Warrior General Games

Week 1 is done and we go on to week 2!
We are still alive after week 1.......................
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Hs7zIyFRhg

Welcome to week 2 and the 2nd issue of the Sport's Page!
It's true, we are now ready for game #2 and it should be an assbuster week!
We have a #1 vs #2 match up in the Zeta GOW!
We have a top 4 ranking war in the Alpha GOW!
Plus a mouthful of tasty games to keep you satisfied until week 3! Snickers ain't got shit on GLB!
So let's just get straight to this shit!


Alpha Wins the Inter-Conference War Games for Season 15!!
Alpha had 9 wins over the 7 wins of Zeta. So congrats to all the Alphites on a fine representation of your conference and winning the Inter-Conference War games of season 15! Yay!
Way to kick some Zetarian ass!


SA's Player of the Week
The first POW of season 15 goes to.....................
La Tourette Syndrome WR James Bomber Murphy! Yay!
He only had 3 receptions, but he made them count as 2 of them went for TD's in the fourth quarter and the 2nd was an 80+ yarder and the game winning touchdown!
Now that is clutch!
So here's to you, James Bomber Murphy..............................
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/beer4.jpg


Will we have a new #1 in Zeta?
Will your team still be undefeated after two?
Or will your team sink to the bottom like when after I take a #2?
Enough with all the questions! There is only one true way to find out these answers, so shut yer' yap and read the Sport's Page, chuckle heads!!


One for the money,
Two for the show,
Three to make ready
and four to.................................

..................LET'S DO THIS SHIT!!!


You may or may not agree with them, but this is how I see them.

****ALPHA CONFERENCE POWER RANKINGS****

LW = Last Week ranking
* = Play Off spot clinched

#1 Chocolate Blaze (1-0) LW4 - Like you guys were really gonna’ lose that game 1. What feeble minded college student doesn’t love chocolate?
So I crown you guys my first LEGAL #1 team of season 15, congrats.
And it will be the duty of La Tourette to be the first to try and knock you off of your perch.
La Tourette is a tough team, but sometimes Tourettes can be funny……….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSfHryQzNkI
Next opponent: #10 La Tourette Syndrome (1-0)

#2 Honolulu Hurricane Wife Carriers (1-0) LW15 - So you guys beat up on a team that you had a significant ratings advantage over. But if you want to beat a team like the wrath you will need to go from Wife Carriers to wife beaters!
Believe me, I wish I had done that the four times I caught my ex with that Samoan dude, Ugh-Ugh, who lived down the street………………….that slut.
Next opponent: #5 Warsaw Wrath (1-0)

#3 East St Louis Tire Fires (1-0) LW9 - Geez, you made the Ministry of Dotball look like the Morons of Dotball.
82-17?
Really?
Was the 82 points really necessary?
That’s just mean, man. Real mean.
Next opponent: at #4 Haliblack Rap Esplosion (1-0)

#4 [HURF]ifax Explo[/DURF] (1-0) LW11 - Great job, Haliblack’ers!
Looks like the Rap Esplosion esploded all over the Destroyers faces to get a week 1 win!
Time to put those rap skills to use against the Tire Fires.
Next opponent: #3 East St Louis Tire Fires (1-0)

#5 Warsaw Wrath (1-0) LW13 - The Wrath beat the Dakar Dragons in game 1.
I must admit, I gave them some secret advice on how to beat the Dragons.
I told them the best way to win the game is by practicing taming your own dragon in the privacy of your own home, or parents basement. I usually tame mine with a lotion, preferably one that softens hands while you tame your dragon.
So they must have taken my advice and had a group taming session, because they won the game.
No need to thank me Wrath’ers, my reward comes from the joy of knowing that a good lotion can stop chaffing and make your skin smooth and kissable.
Next opponent: at #2 Honolulu Hurricane Wife Carriers (1-0)

#6 Krungthep Garudas (1-0) LW2 - Well if you guys remember in the Pre Season issue, a Garuda is a spicy broth made from onions, peppers and cactus. That would be delicious on some roasted Battle Chicken.
Mmmmmmmm, roasted Battle Chicken smothered in a spicy broth made of onions, peppers and cactus.
Simply delish!
Next opponent: #8 Sparta Battle Chickens (1-0)

#7 Providence Radicals (1-0) LW14 - Way to get that first win of the season, and you did it in such Radical fashion too. You guys were a little calm in the first half, but after that half time speech head coach GridIronKing34 gave, you guys got way too radical and took over the second half.
Is there such a thing as being “way too radical”?
No?
I thought not.
Next opponent: at #9 Indianapolis Gurupies (1-0)

#8 Sparta Battle Chickens (1-0) LW16 - Well you survived C-Town, which is good because they love them some chicken wings in C-Town.
But you guys are from Sparta and not KFC, so no wonder you won the game.
Up next are the Garudas, whatever that is.
Next opponent: at #6 Krungthep Garudas (1-0)

#9 Indianapolis Gurupies (1-0) LW7 - That week one win just goes to show that a Mastermind can’t beat a Guru....Groupie…….Guppies…..aw fuck it! They couldn’t beat you guys, ok?!
Time to take on the Radicals, and they can get pretty fucking radical, too.
Next opponent: #7 Providence Radicals (1-0)

#10 La Tourette Syndrome (1-0) LW1 - Great job on getting that week 1 victory over the Prophecy. They had the edge by using their mystical powers to see the future, plus they had your handicap of Tourettes to use as an edge. You guys kept getting in the huddle and yelling out the plays for no dam reason due to your Tourettes.
So way to go, you handicapped bastards!
Next opponent: at #1 Chocolate Blaze (1-0)

#11 Queen City Black Cats (0-1) LW11 - Well that was a pretty tough loss to the Shockers. Making that come back just to lose it on a last minute FG is hard, but that’s the way the shit stinks, dudes.
Time for you pussy cats to get on the winning track and get a W over the Wildfire next week.
Next opponent: at #16 October Wildfire (0-1)

#12 Graz Grizzlies (0-1) LW8 - Here is why you lost to the Smugglers.
Last week you happen to play those dudes when they were smuggling FURS!
So now you guys are 0-1 AND have no dam fur left.
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/cool-cartoon-177661.png
Way to go Yogi.
Better luck vs. the Jam next week.
Next opponent: #14 NBA Jam (0-1)

#13 Windhoek White Rhinos (0-1) LW3 - Looks like the Rhino’s got rode hard and put away wet against the Roughriders in game 1. Better get ready to get rode again with more “riders” with the Ghost Riders up next.
Next opponent: #15 Ghost Riders In The Sky (0-1)

#14 NBA Jam (0-1) LW5 - Well you Jam’ers got fouled out in game 1.
If you haven’t figured it out yet maybe I can help you guys out.
Do you want to know why you lost that game?
You guys are playing the wrong game! This is dotball, not basketball!
“He’s heating up!!” won’t work in GLB. So try again next week.
Next opponent: at #12 Graz Grizzlies (0-1)

#15 Ghost Riders In The Sky (0-1) LW10 - The Dynamo was just too much for the Ghost Riders in week 1. But really, you guys are a skeleton in a biker jacket. Did you really think you could stand up to real players?
Didn’t you guys ever see Scary Movie 2?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7RBcinXk8Q
Next opponent: at #13 Windhoek White Rhinos (0-1)

#16 October Wildfire (0-1) LW6 - Well it looks like Valhalla called down all the valkyries, Thor, Odin, Eric the Viking and all the rest of the gods to piss on the Wildfire’s season 15 debut. But that’s what you get for starting forest fires.
Next opponent: #11 Queen City Black Cats (0-1)


*****WEEK 2 ALPHA CONFERENCE PREDICTIONS*****

So I’ll keep track of my predictions week by week just to see if I am any dam good. In the Game of the Week's (GOW) I'll go up against my old pal, the On Line Magic 8 Ball http://av.vet.ksu.edu/flash/8ball/
Yes, I really do consult an On Line Magic 8 Ball.

Here's my prediction record week by week.

Week 1: 7-1 Week 2:

Overall: 7-1
SA’s GOW: 1-0
Magic 8 Ball’s GOW: 0-1


#5 Warsaw Wrath (1-0) at #2 Honolulu Hurricane Wife Carriers (1-0) = Honolulu Hurricane Wife Carriers
Game Rating: 4/6 beers

#7 Providence Radicals (1-0) at #9 Indianapolis Gurupies (1-0) = Indianapolis Gurupies
Game Rating: 4/6 beers

#10 La Tourette Syndrome (1-0) at #1 Chocolate Blaze (1-0) = Chocolate Blaze
Game Rating: 4/6 beers

#8 Sparta Battle Chickens (1-0) at #6 Krungthep Garudas (1-0) = Krungthep Garudas
Game Rating: 4/6 beers

#3 East St Louis Tire Fires (1-0) at #4 Haliblack Rap Esplosion (1-0) = East St Louis Tire Fires
Game Rating: 6/6 beers

#11 Queen City Black Cats (0-1) at #16 October Wildfire (0-1) = Queen City Black Cats
Game Rating: 3/6 beers

#14 NBA Jam (0-1) at #12 Graz Grizzlies (0-1) = NBA Jam
Game Rating: 3/6 beers

#15 Ghost Riders In The Sky (0-1) at #13 Windhoek White Rhinos (0-1) = Windhoek White Rhinos
Game Rating: 3/6 beers


*Game Of The Week* (GOW)
#3 East St Louis Tire Fires (1-0) at #4 Haliblack Rap Esplosion (1-0) -
#3 vs #4!!
It’s the Tire Fires vs the Rap Esplosion!
Two teams fighting for a top 4 ranking and only one can have it!
What’s allowed in the GOW?
EVERYTHING!
Setting fires using tires?
YOU KNOW IT!
Throwing down a killer beat and rapping until you esplode?
AW, SHIT YEAH!
Taking a two inch crescent wrench and clamping down on the opponents testicles while twisting so hard until you hear a sickening crunch and yelling “YAHTZEE!”?
Well…..uhm…….sure, why not?
Whatever you can get away with, just do it!
Whatever is left in a semi-conscious state, wins!
Magic 8 Ball says: http://av.vet.ksu.edu/flash/8ball
Question: Will the Tire Fires beat the Rap Esplosion?
8 Ball's answer: Most likely.
SA's Pick: East St Louis Tire Fires
Magic 8 Ball Pick: East St Louis Tire Fires

31/48 beers! – 31 beers!!! We have a 31 beer week!!
Holy shit balls!
Honestly, this early in the season every game is worth watching. So maybe drink one beer to all the rest of the games, drink an extra or two for your team’s game and then save the rest for the GOW!!
The East St Louis Tire Fires head west to take on the Haliblack Rap Esplosion in a Top 4 War!!
So light the coals on the grill.
Put the beers on ice.
Give the kids $20 and send them to the mall.
Take the phone of the hook.
Order a massage with the happy ending and then sit back and enjoy a full slate of GLB nut kicking action!!

Let’s do this shit!!

Good luck to all the teams in the Alpha!

____________________________________________________________________________


****ZETA CONFERENCE POWER RANKINGS****

LW = Last Week Ranking
* = Play Off spot clinched

#1 Valhalla (1-0) LW2 - G……….O………W!
There is no substitute.
Next opponent: at #2 Bonn Dynamo (1-0)

#2 Bonn Dynamo (1-0) LW14 - No talkie, just do your talking in the GOW!
Next opponent: #1 Valhalla (1-0)

#3 So Cal BDC (1-0) LW15 - This may be an odd question, but does BDC stand for Bull Dyke Californians?
Just curious is all.
Next opponent: #8 Minneapolis Masterminds (0-1)

#4 Porto Alegre Smugglers (1-0) LW9 - Last week they smuggled in bear skins to sell on the black market. This week they will be smuggling some Hoodlums to some crazy Eastern Europeans for people to torture and kill.
Didn’t you ever see Hostel?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOPxVRW00NM
Next opponent: at #9 C-Town Hoodlums (0-1)

#5 Cincinnati Shockers (1-0) LW4 - Well if you guys get beat by Moose Jaw, please make sure you thank them for using Roughrider brand condoms.
For comfort and security, use Roughrider condoms.
Next opponent: #6 Moose Jaw Roughriders (1-0)

#6 Moose Jaw Roughriders (1-0) LW10 - That’s one down and 15 to go for the Roughriders.
Not only are the Roughriders a team to contend with, but they are also the official prophylactic of GLB.
Salute!
Next opponent: at #5 Cincinnati Shockers (1-0)

#7 Mayan Prophecy (0-1) LW8 - Your prophecies did not work. If you guys can’t even win a game using your prophecies, then why the hell should anyone believe you about 2012?
Next opponent: #14 College Town NWA Feeble Minds (0-1)

#8 Minneapolis Masterminds (0-1) LW1 - Well you guys are master of none right now.
Maybe you guys are shooting too high. Maybe instead of calling yourselves Masterminds, you should try and go with something that you KNOW you can master.
Like Masterplay-doh or Masterchewingbubblegumandwalkingatthesametime.
Next opponent: at #3 So Cal BDC (1-0)

#9 C-Town Hoodlums (0-1) LW5 - I know all you hoods in C-Town were lickin’ your chops at the thought of Battle Chicken wings for supper, but that meal may have to wait for post season.
Why not see if the Smugglers would be willing to smuggle in some exotic meat to throw on the grill after you get done beating them.
Maybe something like, yak meat. Nothing like slow smoking a nice hunk of yak ass.
Next opponent: #4 Porto Alegre Smugglers (1-0)

#10 Lincoln Navigators (0-1) LW3 - The radicals were just too much for the Navigators, which is really odd because Lincoln Navigators can comfortably seat 8 and has a fold down in the back.
Maybe Sofia is more your speed.
Next opponent: #11 Sofia Spiders (0-1)

#11 Sofia Spiders (0-1) LW7 - Well I can’t really blame you for losing that one. I mean, how in the hell do you defend against a Garuda?
What the hell is a Garuda anyways?
Some say it’s a mythical beast that protects the myths of mythical beasts.
Legends say it’s an ancient device used by sailors to help them navigate the treacherous seas at night by using the position of the moon. Of course if it is daytime then you’re fucked.
And historical cookbooks say it is a spicy broth made up of onions, peppers and cactus.
I think it was the team that just kicked your asses.
I’ll have to Google Garuda someday.
Navigators are up next.
Next opponent: at #10 Lincoln Navigators (0-1)

#12 Korb Destroyers (0-1) LW16 - You guys ended up getting destroyed instead of destroying Haliblack.
But take solace in the fact that Dakar is up next. If you guys are good, they just might actually use the plan I suggest for them. (see below)
Next opponent: at #13 Dakar Dragons (0-1)

#13 Dakar Dragons (0-1) LW11 - Well the Warsaw Wrath really gave it to you Dragon’s.
But cry no more, for SA is here to save the day!
I have come up with a brilliant plan for you guys against Korb!
First, we put up a huge poster of your WR Chazno Moss…………..
http://goallineblitz.com/game/player.pl?player_id=642613
….then we wait.
…………………
…………………
…………………
…………………
…..huh?
What is the rest of the plan?
Sorry, I didn’t get that far, but look at Chazno’s tits!!
Next opponent: #12 Korb Destroyers (0-1)

#14 College Town NWA Feeble Minds (0-1) LW13 - Well, these guys played just like their name says, with feeble minds.
It’s time to put that college town edumacation’s to work for you and get a win and stop wasting your parents money.
Next opponent: at #7 Mayan Prophecy (0-1)

#15 Ministry of Dotball (0-1) LW12 - Well maybe you guys can administer the ministry by way of ministers of the Ministry of Dotball to the Machu Picchu gang.
They’ve been bad and could use a good ministering.
Next opponent: #16 Machu Picchu Hidden Dragons (0-1)

#16 Machu Picchu Hidden Dragons (0-1) LW6 - Well congratulations to the Hidden Dragons for being the week 1 #16 team. Yay!
The way you guys are playing, maybe you should change your name from the Hidden Dragons to the Hidden GLB Skills. You guys hid them so good that you lost them.
ALL of them.
Next opponent: at #15 Ministry of Dotball (0-1)


*****WEEK 2 ZETA CONFERENCE PREDICTIONS*****

Here's my prediction record week by week.

Week 1: 4-4 Week 2:

Overall: 4-4
SA’s GOW: 1-0
Magic 8 Ball’s GOW: 0-1


#1 Valhalla (1-0) at #2 Bonn Dynamo (1-0) = Valhalla
Game Rating: 6/6 beers

#12 Korb Destroyers (0-1) at #13 Dakar Dragons (0-1) = Korb Destroyers
Game Rating: 3/6 beers

#11 Sofia Spiders (0-1) at #10 Lincoln Navigators (0-1) = Lincoln Navigators
Game Rating: 3/6 beers

#14 College Town NWA Feeble Minds (0-1) at #7 Mayan Prophecy (0-1) = Mayan Prophecy
Game Rating: 3/6 beers

#4 Porto Alegre Smugglers (1-0) at #9 C-Town Hoodlums (0-1) = Porto Alegre Smugglers
Game Rating: 3/6 beers

#6 Moose Jaw Roughriders (1-0) at #5 Cincinnati Shockers (1-0) = Cincinnati Shockers
Game Rating: 5/6 beers

#8 Minneapolis Masterminds (0-1) at #3 So Cal BDC (1-0) = So Cal BDC
Game Rating: 4/6 beers

#16 Machu Picchu Hidden Dragons (0-1) at #15 Ministry of Dotball (0-1) = Ministry of Dotball
Game Rating: 3/6 beers


*Game Of The Week* (GOW)
#1 Valhalla (1-0) at #2 Bonn Dynamo (1-0) -
Sound the alarm! We have our first 1 vs 2 match!! Yay!
And you can only find this kind of shit in…..Thunder Dome!!!
Two teams enter!
One team leaves!
Did you think we would have bitch matches all season long?
Some said we WOULDN’T have this match up!
Some said we COULDN’T have this match up!
Some said we SHOULDN’T have this match up!
Well……..here it is, dick heads!
#1 Valhalla starts the season off with its first title defense against the Bonn Dynamo!
We’re going to make this one a Diddlin’ Rosie O’Donnell match!
The first team to have one guy screw Rosie O’Donnell without throwing up, turning to stone, having their head ripped off by Rosie or getting lost in her fat ass cheeks, wins!
Copulation is a must and we will be checking.
This game has given me my first GLB chubby of the season. Thank you, schedule making gods.
Magic 8 Ball says: http://av.vet.ksu.edu/flash/8ball
Question: Will the Valhalla beat the Dynamo?
8 Ball's answer: Most likely.
SA's Pick: Valhalla
Magic 8 Ball Pick: Valhalla

29/48 beers! – 29 beers in Zeta for week 2! Yahoo!
So have one or two for your team’s game and save the rest for a #1 vs #2 match up in this week’s GOW!
#1 Valhalla goes to #2 Bonn Dynamo to have it out and see who will be next week’s #1 team to reign supreme!
Who needs money, friends, sex, food, air or water when you have GLB to play?
All you need is a lot of flex, a good AI and plenty of fun filled match ups to keep you going through life.

Let’s do this shit!!

Good luck to all the teams in Zeta!

Whatever a Garuda is...they kill spiders

boom!

#6 Moose Jaw Roughriders (1-0) at #5 Cincinnati Shockers (1-0) = Cincinnati Shockers
Game Rating: 5/6 beers

#8 Minneapolis Masterminds (0-1) at #3 So Cal BDC (1-0) = So Cal BDC
Game Rating: 4/6 beers



almost certainly better games than the Zeta GOTW up there

u crazy son bitch

Haliblack Rap Esplosion (1-0) -


who

Wow, that is definitely an amazing write up! I literally laughed out loud several times. You're a tough critic putting the winner of the game of the week at #10.

why do we need 6 different power ranking topics


can't we just make a subforum?

I'm way confused on how the week 1 predictions were split up into 8 Alpha and 8 Zeta games.

Hood, Warsaw & MOD too low

Wow... was hoping you'd summon the energy and time to do another one, and am very glad you delivered. Great read... really enhances my enjoyment of the game. Would be nice if the mods 'stickied' the current week's issue.

Great Work as always SA

Great job again SA. Thanks for the POW recognition for "Bomber" too. http://goallineblitz.com/game/player.pl?player_id=764902

Nice job SA. Thanks for putting forth the time and effort!

Originally posted by StiffarmSteve
Nice job SA. Thanks for putting forth the time and effort!

This.