Welcome to the inaugural Championship edition of the Krakow Daily Herald! Yes for those of you who've been holidaying in Siberia and missed it our beloved Gutter Runners have capped a fine season by reaching the conference final where they will meet the unbeaten Helsinki Red Raiders and their enigmatic owner(s) Cades 1,2,3 4 and 5. First up we have a rundown of our path to the final.
Regular Season
A 14 and 2 record ,second place and some great moments including first time wins over the Red Tide, Dragons and GIV. The two defeats came at the hands unsurprisingly of HRR thanks to a 4th quarter TD from FB Matt Suhey.The other more surprising defeat was at the hands of the Lefkada Ionian Seahawks and led to a series of bitter complaints to the league commissioner Iva Dick in what has come to be known as the "Thong -gate scandal"
On a happier note has been the form of league leading rusher Sam "the Man" Mcguffie and his sidekick Carlos Brown who have racked up the yards behind the Runners formidable O-line. On the defensive side of the ball the undoubted highlight has been the form of the "Sack Pack" trio of Jakey Crusher Nate Tyson and P Pozluzny all of whom feature in the top 10 in both sacks and hurries.
The Playoffs
The opening game looked a tricky affair featuring the visit of the Seahawks who had comprehensively outplayed the Runners regular season. However lightning was not to strike twice and when in a stroke of genius team owner Foresttim issued blinkers to the entire offence in a successful attempt to neutralise the famed Lefkada cheerleaders, the game was up. 8 Mcguffie Td's later and of the two teams making their debut in the playoffs it was Krakow who advanced.
Round 2 saw the arrival of the Cerberi who in an underhanded attempt to confuse the Runners Co-Ordinators had changed their name prior to the game. In a retaliatory gesture Foresttim had the hot and cold taps in the visitors locker room switched. The resulting cold shower induced cramps proved fatal to the erstwhile Dragons and Krakow again emerged triumphant and were rewarded with a trip to Helsinki.
So the playoff finalfeatures the Zeta top two and two teams who in 3 previous encounters have been seperatedby just 9 points in total. Everything points to a close tense classic and Krakow who lead the series 2-1 will be hoping to prevent HRR tieing the series.
We asked Krakow tackle Bob Earnshaw to give us an insight into the opposition and he had this to say to staff reporter and lifelong Runners fanatic Tits Mcgee.
"Well Miss Mcgee"...." Please Bob call me Tits"
"OK Tits well those Raiders will be a tough call in their home stadium, they didn't finish 16 and 0 by chance.They're tough uncompromising and well organised. Offensively they move the ball well in the air and on the ground. Matt Suhey is one of the most under rated full backs in EEA1. Walter Lannister is a very cool customer and if you let him he will cut you apart.
As an O-Lineman though most of my respect is reserved for their defence. they have no obvious weaknesses but the standouts are Lance Walters who reminds me of our own Jakey Crusher, fast and explosive, Rorschach Macready who is a man mountain and finally Dom Assassin who prowls the backfield like a ...nasty prowling thing"
" well they certainly will be tough Bob any weaknesses?"
" Well Tits they have some bizarre personalities which sometimes causes problems for them. For example they have a receiver who likes TO SHOUT A LOT AND SHOUT IN RIDDLES TOO,no -one understands a word he says which causes problems in playcalling. Then of course there's the fact they have multiple owners all with distinct personalities yet physically identical,and all barking mad. The team talks are apparently a little contradictory with tactics constantly fluctuating.
However their one big weakness is their legendary appetite for the ladies. We had hoped to lay on pre match entertainment at Krakow's premier lap-dancing club" the Hungry Beaver" but as the game is in Helsinki we've resorted to plan B. Lefkada owner and long time Krakow fan Downhill PV has agreed to "lend" us the Lefkada cheerleaders as recompense for the Thong Gate debacle.We're hoping they'll prove their usual distraction, but if not the plane ride home will be fun at least.
So it's off to Helsinki and the Finland National Stadium where it's hoped the game will live up to pre match billing and provide us with a classic game of football. Go Runners!!
Regular Season
A 14 and 2 record ,second place and some great moments including first time wins over the Red Tide, Dragons and GIV. The two defeats came at the hands unsurprisingly of HRR thanks to a 4th quarter TD from FB Matt Suhey.The other more surprising defeat was at the hands of the Lefkada Ionian Seahawks and led to a series of bitter complaints to the league commissioner Iva Dick in what has come to be known as the "Thong -gate scandal"
On a happier note has been the form of league leading rusher Sam "the Man" Mcguffie and his sidekick Carlos Brown who have racked up the yards behind the Runners formidable O-line. On the defensive side of the ball the undoubted highlight has been the form of the "Sack Pack" trio of Jakey Crusher Nate Tyson and P Pozluzny all of whom feature in the top 10 in both sacks and hurries.
The Playoffs
The opening game looked a tricky affair featuring the visit of the Seahawks who had comprehensively outplayed the Runners regular season. However lightning was not to strike twice and when in a stroke of genius team owner Foresttim issued blinkers to the entire offence in a successful attempt to neutralise the famed Lefkada cheerleaders, the game was up. 8 Mcguffie Td's later and of the two teams making their debut in the playoffs it was Krakow who advanced.
Round 2 saw the arrival of the Cerberi who in an underhanded attempt to confuse the Runners Co-Ordinators had changed their name prior to the game. In a retaliatory gesture Foresttim had the hot and cold taps in the visitors locker room switched. The resulting cold shower induced cramps proved fatal to the erstwhile Dragons and Krakow again emerged triumphant and were rewarded with a trip to Helsinki.
So the playoff finalfeatures the Zeta top two and two teams who in 3 previous encounters have been seperatedby just 9 points in total. Everything points to a close tense classic and Krakow who lead the series 2-1 will be hoping to prevent HRR tieing the series.
We asked Krakow tackle Bob Earnshaw to give us an insight into the opposition and he had this to say to staff reporter and lifelong Runners fanatic Tits Mcgee.
"Well Miss Mcgee"...." Please Bob call me Tits"
"OK Tits well those Raiders will be a tough call in their home stadium, they didn't finish 16 and 0 by chance.They're tough uncompromising and well organised. Offensively they move the ball well in the air and on the ground. Matt Suhey is one of the most under rated full backs in EEA1. Walter Lannister is a very cool customer and if you let him he will cut you apart.
As an O-Lineman though most of my respect is reserved for their defence. they have no obvious weaknesses but the standouts are Lance Walters who reminds me of our own Jakey Crusher, fast and explosive, Rorschach Macready who is a man mountain and finally Dom Assassin who prowls the backfield like a ...nasty prowling thing"
" well they certainly will be tough Bob any weaknesses?"
" Well Tits they have some bizarre personalities which sometimes causes problems for them. For example they have a receiver who likes TO SHOUT A LOT AND SHOUT IN RIDDLES TOO,no -one understands a word he says which causes problems in playcalling. Then of course there's the fact they have multiple owners all with distinct personalities yet physically identical,and all barking mad. The team talks are apparently a little contradictory with tactics constantly fluctuating.
However their one big weakness is their legendary appetite for the ladies. We had hoped to lay on pre match entertainment at Krakow's premier lap-dancing club" the Hungry Beaver" but as the game is in Helsinki we've resorted to plan B. Lefkada owner and long time Krakow fan Downhill PV has agreed to "lend" us the Lefkada cheerleaders as recompense for the Thong Gate debacle.We're hoping they'll prove their usual distraction, but if not the plane ride home will be fun at least.
So it's off to Helsinki and the Finland National Stadium where it's hoped the game will live up to pre match billing and provide us with a classic game of football. Go Runners!!
Last edited Dec 16, 2008 12:40:42
