Well, the first week's predictions were a mixed bag. Some I not only got right, but actually came really close to getting the score. Others....notsomuch. But I believe in learning from my mistakes so that in the future I'm better prepared to make all new and much more exciting mistakes.
#10 (tied) Yorick's Gravediggers vs. #7 Acheron Xenos
Yorick's GM was pretty sure his team would drop well out of the top ten after blowing last weeks ladder match. But the volatility of the rookie ladder combined with a lot of little upsets brought them right back. And as reward, they get to play the beast that is the Xenos offense.
On paper, things actually look to be in Yorick's favor. They gain more yards and score more points on offense, and they're pretty close on defense. In reality, Acheron is almost certainly the better team, and the stats are the result of Yorick completely blowing up some CPU and inactive teams.
Like last time, my mind says Acheron, but my heart says Yorick.
Yorick 35 - Acheron 24
#10 (tied) Capital Wastelanders vs. #18 South End Revenge
This should be an easy pick. Capital scores a lot more points on offense, and they give up fewer on defense. So, slam dunk, right?
Not so fast. The Wastelanders are easily one of the most erratically performing teams in the rookie ranks. They look absolutely fantastic one week only to follow it up with an unexplained letdown. On the other side, South End is a scrappy little team that always seem to give their opponents fits, even when they ultimately lose.
Unfortunately for South End, though, Capital lost their last ladder which means they're due to win this one, but it'll be close
Capital 13 - South End 7
#9 Alaska Assassins vs #5 Minnesota Stunners
This is a battle of styles. Minnesota is one of the many run-heavy rookies out there, and they are very, very good at what they do which is why they keep running over opponents even though their opponents know exactly what they do. Alaska, on the other hand, is a pass first team with a situational running game. Even though they are different styles, they both have managed to put up a good number of points. On defense, they're both solid. Alaska has slightly better stats, but Minnesota has played slightly better competition so you can't really read much into that.
So what it ultimately comes down to is this. Assassins and Stunners are both pretty cheesy names, but at least Stunners isn't over the top cheese. Why doesn't Alaska just come out and call themselves Alaska Assassin's Quest 13: Moar Monies. Or maybe Alaska Assassin Smash Quest Saga. Whatever.
Minnesota 24 - Alaska 17
#8 Buffalo Beasts of Bourbon vs #4 Victorious Secret
Speaking of buffaloes and Victoria's Secret, have I ever told any of y'all about my ex wife? Let's just say that by the time we got divorced, there just wasn't enough bourbon left in the world to make that work out.
Anyway, both these teams let me down last week. They were both bad, and they should feel bad. I honestly want nothing to do with either of them until they man up and apologize for making me look bad. But since I'm not my psycho ex-wife, I'm not going to hold a grudge for the rest of my mortal life, and instead I'll get on with the picking.
Victorious 38 - Buffalo 14
#6 Sexy Dance Fighters vs #2 Nigerian Minimares
Am I the only one who saw the two team names and went straight to thinking about unspeakable acts with Shetland ponies? Really? Just me? Bull. The rest of you would be like the donkey show in Clerks 2. You know it's wrong, but you just can't make yourself look away.
That's what this game is going to be like. SDF and their run only offense are no match for the total package that the Minimares bring to town. It's going to be a vicious beat down, and you know it's wrong to get excited about such things, but you just won't be able to look away.
Nigerian 49 - Sexy Dance 10
#3 All Madden vs #1 Baby Banger
Baby Banger has shut out every team they've played in league. That sounds impressive until you realize that their league has an average ranking of 330 and the next best team in that league is all the way down at 54 on the rookie ladder. In other words, Baby is just a bunch of bullies taking lunch money from the other kids on the same short bus they're riding. They're prolly even spending that money at Taco Bell and not on Dorito's Loco Tacos which would actually be forgivable. Instead, they're prolly buying those nasty chicken tacos that are soggy and dripping like their taco of an owner.
As for the football side of things, I think Baby seriously outperformed their skill level last week. I don't think they can do it again, especially not against what is almost certainly the best team they've faced yet. All Madden has a true juggernaught of an offense putting up big numbers with both their passing and running games. On defense, they're actually more impressive than Banger as they've held much better teams to a lot fewer points. In fact, last week's ladder game versus Yorick's was the first time they'd allowed any team to score more than twice.
All Madden 31 Baby Banger 13
#10 (tied) Yorick's Gravediggers vs. #7 Acheron Xenos
Yorick's GM was pretty sure his team would drop well out of the top ten after blowing last weeks ladder match. But the volatility of the rookie ladder combined with a lot of little upsets brought them right back. And as reward, they get to play the beast that is the Xenos offense.
On paper, things actually look to be in Yorick's favor. They gain more yards and score more points on offense, and they're pretty close on defense. In reality, Acheron is almost certainly the better team, and the stats are the result of Yorick completely blowing up some CPU and inactive teams.
Like last time, my mind says Acheron, but my heart says Yorick.
Yorick 35 - Acheron 24
#10 (tied) Capital Wastelanders vs. #18 South End Revenge
This should be an easy pick. Capital scores a lot more points on offense, and they give up fewer on defense. So, slam dunk, right?
Not so fast. The Wastelanders are easily one of the most erratically performing teams in the rookie ranks. They look absolutely fantastic one week only to follow it up with an unexplained letdown. On the other side, South End is a scrappy little team that always seem to give their opponents fits, even when they ultimately lose.
Unfortunately for South End, though, Capital lost their last ladder which means they're due to win this one, but it'll be close
Capital 13 - South End 7
#9 Alaska Assassins vs #5 Minnesota Stunners
This is a battle of styles. Minnesota is one of the many run-heavy rookies out there, and they are very, very good at what they do which is why they keep running over opponents even though their opponents know exactly what they do. Alaska, on the other hand, is a pass first team with a situational running game. Even though they are different styles, they both have managed to put up a good number of points. On defense, they're both solid. Alaska has slightly better stats, but Minnesota has played slightly better competition so you can't really read much into that.
So what it ultimately comes down to is this. Assassins and Stunners are both pretty cheesy names, but at least Stunners isn't over the top cheese. Why doesn't Alaska just come out and call themselves Alaska Assassin's Quest 13: Moar Monies. Or maybe Alaska Assassin Smash Quest Saga. Whatever.
Minnesota 24 - Alaska 17
#8 Buffalo Beasts of Bourbon vs #4 Victorious Secret
Speaking of buffaloes and Victoria's Secret, have I ever told any of y'all about my ex wife? Let's just say that by the time we got divorced, there just wasn't enough bourbon left in the world to make that work out.
Anyway, both these teams let me down last week. They were both bad, and they should feel bad. I honestly want nothing to do with either of them until they man up and apologize for making me look bad. But since I'm not my psycho ex-wife, I'm not going to hold a grudge for the rest of my mortal life, and instead I'll get on with the picking.
Victorious 38 - Buffalo 14
#6 Sexy Dance Fighters vs #2 Nigerian Minimares
Am I the only one who saw the two team names and went straight to thinking about unspeakable acts with Shetland ponies? Really? Just me? Bull. The rest of you would be like the donkey show in Clerks 2. You know it's wrong, but you just can't make yourself look away.
That's what this game is going to be like. SDF and their run only offense are no match for the total package that the Minimares bring to town. It's going to be a vicious beat down, and you know it's wrong to get excited about such things, but you just won't be able to look away.
Nigerian 49 - Sexy Dance 10
#3 All Madden vs #1 Baby Banger
Baby Banger has shut out every team they've played in league. That sounds impressive until you realize that their league has an average ranking of 330 and the next best team in that league is all the way down at 54 on the rookie ladder. In other words, Baby is just a bunch of bullies taking lunch money from the other kids on the same short bus they're riding. They're prolly even spending that money at Taco Bell and not on Dorito's Loco Tacos which would actually be forgivable. Instead, they're prolly buying those nasty chicken tacos that are soggy and dripping like their taco of an owner.
As for the football side of things, I think Baby seriously outperformed their skill level last week. I don't think they can do it again, especially not against what is almost certainly the best team they've faced yet. All Madden has a true juggernaught of an offense putting up big numbers with both their passing and running games. On defense, they're actually more impressive than Banger as they've held much better teams to a lot fewer points. In fact, last week's ladder game versus Yorick's was the first time they'd allowed any team to score more than twice.
All Madden 31 Baby Banger 13
