Warrior General Games

Kiev: The Kiev Cossacks thrilled the home crowd at The Steppes with a dominating 146-0 victory over the Crimea Sea Dragons. The Cossacks faced a rebuilding Sea Dragon lineup, which was far out-classed in almost every position.

Kiev Defensive Coordinator Bryn displayed his ability to execute a shutout with perfection. The new DC simply stated, "Boy, am I happy!"

Defensively, Kiev has displayed a fierce front line, capable of stopping the run completely and destroying the passing game. DE Jaden Isaiah, who was stormed by reporters following last week's brush with the law, was quietly bemused.

"No, I will not comment on last week. You want to know about the game, ask about the game. Otherwise, I don't have much to say."

Isaiah looked more like a lion trying to choose the first gazelle than a player at a press conference.

"Did we get tired at the end? What kind of question is that? Repeatedly knocking over two or three linemen, even one's as fat and dumb as you, takes some effort. Tearing into a QB, even one as slow and dim-witted as you, takes a little out of you. Eventually, you get tired from the pounding. Ask your mom. She knows. Next question?"

Kiev Owner and Coach Bighoppa was less than enthusiastic about today's shutout victory.

"We faced, no offense to Crimea, a very weak team." Bighoppa elaborated on his focus for the team, "The next two games will be against stronger opponents, Imzir and Birmhingham. Unfortunately, we have a mixed-bag of opposition this season. Nearly half of our games are against weak opponents, such as Crimea. As a team, we must celebrate our victories without losing focus on the larger task as hand: a Championship."

Kicker Shaun Sheep, who last left the field at The Steppes to the sound of booing, was cheered for his second perfect game.

"I'm always glad to put in a great game. It's even sweeter to do it for the home crowd." When asked about his thoughts on today's game, Sheep stated, "I've been working on every aspect of my play. It's very exciting when things go your way." Sheep stopped short of calling the game a perfect game.

"I made all of my extra-points and field goals, but it wasn't a perfect game. I screwed up and made two tackles on kickoffs. I'm supposed to be the last line of defense. Those were mistakes." Sheep cut the interview short for his after-game lap ritual with Special Teams Coach, Farmer Fran.

The Cossacks displayed their offensive weapons again in the shut-out victory. HB Bruiser McDozer rushed for 176 yards, had 75.5 yards receiving and scored 6 touchdowns. Bruiser had nothing but praise for his fellow offensive backs.

"We have some great weapons, which really puts the pressure on our opponent's gameplan. They can't just focus on me. They have to focus on Break, Junior and Coderro as well. I won't tell you what nightmares they get just from watching our receiving core. This team has everything."

Catcha Break, the veteran FB, was just as gracious. "I'm a full back. My job is to plow the road and, occasionally, carry a ball or catch a pass for some hard, short yardage. For whatever reason, Coach has been using me more frequently. That's great. I just want to win."
When asked about professional jealousy, Break simply stated, "If I wanted to be the main attraction, I'd lose 30 pounds and take 2 seconds off my 40. That's not going to happen."

Punter Steve O'Neal was again left with lots of time on his hands during today's game.

"Well, it's nice to get a break. But I'm using the time on the sidelines to my advantage. It gives me a chance to motivate my teammates, to really get them fired-up between series. I also get to do other stuff."

When asked to elaborate, O'Neal said, "I knitted a nice tea-cozy for our new DC, Bryn. I practiced my Dutch: Kan ik een rook en een pannekoek krijgen? I balanced my checkbook, did tax returns for the offensive line and I whittled this wooden chain from the bench. It's all time well spent. I'm working on an opera, too. It's about the life of our defensive end, Jaden Isaiah. I'm calling it, 'What do you mean I can't put it there?' I'm sure I'll have plenty of time to finish it this season."

Thats great stuff

I should do something like this

Kiev has another thing coming if they advance to the 2nd round of the EEA tourney!

Kiev: Cossacks Redefine Iron Curtain

The Kiev Cossacks have resurrected the Soviet Iron Curtain on two fronts: offense and defense.

Offensively, the Iron Curtain have allowed only three hurries. QB Young Gunslinger has yet to be sacked, a league leading performance by the offensive line. The Cossacks front line has performed like the stone wall of a gulag, keeping out all manner of attacks.

QB Young Gunslinger said, "The guys give you time. That's all I need, a few seconds to find that open receiver. Sometimes, they give me too much time. Makes the decisions hard, especially when everyone is open."

Offensive Guard Holyucud Drivatrukthru said, "Sometimes YG comes back to the huddle and you can tell. He's got frickin' mustard on his chin and breadcrumbs on his jersey. You can tell. He's been eating a frickin' sandwich in the pocket. Again!"

The O-Iron Curtain doesn't just keep defenders at bay. They level them. In just 438 offensive plays, the Cossacks have racked up 585 pancakes, a conference leading performance. While not all of those pancakes come from strictly offensive plays, the cumulative effect cannot be overestimated.

On the other side of the ball, the defensive line has also taken on the role of Iron Curtain. The Cossacks frontmen have allowed a measley -66 yards rushing or -13 yards per game. The D-Iron Curtain also keeps the pressure on the passing game, with 56 hurries (second in conference) and 40 sacks (lead conference, second in league). The Grand Commisars of Tank Coleman and Jaden Isaiah keep even the most fearless quarterback constantly looking over their shoulders. The result of the constant pressure and an outstanding backfield is a defense that has allowed only 557 passing yards (111.4 per game). The D-Iron Curtain has contributed much to the success of the defense, resulting in only 2 touchdowns allowed in five games.

Oppressive regimes never last long in the real world. The Cossacks may be doomed to a similar fate, but only after a championship, not before.

I love the KSNN!(Kiev Sports News Network)

I know for a fact Jaden Isaiah tunes in every day to listen to his buddy spaz chat it up and listen to some of his crazy interviews!
Looks like he tones them down a little bit on public broadcasting(this forum) but he has some real good juicy ones that we get to see live!(Our forums)

If you like his work, let him know. So he will keep writing the stuff, and give everyone a little entertainment on the forum.

As Playoffs Approach, Focus Still on Final Game

The Kiev Cossacks (14-0) will coast into the final week of the season against their toughest opponent yet, the Caspian Sea Dragons (14-0). The Dragons, who have been swapping first place with Kiev all season, are a seasoned team with multiple weapons. Considering the diminished level of competition this season, every team is looking for a game to challenge them. Kiev and Caspian have found their game.

The two teams haven't missed the obvious lack of competition in the league. Caspian GM Missinlife advised Kiev Owner Bighoppa, "You'll have some real competition in a couple of days. Just be patient."

Bighoppa, a giant of a man with freakishly small feet, reminded Caspian of some payback that is due. "Yeah, that game is going to be brutal. Been looking forward to it all season. Not sure how we get you bastards for the last game two seasons in a row. We'll be looking to even up the series as well. Currently 2-3 with Caspian taking the last three seasons straight." Bighoppa has used the Caspian game as a motivational tool all season.

Kicker Shaun Sheep stated, "Bighoppa has been pounding it into us all season. And not in a gay way at all. He's been keeping us focused on the important games, reminding us that 15-0 doesn't mean anything if we can't beat Caspian."

DE Jaden Isaiah, sack leader and playboy extraordinaire, took time away from his date with Megan Fox to comment on the game. "We're ready. I've been working with (DC) Bryn for the last month. We've got a plan in place and are prepared to bring them a level of competition that the league hasn't seen all season. Win, lose or draw, this is going to be one hell of a game."

The Cossacks go into week 15 with the best defense in the league. While defense will win you Championships, you still have to put points on the board. Kiev is ready to do just that.

Cossack QB Young Gunslinger is confident Kiev will deliver. "We've got the tools to do the job. You have no idea how cool it is to stand behind the Iron Curtain and wait for someone to get open. The guys in the line are always joking in the huddle, "Hey YG, what did you put on that sandwhich you were eating in the pocket? Was that toasted? I thought you had cut out whitebread," he laughed. "The guys give me so much time in the pocket. (TE) Bwana has started calling me 'Lint'."

Some of the players were looking a little further beyond week 16. Kiev CB/PR Johnny Nadds said, "No matter who wins game 16, we still are going to face them in the Conference Championship game. We've both beaten every team in the league. They haven't shown us anything that makes us believe that trend will change. The question is this: In the Conference Championship game, who's going to come out on top?"

When asked who would win, Nadds joked, "My money's on Odessa."

Kiev faces Odessa in week 15. Rome has the possibility of an upset against Caspian in week 15. "We'll be cheering for Rome like we've never cheered before," Kiev Owner Bighoppa joked. "We want to finish the season with a perfect record. But that's not the final goal. Ask New England about perfect seasons. They'll tell you they never had one."