Reapers unveil new logo
By Low Hanging Left Testicle, the Des Moines Register
Originally published 11:34 a.m., May 12, 2008
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It was announced last week that the Great Plains Reapers (formerly the Denver Pirates) would release a new logo. After days of waiting, that moment finally arrived Monday morning.
The logo depicts an angry, fleshy grim reaper holding a scythe in a rural, misty cornfield. A small tombstone with the word “Pirates” scrawled on it is shown in the background as a subtle homage to the Reaper’s former name. A large image can be found here: http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c323/Bad_IDA/Great-Plains-Reapers-Logo3.gif
The logo is, for lack of a better word, frightening.
“We had several designs to choose from, thanks to helmetcreator (http://helmetproject.proboards59.com/index.cgi ),” says Reapers owner dead_poet. “To choose the final version, we did some focus group testing. The winner was clearly this selection. I’m very, very pleased.”
After the Des Moines Register received several angry phone calls from concerned citizens, it was discovered that the “focus group testing” Reapers owner dead_poet referred to was a bit unorthodox. The Des Moines Register has verified that representatives from the Reapers organization showed several logo designs to classes of kindergarten students at Sunny Time Fun School in Montezuma, Iowa. Results were measured on the volume and duration of their screams of terror.
“It was horrible,” said Sunny Time Fun School kindergarten teacher Mrs. Faggot (pronounced “Fay-go”). “They came in and said they wanted to show the children pictures of a new mascot. I figured it would be something innocent and non-offensive, like an Indian, Mohawk, Savage or something. This was just wrong in so many ways.”
The Reapers front office surprisingly had little remorse for the now scarred-for-life children.
“Oh yes, they screamed and cried pretty hard,” chuckled dead_poet. “When one girl hid under her desk and started wetting herself we knew we had a winner.”
“It was amazing the size of the tears coming out of such tiny little eyes!” exclaimed Reaper’s coordinator snellman. “We had to wear earplugs because the screams of horror were so intense. But we kept on showing them.”
When Register writers repeatedly forced the little girl to look at the picture to verify that this was the one she saw that scared her so, little Fredricka Moore had this to say: “Waaaaaaa! Waaaaaaah!”
A photo of the little girl can be seen here: http://rebeccaburns.com/rebecca/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/girl-scared-and-wet.jpg
Another child’s reaction can be found here: http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c323/Bad_IDA/Siteidea1.jpg
“Sure, our logo will likely frighten children to the point where they’ll lose sleep and develop nervous tics,” says starting MLB Husker Kaiser, “but they don’t pay admission to get in anyway. Personally, I love it. But, then, one of my hobbies IS scaring children. Sometimes I’ll creep under my niece’s and nephew’s beds as they sleep and, without warning, violently shake their mattresses. Or I’ll crash through their window with a running chainsaw and dead cat in my teeth. You know, normal uncle stuff. They have to learn that life isn’t a fairy tale. Sometimes life is a guy crashing into your room with a dead cat in his teeth bent on killing you with a chainsaw.”
Children are still welcome to all home games, however they are advised to wear official protective Reapers armor ($59.99 + tax) during the new in-game promotion, “Scythe Sundays.” The promotion launches real scythes into the crowd using air cannons after each Reapers touchdown.
By Low Hanging Left Testicle, the Des Moines Register
Originally published 11:34 a.m., May 12, 2008
----
It was announced last week that the Great Plains Reapers (formerly the Denver Pirates) would release a new logo. After days of waiting, that moment finally arrived Monday morning.
The logo depicts an angry, fleshy grim reaper holding a scythe in a rural, misty cornfield. A small tombstone with the word “Pirates” scrawled on it is shown in the background as a subtle homage to the Reaper’s former name. A large image can be found here: http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c323/Bad_IDA/Great-Plains-Reapers-Logo3.gif
The logo is, for lack of a better word, frightening.
“We had several designs to choose from, thanks to helmetcreator (http://helmetproject.proboards59.com/index.cgi ),” says Reapers owner dead_poet. “To choose the final version, we did some focus group testing. The winner was clearly this selection. I’m very, very pleased.”
After the Des Moines Register received several angry phone calls from concerned citizens, it was discovered that the “focus group testing” Reapers owner dead_poet referred to was a bit unorthodox. The Des Moines Register has verified that representatives from the Reapers organization showed several logo designs to classes of kindergarten students at Sunny Time Fun School in Montezuma, Iowa. Results were measured on the volume and duration of their screams of terror.
“It was horrible,” said Sunny Time Fun School kindergarten teacher Mrs. Faggot (pronounced “Fay-go”). “They came in and said they wanted to show the children pictures of a new mascot. I figured it would be something innocent and non-offensive, like an Indian, Mohawk, Savage or something. This was just wrong in so many ways.”
The Reapers front office surprisingly had little remorse for the now scarred-for-life children.
“Oh yes, they screamed and cried pretty hard,” chuckled dead_poet. “When one girl hid under her desk and started wetting herself we knew we had a winner.”
“It was amazing the size of the tears coming out of such tiny little eyes!” exclaimed Reaper’s coordinator snellman. “We had to wear earplugs because the screams of horror were so intense. But we kept on showing them.”
When Register writers repeatedly forced the little girl to look at the picture to verify that this was the one she saw that scared her so, little Fredricka Moore had this to say: “Waaaaaaa! Waaaaaaah!”
A photo of the little girl can be seen here: http://rebeccaburns.com/rebecca/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/girl-scared-and-wet.jpg
Another child’s reaction can be found here: http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c323/Bad_IDA/Siteidea1.jpg
“Sure, our logo will likely frighten children to the point where they’ll lose sleep and develop nervous tics,” says starting MLB Husker Kaiser, “but they don’t pay admission to get in anyway. Personally, I love it. But, then, one of my hobbies IS scaring children. Sometimes I’ll creep under my niece’s and nephew’s beds as they sleep and, without warning, violently shake their mattresses. Or I’ll crash through their window with a running chainsaw and dead cat in my teeth. You know, normal uncle stuff. They have to learn that life isn’t a fairy tale. Sometimes life is a guy crashing into your room with a dead cat in his teeth bent on killing you with a chainsaw.”
Children are still welcome to all home games, however they are advised to wear official protective Reapers armor ($59.99 + tax) during the new in-game promotion, “Scythe Sundays.” The promotion launches real scythes into the crowd using air cannons after each Reapers touchdown.
Last edited May 12, 2008 19:36:57
