MASERU, LESOTHO (AP) - After months of research, it turns out that the only interesting fact about Lesotho is that it is the only independent state in the world that lies entirely above 1,400 metres in elevation. Therefore it was fitting that the Mountain Lions emerged victorious today, but not before some major crisis were overcome.
"We didn't have a clue where Lesotho was, to be honest" admitted Lions owner ryanshaw. "We spent ages looking at the map and we phoned the travel agent but nobody had ever heard of it. So we just drove around aimlessly until we encountered a mysterious old women living in a cave who was rumoured to be a witch of great power. It was she who told us that Lesotho was third on the left, just past the McDonalds." League sources told us that they are investigating claims that the hometown Rollers deliberately misspelt the name of their home as 'Lethoso' so that other teams would be unable to find the ground and they would win by default. However, a Rollers PR spokesman claimed that it was simply a case of their owner being an idiot.
Having found the stadium the Lions found that the locals had been up all night casting spells on the gameballs, including soaking them in a combination of Lions' blood and pig's fat, making them impossible to hold for any carnivores. 'I remember my agent telling me "DO NOT FUMBLE THE KICKOFF" said the Lion's half-orc returner, Groggo Fasta. "But I got a bit confused. It happens a lot since I have a brain the size of a pea." Fasta, previously the captain of the All-Mauritius Rape and Pillage relay squad, threw the enchanted pigskin on the ground and within seconds the hometown Rollers led 7-0.
It got worse for the Lions with three more fumbles, two by star QB and part-time deity Isis. "I firmly believe that the only reason we could not hang onto the ball was due to the paranormal influence that they imparted on the gameballs" Isis told reporters after the game, before fumbling the microphone.
However, things improved for the Lions after Russian spy Ben Pevarski, who gets weekends off to play TE for the Lions, got onto the field. "Some of my local contacts decided to take the family of their strong safety on a compulsory holiday, courtesy of the glorious Motherland" said Pevarski. "After that, it was not difficult."
The Lions roared home on the back of a stellar second half defensive performance. "The key to playing in Africa is to understand local conditions" claimed Lions LB Tars Tarkus. "In the first half we played conventional defence, but at half time we made some adjustments. Since we are within South Africa, instead of tackling their halfback I decided to blow his head off with a 12 bore shotgun. The referees only gave me a five yard penalty. After that, they never looked like scoring."
Lion's GM Downhill PV was philosophical after the game. "Of course I am philosophical - I am Greek" he told reporters.
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Please do not take any of this personally - it is just meant to be for fun!
"We didn't have a clue where Lesotho was, to be honest" admitted Lions owner ryanshaw. "We spent ages looking at the map and we phoned the travel agent but nobody had ever heard of it. So we just drove around aimlessly until we encountered a mysterious old women living in a cave who was rumoured to be a witch of great power. It was she who told us that Lesotho was third on the left, just past the McDonalds." League sources told us that they are investigating claims that the hometown Rollers deliberately misspelt the name of their home as 'Lethoso' so that other teams would be unable to find the ground and they would win by default. However, a Rollers PR spokesman claimed that it was simply a case of their owner being an idiot.
Having found the stadium the Lions found that the locals had been up all night casting spells on the gameballs, including soaking them in a combination of Lions' blood and pig's fat, making them impossible to hold for any carnivores. 'I remember my agent telling me "DO NOT FUMBLE THE KICKOFF" said the Lion's half-orc returner, Groggo Fasta. "But I got a bit confused. It happens a lot since I have a brain the size of a pea." Fasta, previously the captain of the All-Mauritius Rape and Pillage relay squad, threw the enchanted pigskin on the ground and within seconds the hometown Rollers led 7-0.
It got worse for the Lions with three more fumbles, two by star QB and part-time deity Isis. "I firmly believe that the only reason we could not hang onto the ball was due to the paranormal influence that they imparted on the gameballs" Isis told reporters after the game, before fumbling the microphone.
However, things improved for the Lions after Russian spy Ben Pevarski, who gets weekends off to play TE for the Lions, got onto the field. "Some of my local contacts decided to take the family of their strong safety on a compulsory holiday, courtesy of the glorious Motherland" said Pevarski. "After that, it was not difficult."
The Lions roared home on the back of a stellar second half defensive performance. "The key to playing in Africa is to understand local conditions" claimed Lions LB Tars Tarkus. "In the first half we played conventional defence, but at half time we made some adjustments. Since we are within South Africa, instead of tackling their halfback I decided to blow his head off with a 12 bore shotgun. The referees only gave me a five yard penalty. After that, they never looked like scoring."
Lion's GM Downhill PV was philosophical after the game. "Of course I am philosophical - I am Greek" he told reporters.
________
Please do not take any of this personally - it is just meant to be for fun!
