Ever since the UN's merger with the Tusken Raiders, star WR Freddie Mitchell has not said a word to the media. With the Peacekeepers playing their first preseason game today, that all changed. Freddie granted an exclusive interview to ESPN Africa reporter Chris Bortensen after the game.
Bortensen: So Freddie, rough start for the UN today. How can you improve upon your performance today?
Freddie: Me, improve on my performance? You know the Sultan doesn't go all out in games that don't count. *motions to his PR guy to jot that down cuz it rhymes* Now I gotta get used to a new QB throwing me the ball, which is cool, because that Mormon freak we had for seven seasons wasn't good for anything besides homoerotic touchdown celebrations with the O-linemen. But believe me, when the season starts, I'll be hogging the highlight reels like ME-3 hogs man meat.
Bortensen: Which, um, brings me to my next question. D3 decided to play this season in Western Europe when he could have played for the Peacekeepers. And he's stated that he'll be back with the UN next season. Your thoughts?
Freddie: Haha, well, I actually payed ME-3 a visit in Western Europe - he was delighted to see me, but I just wanted some Scandinavian bitches. Well worth it, by the way, you should come with me next time. Anyways, we all know he bitched out of playing here because it's so cold and lonely in my shadow. Dude was straight up trembling when he was getting stared down by Jumbo Fisher in practice.
Bortensen: You think he'll do well out there?
Freddie: I don't know, in their games, do fumbles count for points?
Bortensen: *sigh* Moving on... obviously the UN's merger with the Tusken Raiders was a huge event, and a highly publicized one at that. What do you think about it?
Freddie: Besides our team now being 50% owned by a dumbass? I think it's great! We have a lot of new talent on the team; we may struggle getting everything together this year, but I've already called up the trophy engravers and next season's APL trophy has "Freddie Mitchell" engraved on it. Not to mention, the marketing opportunities are endless now that we have the Tusken Raiders brand name... I already have two new FredXXX porn flicks on their way! "Freddie Searches for the Pirates' Booty" is in stores now, and we're just finishing up filming "Freddie's Adventures Into the Black Hole..."
Bortensen: Jesus Freddie this is a family network!
Freddie: Yeah, my kid watches this all the time! Says he wants some pitbulls. I can't figure out why...
*Debbie Diamond Diggler, D3's wife, pokes her head into the room, wearing just a towel*
Mrs. D3: Hey Freddie, is the Sultan coming back to bed... oh shit...
Freddie: *whispers to Bortensen* Run that as your top story, my man. *rushes back into the bedroom*
Bortensen: So Freddie, rough start for the UN today. How can you improve upon your performance today?
Freddie: Me, improve on my performance? You know the Sultan doesn't go all out in games that don't count. *motions to his PR guy to jot that down cuz it rhymes* Now I gotta get used to a new QB throwing me the ball, which is cool, because that Mormon freak we had for seven seasons wasn't good for anything besides homoerotic touchdown celebrations with the O-linemen. But believe me, when the season starts, I'll be hogging the highlight reels like ME-3 hogs man meat.
Bortensen: Which, um, brings me to my next question. D3 decided to play this season in Western Europe when he could have played for the Peacekeepers. And he's stated that he'll be back with the UN next season. Your thoughts?
Freddie: Haha, well, I actually payed ME-3 a visit in Western Europe - he was delighted to see me, but I just wanted some Scandinavian bitches. Well worth it, by the way, you should come with me next time. Anyways, we all know he bitched out of playing here because it's so cold and lonely in my shadow. Dude was straight up trembling when he was getting stared down by Jumbo Fisher in practice.
Bortensen: You think he'll do well out there?
Freddie: I don't know, in their games, do fumbles count for points?
Bortensen: *sigh* Moving on... obviously the UN's merger with the Tusken Raiders was a huge event, and a highly publicized one at that. What do you think about it?
Freddie: Besides our team now being 50% owned by a dumbass? I think it's great! We have a lot of new talent on the team; we may struggle getting everything together this year, but I've already called up the trophy engravers and next season's APL trophy has "Freddie Mitchell" engraved on it. Not to mention, the marketing opportunities are endless now that we have the Tusken Raiders brand name... I already have two new FredXXX porn flicks on their way! "Freddie Searches for the Pirates' Booty" is in stores now, and we're just finishing up filming "Freddie's Adventures Into the Black Hole..."
Bortensen: Jesus Freddie this is a family network!
Freddie: Yeah, my kid watches this all the time! Says he wants some pitbulls. I can't figure out why...
*Debbie Diamond Diggler, D3's wife, pokes her head into the room, wearing just a towel*
Mrs. D3: Hey Freddie, is the Sultan coming back to bed... oh shit...
Freddie: *whispers to Bortensen* Run that as your top story, my man. *rushes back into the bedroom*
Edited by FredEx on Jun 15, 2009 23:14:42
