Welcome back, y'all, it's time for Darth Pinky Sez! - the game show where Darth Pinky says it, and you believe it! Today's contestants hail from the Dark Continent, where they spend their time bashing in each others' skulls in contests of American Football! They also enjoy baiting and trolling in their spare time. I'm your announcer, smallbugger, the only member of The Woodys able to string together a coherent sentence with adequate punctuation and sentence structure and therefore capable of manning a position where one is expected to speak and not ask "Do you want fries with that?" And now, to get things underway, your host of Darth Pinky Sez!, the magnanimous, the eloquent, unrivaled in style and charm, Daaaaaaaaaaaaarth PINKY!
Thunderous applause and ear-splitting cheering ensues. Grown men weep. Mature women fan themselves, and young women throw panties. Several of the younger male contestants sneak off to shamefully pleasure themselves, hating to admit to being turned on by his undeniable charm and unequaled manliness.
Thanks, everybody, and welcome back. As always, we start Darth Pinky Sez! with a recap of the game so far, and here to tell you about it, our spokeshotty, The Avatar From Da Booty!
Most assembled bow in reverent homage, while several audience members from the Elephant Conference, including Clubfoot Dingleberry, HeadHunter, recockulous and dook1e take this opportunity: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pXfHLUlZf4
vapidlyAs you remember, our sixteen original contestants were cut down in size to 15 early in the season when the CPUs took control in Gabon. Shortly afterward, the field of potential champions shrunk even further - like Ocho Cinco's dos huevos - when some more teams failed to make the cut, including the Tuggers, the Ungrateful Dead, the Shaved Kitties, the Flying Snakes™ and Da Booty. stops We're didn't make the cut? We're not making the playthroughs? Oh My God, I can't believe that bastard Leudecke lied to me again. I mean, it was one thing when he told me he loved me when we promtionated! And that other time with the eight bottles of scotch and the smelly sloth thing and the videotapinator machine. But Oh My God, he told me we would make the playthroughs if I just kept letting himicrophone goes dead, much like spokeshotty's brain - cut to Darth Pinky at the podium
Well, folks, there she is, our lovely and almost sentient spokeshotty! Isn't she great?
audience breaks into golf clap
Now, it's time to re-introduce our remaining contestants. Here to do the honors is our second spokeshotty and former contestant, from the Tuggers - Agent 99!
Thunderous standing ovation that continues for several minutes; 99 waits elegantly and gracefully for silence
As our spokesbimbo stated - sort of - the field of legitimate competitors has separated like wheat from chaff. Now, as we reach the end of the season's third quarter, we see that the conference has separated into four tiers - those fighting for the top seed, those fighting for a home playoff game, those fighting to ensure a playoff spot, and our previously mentioned tier of teams who are simply waiting for their shot at free agency and their chance to offer me a contract.
Male catcalls and female hisses thunder from the audience.
Now, entering week 12, we seek answers from our host and the star of our show, Darth Pinky, as he makes his fearless and meticulously accurate prognostications for our upcoming slate of games. Hello Vader - back to you! Smiles elegantly and walks gracefully to her seat with her teammates; as she does so, the camera zooms in on her posterior, where a sign has been affixed to her sequined gown that reads Open to Offers from Successful Teams? Good Girls Don't Tell
Agent 99, ladies and gentlemen - isn't she amazing? All that and speaks in coherent English! polite applause Yes, yes. First, before we begin, a reminder of the rules of our game. As your host, I will be making a series of predictions regarding the games of Week 12 in the Lion Conference. As a part of those predictions, I will use potentially insulting team nicknames and snarky, sarcastic commentary that is intended for the entertainment of both our audience here in studio and those folks watching at home! applause comes from the audience However, the predictions for each game are real. And now that we have that out of the way, I'd like to introduce our third and final spokeshotty and the newest member of our studio team, from the Flying Snakes™, The Baroness ™!
A collective gasp of shock and awe rises from the assembled masses and an echoing gasp can be heard from outside the studio as the entire population of the earth, who all watch in rapt awe every week to Darth Pinky Sez!, gaze in wonder and awe at the tall, raven-haired woman in the tight-fitting leather dominatrix catsuit, eight-inch stiletto heels and a giant black leather bullwhip strides to her place on stage.
thick dominatrix German accentYou will listen, you worthless pig scum, as I introduce each game for Darth Pinky to make his predictions. You will then applaud. Should you not applaud, I will ensure that this mistake will not happen again. Now, since we are clear on those ground rules, we shall begin.
Gabon Glocks vs. Quiçama Park Rangers - The Jellystoners have come back from an uneven start to the season to make a strong run for the fourth and final home playoff spot. That's a good thing, because except for this stat-padder, the Jellystoners' schedule gets as hard as Mango in the produce section.
Prediction: Nobody's hit TILT yet against the CPUs. Is it time? I don't think so. Prove me wrong.
Pullman Sinsations vs. Durban DesertHawks - The Dessert Carts have defied logic and even their own AI by managing to stay undefeated through 11. That won't change here. But like the previously-mentioned match, it's time to load up the Cart with those sweet and tasty treats for this one, because they're about to become a Dessert Sandwich with the Hotheads and Woodys back-to-back on the horizon. Can they win those gmes? Sure, in theory. And in theory, gearhead could get laid in real life, too.
Prediction: Dessert Carts, and it won't be pretty
Madagascar Serpent Eagles vs. Zambia Zombies - This season just wasn't fair to these two teams.Find me a tougher opening-season schedule than what the Snakes™ went through. Keep looking. Go on, keep looking. No, not at The Baroness™' butt, you degenerates. She's busy until after the show. The Ungrateful Dead went through their own early-season gauntlet, facing seven of the current top eight in a row. Man. I'm glad I'm not either of these teams. Thinking about those schedules is so depressing that if I don't move on, I'm going to go check myself into a locked hospital ward and ask for a Zoloft drip. Hmmm - maybe that's where these teams' forum contributors went...
Prediction: Snakes™ are due
Ghana Ashanti Empire vs. Comoros Lions - Make your own pick here.
Djibouti Booties vs. South African Ratels - At first, this looked like another gauntlet game, but sometime between the whole promotionating and the Leudecke-sloth-videotape scandal, something just went horribly wrong for Da Booty. The Rabids were starting to look more like their old Roadkill selves, losing to the big boys, until they knocked off the Snakes™ last week, saving their season and giving The Marine another week to hope The Pink Force doesn't still own him lock, stock and overheating barrel. My advice: don't get ahead of yourselves, and enjoy the smooth, warm sensation of spanking Da Booty before it's your own turn next game. Million-dollar game-show-host smile
Prediction: Time for the Rabids to put that spank on
Comoros Killer Whales vs. Monrovia Blood Diamonds - It's an All Willies showdown, as Steamin' Willie Beamon takes on the Free Willies. I don't know about you all, but I think Da Booty's Team Avatar just got hungry for a hot dog with some special sauce, and lots of it. The Bloody Mess have to have just messed their shorts after falling just short in their last game. Free Willy's D has been exposed a bit the past couple games against top competition, taking it up the tailpipe against both the Woodys and the Jellystoners. I'd say Free Willy is in danger of going in the tank, but that would be a pun of unfortunate magnitude, and I just won't do that.
Prediction: Bloody Mess end Free Willy's mathematical playoff hopes
Zambezi Silverbacks vs. Tanzania Lumberjacks - Big Monkeys started their gauntlet last week with the Dessert Carts, and left with a bad taste in their mouths. This week the Woodys are coming to try to keep that taste alive. Wow, that's a mental image I'm going to have to remove from my memory with a pick-axe. If I had anything more witty to say, it just disappeared like Fat Danny's hair, or the chance of Kainframe saying something that doesn't make him sound like he's been spanking it in the steam room again.
Prediction: Woodys lay the lumber on the Monkeys
Namibia Wildehond vs. African Fever Having The Baroness™ do the intros on these is a bit intimidating, especially on this game. I mean, did you hear the pure excitement - the passion - in her voice when the word "Wildehond" rolled off her tongue like a Panzer into southern France? Even so, this looks like a continuation of a bad road for the Bad Doggies, who needed a Pooper Scooper after the last game with the Woodys. Hotheads just don't look like they've got a sweat to break until Week 14 and 15, but if I were them, I wouldn't look past these pups, 'cause those are some serious teeth there.
Prediction: Hotheads turn up the heat on the Doggies
Thanks, Mistress Baroness™, for the extremely intimidating work. Isn't she great, ladies and gentlemen?
The Baroness™ cracks the whip, which brings ReFFi and radja mowsalot scrambling behind her like lapdogs as she struts off stage
Well, folks, that's it for another week's worth of predictions. You've been a great audience.
Camera points to Brando Voom in the front row of the audience, holding a sign written in crayon over his head, with the letters "MVP" and an arrow pointing downward toward himself; on camera, the sign is obfuscated by the tech crew and replaced with the words Don't Feed The Monkey. And now, if the pre-arranged security squad would please take Mr. Voom out of the studio before the rest of the contestants tape him to a boom mike and make him their pivot man, I'd like to wish everyone a great week and remember, Play Nice.
Thunderous applause and ear-splitting cheering ensues. Grown men weep. Mature women fan themselves, and young women throw panties. Several of the younger male contestants sneak off to shamefully pleasure themselves, hating to admit to being turned on by his undeniable charm and unequaled manliness.
Thanks, everybody, and welcome back. As always, we start Darth Pinky Sez! with a recap of the game so far, and here to tell you about it, our spokeshotty, The Avatar From Da Booty!
Most assembled bow in reverent homage, while several audience members from the Elephant Conference, including Clubfoot Dingleberry, HeadHunter, recockulous and dook1e take this opportunity: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pXfHLUlZf4
vapidlyAs you remember, our sixteen original contestants were cut down in size to 15 early in the season when the CPUs took control in Gabon. Shortly afterward, the field of potential champions shrunk even further - like Ocho Cinco's dos huevos - when some more teams failed to make the cut, including the Tuggers, the Ungrateful Dead, the Shaved Kitties, the Flying Snakes™ and Da Booty. stops We're didn't make the cut? We're not making the playthroughs? Oh My God, I can't believe that bastard Leudecke lied to me again. I mean, it was one thing when he told me he loved me when we promtionated! And that other time with the eight bottles of scotch and the smelly sloth thing and the videotapinator machine. But Oh My God, he told me we would make the playthroughs if I just kept letting himicrophone goes dead, much like spokeshotty's brain - cut to Darth Pinky at the podium
Well, folks, there she is, our lovely and almost sentient spokeshotty! Isn't she great?
audience breaks into golf clap
Now, it's time to re-introduce our remaining contestants. Here to do the honors is our second spokeshotty and former contestant, from the Tuggers - Agent 99!
Thunderous standing ovation that continues for several minutes; 99 waits elegantly and gracefully for silence
As our spokesbimbo stated - sort of - the field of legitimate competitors has separated like wheat from chaff. Now, as we reach the end of the season's third quarter, we see that the conference has separated into four tiers - those fighting for the top seed, those fighting for a home playoff game, those fighting to ensure a playoff spot, and our previously mentioned tier of teams who are simply waiting for their shot at free agency and their chance to offer me a contract.
Male catcalls and female hisses thunder from the audience.
Now, entering week 12, we seek answers from our host and the star of our show, Darth Pinky, as he makes his fearless and meticulously accurate prognostications for our upcoming slate of games. Hello Vader - back to you! Smiles elegantly and walks gracefully to her seat with her teammates; as she does so, the camera zooms in on her posterior, where a sign has been affixed to her sequined gown that reads Open to Offers from Successful Teams? Good Girls Don't Tell
Agent 99, ladies and gentlemen - isn't she amazing? All that and speaks in coherent English! polite applause Yes, yes. First, before we begin, a reminder of the rules of our game. As your host, I will be making a series of predictions regarding the games of Week 12 in the Lion Conference. As a part of those predictions, I will use potentially insulting team nicknames and snarky, sarcastic commentary that is intended for the entertainment of both our audience here in studio and those folks watching at home! applause comes from the audience However, the predictions for each game are real. And now that we have that out of the way, I'd like to introduce our third and final spokeshotty and the newest member of our studio team, from the Flying Snakes™, The Baroness ™!
A collective gasp of shock and awe rises from the assembled masses and an echoing gasp can be heard from outside the studio as the entire population of the earth, who all watch in rapt awe every week to Darth Pinky Sez!, gaze in wonder and awe at the tall, raven-haired woman in the tight-fitting leather dominatrix catsuit, eight-inch stiletto heels and a giant black leather bullwhip strides to her place on stage.
thick dominatrix German accentYou will listen, you worthless pig scum, as I introduce each game for Darth Pinky to make his predictions. You will then applaud. Should you not applaud, I will ensure that this mistake will not happen again. Now, since we are clear on those ground rules, we shall begin.
Gabon Glocks vs. Quiçama Park Rangers - The Jellystoners have come back from an uneven start to the season to make a strong run for the fourth and final home playoff spot. That's a good thing, because except for this stat-padder, the Jellystoners' schedule gets as hard as Mango in the produce section.
Prediction: Nobody's hit TILT yet against the CPUs. Is it time? I don't think so. Prove me wrong.
Pullman Sinsations vs. Durban DesertHawks - The Dessert Carts have defied logic and even their own AI by managing to stay undefeated through 11. That won't change here. But like the previously-mentioned match, it's time to load up the Cart with those sweet and tasty treats for this one, because they're about to become a Dessert Sandwich with the Hotheads and Woodys back-to-back on the horizon. Can they win those gmes? Sure, in theory. And in theory, gearhead could get laid in real life, too.
Prediction: Dessert Carts, and it won't be pretty
Madagascar Serpent Eagles vs. Zambia Zombies - This season just wasn't fair to these two teams.Find me a tougher opening-season schedule than what the Snakes™ went through. Keep looking. Go on, keep looking. No, not at The Baroness™' butt, you degenerates. She's busy until after the show. The Ungrateful Dead went through their own early-season gauntlet, facing seven of the current top eight in a row. Man. I'm glad I'm not either of these teams. Thinking about those schedules is so depressing that if I don't move on, I'm going to go check myself into a locked hospital ward and ask for a Zoloft drip. Hmmm - maybe that's where these teams' forum contributors went...
Prediction: Snakes™ are due
Ghana Ashanti Empire vs. Comoros Lions - Make your own pick here.
Djibouti Booties vs. South African Ratels - At first, this looked like another gauntlet game, but sometime between the whole promotionating and the Leudecke-sloth-videotape scandal, something just went horribly wrong for Da Booty. The Rabids were starting to look more like their old Roadkill selves, losing to the big boys, until they knocked off the Snakes™ last week, saving their season and giving The Marine another week to hope The Pink Force doesn't still own him lock, stock and overheating barrel. My advice: don't get ahead of yourselves, and enjoy the smooth, warm sensation of spanking Da Booty before it's your own turn next game. Million-dollar game-show-host smile
Prediction: Time for the Rabids to put that spank on
Comoros Killer Whales vs. Monrovia Blood Diamonds - It's an All Willies showdown, as Steamin' Willie Beamon takes on the Free Willies. I don't know about you all, but I think Da Booty's Team Avatar just got hungry for a hot dog with some special sauce, and lots of it. The Bloody Mess have to have just messed their shorts after falling just short in their last game. Free Willy's D has been exposed a bit the past couple games against top competition, taking it up the tailpipe against both the Woodys and the Jellystoners. I'd say Free Willy is in danger of going in the tank, but that would be a pun of unfortunate magnitude, and I just won't do that.
Prediction: Bloody Mess end Free Willy's mathematical playoff hopes
Zambezi Silverbacks vs. Tanzania Lumberjacks - Big Monkeys started their gauntlet last week with the Dessert Carts, and left with a bad taste in their mouths. This week the Woodys are coming to try to keep that taste alive. Wow, that's a mental image I'm going to have to remove from my memory with a pick-axe. If I had anything more witty to say, it just disappeared like Fat Danny's hair, or the chance of Kainframe saying something that doesn't make him sound like he's been spanking it in the steam room again.
Prediction: Woodys lay the lumber on the Monkeys
Namibia Wildehond vs. African Fever Having The Baroness™ do the intros on these is a bit intimidating, especially on this game. I mean, did you hear the pure excitement - the passion - in her voice when the word "Wildehond" rolled off her tongue like a Panzer into southern France? Even so, this looks like a continuation of a bad road for the Bad Doggies, who needed a Pooper Scooper after the last game with the Woodys. Hotheads just don't look like they've got a sweat to break until Week 14 and 15, but if I were them, I wouldn't look past these pups, 'cause those are some serious teeth there.
Prediction: Hotheads turn up the heat on the Doggies
Thanks, Mistress Baroness™, for the extremely intimidating work. Isn't she great, ladies and gentlemen?
The Baroness™ cracks the whip, which brings ReFFi and radja mowsalot scrambling behind her like lapdogs as she struts off stage
Well, folks, that's it for another week's worth of predictions. You've been a great audience.
Camera points to Brando Voom in the front row of the audience, holding a sign written in crayon over his head, with the letters "MVP" and an arrow pointing downward toward himself; on camera, the sign is obfuscated by the tech crew and replaced with the words Don't Feed The Monkey. And now, if the pre-arranged security squad would please take Mr. Voom out of the studio before the rest of the contestants tape him to a boom mike and make him their pivot man, I'd like to wish everyone a great week and remember, Play Nice.
