The Portland Hitmen have announced that the game on July 10th against the Elves has been designated a Transcendental Numbers Appreciation Game. A transcendental number, of course, is a number that is not the root of any integer polynomial.
Joseph Liouville, the discoverer of transcendental numbers was born in France on July 10, 1809. Liouville had two passions in life, football and transcendental numbers (well, three passions if you count midget hookers, but let's not go there).
Liouville received great acclaim in his native France after discovering transcendental numbers while trying to calculate the circumference of a football. This was a problem that had troubled mathematicians and sports fans since the Middle Ages.
Upon announcement of the discovery at the prestigious Royal Academie of Science, Mathematics and Sports in 1847, Liouville became an overnight sensation in Europe. His fame and wealth expanded to unprecedented levels. In 1848, he was named one of People Magazine's 50 most beautiful people.
In 1858, Liouville became the first commissioner of the Western Europe AA #2 League. An interesting side note is that the Bordeaux Hitmen were the leagues winningest and most popular team. When the USA A #7 league formed in America decades later, it was only natural for Portland (with a large population of convicts) to name their team the Hitmen.
As is often the case, Liouville's genius was slow to be recognized outside of his native Europe. As recently as 1993 it was illegal to teach transcendental numbers at public schools and colleges in West Virginia. Integer Fundamentalists sustained a crushing defeat that year when Johnny Cochran, representing a child of average intelligence, successfully sued the Clarksburg School District.
Even though transcendental numbers were now universally accepted by academicians, the Pope, and sports enthusiasts, they still were not well known in the United States until the year 2000. In July of that year, President George W. Bush proclaimed July 10th as National Transcendental Numbers Appreciation Day in order to deflect attention from his ill-conceived attempt to invade Canada.
The Hitmen are encouraging fans to wear T-shirts with their favorite transcendental numbers emblazoned upon them and to bring signs with transcendental numbers incorporated into Hitmen related slogans.
Both teams will wear alternate jerseys containing only transcendental numbers and the halftime show will feature transcendental numbers entertainment provided by former and current Portland Hitmen players. Highlights of the halftime entertainment will include:
Lion Heart performing a modern dance interpretation of ln 2.
Newgene Leadbetter reciting an original poem he composed extolling the virtues of pi.
Cyrus Cooper singing a musical salute to sin 1°.
Grunt Farter, Peter Beter and Fergi Ferg will perform a skit commemorating the discovery of e.
As a special bonus, tattoo artists will be available with a wide variety of transcendental number designs that have incorporated the Hitmen logo. Tattoos will be priced at the special rate of $40 (children age 10 and under will only pay $20).
Hitmen marketing executives are hoping to take advantage of the huge popularity of transcendental numbers among inner city street gangs by selling alternate Hitmen transcendental number jerseys and baseball caps. Jerseys go on sale Thursday at Walmart and JC Penney. Suggested retail is $119.99.
Interestingly, school districts in Tigard and Bend have already instituted dress codes banning the Hitmen alternate jerseys in an effort to diminish gang activity in those communities.
Joseph Liouville, the discoverer of transcendental numbers was born in France on July 10, 1809. Liouville had two passions in life, football and transcendental numbers (well, three passions if you count midget hookers, but let's not go there).
Liouville received great acclaim in his native France after discovering transcendental numbers while trying to calculate the circumference of a football. This was a problem that had troubled mathematicians and sports fans since the Middle Ages.
Upon announcement of the discovery at the prestigious Royal Academie of Science, Mathematics and Sports in 1847, Liouville became an overnight sensation in Europe. His fame and wealth expanded to unprecedented levels. In 1848, he was named one of People Magazine's 50 most beautiful people.
In 1858, Liouville became the first commissioner of the Western Europe AA #2 League. An interesting side note is that the Bordeaux Hitmen were the leagues winningest and most popular team. When the USA A #7 league formed in America decades later, it was only natural for Portland (with a large population of convicts) to name their team the Hitmen.
As is often the case, Liouville's genius was slow to be recognized outside of his native Europe. As recently as 1993 it was illegal to teach transcendental numbers at public schools and colleges in West Virginia. Integer Fundamentalists sustained a crushing defeat that year when Johnny Cochran, representing a child of average intelligence, successfully sued the Clarksburg School District.
Even though transcendental numbers were now universally accepted by academicians, the Pope, and sports enthusiasts, they still were not well known in the United States until the year 2000. In July of that year, President George W. Bush proclaimed July 10th as National Transcendental Numbers Appreciation Day in order to deflect attention from his ill-conceived attempt to invade Canada.
The Hitmen are encouraging fans to wear T-shirts with their favorite transcendental numbers emblazoned upon them and to bring signs with transcendental numbers incorporated into Hitmen related slogans.
Both teams will wear alternate jerseys containing only transcendental numbers and the halftime show will feature transcendental numbers entertainment provided by former and current Portland Hitmen players. Highlights of the halftime entertainment will include:
Lion Heart performing a modern dance interpretation of ln 2.
Newgene Leadbetter reciting an original poem he composed extolling the virtues of pi.
Cyrus Cooper singing a musical salute to sin 1°.
Grunt Farter, Peter Beter and Fergi Ferg will perform a skit commemorating the discovery of e.
As a special bonus, tattoo artists will be available with a wide variety of transcendental number designs that have incorporated the Hitmen logo. Tattoos will be priced at the special rate of $40 (children age 10 and under will only pay $20).
Hitmen marketing executives are hoping to take advantage of the huge popularity of transcendental numbers among inner city street gangs by selling alternate Hitmen transcendental number jerseys and baseball caps. Jerseys go on sale Thursday at Walmart and JC Penney. Suggested retail is $119.99.
Interestingly, school districts in Tigard and Bend have already instituted dress codes banning the Hitmen alternate jerseys in an effort to diminish gang activity in those communities.
Last edited Jul 9, 2008 22:54:21
