by AJ Styles, correspondent for Goal Line Blitz News
We enter Game 6 with a pecking order in place. Alice Springs' 4th quarter in Newcastle set them apart as the top team in the conference. Fiji yawned through a few challenges and still haven't proven themselves; Newcastle can only hang their hat on a close victory in Tasmania.
The middle of the pack is a fun mix of the old in Brisbane, and Forrest Run (I refuse to call that team anything but his team) and the new in Wolloomooloo. The bottom has us in angst over wasting games on them, but hey that's the biz until the realignment.
As for game 6, we can break the games down into 4 categories. Some games are so bad you're willing to touch yourself instead of watch. Some games you'd watch unless a certain girl was there to "help you out."
Left Hand Games, sponsored by Vaseline. When you need some ease, go Vaseline.
(13)Dharma @ (3)Newcastle
This game is so bad, we're trying random strategies to see what happens. Ari Walsh went for 300 last game; who knows what's going to happen in this one.
(5)Devonport @ (16)Buen Retiro
Devonport is perenially in the chase and perenially falters to better teams. One could argue that realignment will help them the most because arguably 4 teams are going to have to move up, which leaves Devonport as the class of OAA4Z in season 6. As for this game though, well my bet is they're going to try to stat pad to get some trophies for their players. Players love shiny things.
(14)Budapest @ (7)Brisbane
This team lost steam when po kicked them out. When will this team get its steam back? They are technically not gutted so they'll stay in the lower half and continue to get pummeled by better teams.
Ashlee Simpson Games, sponsored by Ace Karaoke http://www.acekaraoke.com/all-in-one-systems.html . Prove Ashlee Simpson sucks.
(10)Woolloomooloo @ (11)Hamilton
The up and coming team will make noise. They understood how to recruit. They understood how to be mature. They also should understand that Hamilton is 3 points away from 3-2, with two losses to top4 teams in this conference. Brisbane torched the Wombats; Hamilton won't be so violent, but expect a score similar to WW's loss at Perth in Game 2.
(12)Wollongong @ (15)Apia
po and his gal pal johnbarber get some soft gyro meat in Apia. One must ask: is Apia looking to move back into A ball? Or are they trying and failing to stay in AA? Either way, the Shaved Cooches get a win and move to 2-3. Yay! 2-4! Too bad they'll probably and lose the next 4.
Leighton Meester Games, sponsored by Ashley Madison. Shhhhhh. Ashley Madison.
(1)Alice Springs @ (9)Rockhampton
This isn't a test for Alice Springs right? Everyone will say that Rockhampton is talented and well-organized. That's just to prevent bulletin-board material. If Rockhampton is to win this game, they are going to have to go balls to the wall. Use a max strategy of going 100% one way or the other. Roll every single dice you have Rockhampton, and maybe, maybe you'll pull off that playoff-entering win that you've been searching.
(8)Perth @ (6)Forrest Run
This game is not going to decide who gets in the playoffs. This game is not going to decide who gets home field advantage. This game will actually decide who gets to face a top2 team and who gets to face the 3 seed of ASRW, Fiji and NML. Since none of those opponents will yield to them in the playoffs, the real question is: who wants to face NML and get the bigger payout from a bigger stadium?
Blake Lively Game, brought by Adam and Eve. Look, you can't get her. Why not get one of our movies and whack off to her?
(2)Fiji @ (4)Tasmania
Finally, Fiji gets a test. Yes we know they faced Devonport. This writer also knows Devonport is the lock for the 5 seed. They are just good enough to compete. They are just bad enough to lose to the good teams. Tasmania has shown they can make a game ridiculous. Newcastle needed Vince to lead a 7:08 drive to win it. Fiji should have just as much problems. Not more, not less. Just as much. This is Fiji's game to lose, but any slip up and Tasmania will dethrone them. However, this is exactly the kind of game that Fiji wins. Regular season, early, tough opponent, doesn't quite matter yet. This is Fiji's. It's ok Tasmania, when you get to later in the season you'll beat them. It's the FFF way.
In conclusion, nothing will shake out. At best, Tasmania moves Fiji to the 4 seed and Perth and Forrest Run figure out who's going to face the 3 and who's going to face the 1 or 2. This is a day where strategies will be tested, where teams will only figure out numbers that work better for themselves. I suggest teams in the Left Hand games try random stuff just to see. If there's anything we know about Goal Line Blitz, it's that random stuff has a weird way of working.
We enter Game 6 with a pecking order in place. Alice Springs' 4th quarter in Newcastle set them apart as the top team in the conference. Fiji yawned through a few challenges and still haven't proven themselves; Newcastle can only hang their hat on a close victory in Tasmania.
The middle of the pack is a fun mix of the old in Brisbane, and Forrest Run (I refuse to call that team anything but his team) and the new in Wolloomooloo. The bottom has us in angst over wasting games on them, but hey that's the biz until the realignment.
As for game 6, we can break the games down into 4 categories. Some games are so bad you're willing to touch yourself instead of watch. Some games you'd watch unless a certain girl was there to "help you out."
Left Hand Games, sponsored by Vaseline. When you need some ease, go Vaseline.
(13)Dharma @ (3)Newcastle
This game is so bad, we're trying random strategies to see what happens. Ari Walsh went for 300 last game; who knows what's going to happen in this one.
(5)Devonport @ (16)Buen Retiro
Devonport is perenially in the chase and perenially falters to better teams. One could argue that realignment will help them the most because arguably 4 teams are going to have to move up, which leaves Devonport as the class of OAA4Z in season 6. As for this game though, well my bet is they're going to try to stat pad to get some trophies for their players. Players love shiny things.
(14)Budapest @ (7)Brisbane
This team lost steam when po kicked them out. When will this team get its steam back? They are technically not gutted so they'll stay in the lower half and continue to get pummeled by better teams.
Ashlee Simpson Games, sponsored by Ace Karaoke http://www.acekaraoke.com/all-in-one-systems.html . Prove Ashlee Simpson sucks.
(10)Woolloomooloo @ (11)Hamilton
The up and coming team will make noise. They understood how to recruit. They understood how to be mature. They also should understand that Hamilton is 3 points away from 3-2, with two losses to top4 teams in this conference. Brisbane torched the Wombats; Hamilton won't be so violent, but expect a score similar to WW's loss at Perth in Game 2.
(12)Wollongong @ (15)Apia
po and his gal pal johnbarber get some soft gyro meat in Apia. One must ask: is Apia looking to move back into A ball? Or are they trying and failing to stay in AA? Either way, the Shaved Cooches get a win and move to 2-3. Yay! 2-4! Too bad they'll probably and lose the next 4.
Leighton Meester Games, sponsored by Ashley Madison. Shhhhhh. Ashley Madison.
(1)Alice Springs @ (9)Rockhampton
This isn't a test for Alice Springs right? Everyone will say that Rockhampton is talented and well-organized. That's just to prevent bulletin-board material. If Rockhampton is to win this game, they are going to have to go balls to the wall. Use a max strategy of going 100% one way or the other. Roll every single dice you have Rockhampton, and maybe, maybe you'll pull off that playoff-entering win that you've been searching.
(8)Perth @ (6)Forrest Run
This game is not going to decide who gets in the playoffs. This game is not going to decide who gets home field advantage. This game will actually decide who gets to face a top2 team and who gets to face the 3 seed of ASRW, Fiji and NML. Since none of those opponents will yield to them in the playoffs, the real question is: who wants to face NML and get the bigger payout from a bigger stadium?
Blake Lively Game, brought by Adam and Eve. Look, you can't get her. Why not get one of our movies and whack off to her?
(2)Fiji @ (4)Tasmania
Finally, Fiji gets a test. Yes we know they faced Devonport. This writer also knows Devonport is the lock for the 5 seed. They are just good enough to compete. They are just bad enough to lose to the good teams. Tasmania has shown they can make a game ridiculous. Newcastle needed Vince to lead a 7:08 drive to win it. Fiji should have just as much problems. Not more, not less. Just as much. This is Fiji's game to lose, but any slip up and Tasmania will dethrone them. However, this is exactly the kind of game that Fiji wins. Regular season, early, tough opponent, doesn't quite matter yet. This is Fiji's. It's ok Tasmania, when you get to later in the season you'll beat them. It's the FFF way.
In conclusion, nothing will shake out. At best, Tasmania moves Fiji to the 4 seed and Perth and Forrest Run figure out who's going to face the 3 and who's going to face the 1 or 2. This is a day where strategies will be tested, where teams will only figure out numbers that work better for themselves. I suggest teams in the Left Hand games try random stuff just to see. If there's anything we know about Goal Line Blitz, it's that random stuff has a weird way of working.
