1 Ivory Coast Breakers (16-and freakin' 0) Last game: 55-0 over Covington. -- Well, it looks like ol' Tiger Bay FAILED to break the 100 TD mark on the season. After the game vs the Black Knights, where he was held to a measly three TDs, Bay slunk off the field being pelted with empty Achicki bowls by drunk and angry Ivory Coastians. His celebrity endorsements were revoked, the team made him burn his Superman pajamas after the game. Or maybe I'm just mad he finally CLOSED HIS BUILD!!! And no, I didn't take a picture of it. That would be kinda pervy. -- PLAYOFF TIME! Next up: Mayotte (10-6) Last meeting: ICB won 58-10 and Tiger Bay pooped his pants a little (all part of the BrTk strategy...)
2 MaRAWK!! o (14-2) Last game: 30-24 over ABD. MaRAWK!! o made me look like a fool last week for ranking them number 3 and ABD number 2 - but I *switched* the teams' orders in the rankings this week, so who's the fool now, MaRAWK? Seriously though, nice 12 game win streak for the !! o. The two seed in the playoffs puts them on the opposite end of the brackets from the team that beat them the worst - but there will be no gimmies in this playoffs. They face a team they beat pretty handily first time around, but has been looking dangerous as of late. Next game: The Dead Presidents (11-5); Last meeting: MaRawk won 45-17 as HB Drill Bit ran for over 200 yds with 4 TDs.
3 Angola Blood Diamonds (13-3) Last game: 24-30 loss to MaRAWK!! o. Fell behind 14-30 in the 4th Q despite being close through the first 3, then just ran out of time for a comeback, but ABD certainly showed it's mettle. A playoff rematch against a team that traded blow for blow in the regular season. Next up: Kalahari (11-5); Last matchup: 27-17 win over Kalahari.
4 Kilimanjaro Sting (12-4) Last game: 19-14 over TDP. Finished the season very strongly, and it seems these days everyone in Tanzania is going around going "bzzzzzzzzz." First round matchup is a rematch of a *very* close regular season game. Last game was at Uganda, this one is on the Summit. Next up: Uganda (11-5); Last matchup: 10-9 win over Uganda.
5 The Dead Presidents (11-5) Last game: 14-19 loss to Kilimanjaro. Landrys Legacy is starting to get in my head. I'm starting to think TDP are the favorites to win it all. I'm even thinking a 5 point loss to end the season supports that theory. But their first round opponent gave them one of their worst losses of the season. I'm sure if I talked it out with LL, I'd realize that actually will lull MaRAWK into a false sense of security, and TDP will filibuster that ass. And no one wants to be on the receiving end of a filibuster. Next up: MaRAWK!!! o (14-2); Last meeting: 17-45 loss to MaRAWK!! o that saw the dead ones lose the turnover battle 0-4.
6 Uganda Silverbacks (11-5) Last game: 52-9 over Santa Ana. A wobbly end to the pre-playoffs for Uganda, but a comfortable win over Santa Ana might help re-up the confidence for the playoffs and get back the gorilla knuckle-walking swagger. First playoff matchup, they get the guys who handed them their first L of the season. Next up: Sting (12-4); Last meeting: Kilimanjaro won 10-9 as Sting LB Doyle King laid QB Zindane out 8 times.
7 Kalahari Bushmen (11-5) Last game: 90-13 over Nigerian. The Bushmen broke a 4 game L streak with a big win over the Nightmares. First round game vs ABD is one they have to feel they can win. They last matched up with ABD in week 13, and held the lead going into the 4th Q. Next Game: At ABD (13-3); Last meeting: ABD won 27-17.
8 Mayotte Metal Militia (10-6) Last game: 236-0 over P-Town. Going into ICB for the first round of the playoffs must feel like charging into a brick wall - even if you are constantly flinging razor sharp shrapnel with every step.
9 Dogs of War (8-8) Last game: 209-10 over Sahara. Not in the playoffs.
10 Santa Ana Swine Flu (6-10) Last game: 9-52 loss to Uganda. Not in the playoffs, either.
11 Covington Black Knights (6-10) Last game: 0-55 loss to ICB. In the playoffs, but only metaphorically.
12 Barcelona Blaze (5-11) Last game: 122-3 over DD. Choppin Broccoli.
13 Nigerian Nightmares (3-13) Last game: 13-90 loss to Kalahari. Also Choppin Broccoli.
14 Deutschland Dööm (2-14) Last game: 3-122 loss to Barcaloungers. Been a long season, 9-14 are all hoping for a kinder, gentler season 15.
15 P-Town Ballaz (1-15) Last game: 0-236 loss to MMM. I have a huge hot tub, i'm going to fill it with homemade marinara sauce. Let's get naked and sit in it. I'll be wearing a Rolex and Ray-Bans. I'll put some Barbara Streisand or some Wu-Tang Clan on the stereo. Nothing too sexual, just nudity and marinara sauce.
16 Sahara ShadowChasers (1-15) Last game: 10-209 loss to DoW. Friendly Human-Cat for adoption. I will crawl around your house and do cat-like things in exchange for only cat food, water, a litter box, and occasional treats. Cat-cats are more of a hassle than human-cats. If you are looking to adopt a cat-cat and have been researching the matter you already know what I mean. There is less research to be done on human-cats, so let a friendly little fellow into your house today and be one of the first to spearhead a fledgling community. I will not speak or do anything human-like, only cat-like. I look out windows, become enthralled with small objects, run across the house in the middle of the night and make a terrifying sound in the corner, nuzzle you with my head, etc. You must take care of me as you would a cat-cat. Email me for details.