What time is it, boys and girls? That's right - it's time for Darth Pinky Sez!, the show where Darth Pinky tells you exactly how this week's worth of games will go, you complain about it, and it turns out within margin of error to be just the way he told you. So, without further ado, your host and star, unequaled in sheer masculinity, unapproachable in acumen, and most of all proud of his utter humility, Darth Pinky!
Well, here we are, boys and girls, at the glorious finish line for Season 9's regular-season. And while we were missing a Gauntlet of some serious length, there were short stretches that matched up with any in recent memory. As always, Lion has been a very competitive conference.
Sadly, we saw the re-set button pushed in Da Booty and are awaiting the same from Free Willy, and based on the number of current CPU teams in AAA/Pro, this conference is going to look a whole lot different next season. I'd put the over/under on Lion promotions at four, barring a Dessert Cart-like playoff collapse - which means that nearly half the conference could look different in Season 10. Odds of the Carts leaving their ancestral home: 8-1.
Now, let's break out the Wiki and look at the playoff tiebreakers and submit to some speculation, shall we?
Spots 1-3 are set in stone, barring an unforeseen and unlikely upset of epic proportions.
Spots 4-8 are NOT set - most of the participants are, though the Doggies could join the playoff party, and lots of changes could happen. For instance: All the current 4-7 teams lose, the Carts and the Doggies win; or the Monkeys and Snakes™ lose, but 6-9 win. Or The Big Monkeys lose, and everyone below wins. Or The Snakes™ lose, and everyone but the Carts below them win. See, folks could move up or down. Now, realistically, not much of it is going to happen - see below - but there's possibilities.
Of course, what's an episode of Darth Pinky Sez! without the predictions? Forthwith, the main course of my verbal feast. Standard disclaimers about snarky entertainment and real predictions apply. Onward.
Quiçama Park Rangers vs. Comoros Killer Whales - Free Willy's chances in their swan song don't look that good. Once upon a time - like, two seasons ago - they were the defensive match for anyone. They still could be, but things just didn't work out that way. Too bad. Rangers are an implosion against a well-prepared Bad Doggy team away from a perfect season at this point, and that bulls-eye is hanging on their backs in the same comfortable way it did back in Season 6 in A5. Let's see how things shake out in the playoffs; the combatants haven't finalized, and the order is still up for some debate as well. The outcome on this game isn't, though.
Prediction: Thanks, Willies, we hardly knew you. And your going-away party is going to be painful to watch
Ghana Ashanti Empire vs. West Nile Mosquitos - Once again, the Most Favored and Blessed Ashanti Empire of Ghana is playing bridesmaid to the bunch from the Jellystone Park Reserve. And while the Skeeters made a good showing for themselves, AA ball is what it is, and the Skeeters have a ways to go to take the next step.
Prediction: Make your own here
South African Ratels vs. Comoros Lions - The Rabids' run defense is absolutely mind-boggling - they average fewer yards rushing against per game than Brando Voom averages sexual harassment suits per week. They also rely so heavily on their ground game that they probably don't even fly to their away games. They had a taste of playoff success during last season and obviously want more. With the Willies and Da Booty poised for the bottom tier, the Shaven Kitties are looking at relegation, too - probably not the worst thing that could happen for re-grouping and re-loading for another run.
Prediction: Rabids cement that number 3 playoff spot
Zambezi Silverbacks vs. Durban DesertHawks Game of the Week. Also the only game left between potential playoff teams. Right now, the Big Monkeys are clinging to the #4 playoff spot and that important home playoff game, while the Dessert Carts are clinging just as precariously - if not moreso - to the final playoff spot. All I know is both teams have played better in the season's second half than the first. Expect a knock-down, drag-out fight to the finish here - it's going to come down to who wants a shot at a date with the Rangers more.
Prediction: Dang near a pick'em - I'm going to give my A5 brethren the lean, and not because I disrespect the Dessert Tray
Madagascar Serpent Eagles vs. Central African Tigers - The second go-round has gone MUCH better for the Tabbies than the first - they're one improbable but not impossible win away from a .500 season. Plus, a win here and a Cart upset plus wins from the 6-9 folks would really throw a wrench in the potential playoff seedings. The Flying Snakes™, however, have to be hoping that a win of their own plus that same Upset Cart special can secure them that fourth-seed home game. I love playoff possibilities
Prediction: Radd and Rax™ take care of business
Combat Wombats vs. Savannah Hitchhikers - The Geographically Challenged Butt Tunnelers have come up from A ball and made waves in our sacred Lion. They've taken a solid game plan - play some nasty defense and don't do anything stupid on offense - and turned it into 10 wins to date, plus a couple close losses to teams currently seeded higher in the playoffs. The Douglas Adams Fan Club, however, has come in to see that this is a whole other ball-game. Don't despair, Dougie's Guys - next season there will likely be a couple different teams you don't match up with to contend with.
Prediction: Butt Tunnelers back over the Fanboys
Monrovia Blood Diamonds vs. Djibouti Booties - The Bloody Mess is good. Da Booty is starting over. 'Nuff said.
Prediction: Bloody Mess will DJ Pad(n) the score
Namibia Wildehond vs. Cape Town Cowboys - This game matters to the Bad Doggies - if they'd found one more way to get a score against the Most Favored in Week 15, they would be looking at the tie-breaker formulas and trying to figure out ways they could hit the #5 seed. They've proven they can hang with the top 3 playoff seeds and handed the Rangers their only loss of the season. Bad news for the Cow Patties is that unlike the last trip to AA, this stop may last a while, and they don't look ready. Even worse is the Bad Doggies need to beat the hell out of you to gain some tie-breakers in case of other unforeseen outcomes.
Prediction: Bad Doggies run wild
There you have it, kiddies - the final regular-season week of Africa AA 3 wrapped up all nice and tight in a pretty bow - and if I have my way, this may even be my last regular-season episode for AA3. I'll do the playoffs - both brackets - starting next week. Discuss, ignore, do what you will, but just remember - as always - play nice.
Well, here we are, boys and girls, at the glorious finish line for Season 9's regular-season. And while we were missing a Gauntlet of some serious length, there were short stretches that matched up with any in recent memory. As always, Lion has been a very competitive conference.
Sadly, we saw the re-set button pushed in Da Booty and are awaiting the same from Free Willy, and based on the number of current CPU teams in AAA/Pro, this conference is going to look a whole lot different next season. I'd put the over/under on Lion promotions at four, barring a Dessert Cart-like playoff collapse - which means that nearly half the conference could look different in Season 10. Odds of the Carts leaving their ancestral home: 8-1.
Now, let's break out the Wiki and look at the playoff tiebreakers and submit to some speculation, shall we?
Spots 1-3 are set in stone, barring an unforeseen and unlikely upset of epic proportions.
Spots 4-8 are NOT set - most of the participants are, though the Doggies could join the playoff party, and lots of changes could happen. For instance: All the current 4-7 teams lose, the Carts and the Doggies win; or the Monkeys and Snakes™ lose, but 6-9 win. Or The Big Monkeys lose, and everyone below wins. Or The Snakes™ lose, and everyone but the Carts below them win. See, folks could move up or down. Now, realistically, not much of it is going to happen - see below - but there's possibilities.
Of course, what's an episode of Darth Pinky Sez! without the predictions? Forthwith, the main course of my verbal feast. Standard disclaimers about snarky entertainment and real predictions apply. Onward.
Quiçama Park Rangers vs. Comoros Killer Whales - Free Willy's chances in their swan song don't look that good. Once upon a time - like, two seasons ago - they were the defensive match for anyone. They still could be, but things just didn't work out that way. Too bad. Rangers are an implosion against a well-prepared Bad Doggy team away from a perfect season at this point, and that bulls-eye is hanging on their backs in the same comfortable way it did back in Season 6 in A5. Let's see how things shake out in the playoffs; the combatants haven't finalized, and the order is still up for some debate as well. The outcome on this game isn't, though.
Prediction: Thanks, Willies, we hardly knew you. And your going-away party is going to be painful to watch
Ghana Ashanti Empire vs. West Nile Mosquitos - Once again, the Most Favored and Blessed Ashanti Empire of Ghana is playing bridesmaid to the bunch from the Jellystone Park Reserve. And while the Skeeters made a good showing for themselves, AA ball is what it is, and the Skeeters have a ways to go to take the next step.
Prediction: Make your own here
South African Ratels vs. Comoros Lions - The Rabids' run defense is absolutely mind-boggling - they average fewer yards rushing against per game than Brando Voom averages sexual harassment suits per week. They also rely so heavily on their ground game that they probably don't even fly to their away games. They had a taste of playoff success during last season and obviously want more. With the Willies and Da Booty poised for the bottom tier, the Shaven Kitties are looking at relegation, too - probably not the worst thing that could happen for re-grouping and re-loading for another run.
Prediction: Rabids cement that number 3 playoff spot
Zambezi Silverbacks vs. Durban DesertHawks Game of the Week. Also the only game left between potential playoff teams. Right now, the Big Monkeys are clinging to the #4 playoff spot and that important home playoff game, while the Dessert Carts are clinging just as precariously - if not moreso - to the final playoff spot. All I know is both teams have played better in the season's second half than the first. Expect a knock-down, drag-out fight to the finish here - it's going to come down to who wants a shot at a date with the Rangers more.
Prediction: Dang near a pick'em - I'm going to give my A5 brethren the lean, and not because I disrespect the Dessert Tray
Madagascar Serpent Eagles vs. Central African Tigers - The second go-round has gone MUCH better for the Tabbies than the first - they're one improbable but not impossible win away from a .500 season. Plus, a win here and a Cart upset plus wins from the 6-9 folks would really throw a wrench in the potential playoff seedings. The Flying Snakes™, however, have to be hoping that a win of their own plus that same Upset Cart special can secure them that fourth-seed home game. I love playoff possibilities
Prediction: Radd and Rax™ take care of business
Combat Wombats vs. Savannah Hitchhikers - The Geographically Challenged Butt Tunnelers have come up from A ball and made waves in our sacred Lion. They've taken a solid game plan - play some nasty defense and don't do anything stupid on offense - and turned it into 10 wins to date, plus a couple close losses to teams currently seeded higher in the playoffs. The Douglas Adams Fan Club, however, has come in to see that this is a whole other ball-game. Don't despair, Dougie's Guys - next season there will likely be a couple different teams you don't match up with to contend with.
Prediction: Butt Tunnelers back over the Fanboys
Monrovia Blood Diamonds vs. Djibouti Booties - The Bloody Mess is good. Da Booty is starting over. 'Nuff said.
Prediction: Bloody Mess will DJ Pad(n) the score
Namibia Wildehond vs. Cape Town Cowboys - This game matters to the Bad Doggies - if they'd found one more way to get a score against the Most Favored in Week 15, they would be looking at the tie-breaker formulas and trying to figure out ways they could hit the #5 seed. They've proven they can hang with the top 3 playoff seeds and handed the Rangers their only loss of the season. Bad news for the Cow Patties is that unlike the last trip to AA, this stop may last a while, and they don't look ready. Even worse is the Bad Doggies need to beat the hell out of you to gain some tie-breakers in case of other unforeseen outcomes.
Prediction: Bad Doggies run wild
There you have it, kiddies - the final regular-season week of Africa AA 3 wrapped up all nice and tight in a pretty bow - and if I have my way, this may even be my last regular-season episode for AA3. I'll do the playoffs - both brackets - starting next week. Discuss, ignore, do what you will, but just remember - as always - play nice.
