Hey, kids, do you know what time it is? That's right, it's time for Darth Pinky's Weekly Predictions!
It's still early in the season, but we've already got some interesting games on the docket for teams that want to make a splash - or at least an appearance - in the playoffs. The Glocks have opened a spot this season by flat out quitting, but that leaves fifteen teams who are playoff caliber in other scenarios battling for the eight magic spots. So, passel of horny young chronic monkey-spankers that you are, this conference will shake out like this group chasing hot women: some of you will never get up the nerve to ask, some of you will maybe get a sniff but never really have a shot, some of you will convince yourselves you could make it happen right up to the inevitable end, but only one will be able to close the deal.
So, close the porn in your other browser window, get comfy and read on. As usual, the sarcasm is for your entertainment only but the predictions are real. Onward.
Tanzania Lumberjacks vs. Comoros Lions - The Wood Choppers are off on the right foot so far, with no-doubt victories in their first two. The Big Hair Kitties looked great against Elephant teams but got spanked by the Dessert Carts. Or was it a booty-kicking? Anyway, the Kitties aren't getting any scheduling breaks so far, with the two longest-tenured teams - both quality squads - back-to-back to open up conference play.
Prediction: Choppers toss the Big Hair Kitties into the chipper
Durban DesertHawks vs. South African Ratels - Game of the Week. Two expected conference contenders lock up. Dessert Carts want to prove they're on the map to stay; Rabids want to prove their bite is as tough as their reputation. The outcome could set the expectations for both clubs for the rest of the season - have the Rabids made the leap they didn't quite land last season? Have the Dessert Carts finally found their way to Lion prominence? These questions and more will be answered today on this Bat Channel - Don't Touch That Dial!
Prediction: Rabids take a big bite out of their Dessert
Gabon Glocks CPU vs. Djibouti Booties - Da Booty started out putting a real spanking on Free Willy in their last one before hanging on and squeezing out a close win. That won't be the case this week - they'll look phat, spreading it around in a real padder. They've been kinda hit-or-miss so far, but there won't be any hitting today. Sorry, Glocks, wish you were still around, you had a chance of tapping that Booty. Too bad for you.
Prediction: Da Booty tries to tilt the scoreboard
Comoros Killer Whales vs. Ghana Ashanti Empire - make your own prediction here.
Zambezi Silverbacks vs. Zambia Zombies - Zamb-this, Zamb-that. Between the Comoros Twins and these two, who can tell who's playing who in this conference? Both teams are 1-1, both teams took it on the chin a little in their last game, although the Walking Dead Men took it a little harder and maybe not so much on the chin. The Big Monkeys had a bit better showing against the Rabids but still looked overmatched. This one might tell us whether one of these teams is a playoff contender.
Prediction: Big Monkeys take the Zam of the Week title
African Fever vs. Monrovia Blood Diamonds - The Hotheads have made the jump without missing a beat, and even passed their AA litmus test last game vs. the Jellystone Rangers. Thanks for that one, by the way, sickies. Bloody Mess lost whatever Pad-ding they had from their opening win vs. Elephant by coming up almost empty against the Choppers. This one will be a rough way to earn redemption for the Blood Spatters, but a great way to cement the rep for the Hotheads.
Prediction: Hotheads burn up the Bloody Mess
Quiçama Park Rangers vs. Pullman Sinsations - Rangers have to be hurting after coming up short in game between last two A5 champions. Tuggers' tough stretch has carried over from last season, Lion's stacked and it might not get a ton more fun for them this season. Jellystoners need to turn it up to keep from going through another season like last, where they're pushing for a playoff spot. This game has all the makings of a "turn it up" game.
Prediction: Jellystoners keep the Tuggers pushing that goose egg
Namibia Wildehond vs. Madagascar Serpent Eagles - Flying Snakes™ off to another flying start. This season's early schedule gets a bit tougher this season with the Bad Doggies, though. Both are quality teams who focus on doing what they do well - Sly Rax™ is a sick power broker, and the Doggies have lots of bite on defense. Both teams looking to make a step up from last season - Doggies into the playoffs, Fliers into a home spot. Gotta love early games where you get to see how the pecking order starts to shake out.
Prediction: Almost too close to call, but I'll call Flying Snakes™ 'cause I have to pick somebody.
There it is, you gaggle of egotistical, masturbating, garbage-talking children. Discuss to your hearts' content - and make dang sure you play nice. Any more posting of addresses or other such Internet® Tough Guy™ BS and I'm done. The e-peen crap is getting old. Figure out how to talk trash without making an ass of yourselves, please.
It's still early in the season, but we've already got some interesting games on the docket for teams that want to make a splash - or at least an appearance - in the playoffs. The Glocks have opened a spot this season by flat out quitting, but that leaves fifteen teams who are playoff caliber in other scenarios battling for the eight magic spots. So, passel of horny young chronic monkey-spankers that you are, this conference will shake out like this group chasing hot women: some of you will never get up the nerve to ask, some of you will maybe get a sniff but never really have a shot, some of you will convince yourselves you could make it happen right up to the inevitable end, but only one will be able to close the deal.
So, close the porn in your other browser window, get comfy and read on. As usual, the sarcasm is for your entertainment only but the predictions are real. Onward.
Tanzania Lumberjacks vs. Comoros Lions - The Wood Choppers are off on the right foot so far, with no-doubt victories in their first two. The Big Hair Kitties looked great against Elephant teams but got spanked by the Dessert Carts. Or was it a booty-kicking? Anyway, the Kitties aren't getting any scheduling breaks so far, with the two longest-tenured teams - both quality squads - back-to-back to open up conference play.
Prediction: Choppers toss the Big Hair Kitties into the chipper
Durban DesertHawks vs. South African Ratels - Game of the Week. Two expected conference contenders lock up. Dessert Carts want to prove they're on the map to stay; Rabids want to prove their bite is as tough as their reputation. The outcome could set the expectations for both clubs for the rest of the season - have the Rabids made the leap they didn't quite land last season? Have the Dessert Carts finally found their way to Lion prominence? These questions and more will be answered today on this Bat Channel - Don't Touch That Dial!
Prediction: Rabids take a big bite out of their Dessert
Gabon Glocks CPU vs. Djibouti Booties - Da Booty started out putting a real spanking on Free Willy in their last one before hanging on and squeezing out a close win. That won't be the case this week - they'll look phat, spreading it around in a real padder. They've been kinda hit-or-miss so far, but there won't be any hitting today. Sorry, Glocks, wish you were still around, you had a chance of tapping that Booty. Too bad for you.
Prediction: Da Booty tries to tilt the scoreboard
Comoros Killer Whales vs. Ghana Ashanti Empire - make your own prediction here.
Zambezi Silverbacks vs. Zambia Zombies - Zamb-this, Zamb-that. Between the Comoros Twins and these two, who can tell who's playing who in this conference? Both teams are 1-1, both teams took it on the chin a little in their last game, although the Walking Dead Men took it a little harder and maybe not so much on the chin. The Big Monkeys had a bit better showing against the Rabids but still looked overmatched. This one might tell us whether one of these teams is a playoff contender.
Prediction: Big Monkeys take the Zam of the Week title
African Fever vs. Monrovia Blood Diamonds - The Hotheads have made the jump without missing a beat, and even passed their AA litmus test last game vs. the Jellystone Rangers. Thanks for that one, by the way, sickies. Bloody Mess lost whatever Pad-ding they had from their opening win vs. Elephant by coming up almost empty against the Choppers. This one will be a rough way to earn redemption for the Blood Spatters, but a great way to cement the rep for the Hotheads.
Prediction: Hotheads burn up the Bloody Mess
Quiçama Park Rangers vs. Pullman Sinsations - Rangers have to be hurting after coming up short in game between last two A5 champions. Tuggers' tough stretch has carried over from last season, Lion's stacked and it might not get a ton more fun for them this season. Jellystoners need to turn it up to keep from going through another season like last, where they're pushing for a playoff spot. This game has all the makings of a "turn it up" game.
Prediction: Jellystoners keep the Tuggers pushing that goose egg
Namibia Wildehond vs. Madagascar Serpent Eagles - Flying Snakes™ off to another flying start. This season's early schedule gets a bit tougher this season with the Bad Doggies, though. Both are quality teams who focus on doing what they do well - Sly Rax™ is a sick power broker, and the Doggies have lots of bite on defense. Both teams looking to make a step up from last season - Doggies into the playoffs, Fliers into a home spot. Gotta love early games where you get to see how the pecking order starts to shake out.
Prediction: Almost too close to call, but I'll call Flying Snakes™ 'cause I have to pick somebody.
There it is, you gaggle of egotistical, masturbating, garbage-talking children. Discuss to your hearts' content - and make dang sure you play nice. Any more posting of addresses or other such Internet® Tough Guy™ BS and I'm done. The e-peen crap is getting old. Figure out how to talk trash without making an ass of yourselves, please.
