The Capital Times
Volume 2, Issue 10
Playoff edition – Bort Bowl LXXXV: For All the Marbles
The bugles blared and the war drums pounded as the Tempe Venom, recently crowned champions of the American Dotball League, made their way through the chanting crowds towards MACHINE STADIUM, clad in its playoff regalia of black-and-blue ribbons and banners that swayed lazily in the afternoon breeze. The banners had been flying since the MACHINE hosted and vanquished their National Dotball League rivals from C-Town, just days earlier to win their first-ever NDL title. The Venom, meanwhile, were still intoxicated with their own victory over their ADL opponents, the Honolulu Wife Carrying Hurricanes.
Seated in his customary seat at the front of the team bus, CoachVenom admonished his charges not to look past the upcoming contest. This would not be his first rodeo; he’d been to a championship game before. He knew there remained one last hurdle to overcome before they could really and truly celebrate, and this one would be their toughest hurdle yet.
Meanwhile, down in the bowels of MACHINE STADIUM, the home team quietly went about its meticulous preparations. Offensive Coordinator mdterpsrock3, Defensive Coordinator poland82, and team owner sportzdude3 readied their dots for what would be the biggest game of their careers, played out on the game’s biggest stage. The MACHINE, we should recall, was a newcomer to GLB’s highest echelon this season. Though they had taken their new league by storm, one final test remained…
The First Half
The crowd roared as Tempe’s Kick Her booted the ball into the sky. After weeks of build up, Bort Bowl LXXXV was finally underway!
On WAR’s first possession, star quarterback Strongarm Witherspoon methodically moved the ball down the field, connecting with FB Seeking Options 3 times before delivering a beautiful 20-yard pass into the waiting arms of WR Marvin Harrison who was waiting in the end zone. The MACHINE had drawn first blood, and would take the early lead.
On the following possession, Tempe pivot QB-1 spread the ball around to 6 different receivers before the drive finally stalled on WAR’s 14-yard line. The Venom kicked the field goal to get themselves on the board.
Witherspoon and Harris would connect again on the following MACHINE drive, this time, with a 71-yard catch-and-run that would put the home side up by a score of 14-3. https://glb.warriorgeneral.com/game/replay.pl?game_id=49744&pbp_id=1017697
Before the first frame was over though, Tempe would answer back, when QB-1 pitched the ball to HB-1 for a 2-yard scamper that would cap off a 65-yard drive.
In the second quarter, WAR would lead yet another charge down the field for their 3rd touchdown of the game to go up by a score of 21-10, but Tempe would answer right back on their next possession to keep the game within reach, scoring a touchdown to bring the Venom within 4.
The first half proceeded at this torrid pace, with each team trading blows and scoring on successive possessions. The pattern would only be broken at the end of the first half when WAR cornerback Geoff Becker stepped in front of a QB-1 pass to intercept it. https://glb.warriorgeneral.com/game/replay.pl?game_id=49744&pbp_id=1017748 . Witherspoon wasted no time in making the most of the turnover, connecting with WR Speed Machine in the end zone just over a minute later to put the home side up 28-17. https://glb.warriorgeneral.com/game/replay.pl?game_id=49744&pbp_id=1017753
As the clock wound down on the first half, it seemed WAR would carry a comfortable 11-point lead with them into the locker room, but Tempe had other ideas. As if to send a message that they would not be rolling over, the Venom marched the ball down the field on the following possession, kicking a field goal with just seconds remaining to bring them to within 8-points as the whistle blew to bring the first half to an end, WAR leading by a score of 28-20.
The Halftime Show
As the whistle blew to mark the end of the first half, the MACHINE STADIUM crew sprang into action, hastily moving into position the pre-arranged stage assembly and activating a sound-and-light show complete with lasers, pyrotechnics, and even a bubble machine (yes – a bubble machine). The show itself was preceded by a voice-over from former rapper, Sway Dotoway, who, during a video montage, encouraged people to get out and vote.
Moments later, the drum machine began hammering out the beat as superstar Janet Dotson marched out onto center stage to perform a medley of her songs, starting with her signature hit, ‘All of You’. Moments later, the lights dimmed and on secondary stage appeared R&B artist P.Dotty, who performed ‘Bad Dot for Life’. Following Dotty’s performance, Kid Dot appeared on yet another secondary stage to perform his hit, ‘Bawitdotba’. It was then back to the main stage, where Dotson was joined by Justin Timberdot before the duo performed ‘Rock Your Dot’.
It was at this point, as the song was concluding, that all hell broke loose. In what has since been described as ‘a wardrobe malfunction’, Timberdot seemingly ripped open Dotson’s blouse, revealing her breast. The crowd gasped as one, aghast at the anarchy that was unfolding below. They didn’t see much, of course – Dotson is a flat, 2-dimensional dot after all. After a moment, the audience began to sense they’d been cheated, and promptly booed the erstwhile duet off the stage.
Which was just as well, as the second half was about to begin…
The Second Half
Although WAR and its fans didn’t yet realise it, their 28-point first half would be the high-water mark for their game. VenomCoach must have given one helluva halftime speech, because when the Venom came out for the second half, they came to play.
It didn’t look that way at first, though. On the Venom’s first possession of the second half, QB-1 was picked off for a second time, this time by Beast LB2. The Venom wasn’t having it though, and on the very next play, Venom DE PR2 blasted past the tackle to sack Witherspoon, driving him into the dirt. https://glb.warriorgeneral.com/game/replay.pl?game_id=49744&pbp_id=1017773 . Witherspoon’s next pass to Speed Machine was knocked loose, and on the next attempt, the Venom came up with their own turnover as SS Zo intercepted a Witherspoon-Harrison deep pass in the end zone for a touchback: https://glb.warriorgeneral.com/game/replay.pl?game_id=49744&pbp_id=1017775
One could feel the morale shift at this point.
On their ensuing possession, the Venom would march the ball 80-yards down field for the major, bringing them to within a point.
Witherspoon would be picked off for a 2nd time on WAR’s following drive, but the MACHINE would answer right back, when Beast LB2 got his 2nd interception of the game, two plays later. On the very next play, Witherspoon would again be driven face first into the dirt on a Venom sack.
At this point, it seemed both these heavy-weight teams were wavering. With the score essentially tied, 27-28, the game seemed balanced on a razor’s edge. Where things would go from here was anyone’s guess.
With just 1 quarter remaining, the Venom stepped up to answer the question once-and-for-all.
It would be Venom quarterback QB-Run who would break the log-jam, taking the snap just over a minute into the final frame and rolling out to his left. His 45-yard scamper would put the Venom up for good. https://glb.warriorgeneral.com/game/replay.pl?game_id=49744&pbp_id=1017807
Although WAR would pick off QB-1 one more time before all was said and done, by this point, momentum had clearly shifted to the visiting team, and WAR would have a rough time of it from this point on, with Witherspoon getting sacked 3 more times and getting picked off twice more before the final whistle blew, Tempe ahead 40-28.
Bort Bowl LXXXV had come to an end, capping another exhilarating season. Commissioner Bort would meet the captains from Tempe at center field for the ceremonial presentation of the Lomborti trophy, recognizing the Tempe Venom as the first-ever champions in the new post-World League era.
Congratulations to the new champs!
The Way Forward?
As the cheering and weeping fans made their way out of MACHINE STADIUM to return home, questions immediately began circulating over the future of the game. It was clear that the new 2-pro league format was a success. No one was questioning that. Equally clear was that Goal Line Blitz offered its fans a dotball game engine that was second to none. Anecdotal evidence suggested that a number of older agents had recently returned to the game after, in some cases, many years of absence. Another kernel of die-hard agents never left, and continue supporting the game to this day. All would agree however, that the future of the game depends on attracting new blood – new agents to create their dots and screw up their builds; new agents to purchase teams and launch the next Cobra Kai; new agents who will lie awake at night wondering why their AIs keep outputting the wrong outputs; and new agents to argue with PLAYMAKERS in the forums.
To that end, one wonders whether the powers-that-be at Goal Line Blitz might be open to constructive suggestions on how to attract a new generation of agents to revitalize the game. Would there be value, for example, in a relatively inexpensive campaign on one or more social media platforms, targeting profiles who have indicated ‘football’ as an interest?
Given the obvious amount of work that has gone into creating and perfecting this wonderful game engine, one has to believe that the GLB brass would indeed be interested in seeing their work appreciated by a new and broader generation of agents. The flex isn’t going to buy itself, after all. There are clearly some very smart people here, and it would be strange if the community can’t come together to come up with some new and creative ideas to help revitalize this game we all love.
Epilogue
We hope you’ve enjoyed this season of The Capital Times. Thanks for reading, and remember kids, never eat drugs you find on the floor!
Volume 2, Issue 10
Playoff edition – Bort Bowl LXXXV: For All the Marbles
The bugles blared and the war drums pounded as the Tempe Venom, recently crowned champions of the American Dotball League, made their way through the chanting crowds towards MACHINE STADIUM, clad in its playoff regalia of black-and-blue ribbons and banners that swayed lazily in the afternoon breeze. The banners had been flying since the MACHINE hosted and vanquished their National Dotball League rivals from C-Town, just days earlier to win their first-ever NDL title. The Venom, meanwhile, were still intoxicated with their own victory over their ADL opponents, the Honolulu Wife Carrying Hurricanes.
Seated in his customary seat at the front of the team bus, CoachVenom admonished his charges not to look past the upcoming contest. This would not be his first rodeo; he’d been to a championship game before. He knew there remained one last hurdle to overcome before they could really and truly celebrate, and this one would be their toughest hurdle yet.
Meanwhile, down in the bowels of MACHINE STADIUM, the home team quietly went about its meticulous preparations. Offensive Coordinator mdterpsrock3, Defensive Coordinator poland82, and team owner sportzdude3 readied their dots for what would be the biggest game of their careers, played out on the game’s biggest stage. The MACHINE, we should recall, was a newcomer to GLB’s highest echelon this season. Though they had taken their new league by storm, one final test remained…
The First Half
The crowd roared as Tempe’s Kick Her booted the ball into the sky. After weeks of build up, Bort Bowl LXXXV was finally underway!
On WAR’s first possession, star quarterback Strongarm Witherspoon methodically moved the ball down the field, connecting with FB Seeking Options 3 times before delivering a beautiful 20-yard pass into the waiting arms of WR Marvin Harrison who was waiting in the end zone. The MACHINE had drawn first blood, and would take the early lead.
On the following possession, Tempe pivot QB-1 spread the ball around to 6 different receivers before the drive finally stalled on WAR’s 14-yard line. The Venom kicked the field goal to get themselves on the board.
Witherspoon and Harris would connect again on the following MACHINE drive, this time, with a 71-yard catch-and-run that would put the home side up by a score of 14-3. https://glb.warriorgeneral.com/game/replay.pl?game_id=49744&pbp_id=1017697
Before the first frame was over though, Tempe would answer back, when QB-1 pitched the ball to HB-1 for a 2-yard scamper that would cap off a 65-yard drive.
In the second quarter, WAR would lead yet another charge down the field for their 3rd touchdown of the game to go up by a score of 21-10, but Tempe would answer right back on their next possession to keep the game within reach, scoring a touchdown to bring the Venom within 4.
The first half proceeded at this torrid pace, with each team trading blows and scoring on successive possessions. The pattern would only be broken at the end of the first half when WAR cornerback Geoff Becker stepped in front of a QB-1 pass to intercept it. https://glb.warriorgeneral.com/game/replay.pl?game_id=49744&pbp_id=1017748 . Witherspoon wasted no time in making the most of the turnover, connecting with WR Speed Machine in the end zone just over a minute later to put the home side up 28-17. https://glb.warriorgeneral.com/game/replay.pl?game_id=49744&pbp_id=1017753
As the clock wound down on the first half, it seemed WAR would carry a comfortable 11-point lead with them into the locker room, but Tempe had other ideas. As if to send a message that they would not be rolling over, the Venom marched the ball down the field on the following possession, kicking a field goal with just seconds remaining to bring them to within 8-points as the whistle blew to bring the first half to an end, WAR leading by a score of 28-20.
The Halftime Show
As the whistle blew to mark the end of the first half, the MACHINE STADIUM crew sprang into action, hastily moving into position the pre-arranged stage assembly and activating a sound-and-light show complete with lasers, pyrotechnics, and even a bubble machine (yes – a bubble machine). The show itself was preceded by a voice-over from former rapper, Sway Dotoway, who, during a video montage, encouraged people to get out and vote.
Moments later, the drum machine began hammering out the beat as superstar Janet Dotson marched out onto center stage to perform a medley of her songs, starting with her signature hit, ‘All of You’. Moments later, the lights dimmed and on secondary stage appeared R&B artist P.Dotty, who performed ‘Bad Dot for Life’. Following Dotty’s performance, Kid Dot appeared on yet another secondary stage to perform his hit, ‘Bawitdotba’. It was then back to the main stage, where Dotson was joined by Justin Timberdot before the duo performed ‘Rock Your Dot’.
It was at this point, as the song was concluding, that all hell broke loose. In what has since been described as ‘a wardrobe malfunction’, Timberdot seemingly ripped open Dotson’s blouse, revealing her breast. The crowd gasped as one, aghast at the anarchy that was unfolding below. They didn’t see much, of course – Dotson is a flat, 2-dimensional dot after all. After a moment, the audience began to sense they’d been cheated, and promptly booed the erstwhile duet off the stage.
Which was just as well, as the second half was about to begin…
The Second Half
Although WAR and its fans didn’t yet realise it, their 28-point first half would be the high-water mark for their game. VenomCoach must have given one helluva halftime speech, because when the Venom came out for the second half, they came to play.
It didn’t look that way at first, though. On the Venom’s first possession of the second half, QB-1 was picked off for a second time, this time by Beast LB2. The Venom wasn’t having it though, and on the very next play, Venom DE PR2 blasted past the tackle to sack Witherspoon, driving him into the dirt. https://glb.warriorgeneral.com/game/replay.pl?game_id=49744&pbp_id=1017773 . Witherspoon’s next pass to Speed Machine was knocked loose, and on the next attempt, the Venom came up with their own turnover as SS Zo intercepted a Witherspoon-Harrison deep pass in the end zone for a touchback: https://glb.warriorgeneral.com/game/replay.pl?game_id=49744&pbp_id=1017775
One could feel the morale shift at this point.
On their ensuing possession, the Venom would march the ball 80-yards down field for the major, bringing them to within a point.
Witherspoon would be picked off for a 2nd time on WAR’s following drive, but the MACHINE would answer right back, when Beast LB2 got his 2nd interception of the game, two plays later. On the very next play, Witherspoon would again be driven face first into the dirt on a Venom sack.
At this point, it seemed both these heavy-weight teams were wavering. With the score essentially tied, 27-28, the game seemed balanced on a razor’s edge. Where things would go from here was anyone’s guess.
With just 1 quarter remaining, the Venom stepped up to answer the question once-and-for-all.
It would be Venom quarterback QB-Run who would break the log-jam, taking the snap just over a minute into the final frame and rolling out to his left. His 45-yard scamper would put the Venom up for good. https://glb.warriorgeneral.com/game/replay.pl?game_id=49744&pbp_id=1017807
Although WAR would pick off QB-1 one more time before all was said and done, by this point, momentum had clearly shifted to the visiting team, and WAR would have a rough time of it from this point on, with Witherspoon getting sacked 3 more times and getting picked off twice more before the final whistle blew, Tempe ahead 40-28.
Bort Bowl LXXXV had come to an end, capping another exhilarating season. Commissioner Bort would meet the captains from Tempe at center field for the ceremonial presentation of the Lomborti trophy, recognizing the Tempe Venom as the first-ever champions in the new post-World League era.
Congratulations to the new champs!
The Way Forward?
As the cheering and weeping fans made their way out of MACHINE STADIUM to return home, questions immediately began circulating over the future of the game. It was clear that the new 2-pro league format was a success. No one was questioning that. Equally clear was that Goal Line Blitz offered its fans a dotball game engine that was second to none. Anecdotal evidence suggested that a number of older agents had recently returned to the game after, in some cases, many years of absence. Another kernel of die-hard agents never left, and continue supporting the game to this day. All would agree however, that the future of the game depends on attracting new blood – new agents to create their dots and screw up their builds; new agents to purchase teams and launch the next Cobra Kai; new agents who will lie awake at night wondering why their AIs keep outputting the wrong outputs; and new agents to argue with PLAYMAKERS in the forums.
To that end, one wonders whether the powers-that-be at Goal Line Blitz might be open to constructive suggestions on how to attract a new generation of agents to revitalize the game. Would there be value, for example, in a relatively inexpensive campaign on one or more social media platforms, targeting profiles who have indicated ‘football’ as an interest?
Given the obvious amount of work that has gone into creating and perfecting this wonderful game engine, one has to believe that the GLB brass would indeed be interested in seeing their work appreciated by a new and broader generation of agents. The flex isn’t going to buy itself, after all. There are clearly some very smart people here, and it would be strange if the community can’t come together to come up with some new and creative ideas to help revitalize this game we all love.
Epilogue
We hope you’ve enjoyed this season of The Capital Times. Thanks for reading, and remember kids, never eat drugs you find on the floor!
