Record in week 1: 2-2 in alpha, 3-1 in zeta, you can guess which side I know more about. Again, these are mere WAGs, so don't get your panties in a bunch if you disagree. Actually, if you are reading this and you are wearing panties then I would love it if you would post a pic. *no homo*
Let's get on to ROUND 2:
Alpha:
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Eastern European Alliance 64 - Three Mile Island Meltdowns 4.5
Not really a fair match when an entire group of nations go up against an isolated Island. The last game was a 64-3 blowout by EEA. So the good news is I think that 3Mile will improve their performance on offense by 50% while holding steady on defense. I don't see EEA losing against another alpha team the rest of the season. They are just that good. A very good season by 3Mile comes to an end this week but hosting a playoff game and advancing to round two is nothing to be ashamed of. EEA is just two games from a World League appearance. Don't f(*) it up!
Key player: Biff Beefcake
Gold Coast Vipers 30 - Christchurch Fighting Maori 23
If you get bit by a Viper that shit can sting. But try walking down a dark alley and some mo-fo straight out of the Tiki room jumps out at you. That could stain your pants in a hurry. My biggest gaffe in my round 1 predictions was underestimating the Christchurch Fighting Maori. They manhandled D'Haran Legion in round 1 and are looking to turn around a regular season loss to the Vipers. It was 30-10 in the regular season, but if the Maori can slow down the Vipers running attack (and I think they will) then this game will be much closer.
Key player(s): Wyatt Daniel/Herschel Walker
Zeta:
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Atlantis Lost Souls 70 - Island of Misfit Whores 24
A lost soul may not sound dangerous. But try to picture that ghost army in Lord of the Rings or those cloudy bitches that popped out of the gold chest at the end of Indiana Jones and you can imagine the damage that they could do. A whores greatest weapon is typically a slow-acting STD that will kill you eventually after you go on a fun ride. But when you are a ghost I am guessing they are immune to herpes. Atlantis threw three interceptions last game and still won by 32. The Whores need to pick off those passes and return them to the house. And Walter Paytoon needs to be stopped. That is a tall order. Should be a good game, but I expect the Island to take some chances and wind up getting burnt, but you gotta give it a shot.
Key player: Walter Paytoon
Sin City Silent Assassins 35 - Berlin Kreuzberg Red Stars 34
This is going to be the best game to watch. An assassin can sneak up from behind you and cut your throat. The Red Stars sound like some German army regiment or maybe a soccer team. Last time the Assassins tried to sneak in and were caught by flood lights and the guards on the tower shot the shit out of them. But they are wiser now and will try not to waste their second chance. This game could go either way but I think Berlin is left ruing another 2nd round playoff exit.
Key player: Knowshon Moreno UGA
Let's get on to ROUND 2:
Alpha:
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Eastern European Alliance 64 - Three Mile Island Meltdowns 4.5
Not really a fair match when an entire group of nations go up against an isolated Island. The last game was a 64-3 blowout by EEA. So the good news is I think that 3Mile will improve their performance on offense by 50% while holding steady on defense. I don't see EEA losing against another alpha team the rest of the season. They are just that good. A very good season by 3Mile comes to an end this week but hosting a playoff game and advancing to round two is nothing to be ashamed of. EEA is just two games from a World League appearance. Don't f(*) it up!
Key player: Biff Beefcake
Gold Coast Vipers 30 - Christchurch Fighting Maori 23
If you get bit by a Viper that shit can sting. But try walking down a dark alley and some mo-fo straight out of the Tiki room jumps out at you. That could stain your pants in a hurry. My biggest gaffe in my round 1 predictions was underestimating the Christchurch Fighting Maori. They manhandled D'Haran Legion in round 1 and are looking to turn around a regular season loss to the Vipers. It was 30-10 in the regular season, but if the Maori can slow down the Vipers running attack (and I think they will) then this game will be much closer.
Key player(s): Wyatt Daniel/Herschel Walker
Zeta:
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Atlantis Lost Souls 70 - Island of Misfit Whores 24
A lost soul may not sound dangerous. But try to picture that ghost army in Lord of the Rings or those cloudy bitches that popped out of the gold chest at the end of Indiana Jones and you can imagine the damage that they could do. A whores greatest weapon is typically a slow-acting STD that will kill you eventually after you go on a fun ride. But when you are a ghost I am guessing they are immune to herpes. Atlantis threw three interceptions last game and still won by 32. The Whores need to pick off those passes and return them to the house. And Walter Paytoon needs to be stopped. That is a tall order. Should be a good game, but I expect the Island to take some chances and wind up getting burnt, but you gotta give it a shot.
Key player: Walter Paytoon
Sin City Silent Assassins 35 - Berlin Kreuzberg Red Stars 34
This is going to be the best game to watch. An assassin can sneak up from behind you and cut your throat. The Red Stars sound like some German army regiment or maybe a soccer team. Last time the Assassins tried to sneak in and were caught by flood lights and the guards on the tower shot the shit out of them. But they are wiser now and will try not to waste their second chance. This game could go either way but I think Berlin is left ruing another 2nd round playoff exit.
Key player: Knowshon Moreno UGA
