After taking a week off to enjoy my greatness, I am back with more ranking magic!
*Warning: The more serious you take these…the more likely you are to raise retarded children
Alpha:
The Playoff Teams:
1. Krakow Plumbers Crack
Oh man, in the lolstandings the Titans have moved past the Plumbers. I don’t know whether I should laugh or cry at this development. One thing is painfully obvious, though, looking at similar opponents, the Titans aren’t going to be number one in the standings for very long.
2. Zagreb Titans
Zagreb’s day of reckoning is coming in three weeks (and then again, likely, in the playoffs). Perhaps if they had a few more JP’s on their team they could stave off insignificance? These guys still have four playoff teams left on their schedule, so while the #1 seed still is possible (not), a 15-1 season isn’t quite a lock yet.
3. Emmaus Fighting Green Hornets
Get the fuck out of here, apparently there is a movie being released later this year called “The Green Hornet.” Perhaps if you guys were a little better team you could of gotten some calls for a role in the movie. Ya, I know, 13-3 looks cool, but this is a six loss AAA team in any other conference.
4. Hungarian Revolution
I’ve been meaning to mention this for a couple of weeks now. This team has surprised this season and all that, yea, but what is the point of naming your team after losers? The Hungarian Revolution was destroyed. You know the joke ‘It’s like Tyson fighting and infant’…well that don’ fit here. This was like Tyson fighting a crippled ant with prosthetic antennas. Naming your team after losers creates a culture of losing, and as no surprise, most of this team’s way too long existence has been forgettable.
Dumb.
5. Atlantis Whitecaps
Whoo! You guys are 8-3! Not to mention, you’re on a seven game winning streak!
Quite an accomplishment for an old, high leveled, underachieving group. For the record, you guys still suck, don’t let anyone try to take that away from you after a little run of wins. Be proud of who you are.
6. Vienna Sausages
It’s a fuckin’ myth that this team can be so high in a playoff race in AAA. I don’t even know what to do anymore. You guys lost to Constantinople by 59 points, who just lost to the Gods. I swear, you shitty ass Alpha teams have me juggling shit bags every week trying to figure out where to put you. I’m about to file an appeal with hisBortness to make this conference 4 teams and be done with all of you.
7. The Gods
Am I supposed to be impressed? I’ve talked shit about you all year, you beat Constantinople, and that’s it? All is forgiven?
No. You lost to Vatican City. You scored 24 points against Estonian. You only beat the Zeta lolteam Glorious Nation Kazakhstan by 11. Oh, no, my friends, this is still the worst team that’s likely to make the playoffs. Don’t like that? Suck a weiner.
8. Constantinople Charioteers
You know, all season I’ve stuck with you guys. You’ve had dumb loss after dumb loss, and I’ve kept you relatively elevated in the rankings. But losing to The Gods? Fuck that, I have a reputation to uphold. If you want to suck, you can be placed down here with the teams that do. Suck away, bitches!
Someone give me the date for when I can stop watching these trainwrecks
9. River City Renegades
I really don’t feel that talking every week about how you need to gut is productive at this point. So what we’re going to do is some role reversal. I want you guys to tell me, and the masses of others here who feel as I do, why you SHOULDN’T gut. Please, we’re all anxious to know what the future holds for the River City Renegades! (We’re really not, just gut)
10. Vatican City Bishops
Honest question:
Wouldn’t it have been smarter to name your team the Vatican City Cardinals? Seriously. Bishops are the Cardinals little bitches. Think it through next time, dumbasses.
11. Vatican City Paranoid Agnostic
You know what’s cool (other than me)? Trophies. You guys have been keeping this sham around for seven seasons and haven’t even sniffed one. Fuck what caused dinosaurs to go extinct (allegedly, remember two weeks ago?), this is biggest question mankind must answer. Oh, yes, what happened to the dinosaurs is the most important question we have to answer.
Think otherwise? Think there are more important questions out there to be answered? You’re all dumb. If they can become mass extinct, so can we (except for me, I’m fuckin’ invincible). Gotta know what happened.
Quit. For the love of god
12. Estonian Enforcers
Let’s go back to dinosaurs one more time, because I clearly have nothing better to write in this spot. Did anyone notice that show on Discovery channel about T-Rex sex? If you haven’t, and you like sex (and dinosaurs), highly recommended.
Okay let’s move on.
13. Texas Red Dragons
Let’s talk about the weather a little bit. It is so fucking cold everywhere in this damn country. I could go to any state and my penis is still going to look like an eight year olds. Oh, ya, people, I party naked. Even in the winter. You know who doesn’t party naked? The Texas Red Dragons.
Like how I tried to tie that together? Fuckin’ perfectionist, I am. Either way, this weather is KILLING my game.
14. Warsaw Warriors
I ought to just write you guys out of the rankings, like I did to teams after the opening edition. You deserve no words.
--------
Zeta:
The Playoff Teams:
1. Kaunas Archangels
Well, for you Kaunas haters, here’s the game you’ve been waiting for. Archangels versus Four Horsemen. As we talked about earlier with Krakow, if we’re going to use common opponents as our measuring aide, this one may not even be close. Of course, as much as I don’t like to, there is that scrimmage out there to use as a visual as well.
2. Four Horsemen
The Horsemen were adamant that the before mentioned scrimmage didn’t really mean anything, and that they were trying things out, blah, blah, blah. It’s the same line you get from every team that loses a scrimmage; so let’s get to the bottom of this now. Are the Horsemen willing to put something on the line in this game, or not?
How about the old fashioned, loser has to wear an avatar of the winning team’s choice bet?
3. Warsaw Gods of War
Warsaw beat Philly two weeks ago to move into this spot. Depending on how badly the Horsemen lose to Kaunas will depend on whether they move up another spot. In other news, I just deleted “double jointed jaw girl,” “bedazzled bra girl,” and “Barbara Walters” from my phone.
Gonna miss those three, but it was time.
4. Philadelphia Demonik
A loss to Warsaw, a pending semi-finals loss to Kaunas in the AAA tournament, followed by a regular season loss to Kaunas is a couple more weeks, not a good time to be a Philly guy. Then again, it never is. The Eagles? I’ve seen less failure scouting out failbooking.com for material.
5. Knossos Minotaurs
I, your beloved The Committee, have already written off the team as a legitimate contender. Therefore, I really don’t know what else to talk about. The book on this team has already been written. Therefore, I’ll leave you guys with an awesome prank to try.
When someone falls asleep at a computer (they have to be drunk for this to work), get on that computer and do a search for something like “How to put out a fire” and see how long it takes them to turn around and see what happened. Also, “How to get rid of Herpes” brings many lol’s to the table as well.
6. Wroclaw Wrecking Crew
With only one tough team remaining on the schedule, we can now pretty much call these guys a 10-6 team with relative certainty. Their playoff seeding is way the fuck up in the air though. They could be anywhere from 6 to 8.
Oh and by the way, losing by 115 points to Kaunas is priceless. Great work.
7. Border Reivers
The Reivers have a tiebreaker against Wroclaw, so I’m sure they’re wondering why their faithful friend, The Committee, has them ranked under Wroclaw. The answer is the one I always give teams that ask that. I just don’t give a shit. Personally, I find it a damn miracle there aren’t eight teams better than you guys, so don’t push it.
8. Valhalla Einherjar
Who’s that dumbass who picked you 4th in the preseason rankings? That guy is clearly going nowhere in life cause this team isn’t even close to that.
Those awkward kids at parties that sit in the corner, eat cheetoes, eyeing up the hot chicks
9. Istanbul Turks:
Side Note:
As the smartest person on GLB I’ve been dared by an unnamed GLBer to find something that can’t be sold on craigslist. I’ll publish my list here:
1. Midgets
That’s it. Nevertheless, I win!
(midgetsarepetsright)
10. Gamehendge Knights
Gut, you fuck ups.
--Ya, I said this last time too. I’m going to write it until they get the message. If it doesn’t work, at the end of the season I’ll send a mass PM to everyone on their team. I’m serious about this shit. I’m tired of these teams watering down GLB.
11. Croatian Flesh Eaters
This team sucks as bad as the girl from last night who promptly stopped slurping the knob at 12:00 midnight because she said it’s against her religion to eat meat on Sundays. Those Hinduish girls are enigma’s, I’m telling you.
12. Montreal Ice
Dear Broncos Next 1,000 Yard Back,
If you want me to keep pumping you as a Committee Favorite, you cannot suck. Who the fuck runs TWELVE times for NEGATIVE yards. Valhalla isn’t that good for you to suck that bad. Another game like that and you’re out, that simple. Also, get the fuck off that shitty ass team.
Really what the hell else is there to say here?
13. Lefkada Seahawks
Great team. Honestly.
It’s opposite day, btw.
14. Glorious Nation Kazakhstan:
For the record, I find these rankings to be more enjoyable and better when I’m fucked up, so look for more of that next time!
*Warning: The more serious you take these…the more likely you are to raise retarded children
Alpha:
The Playoff Teams:
1. Krakow Plumbers Crack
Oh man, in the lolstandings the Titans have moved past the Plumbers. I don’t know whether I should laugh or cry at this development. One thing is painfully obvious, though, looking at similar opponents, the Titans aren’t going to be number one in the standings for very long.
2. Zagreb Titans
Zagreb’s day of reckoning is coming in three weeks (and then again, likely, in the playoffs). Perhaps if they had a few more JP’s on their team they could stave off insignificance? These guys still have four playoff teams left on their schedule, so while the #1 seed still is possible (not), a 15-1 season isn’t quite a lock yet.
3. Emmaus Fighting Green Hornets
Get the fuck out of here, apparently there is a movie being released later this year called “The Green Hornet.” Perhaps if you guys were a little better team you could of gotten some calls for a role in the movie. Ya, I know, 13-3 looks cool, but this is a six loss AAA team in any other conference.
4. Hungarian Revolution
I’ve been meaning to mention this for a couple of weeks now. This team has surprised this season and all that, yea, but what is the point of naming your team after losers? The Hungarian Revolution was destroyed. You know the joke ‘It’s like Tyson fighting and infant’…well that don’ fit here. This was like Tyson fighting a crippled ant with prosthetic antennas. Naming your team after losers creates a culture of losing, and as no surprise, most of this team’s way too long existence has been forgettable.
Dumb.
5. Atlantis Whitecaps
Whoo! You guys are 8-3! Not to mention, you’re on a seven game winning streak!
Quite an accomplishment for an old, high leveled, underachieving group. For the record, you guys still suck, don’t let anyone try to take that away from you after a little run of wins. Be proud of who you are.
6. Vienna Sausages
It’s a fuckin’ myth that this team can be so high in a playoff race in AAA. I don’t even know what to do anymore. You guys lost to Constantinople by 59 points, who just lost to the Gods. I swear, you shitty ass Alpha teams have me juggling shit bags every week trying to figure out where to put you. I’m about to file an appeal with hisBortness to make this conference 4 teams and be done with all of you.
7. The Gods
Am I supposed to be impressed? I’ve talked shit about you all year, you beat Constantinople, and that’s it? All is forgiven?
No. You lost to Vatican City. You scored 24 points against Estonian. You only beat the Zeta lolteam Glorious Nation Kazakhstan by 11. Oh, no, my friends, this is still the worst team that’s likely to make the playoffs. Don’t like that? Suck a weiner.
8. Constantinople Charioteers
You know, all season I’ve stuck with you guys. You’ve had dumb loss after dumb loss, and I’ve kept you relatively elevated in the rankings. But losing to The Gods? Fuck that, I have a reputation to uphold. If you want to suck, you can be placed down here with the teams that do. Suck away, bitches!
Someone give me the date for when I can stop watching these trainwrecks
9. River City Renegades
I really don’t feel that talking every week about how you need to gut is productive at this point. So what we’re going to do is some role reversal. I want you guys to tell me, and the masses of others here who feel as I do, why you SHOULDN’T gut. Please, we’re all anxious to know what the future holds for the River City Renegades! (We’re really not, just gut)
10. Vatican City Bishops
Honest question:
Wouldn’t it have been smarter to name your team the Vatican City Cardinals? Seriously. Bishops are the Cardinals little bitches. Think it through next time, dumbasses.
11. Vatican City Paranoid Agnostic
You know what’s cool (other than me)? Trophies. You guys have been keeping this sham around for seven seasons and haven’t even sniffed one. Fuck what caused dinosaurs to go extinct (allegedly, remember two weeks ago?), this is biggest question mankind must answer. Oh, yes, what happened to the dinosaurs is the most important question we have to answer.
Think otherwise? Think there are more important questions out there to be answered? You’re all dumb. If they can become mass extinct, so can we (except for me, I’m fuckin’ invincible). Gotta know what happened.
Quit. For the love of god
12. Estonian Enforcers
Let’s go back to dinosaurs one more time, because I clearly have nothing better to write in this spot. Did anyone notice that show on Discovery channel about T-Rex sex? If you haven’t, and you like sex (and dinosaurs), highly recommended.
Okay let’s move on.
13. Texas Red Dragons
Let’s talk about the weather a little bit. It is so fucking cold everywhere in this damn country. I could go to any state and my penis is still going to look like an eight year olds. Oh, ya, people, I party naked. Even in the winter. You know who doesn’t party naked? The Texas Red Dragons.
Like how I tried to tie that together? Fuckin’ perfectionist, I am. Either way, this weather is KILLING my game.
14. Warsaw Warriors
I ought to just write you guys out of the rankings, like I did to teams after the opening edition. You deserve no words.
--------
Zeta:
The Playoff Teams:
1. Kaunas Archangels
Well, for you Kaunas haters, here’s the game you’ve been waiting for. Archangels versus Four Horsemen. As we talked about earlier with Krakow, if we’re going to use common opponents as our measuring aide, this one may not even be close. Of course, as much as I don’t like to, there is that scrimmage out there to use as a visual as well.
2. Four Horsemen
The Horsemen were adamant that the before mentioned scrimmage didn’t really mean anything, and that they were trying things out, blah, blah, blah. It’s the same line you get from every team that loses a scrimmage; so let’s get to the bottom of this now. Are the Horsemen willing to put something on the line in this game, or not?
How about the old fashioned, loser has to wear an avatar of the winning team’s choice bet?
3. Warsaw Gods of War
Warsaw beat Philly two weeks ago to move into this spot. Depending on how badly the Horsemen lose to Kaunas will depend on whether they move up another spot. In other news, I just deleted “double jointed jaw girl,” “bedazzled bra girl,” and “Barbara Walters” from my phone.
Gonna miss those three, but it was time.
4. Philadelphia Demonik
A loss to Warsaw, a pending semi-finals loss to Kaunas in the AAA tournament, followed by a regular season loss to Kaunas is a couple more weeks, not a good time to be a Philly guy. Then again, it never is. The Eagles? I’ve seen less failure scouting out failbooking.com for material.
5. Knossos Minotaurs
I, your beloved The Committee, have already written off the team as a legitimate contender. Therefore, I really don’t know what else to talk about. The book on this team has already been written. Therefore, I’ll leave you guys with an awesome prank to try.
When someone falls asleep at a computer (they have to be drunk for this to work), get on that computer and do a search for something like “How to put out a fire” and see how long it takes them to turn around and see what happened. Also, “How to get rid of Herpes” brings many lol’s to the table as well.
6. Wroclaw Wrecking Crew
With only one tough team remaining on the schedule, we can now pretty much call these guys a 10-6 team with relative certainty. Their playoff seeding is way the fuck up in the air though. They could be anywhere from 6 to 8.
Oh and by the way, losing by 115 points to Kaunas is priceless. Great work.
7. Border Reivers
The Reivers have a tiebreaker against Wroclaw, so I’m sure they’re wondering why their faithful friend, The Committee, has them ranked under Wroclaw. The answer is the one I always give teams that ask that. I just don’t give a shit. Personally, I find it a damn miracle there aren’t eight teams better than you guys, so don’t push it.
8. Valhalla Einherjar
Who’s that dumbass who picked you 4th in the preseason rankings? That guy is clearly going nowhere in life cause this team isn’t even close to that.
Those awkward kids at parties that sit in the corner, eat cheetoes, eyeing up the hot chicks
9. Istanbul Turks:
Side Note:
As the smartest person on GLB I’ve been dared by an unnamed GLBer to find something that can’t be sold on craigslist. I’ll publish my list here:
1. Midgets
That’s it. Nevertheless, I win!
(midgetsarepetsright)
10. Gamehendge Knights
Gut, you fuck ups.
--Ya, I said this last time too. I’m going to write it until they get the message. If it doesn’t work, at the end of the season I’ll send a mass PM to everyone on their team. I’m serious about this shit. I’m tired of these teams watering down GLB.
11. Croatian Flesh Eaters
This team sucks as bad as the girl from last night who promptly stopped slurping the knob at 12:00 midnight because she said it’s against her religion to eat meat on Sundays. Those Hinduish girls are enigma’s, I’m telling you.
12. Montreal Ice
Dear Broncos Next 1,000 Yard Back,
If you want me to keep pumping you as a Committee Favorite, you cannot suck. Who the fuck runs TWELVE times for NEGATIVE yards. Valhalla isn’t that good for you to suck that bad. Another game like that and you’re out, that simple. Also, get the fuck off that shitty ass team.
Really what the hell else is there to say here?
13. Lefkada Seahawks
Great team. Honestly.
It’s opposite day, btw.
14. Glorious Nation Kazakhstan:
For the record, I find these rankings to be more enjoyable and better when I’m fucked up, so look for more of that next time!
Edited by MGood030 on Feb 28, 2010 22:34:22
Edited by MGood030 on Feb 28, 2010 22:33:41
