky enough to make it there in the first place. I have done this before and I admit I had to throw out more than one pair of draw's cause I mistook my shits for farts. Shartalitis ensues. The worste was the night I had this happen at the bar, later on that night this girl invited me over, then she asked if I wanted to '69'. I have to say iv never turned down some good ol BJ action before but that 1 night I had no other option for fear of blowing my cover on what transpired earlier.

Page 5

Originally posted by Skanker irl
This is what really counts.

Originally posted by blazzinken
This...wow...that was way too descriptive.

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
I understand, and I (somewhat) apologize. But you gotta understand, this event is pretty all-consuming for me.

Hey... I made a funny!

But it really is. Between fixating on not fixating on food, between all the effort it takes to mix the cocktails, juicing lemons, and mapping emergency routes to restrooms wherever you go.... it really is all that's on my mind. I don't think I've even had the time/interest to.... well... that would be more "too descriptive"-ness, but I think you can see where I was going there....



Originally posted by ImTheScientist
I enjoy the detail.

Originally posted by aridhol
Its like a wreck, seeing the cars isnt enough....you hope for a glimpse of more...

Originally posted by talmon
236.6 LBs This is all u can come up with!





I truly pitty what u are going through! but I find it highly amusing

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
Day six: The dark side of the cleanse

In the book we read about doing this, it said the worst days are typically 2,3 and 7, but your results may vary.

My results are varying. Today has been hell.

Started when I didn't put enough salt in my morning quartshot. Well, that shouldn't be so bad, should it? Yeah. It was. The water didn't have enough weight to work it's way through my bowels. Ended up in my bladder instead. That means.... passed very little waste today. I know... I know... you have all been wanting to hear more stories about when unexpected fecal explosions would happen, but no go. (Hey... I made a funny...) What that means for me, I think, is all the toxins and gunk that are supposedly being peeled out of me have nowhere to go, so they are just gonna hang out with that rock of a shit that I am eager to pass. I'm not excited about that.

But this whole day, I have been really crabby. The only good thing has been at work, I don't get hassled by supervisors. They know me well enough that I get my work done without being micromanaged, so they go micromanage other people and I get left alone to listen to Radio From Hell (really... click that link and either listen from 6a-10a Mountain or check out some of the archives) and old episodes of Philip Marlowe and Pat Novak, For Hire. So when I don't have to deal with people, I've been okay. When people have talked to me, they are starting to worry about me. Even the foster child has toned down his teasing me with food because he is understanding why some in nature eat their young.

Made the wife cry. But she is on day 6 as well.

But since we don't want this to be all about depressing stuff, and to fill your daily expectation of movement discussion, let's talk about my brother-in-law, the guy who did this three months ago and got us interested. Yeah, we talked a lot about poop. It's what you do when you are in the middle of a cleanse. I think it's because talking poop is the only subject that would keep you from thinking about food. Anyhow, he told me that on his day 6, a miracle happened. He lost his groove. The way he described it, if you took a cross section of his poop, you would see a groove. He later e-mailed me a diagram. Enjoy.

http://i788.photobucket.com/albums/yy166/JuniorMcSpiffy/cross_section1.jpg

It had apparently been there for years. Day 6, he had a solid movement and... no notch. Whatever was lodged in his colon was free. What was I thinking upon hearing this? "So when do I get to have solid movements again? Lucky...." That's right. Jealousy over another man's shit.

Like I said, the worst days are supposed to be 2,3 and 7. If tomorrow is worse than today, I will most likely quit, eat like a pig, and vomit it all up since my body would revolt at the sudden change. But dammit, I'd be puking happy.

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
Day 7: I've turned the corner.

My poop? The solids are coming out, but a small chunk at a time.

My hunger? Not there.

My cravings? I think about what I want when I'm done, but I don't fixate on it.

My attitude? Extremely good. Even as tired as I am because of keeping bad hours, I feel sharp and not grouchy.





Ummm.....




I fear this report may start to suck.* Sorry 'bout that.












* "Suck" is relative. If you felt it had sucked up to this point, maybe it will evolve from "suck" to "boring."

Originally posted by Ubasstards
this blog isnt as good unless you have a shitty day.

Originally posted by inurbase
if nothing else, i applaud you for sticking with this plan, especially in light of how if affects your body

Originally posted by Skanker irl
So...that shit worked?

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
Not saying it "worked." I'm not done. I'm just saying I've turned the corner to where I don't feel miserable about it. The cayenne pepper is still working me over every time I down it (my wife is amazed at how much I use, but the book says if you can stomach more, use more for greater effects). I'm still looking forward to day 11 when I can start feasting on sumptuous orange juice and raw vegetables, but it isn't something where I semi-dread the next day.

The book says day 7 can be miserable, but day 8 many people report as an almost spiritual experience with epiphanies, renewed resolve to goals set earlier and clear thinking. I'm not sure I'm there yet, but I really wish I was. I'm struggling with the dotball game I *do* care about.

Originally posted by Skanker irl
Day 8: Spiffy cracks the GLB code.

Originally posted by inurbase
Kai becomes first 21-0 team in GLB history

Originally posted by blazzinken
Keep up the good work spiff.

I have really thought hard about doing this, but I am afraid that I will miss food to much, miss my morning coffee too much, and I will hate drinking the salt water, and the concoction that you have too put together every time you are hungry.

But, I think the reasons I don't want to do it will end up making me do it. I strive to live in the "moment", to not have any fears. So in order for me to conquer my fear, and in order to over come my fear I will most likely put my body through this....

Plus I just like to talk about poop. Anyways, Spiff, even though this is just a silly internet game, its cool to see what you are going through and still being able to continue on each day.

Page 6

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
The way I look at it is this: I've put my body through some serious crap over the past 39 years. I've eaten many a thing that was designed to taste good and have a great profit margin, but not designed so much around whether it should/could be digested. I'm sure I'm not alone in that. So undoing all that great livin' ain't gonna be easy, but it will hopefully be worth it.

Except now... it actually does feel easy. 'Cept the cayenne pepper. I don't know if I'll ever get used to that.

Originally posted by ImTheScientist


You will actually live longer. People would actually live longer in general if they only ate every other day. Studies have been done in mice and mice that ate every other day lived x2 as long as mice that ate every day. There may be some method to the master cleanse madness. Maybe eating every other day in these mice let the body cleanse (assuming they ate healthy food).

Originally posted by talmon
I can see it now Spiff on the sofa at home eating a bag of potato chips watching ESPN and on his laptop Google why is my poop rainbows and unicorns come out.. Like we said earlier pics or it didn't happen

Originally posted by talmon
I heard eating X-slacks is a healthy method

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
Day 8: We interrupt this broadcast....

It is 8AM and I am so clear-headed that I have already completed my day's worth of work. Maybe it has something to do with it being the Friday before a three-day weekend and noone wants to send me work since that means work for them, but I like to think it is my new awareness of the world that has done it. But the fact remains that the day is gonna go really slowly, and I don't think there will be any great poop updates today. I am in cruise control, and things are going well.. But since my happiness apparently bores the rest of you to tears, I will share with you another element of my growing hippiness.

For the last four months, I've been going animal. For those who don't know, "going animal" means you don't use soap or shampoo. Discuss. (Disgust?)

I first heard about this on the radio show I listen to (listed in my signature). The guy said he was thinking about trying it and explained all the benefits. The primary benefit is the fact that soap strips the body of its natural oils and makes your body overcompensate, giving you all kinds of skin and scalp conditions. I had a few dry patches of skin that no amount of lotion would touch, so I figured, "Sure... why not?" Found out if I'd verbalized that, my wife would have told me why not. So if you decide to do this, be sure to consult the person you share your bed with.

So here's the deal: I still shower every day. I just don't use soap or shampoo. I really dig into my scalp to get rid of loose skin and oil. I make sure to scrub everywhere, especially places there is hair. The last month or so, I've even got some exfoliating gloves to help get rid of loose, dead skin. In fact, I would say I am more detailed about cleaning myself now than when I used soap.

So, here is the results of this four months in:

* Dry patches of skin.... gone.
* The occasional acne breakout... not totally gone, but just about.
* Hair... wow. I used to have really really thin hair. I had to apply uber-hold hair gel by Elmer's in order to keep me from looking like I took my head out of a lint trap. It had zero body whatsoever. Now I don't have to use anything on it whatsoever and it holds its style. It isn't crunchy or greasy. It is just... thicker.
* Body odor. It wasn't a problem, but that was the big issue my wife was gonna have with this. And it took about two weeks for the body to normalize, and I went through minor waves of scent questioniblity, but they were brief and minor. Exactly one week in, she was all over me because she said I smelled musky and it got her... well... let's just say I really wish that scent was my default now. Only lasted for about two days, but what two days they were.

Now I will wash my hands after using the bathroom (especially now) and before and after handling food, but other than that, I am soap-free. And not one person would be able to tell the difference.

So there you go. You now know that JuniorMcSpiffy doesn't use soap and is trying to napalm the walls of his digestive tract. Combine that with the fact I am a rabid "Buy Local" advocate, and I am starting to wonder whether or not I've become a hippie and nobody told me.

Originally posted by volcomrj

Hippie!


Originally posted by ImTheScientist
Soap is highly overrated. McSpiff, if you don't backpack at all....you should try it. It will free your soul.

Originally posted by blazzinken
McSpiff...do you live in Austin?

I am seen few around here like that

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
I live in anti-Austin.

Salt Lake City. I'm a Utard.

And yes, I am part of the predominant local culture.

Originally posted by blazzinken
Do you feel clean?

Originally posted by inurbase
Utah Jazz fans?

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
It would be hard to say I'm feeling clean while I am still pissing out my rectum. But I feel like I have tons of energy and an optimism I haven't had in years.

Unless you are talking about being from Utah, in which case I would say that I do indeed feel clean, because if I'm not they kick me out.



Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
It would be hard to say I'm feeling clean while I am still pissing out my rectum. But I feel like I have tons of energy and an optimism I haven't had in years.

Unless you are talking about being from Utah, in which case I would say that I do indeed feel clean, because if I'm not they kick me out.



Originally posted by ImTheScientist
You would fit in much better in the Northwest. Does the predominant local culture shun you or do you hide your evil hippie desires?

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
Oh, I hide all kinds of desires from the locals. In addition to alternative ways of living with the whole no-bathing, colon-cleansing, WalMart-avoiding stuff.... I play bridge. Card-playing is frowned upon. I used to do stand-up, and I have a rather non-wholesome sense of humor (in case you couldn't tell.)

And of course, there is.... other stuff.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0274812/

Yeah. **That** definitely doesn't get out.

Originally posted by DAWG
I heard you got your avy tatooed on your middle finger.Any truth to that ?

Page 7

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
Cut me off in traffic and you'll find out.

Actually, it is a photo from when I was a much younger lad and went on vacation in Spain.
http://s788.photobucket.com/albums/yy166/JuniorMcSpiffy/Thumbplona.jpg

Originally posted by Ubasstards


Originally posted by DAWG
I laughed so hard my balls hurt.We got a team nurse?

Originally posted by Ubasstards
skanker. And ErDrRon who posts in SAPL is a nurse as well

Originally posted by ImTheScientist


Originally posted by ImTheScientist
While we are showing self pic's........skanker and I on our last backpacking trip:
http://i400.photobucket.com/albums/pp89/ImTheScientist/134-3470_IMG.jpg

Originally posted by Ubasstards
i thought JMS took his ordeal public for a second http://goallineblitz.com/game/forum_thread.pl?thread_id=4059950&page=1

Originally posted by Skanker irl


Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
Day 9: Some old habits... some new.

I'm a lazy bastard. Really, I am. So now that this cleanse thingee has become almost routine, I've started slacking off. I haven't cheated and eaten something I shouldn't, but I haven't had enough water. Between the lemonade and water, I am supposed to drink enough so I have one ounce for every two pounds body weight. I had enough lemonade, but hardly any water. And I am feeling it. Light-headed, grouchy, and not wanting to do anything. My wife: same boat. Not enough water. I think she may be not speaking to me at this point of the day.

So other than that... not much to tell. Except I think I am starting to lose larger chunks of that massive turd that has been camped out on my rectal doorstep all week. By the time I get solid foods in me, there may be nothing left to push out. I admit... I was curious to see it.

Originally posted by Erica
hi mcspiffy and kai! this is like my fav. thread i've ever read. I'm glad I decided to come on here and see what was going on. I think you should like eat mcdonalds the morning of day 11, just so we can get another interesting post in your poop log. I've known a couple people who have done this same cleanse your doing, I don't think I could ever do it.

I'm with you on the no soap thing, I won't use it for most of my body. I do use the hair products tho.

OH btw, I finally watched that secretary movie you always wanted me to see, totally because you kept telling me I had to see it... I'm really into all of that and so is the gf, but neither one of us were really liked the movie. I'm sorry, I really wanted to love it.

<3

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
Day 10: I'm using a different hole!

My belt, you freaks. What were you thinking?

Yes, that's right. Imagine how good it felt when I cinched up my belt absentmindedly, and when I start cinching it up, I feel the buckle go well past the bend in my belt that has been caused by it being under constant duress from my waist. A belt size. Damn. I am tempted to weigh myself, but my wife's brother said he lost another 4 pounds on the follow-up day, so I'll weigh and report tomorrow.

What am I doing now? Making soup. That's right... real food. It will be for Tuesday, but I got the time, so I'm doing it today. Tomorrow is just fresh orange juice and more of that lemonade... but without the cayenne pepper!

I've already decided I'm doing this again in January after the whole Thanksgiving/Christmas culinary debauchery that will certainly occur. But now that I know what to expect going in combined with the fact that I've already done it once so I'll only be clearing out 7 months of toxins rather than 39 years, I'm sure I will have a much easier go of it.

Originally posted by ImTheScientist


Originally posted by Ubasstards
so you found another love to replace ITS and the Kai?

Originally posted by Erica
no I just kinda drifted away from the game, for awhile i played because i liked the people but was over the football thing. u got drunk one night and missed the last day to boost and then said f-it

Originally posted by talmon

Page 8

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
Day 11: I've had something solid in my mouth!!!

Had to go into work today. They brought in deli subs. I would have dealt with it much better last week when I was on the diet. Now that I am weaning myself off the lemonade and back onto real food, it was much tougher.

But I couldn't fully resist. I've skipped ahead a day. I'm supposed to just be on fresh-squeezed orange juice (no cayenne, happily). But today we were making the soup for tomorrow. Potatoes, beans, carrots, mustard greens, tomatoes, all sorts of natural stuff like that. Throw in some spices and....

I ate some soup. It was mostly liquid and the beans weren't quite done, but I don't care.

Now let's see what the shit is like tomorrow.

Oh, and I weighed myself again. Down a total of 14.5 since I started. And my wife is down over 17.

Originally posted by Ubasstards


Originally posted by talmon
Exacly what I was thinking... hmmmm, what kinds of solids?

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
I had to do something to spice up that post. I mean.... what is there to be interested in about nice and happy thoughts? So I thought a homo-erotic title would be the only way to grab some attention.

Originally posted by talmon
well done spiff

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
Day 12: Wrapping this up.

So I figure I have two more updates to give. The first will be my first solid shit. The second will be Saturday when I weigh myself again and finalize the whole weight-loss experience.

So it was an early morning since my wife got called into work at 3am and I couldn't get back to sleep. But here it is 6:30 in the evening, and I'm not feeling tired of sluggish at all. I don't care if I hadn't lost any weight at all. Feeling like this.... it's very kickin' o'-the-arse.

So why did I cheat? There was a leftover butterscotch malt in the freezer. I've been told dairy is the worst thing to have since it builds the mucous back up faster than anything. But it was a butterscotch malt. Slightly freezer-burned. Don't care.

Anyway, if I did this cleanse self-support group with anyone else, they would have given me reassuring words and high-fives and pep talks about how I could do it. And that would have pissed me off to no end and actually made it harder. You guys giving me grief and letting me fixate on shit was exactly what I needed. Thanks to all of you for helping me get through this.

Originally posted by Skanker irl
I'm almost sad this is coming to an end.

Now that you are feeling badass, you need to just go nuts and eat whatever. Then we can have a part 2 in a couple of seasons.

Originally posted by blazzinken
I was reading up on this cleanse...it says you could go up to 40 days....

You made it ten, had a two day break. Might as well go another 28 days right?

Originally posted by Skanker irl
I can see it now...

http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp124/Skankerirl/superspiff.jpg

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
To you, I offer a hearty "Fuck off!"


Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
Style points have been awarded. I haven't laughed like that in a while

Originally posted by Skanker irl
Probably since the last time I received style points

Originally posted by talmon


Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
Day whatever... I think it's 14: I'm a big boy now!

My first poop! This is my first self-propelled poop in about two weeks... no salt water flush required. Take my word for it... this is a big deal. This is the real reason why I tried this cleanse. Before I did this, here was the typical routine:

I would wake up in the morning, sit on the toilet for at least ten minutes, accomplish nothing though I really feel like I need to, and I would go about my day. I would carry around bowels full of need-to-poop until I get home at around 2:30. Then some time between 3:00 and 4:00, I would get it all taken care of... in about 1.7 seconds. Serious. An entire day's waste has been sitting in there.... fermenting... liquifying... and coming out with the consistency of soft-serve ice cream. But it would all come out super-fast. The effect was that it starts liquid, heads with a huge amount of downward momentum, and then the toilet water would kind of cool it and solidify it... so it would mold itlsef into the shape of the bottom of the toilet. VOILA! Custom fit plug! I would have to plunge about 80% of the time. And no amount of wiping would get me clean. More often than not, the episode would end with me heading upstairs for a quick shower.

This morning, it still took a while, but I blame that on whatever was at the front of the line this whole two weeks... that lump that wouldn't move. Once it started though, like the guy at the DMV who is holding up the line for everyone else... once it's gone, things go smoothly. Nice and solid... you can tell what it is by it's shape. You can look at it and say "Yep. That there is a healthy log." And it was like there was a drawstring on my anus. It slides out, and I'm done. The wipe was just a formality and force of habit. It wasn't necessary at all.

I love my new poops. I... I....

I'm sorry... I need a moment....

Originally posted by oauitam
http://i156.photobucket.com/albums/t9/oauitam/LegSwept/swop.jpg

Steve

Page 9

Originally posted by talmon
No more poop stories?

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
Hopefully I have shown you what is possible with poop. Now go be the hero of your own poop story.

Originally posted by coreyls18
so you seriously didnt eat food for two weeks?

Originally posted by Ubasstards
i just did a cleanse without using supplements

Originally posted by Nuge20
I knew I was about to take a shit so I weighed myself before and after.
Before: 180.2 lbs
After: 177.4 lbs
Win!

Originally posted by inurbase
you should probably get that checked out

Originally posted by talmon
haha no thanks im in good shape Im about 196 and got my 6-pack. maybe in a few seasons if i get bored ill give every1 a poop thread too SPIFF IS MY HERO! LONG LIVE THE POOP KING!

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
inurbase wanted a bump. So....

Originally posted by ImTheScientist
I love this thread.

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
Still going animal. Don't use deoderant. Just make sure to rinse the pits out every day. Getting the occasional complaint here now that it is sweltering summer, but not too much.

Originally posted by ImTheScientist
By your wife or co-workers?

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
Wife only. Which I suppose means that I manage to keep my stench down to where it is only noticed by those who are contractually obligated to not run screaming because of it.

Originally posted by Dadd
You live in Utah? Hot there?

I like in Oklahoma, where its mid-90s and 100% humidity...I use some ironman deodorant to keep it controlled...

Originally posted by aridhol
todays high of 85 here in Oklahoma is like the coldest of winter vacations! Cant wait until Sunday when I get to play softball in 100+ degrees of humid drenched air.

Page 10

Originally posted by Dadd
Where in OK are you?

Originally posted by aridhol
Tulsa

Originally posted by Dadd
Same here.

Originally posted by Iversen
FU DADD

Unless you do this, then you'd be pretty awesome. Your move.

Originally posted by Dadd
I think I'd miss the beer too much...food doesn't bother me.

FU Iversen

Originally posted by inurbase


Originally posted by ImTheScientist
Almost 6months after the cleanse how is it holding up? And are you still going beast mode and not showering w/ soap? (that probably sounds really perverted to those who didnt read the OP) Mcspiff decided not to use shampoo or soap...granola style.

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
My bowels have reverted to their original state. Another cleanse is planned mid-January so I can enjoy the culinary debauchery of Thanksgiving and Christmas and then flush it out. Apparently, the ten days is a nice start, but the goal of what you are looking for is to have a "clear tongue." (Apparently the tongue secretes some stuff and it's cloudy as long as there's crap getting digested. When the coating is gone... cleanse completed.) I am thinking of doing it for two weeks or longer, but we'll see how things go and if I can hold out.

My wife has started on a raw food kick. I think I'll try to get on board with that once I do the lemonade purge.

And it started in February... and it continues still. My hair is epic. And I don't stink. No soap. No shampoo. But also.... no hair gel. No deoderant. Nothing artificial about my aroma, and it's just fine. Except for the gas. But that's back on the cleanse and not the soaplessness.

Originally posted by Dadd
I'd like to try both, tbh.



Originally posted by ImTheScientist
Did you gain weight back? I started only washing my hair once a week about 3 weeks ago and last week the wife was like....."your hair looks so good"...lol...





Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
I haven't weighed myself lately because I am sure I've put that weight back on. But I have decided that I'm gonna start running. I have put of exercise as long as I can, and I can't put it off anymore. So it will either be when I get to work from home (do it in the morning before work) or once the foster child has been placed in another home (run after I get home from work). But I've kinda let my eating habits deteriorate to even worse than their original state. So.... I am gonna live it up for the next two months, and then off I go with more cleanse.

Originally posted by Primate
WOW!

I would leave a trail like a slug if I went a week without washing my hair. I'm too much of an oily bastard.

Originally posted by Dollarbill13
Just read this and sounds pretty interesting. My fiancee and I have been talking about doing one of these and it might be a pretty good time to give it a shot. Neither of us are really "fat" but we could each benefit from losing about 10-15 pounds. I've always been kind of on the stocky side but this year it got worse when I tore my meniscus in the spring and was significantly less mobile for the summer. I'm pretty close to 100% now, but winter is right around the corner and living in the midwest doesn't exactly make it any easier to stay active.

Originally posted by Dollarbill13
Just read this and sounds pretty interesting. My fiancee and I have been talking about doing one of these and it might be a pretty good time to give it a shot. Neither of us are really "fat" but we could each benefit from losing about 10-15 pounds. I've always been kind of on the stocky side but this year it got worse when I tore my meniscus in the spring and was significantly less mobile for the summer. I'm pretty close to 100% now, but winter is right around the corner and living in the midwest doesn't exactly make it any easier to stay active.

Originally posted by husker4life
lol i lived in fort gibson/Muskogee for two years prior to joining the navy

oh and FU DADD!

congrats mcspiffy

Originally posted by JuniorMcSpiffy
Part of the reason you are oily is because your body is trying to compensate for all the oil you are stripping away on a daily basis. Yes, after one week, you'd be rather oily. But after two weeks, your body would generally equalize and it should get back to a normal state.

After this it is the occasional post or bump and a short discussion about cloth diapers.,

WOW I read every McSpiffy post in this thread.



I feel compelled to try a cleanse! I'm sure the Wendy's/McDonald's I ate every day for 12 straight years did a number and could use some help leaving my body!

McSpiffy was so full of shit, he needed to do a cleanse.