Dot Van Pelt: "Breaking news as we are getting word that Freddie Mitchell, now of the Dakar Dragons, has been arrested. http://tinyurl.com/yah2nve Now here's Chris Bortensen for more."
Chris Bortensen: "Thanks Dot. My always ironclad sources are telling me that Mitchell has been detained in Philadelphia, PA for failure to pay child support. We do have a tape of Mitchell being detained."
*plays tape*
"Hey man, do you know who I am? I'm Freddie Mitchell! The People's Champ! 4th and 26 Freddie! Be careful with my hands, man! Those are my moneymakers! You can't arrest me! I'm a goddamn superstar! This ain't fair!"
Bortensen: "Not much else to report at this time, but this continues a string of... hang on, I'm getting a call here..."
*looks at phone*
"Whoa, this is Freddie himself calling me. Let's put him on the air!" *answers phone* "Hey Freddie."
Freddie Mitchell: "What's good Chris?"
Bortensen: "Why are you calling me? Aren't you in jail?"
Mitchell: "Yeah, this is my one phone call. I knew you guys were on the air. Wassup ladies? Daddy will be home soon!"
Bortensen: "Um, okay, so we hear that you failed to pay your child support."
Mitchell: "IT'S NOT MINE! Now, I definitely got it on with this girl, but FredEx always keeps the Delivery Boy wrapped tight, know what I'm sayin'? You see, before moving up to a real league, I patronized my fair share of APL groupies, and this particular female was one of the more notorious ones. Now she wants to bleed her most successful partner for all the cash she can get. But... I know who really knocked her up!"
Bortensen: "Just a disclaimer, we stand by none of this, please don't sue us. So, was it another player?"
Mitchell: "None other than Edward Earl Reed. The groupies usually pass over him, the poor guy, but this one liked to loiter around the loser's locker room. That's actually how I met her! Hmmm, it's really Vegas' fault that I got arrested, now that I think about it."
Bortensen: "Doesn't your lawyer advise you against making these statements?"
Mitchell: "Aw yeah, but he can't hear me, he's in his cell right now."
Bortensen: "Ummm... okay... anyways, when will you be back to your team?"
Mitchell: "In a few days. I'm kinda dry on bail money right now, after the ice castle I tried to build in Dakar melted, um, three times. So I'm gonna speak to the female prisoners instead. I mean, they might not be Foxxxes, but at least they got three holes, right?"
Bortensen: "Wow, glad there's no FCC here. Do you expect to face any league discipline?"
Mitchell: "Those World League cats are too busy jerking each other off to hand down any discipline. So, no, I don't expect to face discipline. I have a lot of lessons to teach the young wideouts on my new team, so I hope I can get back there soon."
Bortensen: "Anything else for us, Freddie?"
Mitchell: "Oh yeah. In commemoration of my return to the World League, Freddie's Foxxxes is reopening its global locations, and thank God for those liberal European decency laws... hey man, it ain't been three minutes!... don't pull me away from this phone! You can't do that! I'm a fucking superstar!!!" *hangs up*
Bortensen: "And that was your newest APL Live analyst, Freddie Mitchell."
Chris Bortensen: "Thanks Dot. My always ironclad sources are telling me that Mitchell has been detained in Philadelphia, PA for failure to pay child support. We do have a tape of Mitchell being detained."
*plays tape*
"Hey man, do you know who I am? I'm Freddie Mitchell! The People's Champ! 4th and 26 Freddie! Be careful with my hands, man! Those are my moneymakers! You can't arrest me! I'm a goddamn superstar! This ain't fair!"
Bortensen: "Not much else to report at this time, but this continues a string of... hang on, I'm getting a call here..."
*looks at phone*
"Whoa, this is Freddie himself calling me. Let's put him on the air!" *answers phone* "Hey Freddie."
Freddie Mitchell: "What's good Chris?"
Bortensen: "Why are you calling me? Aren't you in jail?"
Mitchell: "Yeah, this is my one phone call. I knew you guys were on the air. Wassup ladies? Daddy will be home soon!"
Bortensen: "Um, okay, so we hear that you failed to pay your child support."
Mitchell: "IT'S NOT MINE! Now, I definitely got it on with this girl, but FredEx always keeps the Delivery Boy wrapped tight, know what I'm sayin'? You see, before moving up to a real league, I patronized my fair share of APL groupies, and this particular female was one of the more notorious ones. Now she wants to bleed her most successful partner for all the cash she can get. But... I know who really knocked her up!"
Bortensen: "Just a disclaimer, we stand by none of this, please don't sue us. So, was it another player?"
Mitchell: "None other than Edward Earl Reed. The groupies usually pass over him, the poor guy, but this one liked to loiter around the loser's locker room. That's actually how I met her! Hmmm, it's really Vegas' fault that I got arrested, now that I think about it."
Bortensen: "Doesn't your lawyer advise you against making these statements?"
Mitchell: "Aw yeah, but he can't hear me, he's in his cell right now."
Bortensen: "Ummm... okay... anyways, when will you be back to your team?"
Mitchell: "In a few days. I'm kinda dry on bail money right now, after the ice castle I tried to build in Dakar melted, um, three times. So I'm gonna speak to the female prisoners instead. I mean, they might not be Foxxxes, but at least they got three holes, right?"
Bortensen: "Wow, glad there's no FCC here. Do you expect to face any league discipline?"
Mitchell: "Those World League cats are too busy jerking each other off to hand down any discipline. So, no, I don't expect to face discipline. I have a lot of lessons to teach the young wideouts on my new team, so I hope I can get back there soon."
Bortensen: "Anything else for us, Freddie?"
Mitchell: "Oh yeah. In commemoration of my return to the World League, Freddie's Foxxxes is reopening its global locations, and thank God for those liberal European decency laws... hey man, it ain't been three minutes!... don't pull me away from this phone! You can't do that! I'm a fucking superstar!!!" *hangs up*
Bortensen: "And that was your newest APL Live analyst, Freddie Mitchell."
Edited by FredEx on Dec 6, 2009 19:16:02
