The “official” Speeds CraptasticWeek 12 Picks – anything written that you liked and was good is obviously stolen from someone else. All crap writing is mine,
Big Fatty of the Week
Seychelles Roosters 7-5-0 Vs MI Zulu Nation 10-2-0
I can't really say anything bad about these teams. I mean, I have plenty of bad things to say about them. But they'll probably fold, and every time somebody folds it seems like suddenly all their good players are on the Ocho. Then they have access to our team forum and I'm worried I called them something insulting like a cousin fucker or duke fan in previous write ups and things might get nasty. So as far as I'm concerned, all these teams are full of great agents who are really cool! So just consider this an early, hello and welcome after your team folds in season 12! Zulu over comes the Cocks in the end. <snicker>
The Chad OchoCinco 12-0-0 Vs Nigerian Nightmares 7-5-0
So we almost lose to the ankle biters and next thing I know there is a new high level CB and WR on the team. I don't know why Tareton keeps signing all these dudes from busted CPU teams anyway. I was telling him all he needs is my 2 players. Just set them as the starter at every position and I'll play them all at once. I'm not a team player... I'm a team, player (c) Jay-Z. But then Turkish said you can't do multiple positions at the same time. And I was like YOUR MOM DOES MULTIPLE POSITIONS AT THE SAME TIME and now he won't respond to my messages. I NEED THAT EQUIPMENT MONEY TURK! I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that C85 wins this game by more than they did overcoming the little doggies.
MaRAWK!! o 10-2-0 Vs Mauritius Mountain Lions 7-5-0
Speaking of large farts, the Rawk are coming into this game clawing to stay near the top of the standings. Despite relying on a Season 2 “How to Own a GLB Team for Dummies” guide book the O is still rolling along. Leaked footage of BillSaid’s new “motivational” song and dance with a brief cameo by the “new” Sue Acula ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMvxinBkOZU ). Don’t really understand the Kamal title but rumor has it in Swahilish it roughly translates into Death to the Lions! The Lions remind me of a 16 year old virgin.. starts off fast and exciting but blows quickly and ends up looking like a retard (http://b.mektroid.net/i_came.jpg ). The Pussies really need this win to stay in the playoff hunt. I’m sure Bill and Sue are all hot and bothered after seeing retards and Pussies in the same paragraph, but try to hold it together boys! I see the ones who like to Rawk coming out ahead on this one
Lethoso Rollers 8-4-0 Vs Uganda Mounties 4-8-0
Lets just get it out and done in the beginning for techie get his groove on! ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0Cp62cDeuI ) Should be a flat ass whipping by the Rollers
Madagascar Wild 8-4-0 Vs Kenya's Blood Leopards 0-12-0
The Wild are trying to give balony pony a great send off! This game helps! Slaughter time! Wild win, and win big.. not Sue Acula’s mom big. That’s fooking scary big right there!!
Rhodesian Ridgebacks 2-10-0 Vs Swaziland Dachshunds 8-4-0
Gotta say.. Zulu were my adopted team and I still love em.. but the fightin’ ankle bitin’ wieners have stolen my heart! Looking at their schedule they just are right on the cusp of being a top 2-3 team easy. Because I love those pound puppies I’m gonna give you a secret… you need to go and get someone who can fake gm like I do. That’s it. A real good fake gm. Someone that’s been around for a while. People know and trust ‘em. Just that cool person that can help you recruit when needed, have ‘em send that final PM to seal the deal. I’m thinking Balony Pony ftw! His team is dying. He’s bored. Perfect fit for season 11. He’s like Wooderson. ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40pkxluDsIw ) “Alright alright alright. Love me them redheads.” Doggies win big.
Cardiff Cobras 8-4-0 Vs Tar River Pirates 2-10-0
So, this one is tough. Why you ask? Cause the Undead geographically challenged terd burgerlers are playing… duh duh duh duuuuuh… an undead team!!! CPU = Unowned = Dead Team… yeah. Scary. And who knows, they might actually play better without an AI in place! Not like the one they had was rocking or anything. Cobras win.. mainly cause I’m just tired and have very little that is witty left and am not about to waste it on these guys.
Warri Delta Warriors 2-10-0 Vs Rundu Rhino Rush 2-10-0
There really isn’t anything I can say about this game. Really. I’ve tried. Thought about a whole lot of stuff.....
so, speaking of masturbation, I went and did a comprehensive list of the worst places in the world to try to masturbate, the winner?
- your grandmother's house
Why the fuck are the only magazines she has 20 years of Readers Digest back issues? All the women in that magazine are already dead. I looked at one and the cover was Angela Landsbury. I was like I know she's dead, but the only channels grandma got on TV were Hallmark and PBS. So I was like, fuck this, it's jerkin she wrote. I flip to the Angela Landsbury story and I'm reading her profile: Interests include decomposing and fucking necrophiliacs. I KNEW IT. And the next page was a double feature on Marie Antoinette and Mitochondrial Eve. FUCK THIS.
P.S. you can google Mitochondrial Eve. HA HA NOW YOU LEARNED SOMETHING
P.P.S. i left the Marie Antoinette page a bit sticky after she let me eat her cake, if you catch my drift
Remember - Good Parts probably not mine. Bad Parts always all mine.
Big Fatty of the Week
Seychelles Roosters 7-5-0 Vs MI Zulu Nation 10-2-0
I can't really say anything bad about these teams. I mean, I have plenty of bad things to say about them. But they'll probably fold, and every time somebody folds it seems like suddenly all their good players are on the Ocho. Then they have access to our team forum and I'm worried I called them something insulting like a cousin fucker or duke fan in previous write ups and things might get nasty. So as far as I'm concerned, all these teams are full of great agents who are really cool! So just consider this an early, hello and welcome after your team folds in season 12! Zulu over comes the Cocks in the end. <snicker>
The Chad OchoCinco 12-0-0 Vs Nigerian Nightmares 7-5-0
So we almost lose to the ankle biters and next thing I know there is a new high level CB and WR on the team. I don't know why Tareton keeps signing all these dudes from busted CPU teams anyway. I was telling him all he needs is my 2 players. Just set them as the starter at every position and I'll play them all at once. I'm not a team player... I'm a team, player (c) Jay-Z. But then Turkish said you can't do multiple positions at the same time. And I was like YOUR MOM DOES MULTIPLE POSITIONS AT THE SAME TIME and now he won't respond to my messages. I NEED THAT EQUIPMENT MONEY TURK! I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that C85 wins this game by more than they did overcoming the little doggies.
MaRAWK!! o 10-2-0 Vs Mauritius Mountain Lions 7-5-0
Speaking of large farts, the Rawk are coming into this game clawing to stay near the top of the standings. Despite relying on a Season 2 “How to Own a GLB Team for Dummies” guide book the O is still rolling along. Leaked footage of BillSaid’s new “motivational” song and dance with a brief cameo by the “new” Sue Acula ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMvxinBkOZU ). Don’t really understand the Kamal title but rumor has it in Swahilish it roughly translates into Death to the Lions! The Lions remind me of a 16 year old virgin.. starts off fast and exciting but blows quickly and ends up looking like a retard (http://b.mektroid.net/i_came.jpg ). The Pussies really need this win to stay in the playoff hunt. I’m sure Bill and Sue are all hot and bothered after seeing retards and Pussies in the same paragraph, but try to hold it together boys! I see the ones who like to Rawk coming out ahead on this one
Lethoso Rollers 8-4-0 Vs Uganda Mounties 4-8-0
Lets just get it out and done in the beginning for techie get his groove on! ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0Cp62cDeuI ) Should be a flat ass whipping by the Rollers
Madagascar Wild 8-4-0 Vs Kenya's Blood Leopards 0-12-0
The Wild are trying to give balony pony a great send off! This game helps! Slaughter time! Wild win, and win big.. not Sue Acula’s mom big. That’s fooking scary big right there!!
Rhodesian Ridgebacks 2-10-0 Vs Swaziland Dachshunds 8-4-0
Gotta say.. Zulu were my adopted team and I still love em.. but the fightin’ ankle bitin’ wieners have stolen my heart! Looking at their schedule they just are right on the cusp of being a top 2-3 team easy. Because I love those pound puppies I’m gonna give you a secret… you need to go and get someone who can fake gm like I do. That’s it. A real good fake gm. Someone that’s been around for a while. People know and trust ‘em. Just that cool person that can help you recruit when needed, have ‘em send that final PM to seal the deal. I’m thinking Balony Pony ftw! His team is dying. He’s bored. Perfect fit for season 11. He’s like Wooderson. ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40pkxluDsIw ) “Alright alright alright. Love me them redheads.” Doggies win big.
Cardiff Cobras 8-4-0 Vs Tar River Pirates 2-10-0
So, this one is tough. Why you ask? Cause the Undead geographically challenged terd burgerlers are playing… duh duh duh duuuuuh… an undead team!!! CPU = Unowned = Dead Team… yeah. Scary. And who knows, they might actually play better without an AI in place! Not like the one they had was rocking or anything. Cobras win.. mainly cause I’m just tired and have very little that is witty left and am not about to waste it on these guys.
Warri Delta Warriors 2-10-0 Vs Rundu Rhino Rush 2-10-0
There really isn’t anything I can say about this game. Really. I’ve tried. Thought about a whole lot of stuff.....
so, speaking of masturbation, I went and did a comprehensive list of the worst places in the world to try to masturbate, the winner?
- your grandmother's house
Why the fuck are the only magazines she has 20 years of Readers Digest back issues? All the women in that magazine are already dead. I looked at one and the cover was Angela Landsbury. I was like I know she's dead, but the only channels grandma got on TV were Hallmark and PBS. So I was like, fuck this, it's jerkin she wrote. I flip to the Angela Landsbury story and I'm reading her profile: Interests include decomposing and fucking necrophiliacs. I KNEW IT. And the next page was a double feature on Marie Antoinette and Mitochondrial Eve. FUCK THIS.
P.S. you can google Mitochondrial Eve. HA HA NOW YOU LEARNED SOMETHING
P.P.S. i left the Marie Antoinette page a bit sticky after she let me eat her cake, if you catch my drift
Remember - Good Parts probably not mine. Bad Parts always all mine.
Edited by Speedcat on Jul 14, 2009 18:02:50
Edited by Speedcat on Jul 14, 2009 18:02:15
Edited by Speedcat on Jul 14, 2009 18:01:49
Edited by Speedcat on Jul 14, 2009 18:00:44
