November 27, 2008
Dateline: Stuttgart – Blitzkrieg Stadium, Attendance 55,520
On a blustery day in Stuttgart, the Blitzkrieg systematically dismantled the Georgia General in a 51-34 victory that really was not even that close. With a cold arctic wind gusting throughout the contest, the Blitzkrieg leaned more heavily on their seldom used rushing attack. While Georgia limited Stuttgart to less than a 40% completion rate through the air, the Blitzkrieg ground attack seemed to take the Generals off-guard, as they yielded 265 yards rushing on the day. Surprisingly, the Generals had more success through the air, completing 53% of the their passes, but were held to a paltry 3.1 average per carry rushing the ball on 40 attempts.
While the Stuttgart offense was steady, but unspectacular, it was the Blitzkrieg defense that sealed the Generals’ fate in this contest. Theodor Schwann led the way with 4 sacks, but plenty of others contributed. Jabba Jones, who is surprisingly agile for a, ahem, ‘man’ of his girth, was effective throughout the affair. “This was a big, ugly man’s game, so I fit right in,” said Jabba, who is both. “Those boys were tasty. I eat linemen for breakfast and today I got to the quarterback for dessert,” continued Jabba, who did have a sack on the day. While we are not aware of the cuisine Jabba actually consumes, it does seem to yield a chronic and severe case of halitosis. The offensive linemen were limited in their blocking effectiveness in part due to using one hand to cover their mouths to avoid whiffs of the stench. His background is unknown, as Jabba lists his hometown is listed as Ord Mantell and previous football experience as captain of the Desilijic clan. On or off the field, one is better off not crossing Jabba’s path.
The offensive scoring by Stuttgart was left solely to Sammy Stanton, the über-quick back who found paydirt five times while rushing for 138 yards. Stanton, who still holds Pennsylvania high-school track records in the 100m, 110m hurdles, 200m, 400m, 440m hurdles, 800m, 1600m, and 10K, explains where he got his quicks. “I still remember the day I found out I was fast. We were on the playground and our teacher would give us an M&M each time we ran around the building in 2 minutes. Most kids got 2 or 3. I got 14. I love chocolate. Whenever I think about it, I feel this rush of energy. In fact, I’m gonna get me some now,” said Stanton, who left in such a flash that a vacuum was created in his wake, sucking the pen and paper from this reporter’s hand. Run, Sammy, run.
As the sole remaining undefeated team in Europe East AA, Stuttgart seems positioned for a second consecutive title run. While the regular season is little more than half over, the Blitzkrieg already see a showdown with the second place Warsaw Wrath looming on the horizon as the primary obstacle remaining in their quest for regular season perfection.
Game Balls:
Defense:
Theodor Schwann: 7 Tackles, 4 Sacks, 1 Hurry, 2 TFL
Paul Muad’dib: 2 Tackles, 4 PDs
Rip Crocker: 5 Tackles, 1 Sack
Jabba Jones: 3 Tackles, 1 Sack, 2 Hurries
Special Teams:
Swift Kick: 3/3 FGs, including a 63 yarder!!! and 6/6 XP, and 10/10 Touchbacks kicking off no return yards. What a weapon…
Morning Jolt: 180 return yards with a 74 yard punt return TD
Offense:
Sammy Stanton: 23 rushes for 138 yards and 5 TDs
Camillo Golgi: 20 rushes for 123 yards
Mofo twins – Bigass and Lardass – 7 combined pancakes
Dateline: Stuttgart – Blitzkrieg Stadium, Attendance 55,520
On a blustery day in Stuttgart, the Blitzkrieg systematically dismantled the Georgia General in a 51-34 victory that really was not even that close. With a cold arctic wind gusting throughout the contest, the Blitzkrieg leaned more heavily on their seldom used rushing attack. While Georgia limited Stuttgart to less than a 40% completion rate through the air, the Blitzkrieg ground attack seemed to take the Generals off-guard, as they yielded 265 yards rushing on the day. Surprisingly, the Generals had more success through the air, completing 53% of the their passes, but were held to a paltry 3.1 average per carry rushing the ball on 40 attempts.
While the Stuttgart offense was steady, but unspectacular, it was the Blitzkrieg defense that sealed the Generals’ fate in this contest. Theodor Schwann led the way with 4 sacks, but plenty of others contributed. Jabba Jones, who is surprisingly agile for a, ahem, ‘man’ of his girth, was effective throughout the affair. “This was a big, ugly man’s game, so I fit right in,” said Jabba, who is both. “Those boys were tasty. I eat linemen for breakfast and today I got to the quarterback for dessert,” continued Jabba, who did have a sack on the day. While we are not aware of the cuisine Jabba actually consumes, it does seem to yield a chronic and severe case of halitosis. The offensive linemen were limited in their blocking effectiveness in part due to using one hand to cover their mouths to avoid whiffs of the stench. His background is unknown, as Jabba lists his hometown is listed as Ord Mantell and previous football experience as captain of the Desilijic clan. On or off the field, one is better off not crossing Jabba’s path.
The offensive scoring by Stuttgart was left solely to Sammy Stanton, the über-quick back who found paydirt five times while rushing for 138 yards. Stanton, who still holds Pennsylvania high-school track records in the 100m, 110m hurdles, 200m, 400m, 440m hurdles, 800m, 1600m, and 10K, explains where he got his quicks. “I still remember the day I found out I was fast. We were on the playground and our teacher would give us an M&M each time we ran around the building in 2 minutes. Most kids got 2 or 3. I got 14. I love chocolate. Whenever I think about it, I feel this rush of energy. In fact, I’m gonna get me some now,” said Stanton, who left in such a flash that a vacuum was created in his wake, sucking the pen and paper from this reporter’s hand. Run, Sammy, run.
As the sole remaining undefeated team in Europe East AA, Stuttgart seems positioned for a second consecutive title run. While the regular season is little more than half over, the Blitzkrieg already see a showdown with the second place Warsaw Wrath looming on the horizon as the primary obstacle remaining in their quest for regular season perfection.
Game Balls:
Defense:
Theodor Schwann: 7 Tackles, 4 Sacks, 1 Hurry, 2 TFL
Paul Muad’dib: 2 Tackles, 4 PDs
Rip Crocker: 5 Tackles, 1 Sack
Jabba Jones: 3 Tackles, 1 Sack, 2 Hurries
Special Teams:
Swift Kick: 3/3 FGs, including a 63 yarder!!! and 6/6 XP, and 10/10 Touchbacks kicking off no return yards. What a weapon…
Morning Jolt: 180 return yards with a 74 yard punt return TD
Offense:
Sammy Stanton: 23 rushes for 138 yards and 5 TDs
Camillo Golgi: 20 rushes for 123 yards
Mofo twins – Bigass and Lardass – 7 combined pancakes
Last edited Nov 27, 2008 13:38:22
