Freddie Mitchell, who has been oddly quiet ever since UN moved up to AAA, took the time to speak with our reporter following UN's loss to BBE:
Reporter: "Why haven't you been talking to us?"
Freddie: "Well, there was a clause in my contract extension that said I must keep my mouth shut around the media. Kinda confusing since I bring publicity to the Peacekeepers. And any publicity is good publicity."
(Adjusts fedora)
"Damn chriscuster guy doesn't know what he's doing as the GM. Gotta leave it to the owner man, he's a pro."
Reporter: "So is your contract now void?"
Freddie: "Let's hope not. Any team that lets the Sultan of Slot walk away doesn't deserve to employ him."
Reporter: "So how do you feel about the team's recent performance?"
Freddie: "Five words. GIVE ME THE DAMN BALL."
Reporter: "You're on pace to smash all your season records, and the offense has scored consistently..."
Freddie: "If the Peacekeepers don't involve me in the offense more, they won't win. What they're doing now is like driving a Ford Escort when you got a Porsche in the garage. AND I AM THAT FUCKING PORSCHE."
Reporter: "Do you really lack confidence in your teammates to that extent?"
Freddie: "I love my team, but you know what they say: There's no 'I' in team, but there is a 'me.' If the Sultan don't make plays, the team don't win games. Simple as that."
Reporter: "Botswana’s CB, I.C. Booty has made some comments in the media about your lackluster performance today… only two catches, and two drops as well. What do you have to say about that?”
Freddie: “Man, you know I’m saving up these hands for the playoffs. God didn’t give me these hands to make five yard catches on third and 8 in the second quarter of a regular season game. The Sultan makes plays WHEN THEY MATTER. Call me the Sultan of Showtime because I get it done in the clutch. I’m not about padding stats. I’d let you run with that thought for a while, ME-3, but you’d probably drop it, too.”
(admires new hairdo in mirror)
“All I gotta say to BBE is, you guys got a hell of a team, but you know the UN doesn’t bring force to meaningless battles. Y’all beat us 37-0 last year and we lost by two in the playoffs. Go ahead and count me out but it’s not a wise move. We’ll see you in the playoffs; just don’t fumble away your opportunity before you meet us… that one was for you ME-3”
Reporter: “One final question, any truth to the rumor that your teammate Adam Pacman Jones has been banned from your entire chain of ‘Freddie’s Foxxxes’ strip clubs?”
Freddie: “Nah, that’s not true. Ain’t no Roger Goodell to watch over my man Pac out in Africa! Dude would be horrified at some of the shit going on in there after a Peacekeepers win. If only we could get Koy’s Mormon ass out with us; he don’t drink but he’s got about 20 wives. That’s pimpin’ and it’s cool with me.”
(Puts on silk robe)
“ME-3, despite our harsh words through the media and rivalry on the field, you’re welcome at any of our locations at anytime. You and I.C. Booty can take one of the back rooms and do whatever it is that you do… just spray some Febreze in there when it’s all said and done…” (Freddie’s mic is cut)
Reporter: “OK back to you guys in the studio”
Reporter: "Why haven't you been talking to us?"
Freddie: "Well, there was a clause in my contract extension that said I must keep my mouth shut around the media. Kinda confusing since I bring publicity to the Peacekeepers. And any publicity is good publicity."
(Adjusts fedora)
"Damn chriscuster guy doesn't know what he's doing as the GM. Gotta leave it to the owner man, he's a pro."
Reporter: "So is your contract now void?"
Freddie: "Let's hope not. Any team that lets the Sultan of Slot walk away doesn't deserve to employ him."
Reporter: "So how do you feel about the team's recent performance?"
Freddie: "Five words. GIVE ME THE DAMN BALL."
Reporter: "You're on pace to smash all your season records, and the offense has scored consistently..."
Freddie: "If the Peacekeepers don't involve me in the offense more, they won't win. What they're doing now is like driving a Ford Escort when you got a Porsche in the garage. AND I AM THAT FUCKING PORSCHE."
Reporter: "Do you really lack confidence in your teammates to that extent?"
Freddie: "I love my team, but you know what they say: There's no 'I' in team, but there is a 'me.' If the Sultan don't make plays, the team don't win games. Simple as that."
Reporter: "Botswana’s CB, I.C. Booty has made some comments in the media about your lackluster performance today… only two catches, and two drops as well. What do you have to say about that?”
Freddie: “Man, you know I’m saving up these hands for the playoffs. God didn’t give me these hands to make five yard catches on third and 8 in the second quarter of a regular season game. The Sultan makes plays WHEN THEY MATTER. Call me the Sultan of Showtime because I get it done in the clutch. I’m not about padding stats. I’d let you run with that thought for a while, ME-3, but you’d probably drop it, too.”
(admires new hairdo in mirror)
“All I gotta say to BBE is, you guys got a hell of a team, but you know the UN doesn’t bring force to meaningless battles. Y’all beat us 37-0 last year and we lost by two in the playoffs. Go ahead and count me out but it’s not a wise move. We’ll see you in the playoffs; just don’t fumble away your opportunity before you meet us… that one was for you ME-3”
Reporter: “One final question, any truth to the rumor that your teammate Adam Pacman Jones has been banned from your entire chain of ‘Freddie’s Foxxxes’ strip clubs?”
Freddie: “Nah, that’s not true. Ain’t no Roger Goodell to watch over my man Pac out in Africa! Dude would be horrified at some of the shit going on in there after a Peacekeepers win. If only we could get Koy’s Mormon ass out with us; he don’t drink but he’s got about 20 wives. That’s pimpin’ and it’s cool with me.”
(Puts on silk robe)
“ME-3, despite our harsh words through the media and rivalry on the field, you’re welcome at any of our locations at anytime. You and I.C. Booty can take one of the back rooms and do whatever it is that you do… just spray some Febreze in there when it’s all said and done…” (Freddie’s mic is cut)
Reporter: “OK back to you guys in the studio”
Last edited Dec 5, 2008 03:07:38
(By the way I'm not throwing our QB under the bus. I own our QB, too 
