Welcome back, boys and girls, to that wild ride we all know and love, otherwise known as the Lion Conference! I'm Darth Pinky, and this is my co-host for this evening's festivities, Lady Luck. Welcome to the program, Ms. Luck.
Camera cuts to Lady Luck, who is dressed in all black, and wearing a hat. Camera cuts to a wider shot of Darth Pinky looking at Lady Luck, who is presumably either facing away from the camera or a close relative of Cousin It. Or Radja Mowsalot. Either way, there's not much to see, and she ain't talking. Darth Pinky turns back to the camera, and again to Lady Luck, before turning back to the camera to break the awkward silence.
Well, glad to have you with us, Ms. Luck. As I said in the opener, welcome to the Lion Conference, where it's still mathematically possible that 11 of 15 teams still have a shot at the playoffs. That said, nine teams appear to be fighting for the eight available spots. Sitting squarely in this week's Hot Seat are The Big Monkeys, who have dropped three in a row and are currently on the outside looking in. Tell me, Ms. Luck, what do you think of the Monkeys' chances of re-claiming that Number 8 spot in the playoffs?
Camera switches again to Lady Luck, who again sits completely still and silent. Crickets can be heard chirping in the distance. Camera zooms out to include Darth Pinky, still looking intently at the inanimate guest, before turning back to the camera and placing his hands on the desk in animated disgust.
Moving along, we've got a great slate of games scheduled for this evening, where seven of eight will impact the playoff hopes or seedings of at least one of the teams. Two games will pit current playoff teams against one another. This should be an exciting night on the Dark Continent, wouldn't you agree, Ms. Luck?
Another tight shot of The Hair with The Hat, that lingers uncomfortably long in the interminable silence. Finally, the camera switches back to Darth Pinky, who gives a large, audible sigh of resignation, shoulders slumping noticeably.
Okay, then. And then there was one - what just a few weeks ago was a threesome atop the conference has turned into a solo show, as the Hotheads have survived every attempt to end their winning streak while all other contenders have taken their turn on the loser's walk of shame. But this evening, their luck may change, as the previously-unbeaten Durban Dessert Carts are paid a visit from... wherever the hell it is that the Hotheads are from, since there's no way to tell for sure. It's the undefeated, current No. 1 seed vs. the once-beaten and current No. 3. Should be an amazing match. Darth Pinky reads teleprompter Again? Really? Darth Pinky sighs, annoyed, and continues in resignation. Ms. Luck, your thoughts?
Cut to Lady Luck, who is starting to list a bit to starboard, but still rigid and silent. Darth Pinky quickly signals for the camera to return to his anchor shot.
Fascinating. We'll be sure to look for those important developments as we all follow this game. Camera shot widens, and we now see that Lady Luck, still rigid and unidentifiable, is leaning at nearly a 45° angle toward Darth Pinky, who begins to lean away. Well, that's all we have time for today, folks Lady Luck tips completely onto his shoulder Tune in next week as we follow Lady Luck's hat falls into his lap as we keep you abreast of Lady Luck tips completely over, landing in Pinky's lap all that happens in the Lion Conference. Goodnight!
As camera fades to black, the microphone picks up Darth Pinky's final words: Who the hell thought this was going to go better live than in rehearsals?
On with the show. As always, the predictions are real and the snark is added for entertainment value only. You've been warned.
Durban DesertHawks vs. African Fever - Game of the Week, and of the Season - at least until next week, when the Hotheads will host the Woodys, as long as someone tells someone where the hell the Hotheads play their games so that we all know and can find the damned stadium. Hey, that might explain that winning streak. Anyway, back to this one - the Dessert Carts got upended by the Woodys in their last match, while the Hotheads played scorched earth with the Big Monkeys. I'm expecting this to be one of the best games played in Lion this season.
Prediction: Hotheads just too much load for Carts to handle
Gabon Glocks vs. Comoros Lions - Oy, the stench from this one is already rising. Shaven Kitties waiting for this season to end but glad to have this stat-padder to lift everyone's morale. Any more analysis of this stinker is going to make my nose begin to revolt.
Prediction: Shaven Kitties get to rub it into the CPUs
Comoros Killer Whales vs. South African Ratels - Free Willys still play badass defense, but these aren't the Rabids of seasons past - they appear to be peaking at about the right time, having taken possession of that eighth playoff spot as their chemistry continues to rise. Rabids can officially knock the Willys out of the playoffs with a win today, and it would take some serious strategery to make this turn out any other way.
Prediction: Rabids end the Willys playoff hopes and keep their own alive
Zambezi Silverbacks vs. Quiçama Park Rangers - This old A5 rivalry has some big ramifications for the AA3 playoffs. Big Monkeys need a quick return to their winning ways to keep their playoff hopes alive. Jellystoners need to keep their streak going to improve their shot at the last home playoff spot before taking on two of the Big Three to finish their regular season. Another in what should be a slate of entertaining games.
Prediction: Jellystoners leave Monkeys hanging by a thread
Ghana Ashanti Empire vs. Zambia Zombies - The Most Favored and Blessed Ashanti Empire of Ghana must have felt completely un-blessed and un-favored after the Rabids did them in overtime last week, dropping out of the fourth spot and all the way to sixth in the process. Ungrateful Dead still using this season to find things that work for next season. This is a lot of analysis for one of my own games and completely out of character. Let's move on; make your own prediction here.
Pullman Sinsations vs. Tanzania Lumberjacks - Woodys get a tune-up between last week's dismantling of the Dessert Carts and next week's tilt with the Hotheads. Nothing like a quick morale-builder coming off one of the biggest games of the season and going into what could be the biggest non-playoff game this league has ever seen. Tuggers - start signing some of your key free agents before I start considering floating offers.
Prediction: Woodys keep the fire burning
Djibouti Booties vs. Madagascar Serpent Eagles - Two of the more disappointing seasons in the conference meet head-to-head tonight. Snakes™ look at a few close Gauntlet losses and have to be thinking about what could have been had a couple rolls simply gone their way. Da Booty just hasn't lived up to the hype I gave them at the start of their season when I became entranced by their avatar, and quite frankly, their season has smelled more like the output of such than anything. Or maybe it's just gazzyazz. Hard to tell for sure.
Prediction: Flying Snakes™ keep those mathematical chances alive
Namibia Wildehond vs. Monrovia Blood Diamonds - Bloody Mess keep bloodying everyone else's nose as they cling to the Number 4 seed, held two weeks ago by the Bad Doggies. Both teams have tough defenses that don't look impressive on first glance but that just get the job done. The Bad Doggies are fading fast, are in the midst of a five-game losing streak, and still have the Rabids on the docket before the season is over. The Bloody Mess need this one just as bad, because after this they've got the Big Monkeys, who might be desperate enough to pull out all the stops, and the Dessert Carts in the season finale. Lots of drama left for both teams.
Prediction: Almost a pick'em. Let's say Bad Doggies just 'cause it would help me out
There you have it, folks, lots of nicknames, I actually picked an upset, and gave you more insight on my own team than you've got all season long in a game preview. Tune in next week - same Darth time, same Darth channel, and until then, play nice.
Camera cuts to Lady Luck, who is dressed in all black, and wearing a hat. Camera cuts to a wider shot of Darth Pinky looking at Lady Luck, who is presumably either facing away from the camera or a close relative of Cousin It. Or Radja Mowsalot. Either way, there's not much to see, and she ain't talking. Darth Pinky turns back to the camera, and again to Lady Luck, before turning back to the camera to break the awkward silence.
Well, glad to have you with us, Ms. Luck. As I said in the opener, welcome to the Lion Conference, where it's still mathematically possible that 11 of 15 teams still have a shot at the playoffs. That said, nine teams appear to be fighting for the eight available spots. Sitting squarely in this week's Hot Seat are The Big Monkeys, who have dropped three in a row and are currently on the outside looking in. Tell me, Ms. Luck, what do you think of the Monkeys' chances of re-claiming that Number 8 spot in the playoffs?
Camera switches again to Lady Luck, who again sits completely still and silent. Crickets can be heard chirping in the distance. Camera zooms out to include Darth Pinky, still looking intently at the inanimate guest, before turning back to the camera and placing his hands on the desk in animated disgust.
Moving along, we've got a great slate of games scheduled for this evening, where seven of eight will impact the playoff hopes or seedings of at least one of the teams. Two games will pit current playoff teams against one another. This should be an exciting night on the Dark Continent, wouldn't you agree, Ms. Luck?
Another tight shot of The Hair with The Hat, that lingers uncomfortably long in the interminable silence. Finally, the camera switches back to Darth Pinky, who gives a large, audible sigh of resignation, shoulders slumping noticeably.
Okay, then. And then there was one - what just a few weeks ago was a threesome atop the conference has turned into a solo show, as the Hotheads have survived every attempt to end their winning streak while all other contenders have taken their turn on the loser's walk of shame. But this evening, their luck may change, as the previously-unbeaten Durban Dessert Carts are paid a visit from... wherever the hell it is that the Hotheads are from, since there's no way to tell for sure. It's the undefeated, current No. 1 seed vs. the once-beaten and current No. 3. Should be an amazing match. Darth Pinky reads teleprompter Again? Really? Darth Pinky sighs, annoyed, and continues in resignation. Ms. Luck, your thoughts?
Cut to Lady Luck, who is starting to list a bit to starboard, but still rigid and silent. Darth Pinky quickly signals for the camera to return to his anchor shot.
Fascinating. We'll be sure to look for those important developments as we all follow this game. Camera shot widens, and we now see that Lady Luck, still rigid and unidentifiable, is leaning at nearly a 45° angle toward Darth Pinky, who begins to lean away. Well, that's all we have time for today, folks Lady Luck tips completely onto his shoulder Tune in next week as we follow Lady Luck's hat falls into his lap as we keep you abreast of Lady Luck tips completely over, landing in Pinky's lap all that happens in the Lion Conference. Goodnight!
As camera fades to black, the microphone picks up Darth Pinky's final words: Who the hell thought this was going to go better live than in rehearsals?
On with the show. As always, the predictions are real and the snark is added for entertainment value only. You've been warned.
Durban DesertHawks vs. African Fever - Game of the Week, and of the Season - at least until next week, when the Hotheads will host the Woodys, as long as someone tells someone where the hell the Hotheads play their games so that we all know and can find the damned stadium. Hey, that might explain that winning streak. Anyway, back to this one - the Dessert Carts got upended by the Woodys in their last match, while the Hotheads played scorched earth with the Big Monkeys. I'm expecting this to be one of the best games played in Lion this season.
Prediction: Hotheads just too much load for Carts to handle
Gabon Glocks vs. Comoros Lions - Oy, the stench from this one is already rising. Shaven Kitties waiting for this season to end but glad to have this stat-padder to lift everyone's morale. Any more analysis of this stinker is going to make my nose begin to revolt.
Prediction: Shaven Kitties get to rub it into the CPUs
Comoros Killer Whales vs. South African Ratels - Free Willys still play badass defense, but these aren't the Rabids of seasons past - they appear to be peaking at about the right time, having taken possession of that eighth playoff spot as their chemistry continues to rise. Rabids can officially knock the Willys out of the playoffs with a win today, and it would take some serious strategery to make this turn out any other way.
Prediction: Rabids end the Willys playoff hopes and keep their own alive
Zambezi Silverbacks vs. Quiçama Park Rangers - This old A5 rivalry has some big ramifications for the AA3 playoffs. Big Monkeys need a quick return to their winning ways to keep their playoff hopes alive. Jellystoners need to keep their streak going to improve their shot at the last home playoff spot before taking on two of the Big Three to finish their regular season. Another in what should be a slate of entertaining games.
Prediction: Jellystoners leave Monkeys hanging by a thread
Ghana Ashanti Empire vs. Zambia Zombies - The Most Favored and Blessed Ashanti Empire of Ghana must have felt completely un-blessed and un-favored after the Rabids did them in overtime last week, dropping out of the fourth spot and all the way to sixth in the process. Ungrateful Dead still using this season to find things that work for next season. This is a lot of analysis for one of my own games and completely out of character. Let's move on; make your own prediction here.
Pullman Sinsations vs. Tanzania Lumberjacks - Woodys get a tune-up between last week's dismantling of the Dessert Carts and next week's tilt with the Hotheads. Nothing like a quick morale-builder coming off one of the biggest games of the season and going into what could be the biggest non-playoff game this league has ever seen. Tuggers - start signing some of your key free agents before I start considering floating offers.
Prediction: Woodys keep the fire burning
Djibouti Booties vs. Madagascar Serpent Eagles - Two of the more disappointing seasons in the conference meet head-to-head tonight. Snakes™ look at a few close Gauntlet losses and have to be thinking about what could have been had a couple rolls simply gone their way. Da Booty just hasn't lived up to the hype I gave them at the start of their season when I became entranced by their avatar, and quite frankly, their season has smelled more like the output of such than anything. Or maybe it's just gazzyazz. Hard to tell for sure.
Prediction: Flying Snakes™ keep those mathematical chances alive
Namibia Wildehond vs. Monrovia Blood Diamonds - Bloody Mess keep bloodying everyone else's nose as they cling to the Number 4 seed, held two weeks ago by the Bad Doggies. Both teams have tough defenses that don't look impressive on first glance but that just get the job done. The Bad Doggies are fading fast, are in the midst of a five-game losing streak, and still have the Rabids on the docket before the season is over. The Bloody Mess need this one just as bad, because after this they've got the Big Monkeys, who might be desperate enough to pull out all the stops, and the Dessert Carts in the season finale. Lots of drama left for both teams.
Prediction: Almost a pick'em. Let's say Bad Doggies just 'cause it would help me out
There you have it, folks, lots of nicknames, I actually picked an upset, and gave you more insight on my own team than you've got all season long in a game preview. Tune in next week - same Darth time, same Darth channel, and until then, play nice.
Last edited Mar 23, 2009 15:10:54
Good game to you guys
