Warrior General Games

VALLEY OF THE KINGS (AP) -- Times of Anubis writer Harry Privates was grabbed by irate football fans late Wednesday night as the team bus arrived back from Cairo following the team's sixth loss in seven games.

Rumors circulated that fans were upset with the writer, blaming his rambling stories for the team's poor showing so far this season.

Privates was missing as of print time and is presumed to have been sacrificed to the gods.

The Hounds lost the game 28-0, the second time the team has been shut out this season.

Anubis (1-6) plays its next game Friday against the Babylon Bombshells (3-4), which beat Tangiers 16-3 on Wednesday for its second straight win.

BABYLON CITY (AP) - Rumor has it that Bombshells plan to beat The Hounds in order to prove Harry Privates has nothing to do with The Hounds' recent failure, and save him from the ongoing sacrifice. "We hate to see people being sacrificed to get a win," team owner of Babylon Bombshells said, "it didn't work for us until a couple games after the sacrifice, anyway." Words around the ziggurats and Tower of Babel construction site are that Privates' reports are, or were, depending on his status, the most interesting reading all over the African Continent.
-- The Babylonians

BREAKING NEWS (AP)

The Associated Press has received a video that shows Times of Anubis writer Harry Privates being surrounded by masked men. One of the masked men has a flowing white beard that jutted from the bottom of his mask. Another of the men is brandishing a machete.

In the video, Privates is seated on his knees facing the camera with his arms behind his back. He then addresses the camera with a short message:

"Dearest gentlefolk of the Anubis nation,

"I have been taken prisoner by a band of masked men who want me to relay to you that they will kill me as a sacrificial offering unless one of the following two conditions is met:

"No. 1, Anubis must win its game Friday against Babylon; or No. 2, I must provide proof that I am not a virgin.

"I will be rooting for Anubis to win and keeping my fingers crossed."

As soon as Privates is done speaking, the 12-second video ends abruptly. The video was originally posted on YouTubeAfrica, but was taken down for fear that it might inspire copycat kidnappings by other irate Anubis fans.

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