I'm not sure how many snide remarks I can make when I know nothing about all the teams, but I'll do my best to keep it entertaining 
The Power Four
1. Istanbul Turks
Jesus christ, thanks for the greeting from AA. USA Pro called, they want their level 38's back! I havent checked the scouting reports in any detail, but they certainly look like the team to beat based on level.
2. Frankfurt Funky Monkeys
I hate you classy bastards. They're going to own this league up and down and not even brag about it once. They come into this season having never lost a regular season game. It's too early to call for a 3rd straight perfect season, but it's very possible.
3. Buffalo Range Roamers
Another ridiculously high level team. Do you people grow these players on trees? I cant even recruit a level 23 FB, and yet you've filled an entire starting lineup over level 30. A slight edge in chemistry could vault them over Istanbul and Frankfurt, but like always, it's too early to tell.
4. Morgantown Biscuits
Football is won and lost in trenches, and you've got the artillery to match up with anyone. Unfortunately, GLB is nothing like real football, so you'll probably fail really badly. Props on the big stadium though, I'm sure you had to be somewhat good to put that bitch together.
The Muddled Middle
5. Talinn Tigers
Looks like an LSU fan runs this team, so I automatically hate you and hope you lose every game. Realistically, you'll probably kick the shit out of me until I cry like a pre-teen girl. Yeah I've got my Kleenex ready, bring it on.
6. St. Petersburg Rasputins
Another foe from EEA4. Congrats guys, I finally ranked you ahead of my own team. Not that it really means anything now that you're ranked 6th, but still, nice job. I'll probably drop you back down beneath me next week for the sake of normalcy.
7. Saratov Scoregasm
EEA4's rushing leaders are back at it again. You think you can stop us? You probably can. But I will not go quietly into that good night. In fact, it will likely be the exact opposite. I'll use a lot of caps and curse words when I complain about the bullshit sim, and it will more than likely be around noon.
8. Vilnius Iron Wolves
You said I was going to underestimate you, so I did. Next time you'll think twice about what you say when talking to someone who takes things extremely literally.
On the Bubble
9. Black Russian Terriers
You're not very good, and I base that assessment completely off of your logo. Is that a man-sized dog, or a dog-sized man? At least re-size it so it's not all stretched out...
10. Czechoslovakia Mates
LOL I GET IT! Like CHECKMATE. It's a chess term. That's funny. You're funny. Speaking of funny, your NT's build is open. LMAO. You'll probably make him close it now, so here you go EEAA2.
Strength: 54.6 Blocking: 15.2
Speed: 47.2 Tackling: 47.39
Agility: 42.39 Throwing: 9
Jumping: 27.09 Catching: 7
Stamina: 41.97 Carrying: 9
Vision: 29.23 Kicking: 8
Confidence: 32.01 Punting: 10
11. Romanian Razorbacks
I cant think of anything insulting to say to you at the moment, so I'll use this time to talk about how awesome I am. I am so great. My players are the fucking bomb tits. I should open all their builds just so you clowns can gasp at my pimpitude.
12. Tilean Wolves
I like how this started off with me actually analyzing teams, but quickly degraded into nothing but insults, gloating, and dirty words. Oh well, too late to turn back now. You suck. I rule. Boobies.
The Rest
In no particular order because you're either gutted, CPU owned, or just plain terrible.
Tinkerbell Got Balls
Chernobyl Glowsticks
East Side Chargers
College Station Chewpacabras
Anyone else I may have forgotten because my counting skills are subpar
The Power Four
1. Istanbul Turks
Jesus christ, thanks for the greeting from AA. USA Pro called, they want their level 38's back! I havent checked the scouting reports in any detail, but they certainly look like the team to beat based on level.
2. Frankfurt Funky Monkeys
I hate you classy bastards. They're going to own this league up and down and not even brag about it once. They come into this season having never lost a regular season game. It's too early to call for a 3rd straight perfect season, but it's very possible.
3. Buffalo Range Roamers
Another ridiculously high level team. Do you people grow these players on trees? I cant even recruit a level 23 FB, and yet you've filled an entire starting lineup over level 30. A slight edge in chemistry could vault them over Istanbul and Frankfurt, but like always, it's too early to tell.
4. Morgantown Biscuits
Football is won and lost in trenches, and you've got the artillery to match up with anyone. Unfortunately, GLB is nothing like real football, so you'll probably fail really badly. Props on the big stadium though, I'm sure you had to be somewhat good to put that bitch together.
The Muddled Middle
5. Talinn Tigers
Looks like an LSU fan runs this team, so I automatically hate you and hope you lose every game. Realistically, you'll probably kick the shit out of me until I cry like a pre-teen girl. Yeah I've got my Kleenex ready, bring it on.
6. St. Petersburg Rasputins
Another foe from EEA4. Congrats guys, I finally ranked you ahead of my own team. Not that it really means anything now that you're ranked 6th, but still, nice job. I'll probably drop you back down beneath me next week for the sake of normalcy.
7. Saratov Scoregasm
EEA4's rushing leaders are back at it again. You think you can stop us? You probably can. But I will not go quietly into that good night. In fact, it will likely be the exact opposite. I'll use a lot of caps and curse words when I complain about the bullshit sim, and it will more than likely be around noon.
8. Vilnius Iron Wolves
You said I was going to underestimate you, so I did. Next time you'll think twice about what you say when talking to someone who takes things extremely literally.
On the Bubble
9. Black Russian Terriers
You're not very good, and I base that assessment completely off of your logo. Is that a man-sized dog, or a dog-sized man? At least re-size it so it's not all stretched out...
10. Czechoslovakia Mates
LOL I GET IT! Like CHECKMATE. It's a chess term. That's funny. You're funny. Speaking of funny, your NT's build is open. LMAO. You'll probably make him close it now, so here you go EEAA2.
Strength: 54.6 Blocking: 15.2
Speed: 47.2 Tackling: 47.39
Agility: 42.39 Throwing: 9
Jumping: 27.09 Catching: 7
Stamina: 41.97 Carrying: 9
Vision: 29.23 Kicking: 8
Confidence: 32.01 Punting: 10
11. Romanian Razorbacks
I cant think of anything insulting to say to you at the moment, so I'll use this time to talk about how awesome I am. I am so great. My players are the fucking bomb tits. I should open all their builds just so you clowns can gasp at my pimpitude.
12. Tilean Wolves
I like how this started off with me actually analyzing teams, but quickly degraded into nothing but insults, gloating, and dirty words. Oh well, too late to turn back now. You suck. I rule. Boobies.
The Rest
In no particular order because you're either gutted, CPU owned, or just plain terrible.
Tinkerbell Got Balls
Chernobyl Glowsticks
East Side Chargers
College Station Chewpacabras
Anyone else I may have forgotten because my counting skills are subpar
