LAS VEGAS, NV (Reuters) - The GBL Las Vegas Stunners announced a new stadium construction project today -- dubbed “SIN CITY COLLISEUM” -- during a foundation-pouring cermony held today in downtown Las Vegas. The Stunners majority owner, sunder B, was joined by Gov. I. Poopalot, Las Vegas Mayor Bribbs R. Welcum and Stunners' team General Managers Bo Vice, Mark Taylor and Mufusumono.
"For years, the city of Las Vegas has been thought of as our answer to New Jersey, a melting pot of organized crime, senior citizens and drug-addled white trash, or, even worse, a garbage dump. Its potential has been ignored for too long. We're going to change that and in the process create jobs, economic opportunity and a model for smart growth development," Said Mayor Bribbs.
Added Gov. Poopalot, "Redeveloping the area and blowing a shit-load of taxpayer money on corporate handouts, booze and hookers is 'a top priority for our administration" as he capped off his speach by throwing-up a "west-side" sign into a wave of raucus applause.
No surprise there. The project's job-generation punch is a priority grabber. Las Vegas' SIN CITY COLLISEUM will create an estimated 20,000 new full-time jobs, plus 21,000-plus construction jobs over the two-day build-out.
Added sunder B, "At the beginning of season 3, the stadium will have a capacity of 13610 people. Montecito CEO in hiding, and silent partner of the Las Vegas Stunners, Ed Deline has mentioned that there is a distinct possibility that capacity will be raised to 15750 before the first home game if the Montecito can come up with the 'additional capital through it’s resort’s gaming profits'."
One of the design's standout features is its striking range. Only a few major components include:
• The Snow Dome, the United States' first year-round indoor recreational crack house;
• Pac-town, a "bling city" with six NBA regulation courts, two strip clubs and locker facilities, which can be used for dog fights, drive-bys and "makin' it rain";
• Basura-World, a 500,000 sq. foot theme park dedicated to our unsung heroes - the Garbagemen. The park will include rides, concessions and boardwalk-style games and will houses the National Waste-Removal Hall of Fame;
Not all in attendance were as ready to endorse the project, as several protestors elected to picket the ceremony. The LVPD acted quickly to supress the unruly protesters with a smorgasbord of flash-bang grenades, rubber bullets and tazor guns. Muffled cries of, "Dey took eer jobz," could be heard as one hippy-looking demonstrator was subdued by an officer armed with a non-lethal bar of soap and what can only be described as a medieval-style mace.
Added one onlooker, "I took off of work today so that I could someday tell my grandchildren that I was here when our lovable losers put the first shovel into the ground, and instead, a hockey game broke out."
Indeed, the proposed project has come under fire in recent days, drawing ire from citizens and federal investigators alike, amidst swirling allegations of severe cost-overruns, money laundering, tax evasion, team and elected officials' connections La Cosa Nostra and the hiring of undocumented migrant workers for the initial stages of contruction.
Ironically, Modus "Fingers" Operandi, reputed head of the Stromboli Crime Family and majority owner of the conference-rival Portland Hitmen, has been linked as head financier of the project.
When asked about his alleged involvement in the 'Sin City Colliseum' project Operandi said, "I come from New Jersey so with regards to 'La Cosa Nostra', I must say that I've never heard of it nor do I know what it is. I have no knowledge of business dealings with this snuker guy nor would I ever be involved in a project called 'Sin City Colliseum' - it sounds more like a place fairies go to bathe and fornicate."
"A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns," concluded Operandi.
(Reporting by Harry Beavers; additional reporting by Anita Hoare and Ivana DubbleDees; Editing by Craven Dick)
Editor's Note: It is still unclear whether 'Mufusumono' is his real name or a stage name.
Hopefully you guys are well connected with the Las Vegas Mob!
