Round 1
I drink your milkshake, I drink it up.
In this last contest of the regular season where most if not all of the playoff teams have been decided and the only thing to play for is pride or position inside the playoffs, who's going to play what part in the drama to come?
Cupcakes and other assorted baked goods
Jacksonville Stars (11E) vs Chicago Clams (16W)
On offense for Jacksonville if QB Briar Authyth can stay awake he has a good chance of beating the Chicago secondary. On defense Aribi and Drow will be active enough to stop Chicago from making much headway. Chicago needs stellar games from Bones Wilson at QB and Mack Loving and J Gersh on defense. These Clams are baked. The clams have been canned and will soon be shipped.
Jacksonville by 12
Ambridge Brigade (15W) vs New Hampshire Dragons (3E)
Ambridge has been the whipping boys of the west all year and unless Jeff Joe Gilliam QB and Jodi Lynn LB have the best game imaginable it should be a day in the park with a picnic basket and a lovely chianti for New Hampshire's Johnny Firestorm QB, Travis Coles HB and Robert Moshier CB
New Hampshire by 45
Miami Frogs (13E) vs Las Vegas Stunners (6W)
Duke Nukeem is going to try to destroy the tiny enviromentally threatened Miami Frogs because he’s just that sort of guy. Unless John Wad QB gets kissed by a princess and turns into the prince of A7 , the Frogs extinction is almost 100% guaranteed.
Las Vegas by 14
Pocono Mountain Highlanders (15E) vs New Brunswick Noobs (8W)
Noobs star HB Greg Martin is currently 2nd in the league in rushing yds and he may use this game to vault into the #1 spot with something like 300 yd rushing against a Pocono team that isn’t that good against the run. Junaid Hassan QB has to start the game strong and force the noobs out of the run to have a chance at winning.
Noobs by 300 yds rushing and 28pts
Washington Poison (10E)vs Bel Air Beardogs (2W)
Washington will need to pick it’s poison- either Big Ticket QB or Beard OG HB is a load to handle by themselves, combined they have what is almost certainly the unstoppable steamroller of fate barrelling down upon Washington. You know you’re in trouble when Mark Spartan SS is your leading tackler.
Bel Air by 21
Margaritaville Fins (1E)vs Portland Hitmen (11W)
The Hitmen must have pissed off someone bad, because this game the hit is out on their heads. This is going to be a painful, slow, merciless deconstruction of Portland by the Fins. There will be blood on the field, on the fans, in the gatorade. Women and children should be strongly advised not to watch this game and pray for the souls of the lost Hitmen
Margarita by 35
so for cupcake games I predict a 3-3 east vs west tie
Now onto the meat of the games
In my upset of the week
Elk Rapids Elks (16E) vs Miami Cyclones (13W)
I have no rational reason to think that Zekester Ayrton can pull a complete game out of his britches, or that Chucky Cheese and his mousy defense can stop someone, but I feel it. Somehow they’re going to make Travis Temple quake in his boots and pee his pants, maybe he’s allergic or has bad childhood memories of animatronic rodents.
Elks by 6
Waco Green Puffers (6E) vs Scottdale Sun Demons (9W)
If bad names help you win games, then Waco is unstoppable. Oso Rosso will lead the O and Heero Yuy will lead the D against a good but one dimensional team headed by the quick in the backfield but equally quick in the flats, Nick Laluche HB. I think this will be a low scoring affair with Scottsdale’s Odell Thurman roaming the field, knocking heads, but ultimately the more balanced team gets the bounces
Waco by 6
Grand Haven Mist (12W) vs Cleveland Kardiac Kids (14E)
Hey they spelled Cardiac with a K, how exciting and original. That’s about all the excitement you’ll get from the Kids led by Bernie Kosar QB (another original). Statistically they ride right down the middle of the road but with a great game from Clay Mathews LB they may be able to shut down the young and growing offense led by Lex Johnson QB. The Mist have to not let the Kids get comfortable and Ice Simeria should make it his top priority to say hi to all of the Kids skill players in as an uncomfortable way as possible.
Back and forth but the Mist pull off the last second fg
Hartford Hellhounds (10W)vs Atchafalaya Swamp Weretigers (9E)
What’s with the name, it’s almost like you just smashed your head against the keyboard and that’s the name you took. Well, playing Hartford is going to feel similar to that. Jon Joseph is going to run on you and you’re going to stop him but he’ll keep on coming at you over and over and over. Wolfgang Fuhrer will need to get all over Joseph to stop the bleeding. Red Rouge will keep you in the game but always lagging just behind.
Hartford by 7
Carolina Cardiac Cats (8E)vs Spicewood Longhorns (7W)
What you going to do when R.J. Stew passes all over you. The Cardiac Cats have to be careful of that because if they fall behind then the talent of Brick Powerage is wasted. Jonathan Beason can take this game over and keep the tempo more to the Cats liking.
Spicewood by 3
Orlando Ninjas (12E) vs RGB Berzerk (14W)
I live in Orlando and I’ve never seen any ninjas, maybe once late at night down at I Bar but I can’t confirm that. RGB has always played like Berserkers, never using their heads just brute strength and for some reason I think the play of Austin Black will keep it closer than Orlando imagines. Candy Mountain will squash any hopes RGB has. In a fight, who would you choose to win between a berserker and a ninja. I agree.
Ninjas by 10
Dallas Red Raiders (5W) vs Harrisburg Hawks (7E)
I’m the OC for the Raiders so obviously I’m biased. Harrisburg has the #1 receiving TE in Mewan Esvaf and a QB in Cameron Purton who knows who the bread and butter is. The DC for the Raiders has made his corps tougher than expected at the levels they are with players like Strongbow and Mckinner Sesay. This contest will be decided by Dallas’s O and Harrisburg’s D. When your leading tackler is either a CPU (Herrera) or a CB (Hayes) I think you’re in a little trouble.
Dallas by 7
MATCHUPS OF THE WEEK
Oakland Wizards (3W) vs Chicago Pterodactyls (5E)
Oakland has a good team that has stumbled a little recently, but overall the play of Cody Wilson QB and Dee Talley LB have kept the team headed in the right direction. Unfortunately for them the direction it leads them to this week is straight into the flight path of the Pterodactyls. On offense Ternur Gyll QB and Roger Creig give DC’s visions of slowly being pecked to death and Jebby Hehitme make QB’s quietly sob themselves to sleep at night at the thought of him coming at them. Oakland look to the sky........
Pterodactyls pulling little pieces of Wizards out of their teeth by 14
Great Plains Reapers (4W) vs Rutgers Scarlet Knights (4E)
The Reapers are reeling from a devastating loss to the Raiders. The holes in the secondary are miles wide and Rutger’s QB Tom Savage isn’t going to make them feel any better about themselves. Darrell Schwartz, though a good HB, may have nothing to contribute to this game. On the Reapers side, Hayden Fry is going to have to find a way to beat up on Rutger’s Cbs to keep the game close enough to use the immense talent of Ironhead James. The tone of this game is entirely in Ocavius Glove’s hands. If it comes up empty, they lose. If he covers or makes a few int’s then it could go the Reaper’s way.
Rutger’s by 21
Waco Davidians (1W) vs North Side Dream Killers (2E)
This is the Matchup of A7W, two teams full of talent that it can’t help butbe a great game. I’ll just list the talent because it’s so impressive.
N.S.
Joe Remington-3010.5 yds, 23 tds
Smash and Titus-2670 yds, 20 tds
vs
W.D.
Hugh Laurie-3240.5 yds, 23 tds
Wolfgang and Zayn-2484 yds, 29 tds
This game will come down to gameplanning, luck and the D. Whichever side makes the stops wins the game. Lightning will crash, planets will collide, dogs will sleep with cats and the world will come to an end as we know it.
N.S. by 17
So I believe the East will win the first battle of East vs West with 9 wins interconference vs West’s 7 wins.
I drink your milkshake, I drink it up.
In this last contest of the regular season where most if not all of the playoff teams have been decided and the only thing to play for is pride or position inside the playoffs, who's going to play what part in the drama to come?
Cupcakes and other assorted baked goods
Jacksonville Stars (11E) vs Chicago Clams (16W)
On offense for Jacksonville if QB Briar Authyth can stay awake he has a good chance of beating the Chicago secondary. On defense Aribi and Drow will be active enough to stop Chicago from making much headway. Chicago needs stellar games from Bones Wilson at QB and Mack Loving and J Gersh on defense. These Clams are baked. The clams have been canned and will soon be shipped.
Jacksonville by 12
Ambridge Brigade (15W) vs New Hampshire Dragons (3E)
Ambridge has been the whipping boys of the west all year and unless Jeff Joe Gilliam QB and Jodi Lynn LB have the best game imaginable it should be a day in the park with a picnic basket and a lovely chianti for New Hampshire's Johnny Firestorm QB, Travis Coles HB and Robert Moshier CB
New Hampshire by 45
Miami Frogs (13E) vs Las Vegas Stunners (6W)
Duke Nukeem is going to try to destroy the tiny enviromentally threatened Miami Frogs because he’s just that sort of guy. Unless John Wad QB gets kissed by a princess and turns into the prince of A7 , the Frogs extinction is almost 100% guaranteed.
Las Vegas by 14
Pocono Mountain Highlanders (15E) vs New Brunswick Noobs (8W)
Noobs star HB Greg Martin is currently 2nd in the league in rushing yds and he may use this game to vault into the #1 spot with something like 300 yd rushing against a Pocono team that isn’t that good against the run. Junaid Hassan QB has to start the game strong and force the noobs out of the run to have a chance at winning.
Noobs by 300 yds rushing and 28pts
Washington Poison (10E)vs Bel Air Beardogs (2W)
Washington will need to pick it’s poison- either Big Ticket QB or Beard OG HB is a load to handle by themselves, combined they have what is almost certainly the unstoppable steamroller of fate barrelling down upon Washington. You know you’re in trouble when Mark Spartan SS is your leading tackler.
Bel Air by 21
Margaritaville Fins (1E)vs Portland Hitmen (11W)
The Hitmen must have pissed off someone bad, because this game the hit is out on their heads. This is going to be a painful, slow, merciless deconstruction of Portland by the Fins. There will be blood on the field, on the fans, in the gatorade. Women and children should be strongly advised not to watch this game and pray for the souls of the lost Hitmen
Margarita by 35
so for cupcake games I predict a 3-3 east vs west tie
Now onto the meat of the games
In my upset of the week
Elk Rapids Elks (16E) vs Miami Cyclones (13W)
I have no rational reason to think that Zekester Ayrton can pull a complete game out of his britches, or that Chucky Cheese and his mousy defense can stop someone, but I feel it. Somehow they’re going to make Travis Temple quake in his boots and pee his pants, maybe he’s allergic or has bad childhood memories of animatronic rodents.
Elks by 6
Waco Green Puffers (6E) vs Scottdale Sun Demons (9W)
If bad names help you win games, then Waco is unstoppable. Oso Rosso will lead the O and Heero Yuy will lead the D against a good but one dimensional team headed by the quick in the backfield but equally quick in the flats, Nick Laluche HB. I think this will be a low scoring affair with Scottsdale’s Odell Thurman roaming the field, knocking heads, but ultimately the more balanced team gets the bounces
Waco by 6
Grand Haven Mist (12W) vs Cleveland Kardiac Kids (14E)
Hey they spelled Cardiac with a K, how exciting and original. That’s about all the excitement you’ll get from the Kids led by Bernie Kosar QB (another original). Statistically they ride right down the middle of the road but with a great game from Clay Mathews LB they may be able to shut down the young and growing offense led by Lex Johnson QB. The Mist have to not let the Kids get comfortable and Ice Simeria should make it his top priority to say hi to all of the Kids skill players in as an uncomfortable way as possible.
Back and forth but the Mist pull off the last second fg
Hartford Hellhounds (10W)vs Atchafalaya Swamp Weretigers (9E)
What’s with the name, it’s almost like you just smashed your head against the keyboard and that’s the name you took. Well, playing Hartford is going to feel similar to that. Jon Joseph is going to run on you and you’re going to stop him but he’ll keep on coming at you over and over and over. Wolfgang Fuhrer will need to get all over Joseph to stop the bleeding. Red Rouge will keep you in the game but always lagging just behind.
Hartford by 7
Carolina Cardiac Cats (8E)vs Spicewood Longhorns (7W)
What you going to do when R.J. Stew passes all over you. The Cardiac Cats have to be careful of that because if they fall behind then the talent of Brick Powerage is wasted. Jonathan Beason can take this game over and keep the tempo more to the Cats liking.
Spicewood by 3
Orlando Ninjas (12E) vs RGB Berzerk (14W)
I live in Orlando and I’ve never seen any ninjas, maybe once late at night down at I Bar but I can’t confirm that. RGB has always played like Berserkers, never using their heads just brute strength and for some reason I think the play of Austin Black will keep it closer than Orlando imagines. Candy Mountain will squash any hopes RGB has. In a fight, who would you choose to win between a berserker and a ninja. I agree.
Ninjas by 10
Dallas Red Raiders (5W) vs Harrisburg Hawks (7E)
I’m the OC for the Raiders so obviously I’m biased. Harrisburg has the #1 receiving TE in Mewan Esvaf and a QB in Cameron Purton who knows who the bread and butter is. The DC for the Raiders has made his corps tougher than expected at the levels they are with players like Strongbow and Mckinner Sesay. This contest will be decided by Dallas’s O and Harrisburg’s D. When your leading tackler is either a CPU (Herrera) or a CB (Hayes) I think you’re in a little trouble.
Dallas by 7
MATCHUPS OF THE WEEK
Oakland Wizards (3W) vs Chicago Pterodactyls (5E)
Oakland has a good team that has stumbled a little recently, but overall the play of Cody Wilson QB and Dee Talley LB have kept the team headed in the right direction. Unfortunately for them the direction it leads them to this week is straight into the flight path of the Pterodactyls. On offense Ternur Gyll QB and Roger Creig give DC’s visions of slowly being pecked to death and Jebby Hehitme make QB’s quietly sob themselves to sleep at night at the thought of him coming at them. Oakland look to the sky........
Pterodactyls pulling little pieces of Wizards out of their teeth by 14
Great Plains Reapers (4W) vs Rutgers Scarlet Knights (4E)
The Reapers are reeling from a devastating loss to the Raiders. The holes in the secondary are miles wide and Rutger’s QB Tom Savage isn’t going to make them feel any better about themselves. Darrell Schwartz, though a good HB, may have nothing to contribute to this game. On the Reapers side, Hayden Fry is going to have to find a way to beat up on Rutger’s Cbs to keep the game close enough to use the immense talent of Ironhead James. The tone of this game is entirely in Ocavius Glove’s hands. If it comes up empty, they lose. If he covers or makes a few int’s then it could go the Reaper’s way.
Rutger’s by 21
Waco Davidians (1W) vs North Side Dream Killers (2E)
This is the Matchup of A7W, two teams full of talent that it can’t help butbe a great game. I’ll just list the talent because it’s so impressive.
N.S.
Joe Remington-3010.5 yds, 23 tds
Smash and Titus-2670 yds, 20 tds
vs
W.D.
Hugh Laurie-3240.5 yds, 23 tds
Wolfgang and Zayn-2484 yds, 29 tds
This game will come down to gameplanning, luck and the D. Whichever side makes the stops wins the game. Lightning will crash, planets will collide, dogs will sleep with cats and the world will come to an end as we know it.
N.S. by 17
So I believe the East will win the first battle of East vs West with 9 wins interconference vs West’s 7 wins.
Last edited May 24, 2008 19:32:41
