by Franklin Dixon of Goal Line Blitz News. We're not fair and balanced; we're hard and painful.
Realignment sent two teams up to AAA along with Fiji (Alice Springs and Tasmania). Two playoff teams exited in an ignominious fashion, with departed owners and gutted rosters. That leaves only three playoff teams: disappointed Newcastle, underproductive Devonport and upstart Perth.
Of course, with the exit of teams comes the entrance of new teams. We see 6 teams from A ball promoted to the big boys, and 1 team demoted from AAA that for some reason is still in AA. What does the new season and new teams bring to Zeta? Some old teams, some new blood, some borrowed catchphrases from chick shows and a black-and-blue conference when it's all said and done.
The Bowie Knife Gut Jobs
16) Brisbane Troyfins: Completely gutted as a good owner had to deal with the real world, this team is full of CPUs and probably should get realigned back into A. I don't know who themike is, but good luck to him. Unless he finds some miracles in the recruiting, this team is going 0-16.
15) DHARMA Initiative: Zeta used to call this team a "good experiment." Playoff teams would try new strategies against DHARMA knowing they would put up some sort of fight. Now they just have 4 human players and are in recruitment purgatory. I wonder how hard it is to recruit from AA when you're in that kind of hole. I'd imagine it's pretty hard.
14) Alaska Wild: Our lone gut job from leagues above us, they represent a team that was owned in a higher league but never really played like it. They have tried to fill out their roster, and one would expect they could beat a 90%-CPU team, but that's all they'll have until their recruiting gets better.
13) Saipan Stingrays: Formerly the Rockhampton Raiders, they also lost a ton of key players. They have some talent, and I was always high on the Dinglewack Wanglebert Danglewick something or others, but they have also fallen from grace. Their random 33-level players are decently built but won't allow them to get into the playoffs.
The Gall Stones
12) Intergalactic Sub-Mariners: A new team with a lot of work ahead of them, their roster page looks like a shortened form of a good team roster's page. Their receiving core is going to have a tough time catching in this league. They have "depth" in the defense, which means they have players to play backups and 2-position third-stringers, but the levels are too low, especially in the secondary. Builds > levels, BUT it's hard to make up 20 skill points against teams that are as smart as you.
11) Wellington Assassins: This team has a great passing attack, but their tackles are terrible so they may give up a ton of sacks, hurried throws and interceptions. Interspersed in the roster is multiple Zeta-worthy players, but they are plagued by not having enough players. They are my candidate to pull off a schedule much like Woolloomooloo last year and go 8-8 with a crazy passing attack for 6000 yards. Of course, as Ryann showed last year, you can walk and talk like Timmy Chang but you generally aren't going to win big games with Timmy Chang.
10) Hamilton Falcons: This roster looks gutted to me, probably because some players have left but not all. They caught Newcastle and Fiji off-guard last year, and they like bringing smack when they win. Spunky and pugnacious, with starters that can play with the best, they should do well right? Wrong. The secondary is exposed and the have only two legitimiate LBs. Are the DEs supposed to scare Zeta? Maybe. But with the lack of coverage, I doubt it. I expect them to go blitz-happy to cover up their secondary mistakes; good teams will dispatch them and they will miss out on the playoffs yet again.
9) Newcastle Dream: Their levels must have one of the lowest standard deviations in GLB. You can tell this team was planned early. However, they are still a couple of levels below the elite, and the elite know how to build so that levels matter. Focus on the running attack of the Dream and they may wake up to a low playoff seed and first round exit.
The Road Teams
8) Apia Evil: The whipping boy of this conference, they finally recruited talent. Maybe not having some of the big boys in the conference and losing the capped win shine from last year led them to do some dirty work. They can cover a bit, and their offense will hang. That front 7 is a glaring target for this league; expect risky defensive calls on their part from those 7, and expect offenses in Zeta to take advantage with good TE and RB play.
7) Sydney Sea Wasps: Like Apia and the Dream, Sydney has players leveled a bit low, but they know they have 4 WR for which one will be open. Can they get it to the open man? They better, because that defense is good enough to carry them to some key wins. They have so many bodies to throw at offensive lines that one wonders if the OL will be tired by the end.
6) Olden Swillers: This team has 12 offensive linemen, 7 of which are somewhat properly leveled. Of course to neutralize this they have only 1 real wide receiver, maybe 2. They are like the Chargers on offense: great players everywhere except at flank skill positions. I don't trust their QB either. Their secondary also is a weak point that can be exploited. I don't think one would even have to go more than 3-wide to take advantage of the cover men. That offense is going to get them some points on the ground, and their front 7 will take some points away. It's a good formula for a middle seed. One would expect more from a champion contender, however.
5) DECATUR STALEYS: Why did they make me type a team name in caps? I feel all dirty inside. This is the best team to come up from A ball. I love their offensive and defensive lines. They have the necessary players at all positions to make a run. So why am I ranking them lower? Well, there are 5 teams with those necessary players, and someone's got to be 5th, right Peter King? Oh shut up, Peter King, you're so dumb you think the Giants made a statement win by beating Brad Johnson and Brooks Bollinger.
The Contenders
4) Redcliffe Sharks: I almost put DECATUR (please change this to lower-case so I don't have to do it all the time) up here, but I think in a game between these two, Forrest Run will win it. Anderson proved he can measure up a Kyle Orton-esque performance, and their D is still deep enough to keep it important. This all hinges on how teams try to stop Forrest. Is he overhyped now? Is he going to aim for 2000 yards? That's why they're a middle seed now: no one knows the answers.
3) Devonport Devils: Hey they get a high seed! We just needed to get rid of Alice Springs and Tasmania to get it working. They could be ranked as low as 7, because their team is a) somewhat inactive, and b) thin in certain spots, namely WR. However, they have the levels and players. Was it the gameplan last year? Was it builds that min-maxed incorrectly? Was it just that they were getting beat by real teams and those real teams are gone? I think it's the latter, which is why they are now third.
2) Perth Pirates: They were the shock jocks of last year, with a stifling defense that exited Newcastle and almost took care of Tasmania. That defense is still there and needs to be controlled. How do you control it? First, get offensive line depth. Second, put your line on balanced focus. Third, run it up the gut for awhile to get them tired because their defense doesn't sport enough players to prevent being winded. Fourth, hope that you've got them reeling and can finally attack with your regular offense. Don't worry about their offense; just make sure to do the necessary responsibilities and they won't score 28 points. The question is, can you?
1) Newcastle Mountain Lions: The 14-2 team that couldn't in round 1, they lost their main TE and got back an old one. They lost their WR1 and their RB1 and are looking to get those back. So why are they still ranked 1? Well, their offensive line and defensive line are still the two best in the conference, and everything starts at the lines. Plus the trio of linebackers can contain anything in sight. Can they replenish their roster in time to hold on to the 1 seed? Only time will tell.
Realignment sent two teams up to AAA along with Fiji (Alice Springs and Tasmania). Two playoff teams exited in an ignominious fashion, with departed owners and gutted rosters. That leaves only three playoff teams: disappointed Newcastle, underproductive Devonport and upstart Perth.
Of course, with the exit of teams comes the entrance of new teams. We see 6 teams from A ball promoted to the big boys, and 1 team demoted from AAA that for some reason is still in AA. What does the new season and new teams bring to Zeta? Some old teams, some new blood, some borrowed catchphrases from chick shows and a black-and-blue conference when it's all said and done.
The Bowie Knife Gut Jobs
16) Brisbane Troyfins: Completely gutted as a good owner had to deal with the real world, this team is full of CPUs and probably should get realigned back into A. I don't know who themike is, but good luck to him. Unless he finds some miracles in the recruiting, this team is going 0-16.
15) DHARMA Initiative: Zeta used to call this team a "good experiment." Playoff teams would try new strategies against DHARMA knowing they would put up some sort of fight. Now they just have 4 human players and are in recruitment purgatory. I wonder how hard it is to recruit from AA when you're in that kind of hole. I'd imagine it's pretty hard.
14) Alaska Wild: Our lone gut job from leagues above us, they represent a team that was owned in a higher league but never really played like it. They have tried to fill out their roster, and one would expect they could beat a 90%-CPU team, but that's all they'll have until their recruiting gets better.
13) Saipan Stingrays: Formerly the Rockhampton Raiders, they also lost a ton of key players. They have some talent, and I was always high on the Dinglewack Wanglebert Danglewick something or others, but they have also fallen from grace. Their random 33-level players are decently built but won't allow them to get into the playoffs.
The Gall Stones
12) Intergalactic Sub-Mariners: A new team with a lot of work ahead of them, their roster page looks like a shortened form of a good team roster's page. Their receiving core is going to have a tough time catching in this league. They have "depth" in the defense, which means they have players to play backups and 2-position third-stringers, but the levels are too low, especially in the secondary. Builds > levels, BUT it's hard to make up 20 skill points against teams that are as smart as you.
11) Wellington Assassins: This team has a great passing attack, but their tackles are terrible so they may give up a ton of sacks, hurried throws and interceptions. Interspersed in the roster is multiple Zeta-worthy players, but they are plagued by not having enough players. They are my candidate to pull off a schedule much like Woolloomooloo last year and go 8-8 with a crazy passing attack for 6000 yards. Of course, as Ryann showed last year, you can walk and talk like Timmy Chang but you generally aren't going to win big games with Timmy Chang.
10) Hamilton Falcons: This roster looks gutted to me, probably because some players have left but not all. They caught Newcastle and Fiji off-guard last year, and they like bringing smack when they win. Spunky and pugnacious, with starters that can play with the best, they should do well right? Wrong. The secondary is exposed and the have only two legitimiate LBs. Are the DEs supposed to scare Zeta? Maybe. But with the lack of coverage, I doubt it. I expect them to go blitz-happy to cover up their secondary mistakes; good teams will dispatch them and they will miss out on the playoffs yet again.
9) Newcastle Dream: Their levels must have one of the lowest standard deviations in GLB. You can tell this team was planned early. However, they are still a couple of levels below the elite, and the elite know how to build so that levels matter. Focus on the running attack of the Dream and they may wake up to a low playoff seed and first round exit.
The Road Teams
8) Apia Evil: The whipping boy of this conference, they finally recruited talent. Maybe not having some of the big boys in the conference and losing the capped win shine from last year led them to do some dirty work. They can cover a bit, and their offense will hang. That front 7 is a glaring target for this league; expect risky defensive calls on their part from those 7, and expect offenses in Zeta to take advantage with good TE and RB play.
7) Sydney Sea Wasps: Like Apia and the Dream, Sydney has players leveled a bit low, but they know they have 4 WR for which one will be open. Can they get it to the open man? They better, because that defense is good enough to carry them to some key wins. They have so many bodies to throw at offensive lines that one wonders if the OL will be tired by the end.
6) Olden Swillers: This team has 12 offensive linemen, 7 of which are somewhat properly leveled. Of course to neutralize this they have only 1 real wide receiver, maybe 2. They are like the Chargers on offense: great players everywhere except at flank skill positions. I don't trust their QB either. Their secondary also is a weak point that can be exploited. I don't think one would even have to go more than 3-wide to take advantage of the cover men. That offense is going to get them some points on the ground, and their front 7 will take some points away. It's a good formula for a middle seed. One would expect more from a champion contender, however.
5) DECATUR STALEYS: Why did they make me type a team name in caps? I feel all dirty inside. This is the best team to come up from A ball. I love their offensive and defensive lines. They have the necessary players at all positions to make a run. So why am I ranking them lower? Well, there are 5 teams with those necessary players, and someone's got to be 5th, right Peter King? Oh shut up, Peter King, you're so dumb you think the Giants made a statement win by beating Brad Johnson and Brooks Bollinger.
The Contenders
4) Redcliffe Sharks: I almost put DECATUR (please change this to lower-case so I don't have to do it all the time) up here, but I think in a game between these two, Forrest Run will win it. Anderson proved he can measure up a Kyle Orton-esque performance, and their D is still deep enough to keep it important. This all hinges on how teams try to stop Forrest. Is he overhyped now? Is he going to aim for 2000 yards? That's why they're a middle seed now: no one knows the answers.
3) Devonport Devils: Hey they get a high seed! We just needed to get rid of Alice Springs and Tasmania to get it working. They could be ranked as low as 7, because their team is a) somewhat inactive, and b) thin in certain spots, namely WR. However, they have the levels and players. Was it the gameplan last year? Was it builds that min-maxed incorrectly? Was it just that they were getting beat by real teams and those real teams are gone? I think it's the latter, which is why they are now third.
2) Perth Pirates: They were the shock jocks of last year, with a stifling defense that exited Newcastle and almost took care of Tasmania. That defense is still there and needs to be controlled. How do you control it? First, get offensive line depth. Second, put your line on balanced focus. Third, run it up the gut for awhile to get them tired because their defense doesn't sport enough players to prevent being winded. Fourth, hope that you've got them reeling and can finally attack with your regular offense. Don't worry about their offense; just make sure to do the necessary responsibilities and they won't score 28 points. The question is, can you?
1) Newcastle Mountain Lions: The 14-2 team that couldn't in round 1, they lost their main TE and got back an old one. They lost their WR1 and their RB1 and are looking to get those back. So why are they still ranked 1? Well, their offensive line and defensive line are still the two best in the conference, and everything starts at the lines. Plus the trio of linebackers can contain anything in sight. Can they replenish their roster in time to hold on to the 1 seed? Only time will tell.
