Let's face it. The Sport's Page is sexy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIlHt_syoSE
And you know what else is sexy?
GLB and week 3, that's what!
Haven't you ever seen GLB porn?
Those colored little dots just bumping into each other and gettin' all hots and sweaty likes.
GLB is bringin' sexy back, dammit!
Well enough about dot sex, did you catch all the week 2 action?
Valhalla and the Chocolate Blaze both survived their first challenge to their throne's of the season and they still reign supreme!
Congrats, you chuckle heads!!
And this week we have a fabulous 1 vs 2 match up in the Alpha GOW!!
Which team will end up sitting atop the Alpha hill and look down on the rest with disdain and disgust?
Better hope it's a team you're on.
DISCLAIMER: We here at the Sport's Page would like to remind you, the reader, that these seriously epic and legendary write ups are for entertainment purposes only.
So if you take them seriously or a little too personally, then you are a fucking idiot.
Thank you and enjoy the rest of the Sport's Page.
Sport's Page Reader Mail Bag!
So every season I try and give something back to the community besides a steady rise in unwanted pregnancies.
So to continue the Sport's Page long standing tradition of giving you, the reader, a part in the Sport's Page, I give you................the Reader Mail Bag!
This is where we at the Sport's Page take the comments of you, the reader, and try to answer them as best we can.
So to thank you for the comments and here we go..........................
The first letter comes from Playmakers from [HURF]ifax. He wanted to say, "Dear SA......."
Originally posted by PLAYMAKERS
whoa
Yes.......................whoa.
SLZmonster from Moose Jaw called in to tell us................
Originally posted by SLZmonster
ho lee shit
I agree. That was exactly what I was going for.
And Sik Wit It, from Lincoln, Nebraska, home of the Navigators, wrote us to say.................
Originally posted by Sik Wit It
This is an awesome write-up
I have to be completely honest here and say that we here at the Sport's Page whole-heartedly agree with you 110% of every single word you just said.
and another loyal reader from Moose Jaw chimed in to say................
Originally posted by teamriots
I'm epically confused, but that's OK, because I'm also thoroughly entertained.
Hey, that is OK to feel both confused and entertained.
Sometimes I get conflicting feelings when I watch animal porn. I'm disgusted, yet strangely aroused.
and the chief radical hisself, Pariah, wrote in all the way from Providence just to say "Dear SA.............."
Originally posted by Pariah
Yahtzee
BINGO!
and from East St Louis, bhall34 wrote in to let us know.....................
Originally posted by bhall43
i like a lot of weed tbh.
Yes, I agree. I like a lot of weed right before I write these things up.
and Jack Del Rio took some time to write to us and say......................
Originally posted by Jack Del Rio
I don't even know what to say.
Well Mr Del Rio, fortunately for you I have a greeting card that says just the right thing for every occasion. I just need to find the card for this occasion.
Let's see, here's one for letting a loved one know that you have given them crabs or as we in the mid-west call them, panty crickets.
It goes something like this.......................
"My darling, dearest love,
you are the one I adore for all time,
I just gave you crabs, later."
Plus it has one of those pop out things that looks like a crab and waves when you pull the tab on the back. I love those pop up things in Hallmark cards.
And from the great state of Rhode Island, jdbolick had this to say. "Dear SA................"
Originally posted by jdbolick
O_o
................that jdbolick has such a way with words.
And in writes Jeff Buckley from {HURF]ifax. He says................
Originally posted by Jeff_Buckley
I spent more time on your avatar than this post.
For $50, you get her for an hour. Bring your own banana.
And from the forest fires of northern California, NiborRis e-mails in to say..................
Originally posted by NiborRis
I give it an A for effort, which is the same grade I gave your ex.
That slut.
YOU HAD HER TOO?!?!
Is there anyone that hasn't had my ex?!?!................................that slut.
All the way from Queen City, r87 writes to us..................
Originally posted by r87
wow it's been like 10 seasons since i've seen an SA power rankings thread
epic
Dude, that's like quitting sex and after 10 seasons of no sex Megan Fox (or Brad Pitt, depending on your preference) asks you to bone her (or him, again depending on your preference).
You lucky bastard, you.
and another letter from East St Louis comes to us from dlux67, who wanted to ask..........................
Originally posted by dlux67
Any chance of Nikolas/Nicole making another appearance this year?
Oddly, that request scares, yet strangely arouses me.
The 1st hot chick pic will be dedicated to this request.
I don't know if the rest of the WL should be thanking you or kicking you in the nads.
Guess we'll find out soon enough, my friend.
and Dimmy Finster sent us a PM saying..................
Originally posted by dimmy finster
thanks a lot for that work!! The Rock makes great movies though, I don't know what you're talking about!!
Have you seen the Tooth Fairy yet?
'Nuff said.
And the head dong from Dong Energy, Feudel writes in to us.................
Originally posted by Feudel
why do we need 6 different power ranking topics
can't we just make a subforum?
Well sir, we NEED 6 because this is America, baby! Home of the free and land of excess!
We have/need 6, because we can. We just can't help ourselves.
Do I need to wash my balls once a week?
No, but there I am washing them every Friday night.
I hope that, in some way, answered your query.
That being said, we here at the Sport's Page encourage all fan input and would like to thank you for writing in.
SA's Player of the Week
And the POW goes to.....................
Minneapolis Masterminds QB, The Mr. Incredible!! Yay!
Mr Incredible went 16/27, 248 yards and threw 3 TD passes. The last TD pass was a 67 yard game winner with 4 seconds left to play in regulation!
Outstanding!
So here's to you, The Mr. Incredible..............................
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/glghlhilh.jpg
Which Alpha team will reign supreme?
Will your team move up in the rankings?
Will your team sink to the bottom of the rankings like the crap I took this morning after a night of drinking Shafer's beer?
Or will your team remain in the middle, like the proverbial floater in the toilet?
Enough with all the Q&A, you can only find out by reading the Sport's Page, chuckle heads!!
True story:
The original slogan for Obama's campaign was not "Yes we can".
It was..............................
..............................LET'S DO THIS SHIT!!!
You may or may not agree with them, but this is how I see them.
****ALPHA CONFERENCE POWER RANKINGS****
LW = Last Week ranking
* = Play Off spot clinched
#1 Chocolate Blaze (2-0) LW1 - It's GOW time for you guys again!
Next opponent: at #2 East St Louis Tire Fires (2-0)
#2 East St Louis Tire Fires (2-0) LW3 - Go straight to the GOW!
Do not pass go!
Do not collect 200 flex!
Next opponent: #1 Chocolate Blaze (2-0)
#3 Warsaw Wrath (2-0) L5 - Well I just knew you guys were gonna' win that one. The wives of the Wife Carriers must have weighed a ton, because they couldn't carry them to the finish.
I mean have you seen the size of some of those Hawaiian women? Sheeesh!
Next opponent: #6 Windhoek White Rhinos (1-1)
#4 Krungthep Garudas (2-0) LW6 - Well so far there have been many explanations of what a Garuda is.
I did an extensive search of my own and here is the official picture of what a Garuda is.
http://static.pyzam.com/img/funnypics/people/pe12.jpg
(WARNING: The Sport's Page is NOT responsible for any sudden blindness or nausea when looking at this pic.)
Next opponent: at #14 Queen City Black Cats (0-2)
#5 Indianapolis Gurupies (2-0) LW9 - Well I'm thinking it's time for one of those famous little sayings that all guru's have and impart on the teams they beat.
So here is one that I found in the Gurupies latest book "Guru'ing For Dummies"
"If a man was to take a journey to Shangri-La and stopped to take a shit in the forest, would anyone really care if he was attacked and eaten by wild animals?"
No.
Probably not.
But what a gem of wisdom that was.
Next opponent: at #13 La Tourette Syndrome (1-1)
#6 Windhoek White Rhinos (1-1) LW13 - That's more like it! back to 1-1 and a start on a win streak!
So let's keep this simple.
Win and you move up.
Lose and..............................
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/rhinohead.jpg
Get the idea?
Next opponent: at #3 Warsaw Wrath (2-0)
#7 NBA Jam (1-1) LW14 - Don't get comfy after that win, because you guys are stayin' on the road, this time to Crippler's Crib, home of the Ghost Rider's.
I wouldn't worry too much though.
Usually the Ghost Rider's ride a tricked out Harley with hell fire shooting out the tail pipe and a stacked sound system to crank out the righteous tunes.
But these days the Ghost Riders are 0-2 and ride a Big Wheel that has tassels on the handle bars and a button that tells their mom to come and pick them up at the playground.
Not very scary.
Next opponent: at #16 Ghost Riders In The Sky (0-2)
#8 October Wildfire (1-1) LW16 - There we go! Got that 1st win of the season and did it in a big way, too!
Looks like the sparks are back and you guys are ready to start some wildfires and what a better place to start than in Providence.
Next opponent: at #9 Providence Radicals (1-1)
#9 Providence Radicals (1-1) LW7 - This next game should be a solid match up for you Radicals.
Just remember that if you get too radical someone will probably call Homeland Security on your asses.
Next opponent: #8 October Wildfire (1-1)
#10 Honolulu Hurricane Wife Carriers (1-1) LW2 - OK, I think it's real groovy that you guys are all for carrying your wife, GF or mistress' around, but if the heifer looks anything like this..................
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/fat20sow20eating20kfc.jpg
.....drop the bitch.
Next opponent: at #12 Sparta Battle Chickens (1-1)
#11 [HURF]ifax Explo[/DURF] (1-1) LW4 - I have no freakin' clue to Hurf and Durfalifax or whatever the new name is, so I'm just callin' you guys Surf and Turf.
And you can have a nice Surf and Turf dinner at Red Lobster for just under $9.99. Two sides included.
Enjoy.
Next opponent: #15 Graz Grizzlies (0-2)
#12 Sparta Battle Chickens (1-1) LW8 - Well looks like the kicker is getting his twelve plays a game because he is the only one scoring.
If the rest of the team can catch up, watch out!
Next opponent: #10 Honolulu Hurricane Wife Carriers (1-1)
#13 La Tourette Syndrome (1-1) LW10 - I think if you guys took your meds for those Tourettes, you just might win this one.
You guys need this one to stay on the winning track.
Next opponent: #5 Indianapolis Gurupies (2-0)
#14 Queen City Black Cats (0-2) LW11 - It's time to show the WL just what you pussy's are made of.......uhm, pussy cats, that is.
Well on second thought........................
Next opponent: #4 Krungthep Garudas (2-0)
#15 Graz Grizzlies (0-2) LW12 - You guys should be playing like this...............
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/grizzly.jpg
...instead you're playing like this...........
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/Yogi-Bear-show-02.jpg
Don't forget the picnic basket, Boo Boo.
Next opponent: at #11 [HURF]ifax Explo[/DURF] (1-1)
#16 Ghost Riders In The Sky (0-2) LW15 - Well if you guys want a chance at this game you better hope it's a night game. That way you can use your super scary powers and shit.
Next opponent: #7 NBA Jam (1-1)
*****WEEK 3 ALPHA CONFERENCE PREDICTIONS*****
Here's my prediction record week by week.
Week 1: 7-1 Week 2: 6-2
Overall: 13-3
SA’s GOW: 2-0
Magic 8 Ball’s GOW: 1-1
#1 Chocolate Blaze (2-0) at #2 East St Louis Tire Fires (2-0) = Chocolate Blaze
Game Rating: 6/6 beers
#4 Krungthep Garudas (2-0) at #14 Queen City Black Cats (0-2) = Krungthep Garudas
Game Rating: 2/6 beers
#6 Windhoek White Rhinos (1-1) at #3 Warsaw Wrath (2-0) = Warsaw Wrath
Game Rating: 5/6 beers
#10 Honolulu Hurricane Wife Carriers (1-1) at #12 Sparta Battle Chickens (1-1) = Honolulu Hurricane Wife Carriers
Game Rating: 3/6 beers
#15 Graz Grizzlies (0-2) at #11 [HURF]ifax Explo[/DURF] (1-1) = [HURF]ifax Explo[/DURF]
Game Rating: 2/6 beers
#5 Indianapolis Gurupies (2-0) at #13 La Tourette Syndrome (1-1) = Indianapolis Gurupies
Game Rating: 3/6 beers
#8 October Wildfire (1-1) at #9 Providence Radicals (1-1) = Providence Radicals
Game Rating: 4/6 beers
#7 NBA Jam (1-1) at #16 Ghost Riders In The Sky (0-2) = NBA Jam
Game Rating: 2/6 beers
*Game Of The Week* (GOW)
#1 Chocolate Blaze (2-0) at #2 East St Louis Tire Fires (2-0) -
Well lick my nuts andcall me satisfied, we got a 1 vs 2 matchup in the GOW!!! Yay!
Send it to......THUNDER DOME!!!
Two teams enter!
One team leaves!
Two teams are going for 3-0 and only one can have it!
Here's what we allow in this one.
Chemical weapons?
YES!
Name calling?
LEGAL!
Taking the opponents sister out for a nice seafood dinner, have great conversation and make a magical connection, take her to a nice hotel where she consents to make mad and passionate love and right before initial penetration you call her by the wrong name on purpose?
You are one devious and cruel SOB, but.................ALLOWED!!!
Blaze vs Tire Fires! Only one will survive!
Which team shall reign supreme?!
You'll have to watch to find out.
Yo Bort! Let's get this bad boy started!
Magic 8 Ball says: http://av.vet.ksu.edu/flash/8ball
Question: Will the Blaze beat the Tire Fires?
8 Ball's answer: It is definitely so.
SA's Pick: Chocolate Blaze
Magic 8 Ball Pick: Chocolate Blaze
27/48 beers! – Anytime we have more than a case of beer means it's a good time!
So...........................
First we have the White Rhino's taking on the Warsaw Wrath in a "Loser Buys the Other Team a New Cover Girl Make Up Collection Match". Also a top 4 ranking could be at stake.
Second, there is the Wildfire vs Radicals game in a "Loser Gets to Date the Fat Friend Match". Also there is a very good chance the winner will move up in the rankings.
And lastly, we have the GOW.
#1 vs #2! The #1 Chocolate Blaze defends the throne against those zany East St Louis Tire Fires in Thunder Dome!
So my advice would be to split the beers up as evenly as possible and enjoy a night of GLB and inebriation!
Those two things go hand in hand like ham and swiss or peanut butter and clams.
Let’s do this shit!!
Good luck to all the teams in the Alpha!
____________________________________________________________________________
****ZETA CONFERENCE POWER RANKINGS****
LW = Last Week Ranking
* = Play Off spot clinched
#1 Valhalla (2-0) LW1 - Aw man. Should we even allow this one to happen?
RIP, Korb.
Next opponent: at #15 Korb Destroyers (0-2)
#2 Moose Jaw Roughriders (2-0) LW6 - You guys are one of only 2 undefeated teams left in Zeta. Roughriders are riding rough shod over the Zeta competition so far.
And you want to stay perfect, don't you?
Well then you should be using Roughrider condoms. The only condom approved by Bort, DD and the GLB.
Roughrider condoms have been scientifically proven to be effective against 97% of all STD's and 35% effective against panty crickets.
So stay perfect with out a nasty unwanted pregnancy.
Stay clean with no STD's from a $20 hooker you ran into at Quickie Stop when picking up Roughrider condoms.
And stay safe with Roughrider condoms.
(this message has been brought to you by the GLB safety council)
Next opponent: #9 So Cal BDC (1-1)
#3 Mayan Prophecy (1-1) LW7 - Ah yes, this week's prophecy should be fulfilled with a win over the Hidden Dragons. They might be a lot tougher team to play if they could remember where they hid those dragons.
Next opponent: at #16 Machu Picchu Hidden Dragons (0-2)
#4 Minneapolis Masterminds (1-1) LW8 - Welcome to your first GOW!
I love it when a team gets it's GOW cherry popped!
Next opponent: #5 C-Town Hoodlums (1-1)
#5 C-Town Hoodlums (1-1) LW9 - No respect?!
Whaddaya' mean no respect?!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLGxWPtgodo
How about you get to the GOW!
Next opponent: at #4 Minneapolis Masterminds (1-1)
#6 Lincoln Navigators (1-1) LW10 - Well it's luxury car versus German ingenuity. Can the luxury and performance of Lincoln Navigators stand up to German efficiency and fine craftsmanship?
If we don't count the MPG, I think you guys can.
Next opponent: #12 Bonn Dynamo (1-1)
#7 Dakar Dragons (1-1) LW13 - If you want to make sure you beat College Town then I would do one thing..................RAGE!!!
Throw a late night rage with plenty of beer, pot and X and you won't have any problem winning.
What else are you going to do in college anyway?
Next opponent: at #14 College Town NWA Feeble Minds (0-2)
#8 Ministry of Dotball (1-1) LW15 - So you get clobbered in game 1, then you destroy the Macho Pizzas in game 2. So what will it be in game 3?
Keep that win streak going against the Smugglers or people will start thinking that Dotball refers to the size of your balls.
Next opponent: at #11 Porto Alegre Smugglers (1-1)
#9 So Cal BDC (1-1) LW3 - You guys got edged out by a last second TD pass by the Masterminds for that first loss of the season.
That just sucks.
So to help you feel at home when your playing in Moose Jaw, I brought in some old buddies to help remind you of sunny SoCal.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BADZW9tZ1uc
Next opponent: at #2 Moose Jaw Roughriders (2-0)
#10 Cincinnati Shockers (1-1) LW5 - You guys suffered that first loss of the season against Moose Jaw. Too bad.
But hey, look what's on the horizon. It's the 0-2 Spiders, so a rebound win is highly possible.
The win should be yours, if you don't fuck up.
Next opponent: at #13 Sofia Spiders (0-2)
#11 Porto Alegre Smugglers (1-1) LW4 - Well that big loss is what you get for trying to muscle in on the Hoodlums turf.
But it's only 1 loss and plenty of dotball to be simmed.
MoD is up next and a chance for a 2nd win comes with them.
Next opponent: #8 Ministry of Dotball (1-1)
#12 Bonn Dynamo (1-1) LW2 - Well looks like Valhalla gave you the 1st loss of the season.
With play like that you should be expecting many more.
Better rebound against Lincoln and get back to winning.
Next opponent: at #6 Lincoln Navigators (1-1)
#13 Sofia Spiders (0-2) LW11 - OK Spiders, time to kick it in high gear! 0-2 is not the way you want to start the season off. From here on out every time you lose I'm going to pull off one of those 8 legs.
So off comes one and you have seven legs/lives left until you reach nine losses and you know what that means.
HOT CHICK LOUNGE!!!
Next opponent: #10 Cincinnati Shockers (1-1)
#14 College Town NWA Feeble Minds (0-2) LW14 - You college going feeble minds might as well skip the game and attend class this week. You might as well prepare for a real career choice because GLB is NOT it.
Next opponent: #7 Dakar Dragons (1-1)
#15 Korb Destroyers (0-2) LW12 - After this game you guys might start to rouse from your coma and hear the wife, GF or mistress say these words,
"Yes doctor, I want to pull the plug."
Next opponent: #1 Valhalla (2-0)
#16 Machu Picchu Hidden Dragons (0-2) LW16 - Is it Machu Piccu or is it Macho Pikachu?
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/pikachu21.gif
Does it really matter?
Next opponent: #3 Mayan Prophecy (1-1)
*****WEEK 3 ZETA CONFERENCE PREDICTIONS*****
Here's my prediction record week by week.
Week 1: 4-4 Week 2: 4-4
Overall: 8-8
SA’s GOW: 2-0
Magic 8 Ball’s GOW: 1-1
#10 Cincinnati Shockers (1-1) at #13 Sofia Spiders (0-2) = Cincinnati Shockers
Game Rating: 2/6 beers
#7 Dakar Dragons (1-1) at #14 College Town NWA Feeble Minds (0-2) = Dakar Dragons
Game Rating: 2/6 beers
#8 Ministry of Dotball (1-1) at #11 Porto Alegre Smugglers (1-1) = Ministry of Dotball
Game Rating: 3/6 beers
#5 C-Town Hoodlums (1-1) at #4 Minneapolis Masterminds (1-1) = C-Town Hoodlums
Game Rating: 6/6 beers
#12 Bonn Dynamo (1-1) at #6 Lincoln Navigators (1-1) = Lincoln Navigators
Game Rating: 3/6 beers
#3 Mayan Prophecy (1-1) at #16 Machu Picchu Hidden Dragons (0-2) = Mayan Prophecy
Game Rating: 2/6 beers
#9 So Cal BDC (1-1) at #2 Moose Jaw Roughriders (2-0) = Moose Jaw Roughriders
Game Rating: 3/6 beers
#1 Valhalla (2-0) at #15 Korb Destroyers (0-2) = Valhalla
Game Rating: 2/6 beers
*Game Of The Week* (GOW)
#5 C-Town Hoodlums (1-1) at #4 Minneapolis Masterminds (1-1) -
C-Town vs Minneapolis!
Hoodlum's vs Masterminds!
This week we put together two teams that just don't like each other.
Many have died in this rivalry!
Many have been wounded!
Many have just been plain old fashioned scared shitless!
But it ends here tonight!
If either team wants to go 2-1, well they have to win this game of course.
Win and you're a top 4 team!
Lose and you suck!
That's how the WL rolls, baby!
Legal?
Legal?
Everything is legal in this one!!
Chainsaws?
HELL YEAH!
Pick axe's?
OF COURSE!
Being invited to a BBQ at the opponents house and take a huge dump in the only bathroom in the house and don't flush?
I like your style.............................DO IT!!!
Yo Bort! It's time to release the hounds!
Magic 8 Ball says: http://av.vet.ksu.edu/flash/8ball
Question: Will the Hoodlums beat the Masterminds?
8 Ball's answer: Doubtful.
SA's Pick: C-Town Hoodlums
Magic 8 Ball Pick: Minneapolis Masterminds
23/48 beers! – Well that's a big drop from last week. 23 beers won't even get my beer goggles goin'.
But we have to do what we have to do.......................drink every last one of those bad boys!
First you should take 2 or 3 and chug them down during your team's game.
Next, we'll take the rest and sit back to watch the GOW!
C-Town goes to Minneapolis to take on the 1-1 Masterminds!
It's a struggle to break into the top 4 and only 1 of these guys will make it there!
So get your homework done early, order the pizza soon and finish whacking off to BarnyardGangBang.com, because you won't want to miss 1 single second of exciting GLB action!!
Let’s do this shit!!
Good luck to all the teams in Zeta!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIlHt_syoSE
And you know what else is sexy?
GLB and week 3, that's what!
Haven't you ever seen GLB porn?
Those colored little dots just bumping into each other and gettin' all hots and sweaty likes.
GLB is bringin' sexy back, dammit!
Well enough about dot sex, did you catch all the week 2 action?
Valhalla and the Chocolate Blaze both survived their first challenge to their throne's of the season and they still reign supreme!
Congrats, you chuckle heads!!
And this week we have a fabulous 1 vs 2 match up in the Alpha GOW!!
Which team will end up sitting atop the Alpha hill and look down on the rest with disdain and disgust?
Better hope it's a team you're on.
DISCLAIMER: We here at the Sport's Page would like to remind you, the reader, that these seriously epic and legendary write ups are for entertainment purposes only.
So if you take them seriously or a little too personally, then you are a fucking idiot.
Thank you and enjoy the rest of the Sport's Page.
Sport's Page Reader Mail Bag!
So every season I try and give something back to the community besides a steady rise in unwanted pregnancies.
So to continue the Sport's Page long standing tradition of giving you, the reader, a part in the Sport's Page, I give you................the Reader Mail Bag!
This is where we at the Sport's Page take the comments of you, the reader, and try to answer them as best we can.
So to thank you for the comments and here we go..........................
The first letter comes from Playmakers from [HURF]ifax. He wanted to say, "Dear SA......."
Originally posted by PLAYMAKERS
whoa
Yes.......................whoa.
SLZmonster from Moose Jaw called in to tell us................
Originally posted by SLZmonster
ho lee shit
I agree. That was exactly what I was going for.
And Sik Wit It, from Lincoln, Nebraska, home of the Navigators, wrote us to say.................
Originally posted by Sik Wit It
This is an awesome write-up
I have to be completely honest here and say that we here at the Sport's Page whole-heartedly agree with you 110% of every single word you just said.
and another loyal reader from Moose Jaw chimed in to say................
Originally posted by teamriots
I'm epically confused, but that's OK, because I'm also thoroughly entertained.
Hey, that is OK to feel both confused and entertained.
Sometimes I get conflicting feelings when I watch animal porn. I'm disgusted, yet strangely aroused.
and the chief radical hisself, Pariah, wrote in all the way from Providence just to say "Dear SA.............."
Originally posted by Pariah
Yahtzee
BINGO!
and from East St Louis, bhall34 wrote in to let us know.....................
Originally posted by bhall43
i like a lot of weed tbh.
Yes, I agree. I like a lot of weed right before I write these things up.
and Jack Del Rio took some time to write to us and say......................
Originally posted by Jack Del Rio
I don't even know what to say.
Well Mr Del Rio, fortunately for you I have a greeting card that says just the right thing for every occasion. I just need to find the card for this occasion.
Let's see, here's one for letting a loved one know that you have given them crabs or as we in the mid-west call them, panty crickets.
It goes something like this.......................
"My darling, dearest love,
you are the one I adore for all time,
I just gave you crabs, later."
Plus it has one of those pop out things that looks like a crab and waves when you pull the tab on the back. I love those pop up things in Hallmark cards.
And from the great state of Rhode Island, jdbolick had this to say. "Dear SA................"
Originally posted by jdbolick
O_o
................that jdbolick has such a way with words.
And in writes Jeff Buckley from {HURF]ifax. He says................
Originally posted by Jeff_Buckley
I spent more time on your avatar than this post.
For $50, you get her for an hour. Bring your own banana.
And from the forest fires of northern California, NiborRis e-mails in to say..................
Originally posted by NiborRis
I give it an A for effort, which is the same grade I gave your ex.
That slut.
YOU HAD HER TOO?!?!
Is there anyone that hasn't had my ex?!?!................................that slut.
All the way from Queen City, r87 writes to us..................
Originally posted by r87
wow it's been like 10 seasons since i've seen an SA power rankings thread
epic
Dude, that's like quitting sex and after 10 seasons of no sex Megan Fox (or Brad Pitt, depending on your preference) asks you to bone her (or him, again depending on your preference).
You lucky bastard, you.
and another letter from East St Louis comes to us from dlux67, who wanted to ask..........................
Originally posted by dlux67
Any chance of Nikolas/Nicole making another appearance this year?
Oddly, that request scares, yet strangely arouses me.
The 1st hot chick pic will be dedicated to this request.
I don't know if the rest of the WL should be thanking you or kicking you in the nads.
Guess we'll find out soon enough, my friend.
and Dimmy Finster sent us a PM saying..................
Originally posted by dimmy finster
thanks a lot for that work!! The Rock makes great movies though, I don't know what you're talking about!!
Have you seen the Tooth Fairy yet?
'Nuff said.
And the head dong from Dong Energy, Feudel writes in to us.................
Originally posted by Feudel
why do we need 6 different power ranking topics
can't we just make a subforum?
Well sir, we NEED 6 because this is America, baby! Home of the free and land of excess!
We have/need 6, because we can. We just can't help ourselves.
Do I need to wash my balls once a week?
No, but there I am washing them every Friday night.
I hope that, in some way, answered your query.
That being said, we here at the Sport's Page encourage all fan input and would like to thank you for writing in.
SA's Player of the Week
And the POW goes to.....................
Minneapolis Masterminds QB, The Mr. Incredible!! Yay!
Mr Incredible went 16/27, 248 yards and threw 3 TD passes. The last TD pass was a 67 yard game winner with 4 seconds left to play in regulation!
Outstanding!
So here's to you, The Mr. Incredible..............................
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/glghlhilh.jpg
Which Alpha team will reign supreme?
Will your team move up in the rankings?
Will your team sink to the bottom of the rankings like the crap I took this morning after a night of drinking Shafer's beer?
Or will your team remain in the middle, like the proverbial floater in the toilet?
Enough with all the Q&A, you can only find out by reading the Sport's Page, chuckle heads!!
True story:
The original slogan for Obama's campaign was not "Yes we can".
It was..............................
..............................LET'S DO THIS SHIT!!!
You may or may not agree with them, but this is how I see them.
****ALPHA CONFERENCE POWER RANKINGS****
LW = Last Week ranking
* = Play Off spot clinched
#1 Chocolate Blaze (2-0) LW1 - It's GOW time for you guys again!
Next opponent: at #2 East St Louis Tire Fires (2-0)
#2 East St Louis Tire Fires (2-0) LW3 - Go straight to the GOW!
Do not pass go!
Do not collect 200 flex!
Next opponent: #1 Chocolate Blaze (2-0)
#3 Warsaw Wrath (2-0) L5 - Well I just knew you guys were gonna' win that one. The wives of the Wife Carriers must have weighed a ton, because they couldn't carry them to the finish.
I mean have you seen the size of some of those Hawaiian women? Sheeesh!
Next opponent: #6 Windhoek White Rhinos (1-1)
#4 Krungthep Garudas (2-0) LW6 - Well so far there have been many explanations of what a Garuda is.
I did an extensive search of my own and here is the official picture of what a Garuda is.
http://static.pyzam.com/img/funnypics/people/pe12.jpg
(WARNING: The Sport's Page is NOT responsible for any sudden blindness or nausea when looking at this pic.)
Next opponent: at #14 Queen City Black Cats (0-2)
#5 Indianapolis Gurupies (2-0) LW9 - Well I'm thinking it's time for one of those famous little sayings that all guru's have and impart on the teams they beat.
So here is one that I found in the Gurupies latest book "Guru'ing For Dummies"
"If a man was to take a journey to Shangri-La and stopped to take a shit in the forest, would anyone really care if he was attacked and eaten by wild animals?"
No.
Probably not.
But what a gem of wisdom that was.
Next opponent: at #13 La Tourette Syndrome (1-1)
#6 Windhoek White Rhinos (1-1) LW13 - That's more like it! back to 1-1 and a start on a win streak!
So let's keep this simple.
Win and you move up.
Lose and..............................
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/rhinohead.jpg
Get the idea?
Next opponent: at #3 Warsaw Wrath (2-0)
#7 NBA Jam (1-1) LW14 - Don't get comfy after that win, because you guys are stayin' on the road, this time to Crippler's Crib, home of the Ghost Rider's.
I wouldn't worry too much though.
Usually the Ghost Rider's ride a tricked out Harley with hell fire shooting out the tail pipe and a stacked sound system to crank out the righteous tunes.
But these days the Ghost Riders are 0-2 and ride a Big Wheel that has tassels on the handle bars and a button that tells their mom to come and pick them up at the playground.
Not very scary.
Next opponent: at #16 Ghost Riders In The Sky (0-2)
#8 October Wildfire (1-1) LW16 - There we go! Got that 1st win of the season and did it in a big way, too!
Looks like the sparks are back and you guys are ready to start some wildfires and what a better place to start than in Providence.
Next opponent: at #9 Providence Radicals (1-1)
#9 Providence Radicals (1-1) LW7 - This next game should be a solid match up for you Radicals.
Just remember that if you get too radical someone will probably call Homeland Security on your asses.
Next opponent: #8 October Wildfire (1-1)
#10 Honolulu Hurricane Wife Carriers (1-1) LW2 - OK, I think it's real groovy that you guys are all for carrying your wife, GF or mistress' around, but if the heifer looks anything like this..................
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/fat20sow20eating20kfc.jpg
.....drop the bitch.
Next opponent: at #12 Sparta Battle Chickens (1-1)
#11 [HURF]ifax Explo[/DURF] (1-1) LW4 - I have no freakin' clue to Hurf and Durfalifax or whatever the new name is, so I'm just callin' you guys Surf and Turf.
And you can have a nice Surf and Turf dinner at Red Lobster for just under $9.99. Two sides included.
Enjoy.
Next opponent: #15 Graz Grizzlies (0-2)
#12 Sparta Battle Chickens (1-1) LW8 - Well looks like the kicker is getting his twelve plays a game because he is the only one scoring.
If the rest of the team can catch up, watch out!
Next opponent: #10 Honolulu Hurricane Wife Carriers (1-1)
#13 La Tourette Syndrome (1-1) LW10 - I think if you guys took your meds for those Tourettes, you just might win this one.
You guys need this one to stay on the winning track.
Next opponent: #5 Indianapolis Gurupies (2-0)
#14 Queen City Black Cats (0-2) LW11 - It's time to show the WL just what you pussy's are made of.......uhm, pussy cats, that is.
Well on second thought........................
Next opponent: #4 Krungthep Garudas (2-0)
#15 Graz Grizzlies (0-2) LW12 - You guys should be playing like this...............
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/grizzly.jpg
...instead you're playing like this...........
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/Yogi-Bear-show-02.jpg
Don't forget the picnic basket, Boo Boo.
Next opponent: at #11 [HURF]ifax Explo[/DURF] (1-1)
#16 Ghost Riders In The Sky (0-2) LW15 - Well if you guys want a chance at this game you better hope it's a night game. That way you can use your super scary powers and shit.
Next opponent: #7 NBA Jam (1-1)
*****WEEK 3 ALPHA CONFERENCE PREDICTIONS*****
Here's my prediction record week by week.
Week 1: 7-1 Week 2: 6-2
Overall: 13-3
SA’s GOW: 2-0
Magic 8 Ball’s GOW: 1-1
#1 Chocolate Blaze (2-0) at #2 East St Louis Tire Fires (2-0) = Chocolate Blaze
Game Rating: 6/6 beers
#4 Krungthep Garudas (2-0) at #14 Queen City Black Cats (0-2) = Krungthep Garudas
Game Rating: 2/6 beers
#6 Windhoek White Rhinos (1-1) at #3 Warsaw Wrath (2-0) = Warsaw Wrath
Game Rating: 5/6 beers
#10 Honolulu Hurricane Wife Carriers (1-1) at #12 Sparta Battle Chickens (1-1) = Honolulu Hurricane Wife Carriers
Game Rating: 3/6 beers
#15 Graz Grizzlies (0-2) at #11 [HURF]ifax Explo[/DURF] (1-1) = [HURF]ifax Explo[/DURF]
Game Rating: 2/6 beers
#5 Indianapolis Gurupies (2-0) at #13 La Tourette Syndrome (1-1) = Indianapolis Gurupies
Game Rating: 3/6 beers
#8 October Wildfire (1-1) at #9 Providence Radicals (1-1) = Providence Radicals
Game Rating: 4/6 beers
#7 NBA Jam (1-1) at #16 Ghost Riders In The Sky (0-2) = NBA Jam
Game Rating: 2/6 beers
*Game Of The Week* (GOW)
#1 Chocolate Blaze (2-0) at #2 East St Louis Tire Fires (2-0) -
Well lick my nuts andcall me satisfied, we got a 1 vs 2 matchup in the GOW!!! Yay!
Send it to......THUNDER DOME!!!
Two teams enter!
One team leaves!
Two teams are going for 3-0 and only one can have it!
Here's what we allow in this one.
Chemical weapons?
YES!
Name calling?
LEGAL!
Taking the opponents sister out for a nice seafood dinner, have great conversation and make a magical connection, take her to a nice hotel where she consents to make mad and passionate love and right before initial penetration you call her by the wrong name on purpose?
You are one devious and cruel SOB, but.................ALLOWED!!!
Blaze vs Tire Fires! Only one will survive!
Which team shall reign supreme?!
You'll have to watch to find out.
Yo Bort! Let's get this bad boy started!
Magic 8 Ball says: http://av.vet.ksu.edu/flash/8ball
Question: Will the Blaze beat the Tire Fires?
8 Ball's answer: It is definitely so.
SA's Pick: Chocolate Blaze
Magic 8 Ball Pick: Chocolate Blaze
27/48 beers! – Anytime we have more than a case of beer means it's a good time!
So...........................
First we have the White Rhino's taking on the Warsaw Wrath in a "Loser Buys the Other Team a New Cover Girl Make Up Collection Match". Also a top 4 ranking could be at stake.
Second, there is the Wildfire vs Radicals game in a "Loser Gets to Date the Fat Friend Match". Also there is a very good chance the winner will move up in the rankings.
And lastly, we have the GOW.
#1 vs #2! The #1 Chocolate Blaze defends the throne against those zany East St Louis Tire Fires in Thunder Dome!
So my advice would be to split the beers up as evenly as possible and enjoy a night of GLB and inebriation!
Those two things go hand in hand like ham and swiss or peanut butter and clams.
Let’s do this shit!!
Good luck to all the teams in the Alpha!
____________________________________________________________________________
****ZETA CONFERENCE POWER RANKINGS****
LW = Last Week Ranking
* = Play Off spot clinched
#1 Valhalla (2-0) LW1 - Aw man. Should we even allow this one to happen?
RIP, Korb.
Next opponent: at #15 Korb Destroyers (0-2)
#2 Moose Jaw Roughriders (2-0) LW6 - You guys are one of only 2 undefeated teams left in Zeta. Roughriders are riding rough shod over the Zeta competition so far.
And you want to stay perfect, don't you?
Well then you should be using Roughrider condoms. The only condom approved by Bort, DD and the GLB.
Roughrider condoms have been scientifically proven to be effective against 97% of all STD's and 35% effective against panty crickets.
So stay perfect with out a nasty unwanted pregnancy.
Stay clean with no STD's from a $20 hooker you ran into at Quickie Stop when picking up Roughrider condoms.
And stay safe with Roughrider condoms.
(this message has been brought to you by the GLB safety council)
Next opponent: #9 So Cal BDC (1-1)
#3 Mayan Prophecy (1-1) LW7 - Ah yes, this week's prophecy should be fulfilled with a win over the Hidden Dragons. They might be a lot tougher team to play if they could remember where they hid those dragons.
Next opponent: at #16 Machu Picchu Hidden Dragons (0-2)
#4 Minneapolis Masterminds (1-1) LW8 - Welcome to your first GOW!
I love it when a team gets it's GOW cherry popped!
Next opponent: #5 C-Town Hoodlums (1-1)
#5 C-Town Hoodlums (1-1) LW9 - No respect?!
Whaddaya' mean no respect?!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLGxWPtgodo
How about you get to the GOW!
Next opponent: at #4 Minneapolis Masterminds (1-1)
#6 Lincoln Navigators (1-1) LW10 - Well it's luxury car versus German ingenuity. Can the luxury and performance of Lincoln Navigators stand up to German efficiency and fine craftsmanship?
If we don't count the MPG, I think you guys can.
Next opponent: #12 Bonn Dynamo (1-1)
#7 Dakar Dragons (1-1) LW13 - If you want to make sure you beat College Town then I would do one thing..................RAGE!!!
Throw a late night rage with plenty of beer, pot and X and you won't have any problem winning.
What else are you going to do in college anyway?
Next opponent: at #14 College Town NWA Feeble Minds (0-2)
#8 Ministry of Dotball (1-1) LW15 - So you get clobbered in game 1, then you destroy the Macho Pizzas in game 2. So what will it be in game 3?
Keep that win streak going against the Smugglers or people will start thinking that Dotball refers to the size of your balls.
Next opponent: at #11 Porto Alegre Smugglers (1-1)
#9 So Cal BDC (1-1) LW3 - You guys got edged out by a last second TD pass by the Masterminds for that first loss of the season.
That just sucks.
So to help you feel at home when your playing in Moose Jaw, I brought in some old buddies to help remind you of sunny SoCal.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BADZW9tZ1uc
Next opponent: at #2 Moose Jaw Roughriders (2-0)
#10 Cincinnati Shockers (1-1) LW5 - You guys suffered that first loss of the season against Moose Jaw. Too bad.
But hey, look what's on the horizon. It's the 0-2 Spiders, so a rebound win is highly possible.
The win should be yours, if you don't fuck up.
Next opponent: at #13 Sofia Spiders (0-2)
#11 Porto Alegre Smugglers (1-1) LW4 - Well that big loss is what you get for trying to muscle in on the Hoodlums turf.
But it's only 1 loss and plenty of dotball to be simmed.
MoD is up next and a chance for a 2nd win comes with them.
Next opponent: #8 Ministry of Dotball (1-1)
#12 Bonn Dynamo (1-1) LW2 - Well looks like Valhalla gave you the 1st loss of the season.
With play like that you should be expecting many more.
Better rebound against Lincoln and get back to winning.
Next opponent: at #6 Lincoln Navigators (1-1)
#13 Sofia Spiders (0-2) LW11 - OK Spiders, time to kick it in high gear! 0-2 is not the way you want to start the season off. From here on out every time you lose I'm going to pull off one of those 8 legs.
So off comes one and you have seven legs/lives left until you reach nine losses and you know what that means.
HOT CHICK LOUNGE!!!
Next opponent: #10 Cincinnati Shockers (1-1)
#14 College Town NWA Feeble Minds (0-2) LW14 - You college going feeble minds might as well skip the game and attend class this week. You might as well prepare for a real career choice because GLB is NOT it.
Next opponent: #7 Dakar Dragons (1-1)
#15 Korb Destroyers (0-2) LW12 - After this game you guys might start to rouse from your coma and hear the wife, GF or mistress say these words,
"Yes doctor, I want to pull the plug."
Next opponent: #1 Valhalla (2-0)
#16 Machu Picchu Hidden Dragons (0-2) LW16 - Is it Machu Piccu or is it Macho Pikachu?
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/pikachu21.gif
Does it really matter?
Next opponent: #3 Mayan Prophecy (1-1)
*****WEEK 3 ZETA CONFERENCE PREDICTIONS*****
Here's my prediction record week by week.
Week 1: 4-4 Week 2: 4-4
Overall: 8-8
SA’s GOW: 2-0
Magic 8 Ball’s GOW: 1-1
#10 Cincinnati Shockers (1-1) at #13 Sofia Spiders (0-2) = Cincinnati Shockers
Game Rating: 2/6 beers
#7 Dakar Dragons (1-1) at #14 College Town NWA Feeble Minds (0-2) = Dakar Dragons
Game Rating: 2/6 beers
#8 Ministry of Dotball (1-1) at #11 Porto Alegre Smugglers (1-1) = Ministry of Dotball
Game Rating: 3/6 beers
#5 C-Town Hoodlums (1-1) at #4 Minneapolis Masterminds (1-1) = C-Town Hoodlums
Game Rating: 6/6 beers
#12 Bonn Dynamo (1-1) at #6 Lincoln Navigators (1-1) = Lincoln Navigators
Game Rating: 3/6 beers
#3 Mayan Prophecy (1-1) at #16 Machu Picchu Hidden Dragons (0-2) = Mayan Prophecy
Game Rating: 2/6 beers
#9 So Cal BDC (1-1) at #2 Moose Jaw Roughriders (2-0) = Moose Jaw Roughriders
Game Rating: 3/6 beers
#1 Valhalla (2-0) at #15 Korb Destroyers (0-2) = Valhalla
Game Rating: 2/6 beers
*Game Of The Week* (GOW)
#5 C-Town Hoodlums (1-1) at #4 Minneapolis Masterminds (1-1) -
C-Town vs Minneapolis!
Hoodlum's vs Masterminds!
This week we put together two teams that just don't like each other.
Many have died in this rivalry!
Many have been wounded!
Many have just been plain old fashioned scared shitless!
But it ends here tonight!
If either team wants to go 2-1, well they have to win this game of course.
Win and you're a top 4 team!
Lose and you suck!
That's how the WL rolls, baby!
Legal?
Legal?
Everything is legal in this one!!
Chainsaws?
HELL YEAH!
Pick axe's?
OF COURSE!
Being invited to a BBQ at the opponents house and take a huge dump in the only bathroom in the house and don't flush?
I like your style.............................DO IT!!!
Yo Bort! It's time to release the hounds!
Magic 8 Ball says: http://av.vet.ksu.edu/flash/8ball
Question: Will the Hoodlums beat the Masterminds?
8 Ball's answer: Doubtful.
SA's Pick: C-Town Hoodlums
Magic 8 Ball Pick: Minneapolis Masterminds
23/48 beers! – Well that's a big drop from last week. 23 beers won't even get my beer goggles goin'.
But we have to do what we have to do.......................drink every last one of those bad boys!
First you should take 2 or 3 and chug them down during your team's game.
Next, we'll take the rest and sit back to watch the GOW!
C-Town goes to Minneapolis to take on the 1-1 Masterminds!
It's a struggle to break into the top 4 and only 1 of these guys will make it there!
So get your homework done early, order the pizza soon and finish whacking off to BarnyardGangBang.com, because you won't want to miss 1 single second of exciting GLB action!!
Let’s do this shit!!
Good luck to all the teams in Zeta!
Edited by Smiling Assasain on Apr 11, 2010 18:22:00
Edited by Smiling Assasain on Apr 11, 2010 15:15:51
Edited by Smiling Assasain on Apr 11, 2010 09:40:38
Edited by Smiling Assasain on Apr 11, 2010 09:38:50
Edited by Smiling Assasain on Apr 11, 2010 09:38:22
