Bill Dingbridges: Hello I'm Bill Dingbridges and i'm here to bring an exclusive interview with Rhino's kicker Woody Woodcock-Bigmeat, he has aggreed to be interviewd in an attempt to clear his name regarding some alleged incidents on the night of May the 13th, Hello Woody
Woody: call me Woody
BD: ok.... Woody, there has been alot of talk about "that night" in which, it's rumored that you and some team mates, went on a drinking spree, is this true?
W:Thanks for interviewing me. Sorry I'm not wearing any clothes, my boyfri--i mean girlfriend is doing the laundry. Bill, my lawyer told me that I have no recollection of the night in question. But I did find two used condoms on the passenger seat of my Viper the following morning, whatever that means.
Bill: Can you reveal the names of other players involved? There has been speculation any chance of clearing that up?
W:I would, but then i'd have to kill you. *shows gun* coughbillskickingstuffcough. Keloncoughcoughi.Excuse me, i feel like something has been shoved down my throat.
BD: Exactly how much did you drink?
W: Define "drink".
BD: There have been rumors of you guys crashing a twelve year olds girl's sleepover party in a drunken stupor, fact or fiction?
W:Uhh, yea, girl.. they were girls. yea, that's it. where are you going with this?
BD:Just trying to reveal to the public what went on. Can you confirm the accusations that you galavanted around the Zoo stadium, yourself wearing the Rhino mascot suit the other players in Mankinis?
W:You should see the tape. *Head slams onto table* Wait, what? Where am i?
BD: Tape what tape, could this be hard evidence?
W:errrrrrrrrrrr No
BD:Ok.... have you anything to say about whisperings of your attempted, fornication with the Rhino statue at the ground?
W:F*cking waterboy is a god d*mn liar- He's full of sh*t. Cocaine is a hell of a drug man. My uhh girlfriend and I, ya, a real GIRLfriend, not a woman masquerading around as my girlfriend while im still in the closet with Bi--hey this is off the record right? Anyways me and Bi--lets call him--i mean her, B for anonymity's sake okay? We were having a romantic walk through the stadium after the game, just gazing at the stars when this gush of wind knocked my pants off . the gust was so strong man, it just rocked me right up to the statue. Everytime i tried to move away, it kept pushing me back. This went on for about 10 minutes. My girlfriend, B, was behind me trying to pull me away, regardless of what it looks like. Then the rumors came. Look, someone put mayonnaise up the rhino's butt okay? That's the only thing it could be.
BD:Mayonnaise atop a Rhino statue, the plot thickens... Any shenanigans we haven't heard about?
W:Hey, just curious, no real reason... was your uhh, daughter 18 last saturday at around midnight,? At least that's what she sai--i mean that's what i heard.
BD: I don't have a daughter...has my Son been wearing his mothers wig again?
W:Oh...that explains a few things
BD: well thats all we have time for....thank you for talking with me today Woody, we'll have to continue pressing the Rhino establishment for answers on what went on, on that night
W: Good to speak with you
Woody: call me Woody
BD: ok.... Woody, there has been alot of talk about "that night" in which, it's rumored that you and some team mates, went on a drinking spree, is this true?
W:Thanks for interviewing me. Sorry I'm not wearing any clothes, my boyfri--i mean girlfriend is doing the laundry. Bill, my lawyer told me that I have no recollection of the night in question. But I did find two used condoms on the passenger seat of my Viper the following morning, whatever that means.
Bill: Can you reveal the names of other players involved? There has been speculation any chance of clearing that up?
W:I would, but then i'd have to kill you. *shows gun* coughbillskickingstuffcough. Keloncoughcoughi.Excuse me, i feel like something has been shoved down my throat.
BD: Exactly how much did you drink?
W: Define "drink".
BD: There have been rumors of you guys crashing a twelve year olds girl's sleepover party in a drunken stupor, fact or fiction?
W:Uhh, yea, girl.. they were girls. yea, that's it. where are you going with this?
BD:Just trying to reveal to the public what went on. Can you confirm the accusations that you galavanted around the Zoo stadium, yourself wearing the Rhino mascot suit the other players in Mankinis?
W:You should see the tape. *Head slams onto table* Wait, what? Where am i?
BD: Tape what tape, could this be hard evidence?
W:errrrrrrrrrrr No
BD:Ok.... have you anything to say about whisperings of your attempted, fornication with the Rhino statue at the ground?
W:F*cking waterboy is a god d*mn liar- He's full of sh*t. Cocaine is a hell of a drug man. My uhh girlfriend and I, ya, a real GIRLfriend, not a woman masquerading around as my girlfriend while im still in the closet with Bi--hey this is off the record right? Anyways me and Bi--lets call him--i mean her, B for anonymity's sake okay? We were having a romantic walk through the stadium after the game, just gazing at the stars when this gush of wind knocked my pants off . the gust was so strong man, it just rocked me right up to the statue. Everytime i tried to move away, it kept pushing me back. This went on for about 10 minutes. My girlfriend, B, was behind me trying to pull me away, regardless of what it looks like. Then the rumors came. Look, someone put mayonnaise up the rhino's butt okay? That's the only thing it could be.
BD:Mayonnaise atop a Rhino statue, the plot thickens... Any shenanigans we haven't heard about?
W:Hey, just curious, no real reason... was your uhh, daughter 18 last saturday at around midnight,? At least that's what she sai--i mean that's what i heard.
BD: I don't have a daughter...has my Son been wearing his mothers wig again?
W:Oh...that explains a few things
BD: well thats all we have time for....thank you for talking with me today Woody, we'll have to continue pressing the Rhino establishment for answers on what went on, on that night
W: Good to speak with you
Last edited May 24, 2008 00:27:29
