Morning Tailgate Tales…
By csmith8504
Your morning gossip for the GLB USA #7 Western Conference
It’s Gameday! – Are you playoff bound?
With six games remaining in the regular season it may seem like a little too early to start punching teams a ticket into the playoffs, but the reality of the postseason picture is that after last week’s games we officially have our first batch of teams that have essentially earned a birth into the final eight. The Waco Dividians and Oakland Wizards are guaranteed to finish with winning records on the year. These two teams have managed to sprint out into the empty plains claiming the first pieces of land by notching at least nine wins on their belt, while a few other teams were forced to turn their wagons around and head for home. This past gameday was marked as a “do-or die” day for several teams in the league, but nearly every team staring extinction in the face decided to take it upon themselves personally to paint themselves a bull’s-eye for that fiery piece of Armageddon in the sky, solidifying a losing season for the history books.
So it’s pretty clear by now who the dominators and pretenders of this league are. A team’s record 10 games into the season presents us with a pretty clear indication of what direction they are heading in. So as much as we all wanted to pencil in the Chicago Clams edging out the tiebreaker over the Waco Dividians, (both teams finishing the season at 8-8 apiece) that comeback for the ages fell just short of a certainty. But in all seriousness, there are also a few teams floating around the middle of the potential postseason hopefuls. The same teams who have their owners and players saying a prayer every gameday in hopes that their team can edge them one win closer to a postseason berth. The very teams that continue to make the playoff picture shape-shift week after week, forcing us to wait until the final minute of the final game in order to see who will fill in the final piece of the postseason puzzle.
So here’s hoping that your team is in a position to make the playoffs. A position that lands your athlete or team on a playing field engulfed in the sounds of deafening roars and cheers which echo throughout the sold-out stadium as you fight for the league championship. And to those of you who will undoubtedly spend the postseason sunk deep beneath the cushions of your couch, tears trickling down your face smudging the remaining eye black from that painful final game of the season…you have my deepest sympathies.
It’s Gameday! - Around the Cooler
It seems that everyone is a bit exhausted over the excitement the past few weeks have had to offer, as the forums have been depressingly quiet. Well I simply hope that is not the case, nor can I stand for it if it is. I am sure there are plenty of excuses floating around that are more than valid. I can imagine that dead_poet is off scanning the forums for a few more big men, still looking to fix that sad little “broken” offensive line of his, (if only they could have stepped it up against Ambridge…) while panther17 has most likely been away spending endless hours teaching his wide receiver, yet again, another touchdown celebration dance after celebrating, yet again, another victory (sadly, the passing game withheld any touchdown passes to this talented wideout, denying him the privilege to burst into any kind of dancing frenzy…what a waste). But fear not my fellow GLB companions! Not all is lost! I heard through the forums that d1sregard nearly sold his soul to have somebody, anybody post at least a “bump” as to who would be revealed as number one in scarlettmbb’s rankings this week…even though the rankings had yet to be released. (I know, I was just as surprised as you to find that Waco was number one!...maybe next week?) And who cold forget about Prizzle, who was at least kind enough to keep us posted in his colorful and oh-so humorous, “AROUND THE LEAGUE.” I always seem to learn something new and terribly embarrassing about my team’s actions after reading his articles…
Now, as I have taken a short break (as in, a break that last until the morning sun rises) from my duties as coordinator for the power-house that is the Grand Haven Mist, I thought I would release a little something I like to call (drum roll please…queue the damn spotlight!)…the “POW(7)ER RANKINGS” (See how clever I was there? The whole, “West” and…”A#7”…like, mixed in…I know you see it.) I thought it would be nice to see something a little…different in the forums. Something that might cause a slight stir in the opinion of owners in the forums about where their team might stand. Something…which relies a little less on stats…and a little more on status.
And I’ll close the cooler talk with this last statement – I by no means intend any disrespect towards Scarlett or his rankings, as I greatly appreciate all of his efforts and everything he finds time to posts in the forums… I just thought it would be fun to add a little parody to the league…
Disclaimer: I am the Offensive and Defensive coordinator of the Grand Haven Mist and this is in every way imaginable my best attempt at expressing my ignorant and biased opinion based upon how the teams looked when I glanced momentarily at them…at least the teams that matter anyway…
Tailgate Tales proudly presents:
WEEK 11 “POW(7)ER RANKINGS!”
#1 GREAT PLAINS REAPERS (8-2)
Coming off the slaughter that has become known around the league as “Vs. Ambridge Brigade” the Reapers’ coaching staff decided that showing the least bit of mercy towards the Bridgade would only tarnish the fearsome image boasted by their new team logo. A solid 72 points sets the bar for highest score on the season, and with two solid wins and a blowout after a tough loss against the Oakland Wizards, the Reapers seem primed for a playoff re-match against either the Wizards or Diviadians. The Reapers better not slack off however, as the Beardogs are ready to pounce this week.
Notable Win – 72-0 Vs. Ambridge
Notable Loss – 13-16 Vs. Waco
#2 WACO DIVIDIANS (9-1)
With star quarterback Hugh Laurie leading the way, vicodin, walking cane and all, the Dividians never looked back in a 71-0 onslaught of the RGB Berzerks. Those two extra points missed by Waco kicker Cro-Cop costs the Dividians another shot at the record books, as they will have to take the backseat to the Reapers for most points scored in a single game. Waco proved a few weeks ago that they were human after all by not only losing their first game on the season, but failing to score a touchdown as well. If Waco wants to work it’s way back into the spotlight their going to need a convincing win over the longhorns this week.
Notable Win – 21-3 Vs. Oakland
Notable Loss – 3-12 Vs. Bel Air
#3 BEL AIR BEARDOGS (8-2)
The Beardogs, (8-2) were just three points short of a 10-0 record, losing in consecutive heartbreakers to the Longhorns and Red Raiders. But their recent streak of four straight wins, allowing just 3 total points in those four games combined will have opposing offensive coordinators hoping they don’t draw the Beardogs in the first round of the playoffs. While their offense may not be the scariest thing to hit the field, the defense is playing in a league all its own. If they can take down the Reapers, the Beardogs may challenge the Dividians for the top spot in the rankings.
Notable Win – 12-3 Vs. Waco
Notable Loss – 17-19 Vs. Dallas
#4 OAKLAND WIZARDS (9-1)
An eight point victory over the Cyclones is not what the Wizards’ coaching staff had in mind when the team took the field on Wednesday. With drive after drive stalling out, one has to wonder how long the Wizards can continue to win while allowing opposing teams to stay in the game up until the final minutes. A solid win over Las Vegas will put most critics to rest, but another nail biter will only raise skepticism about the Wizards chances in the playoffs.
Notable Win – 23-13 Vs. Great Plains
Notable Loss – 3-21 Vs. Waco
# 5 SPICEWOOD LONGHORNS (7-3)
The Longhorns have won six of their last seven, and are winners of four straight. Though their opponents haven’t been the pick of the litter, this team is at least finding a way to avoid the costly upsets that could cost them a spot in the playoffs. This team will make the playoffs, but it could be a very, very short trip indeed. We’ll know exactly where Spicewood stands after today’s game against Waco.
Notable Win – 10-9 Vs. Bel Air
Notable Loss – 0-40 Vs. Oakland
#6 DALLAS RED RAIDERS (6-3-1)
With three games left on the season against the Hitmen, Clams, and Mist, the Raiders have a soft schedule on their side, which should be more than enough to solidify a spot in the playoffs. The heart of this team lies with the defense…if the offense can muster up enough strength to put a few more points on the board then this team might have a chance at pulling a first round upset in the playoffs.
Notable Win – 19-17 Vs. Bel Air
Notable Loss – 21-41 Vs. Hartford
#7 LAS VEGAS STUNNERS (7-3)
Las Vegas has looked impressive lately…unfortunately the team’s recent moments of glory have come against some of the weakest teams in the league. This team is a lock for the playoffs, as it will at the very least solidify a spot in weak 16 if it happens to falter late down the road. The Miami Roadfrogs will hand over a playoff berth on a silver platter.
Notable Win – 24-3 Vs. Spicewood
Notable Loss – 3-23 Vs. Great Plains
#8 NEW BRUNSWICK N00BS (5-5)
The N00bs can’t beat anyone with a winning record, except for Scottsdale, which is why they get the nod over them. While Scottsdale is in the same boat as the N00bs position wise, the N00bs get the final nod because of an incredibly easy end to their schedule, with matches against Miami, Portland, Ambridge, and the 2-8 Highlanders from the east. New Brunswick fans will be happy to cheer on their N00bs in the postseason, but they won’t get to cheer for long.
Notable Win – 20-3 Vs. Scottsdale
Notable Loss – 10-15 Vs. Oakland
Close but no cigar…..
#9 SCOTTSDALE SUN DEMONS
#10 MIAMI CYCLONES
#11 PORTLAND HITMEN
#12 HARFORD HELLHOUNDS
#13 GRAND HAVEN MIST
#14 RGB BERZERK
#15 AMBRIDGE BRIDGADE
#16 CHICAGO CLAMS
And as the morning sun draws ever-so nearer, I feel It is time I hit the hay. Due to a recent lack of posting, I decided to put some content on the board…I hope you enjoyed it. If not…well, then I won’t do it again, simple as that…but I hope you did. Good luck to everyone this week. I know Grand Haven is hoping for a win…er-praying for a win….
By csmith8504
Your morning gossip for the GLB USA #7 Western Conference
It’s Gameday! – Are you playoff bound?
With six games remaining in the regular season it may seem like a little too early to start punching teams a ticket into the playoffs, but the reality of the postseason picture is that after last week’s games we officially have our first batch of teams that have essentially earned a birth into the final eight. The Waco Dividians and Oakland Wizards are guaranteed to finish with winning records on the year. These two teams have managed to sprint out into the empty plains claiming the first pieces of land by notching at least nine wins on their belt, while a few other teams were forced to turn their wagons around and head for home. This past gameday was marked as a “do-or die” day for several teams in the league, but nearly every team staring extinction in the face decided to take it upon themselves personally to paint themselves a bull’s-eye for that fiery piece of Armageddon in the sky, solidifying a losing season for the history books.
So it’s pretty clear by now who the dominators and pretenders of this league are. A team’s record 10 games into the season presents us with a pretty clear indication of what direction they are heading in. So as much as we all wanted to pencil in the Chicago Clams edging out the tiebreaker over the Waco Dividians, (both teams finishing the season at 8-8 apiece) that comeback for the ages fell just short of a certainty. But in all seriousness, there are also a few teams floating around the middle of the potential postseason hopefuls. The same teams who have their owners and players saying a prayer every gameday in hopes that their team can edge them one win closer to a postseason berth. The very teams that continue to make the playoff picture shape-shift week after week, forcing us to wait until the final minute of the final game in order to see who will fill in the final piece of the postseason puzzle.
So here’s hoping that your team is in a position to make the playoffs. A position that lands your athlete or team on a playing field engulfed in the sounds of deafening roars and cheers which echo throughout the sold-out stadium as you fight for the league championship. And to those of you who will undoubtedly spend the postseason sunk deep beneath the cushions of your couch, tears trickling down your face smudging the remaining eye black from that painful final game of the season…you have my deepest sympathies.
It’s Gameday! - Around the Cooler
It seems that everyone is a bit exhausted over the excitement the past few weeks have had to offer, as the forums have been depressingly quiet. Well I simply hope that is not the case, nor can I stand for it if it is. I am sure there are plenty of excuses floating around that are more than valid. I can imagine that dead_poet is off scanning the forums for a few more big men, still looking to fix that sad little “broken” offensive line of his, (if only they could have stepped it up against Ambridge…) while panther17 has most likely been away spending endless hours teaching his wide receiver, yet again, another touchdown celebration dance after celebrating, yet again, another victory (sadly, the passing game withheld any touchdown passes to this talented wideout, denying him the privilege to burst into any kind of dancing frenzy…what a waste). But fear not my fellow GLB companions! Not all is lost! I heard through the forums that d1sregard nearly sold his soul to have somebody, anybody post at least a “bump” as to who would be revealed as number one in scarlettmbb’s rankings this week…even though the rankings had yet to be released. (I know, I was just as surprised as you to find that Waco was number one!...maybe next week?) And who cold forget about Prizzle, who was at least kind enough to keep us posted in his colorful and oh-so humorous, “AROUND THE LEAGUE.” I always seem to learn something new and terribly embarrassing about my team’s actions after reading his articles…
Now, as I have taken a short break (as in, a break that last until the morning sun rises) from my duties as coordinator for the power-house that is the Grand Haven Mist, I thought I would release a little something I like to call (drum roll please…queue the damn spotlight!)…the “POW(7)ER RANKINGS” (See how clever I was there? The whole, “West” and…”A#7”…like, mixed in…I know you see it.) I thought it would be nice to see something a little…different in the forums. Something that might cause a slight stir in the opinion of owners in the forums about where their team might stand. Something…which relies a little less on stats…and a little more on status.
And I’ll close the cooler talk with this last statement – I by no means intend any disrespect towards Scarlett or his rankings, as I greatly appreciate all of his efforts and everything he finds time to posts in the forums… I just thought it would be fun to add a little parody to the league…
Disclaimer: I am the Offensive and Defensive coordinator of the Grand Haven Mist and this is in every way imaginable my best attempt at expressing my ignorant and biased opinion based upon how the teams looked when I glanced momentarily at them…at least the teams that matter anyway…
Tailgate Tales proudly presents:
WEEK 11 “POW(7)ER RANKINGS!”
#1 GREAT PLAINS REAPERS (8-2)
Coming off the slaughter that has become known around the league as “Vs. Ambridge Brigade” the Reapers’ coaching staff decided that showing the least bit of mercy towards the Bridgade would only tarnish the fearsome image boasted by their new team logo. A solid 72 points sets the bar for highest score on the season, and with two solid wins and a blowout after a tough loss against the Oakland Wizards, the Reapers seem primed for a playoff re-match against either the Wizards or Diviadians. The Reapers better not slack off however, as the Beardogs are ready to pounce this week.
Notable Win – 72-0 Vs. Ambridge
Notable Loss – 13-16 Vs. Waco
#2 WACO DIVIDIANS (9-1)
With star quarterback Hugh Laurie leading the way, vicodin, walking cane and all, the Dividians never looked back in a 71-0 onslaught of the RGB Berzerks. Those two extra points missed by Waco kicker Cro-Cop costs the Dividians another shot at the record books, as they will have to take the backseat to the Reapers for most points scored in a single game. Waco proved a few weeks ago that they were human after all by not only losing their first game on the season, but failing to score a touchdown as well. If Waco wants to work it’s way back into the spotlight their going to need a convincing win over the longhorns this week.
Notable Win – 21-3 Vs. Oakland
Notable Loss – 3-12 Vs. Bel Air
#3 BEL AIR BEARDOGS (8-2)
The Beardogs, (8-2) were just three points short of a 10-0 record, losing in consecutive heartbreakers to the Longhorns and Red Raiders. But their recent streak of four straight wins, allowing just 3 total points in those four games combined will have opposing offensive coordinators hoping they don’t draw the Beardogs in the first round of the playoffs. While their offense may not be the scariest thing to hit the field, the defense is playing in a league all its own. If they can take down the Reapers, the Beardogs may challenge the Dividians for the top spot in the rankings.
Notable Win – 12-3 Vs. Waco
Notable Loss – 17-19 Vs. Dallas
#4 OAKLAND WIZARDS (9-1)
An eight point victory over the Cyclones is not what the Wizards’ coaching staff had in mind when the team took the field on Wednesday. With drive after drive stalling out, one has to wonder how long the Wizards can continue to win while allowing opposing teams to stay in the game up until the final minutes. A solid win over Las Vegas will put most critics to rest, but another nail biter will only raise skepticism about the Wizards chances in the playoffs.
Notable Win – 23-13 Vs. Great Plains
Notable Loss – 3-21 Vs. Waco
# 5 SPICEWOOD LONGHORNS (7-3)
The Longhorns have won six of their last seven, and are winners of four straight. Though their opponents haven’t been the pick of the litter, this team is at least finding a way to avoid the costly upsets that could cost them a spot in the playoffs. This team will make the playoffs, but it could be a very, very short trip indeed. We’ll know exactly where Spicewood stands after today’s game against Waco.
Notable Win – 10-9 Vs. Bel Air
Notable Loss – 0-40 Vs. Oakland
#6 DALLAS RED RAIDERS (6-3-1)
With three games left on the season against the Hitmen, Clams, and Mist, the Raiders have a soft schedule on their side, which should be more than enough to solidify a spot in the playoffs. The heart of this team lies with the defense…if the offense can muster up enough strength to put a few more points on the board then this team might have a chance at pulling a first round upset in the playoffs.
Notable Win – 19-17 Vs. Bel Air
Notable Loss – 21-41 Vs. Hartford
#7 LAS VEGAS STUNNERS (7-3)
Las Vegas has looked impressive lately…unfortunately the team’s recent moments of glory have come against some of the weakest teams in the league. This team is a lock for the playoffs, as it will at the very least solidify a spot in weak 16 if it happens to falter late down the road. The Miami Roadfrogs will hand over a playoff berth on a silver platter.
Notable Win – 24-3 Vs. Spicewood
Notable Loss – 3-23 Vs. Great Plains
#8 NEW BRUNSWICK N00BS (5-5)
The N00bs can’t beat anyone with a winning record, except for Scottsdale, which is why they get the nod over them. While Scottsdale is in the same boat as the N00bs position wise, the N00bs get the final nod because of an incredibly easy end to their schedule, with matches against Miami, Portland, Ambridge, and the 2-8 Highlanders from the east. New Brunswick fans will be happy to cheer on their N00bs in the postseason, but they won’t get to cheer for long.
Notable Win – 20-3 Vs. Scottsdale
Notable Loss – 10-15 Vs. Oakland
Close but no cigar…..
#9 SCOTTSDALE SUN DEMONS
#10 MIAMI CYCLONES
#11 PORTLAND HITMEN
#12 HARFORD HELLHOUNDS
#13 GRAND HAVEN MIST
#14 RGB BERZERK
#15 AMBRIDGE BRIDGADE
#16 CHICAGO CLAMS
And as the morning sun draws ever-so nearer, I feel It is time I hit the hay. Due to a recent lack of posting, I decided to put some content on the board…I hope you enjoyed it. If not…well, then I won’t do it again, simple as that…but I hope you did. Good luck to everyone this week. I know Grand Haven is hoping for a win…er-praying for a win….
Last edited May 16, 2008 21:38:23
By the way, I turned in the endzone dancing for victory dancing. Its not the same but, I'm just not scoring on the field. 
Winning's much better anyways. It's actually all a trick. I'm a blocking WR. 
