For those of you who have been watching one of the earlier games (why?), you're joining us live here in the Conference where Almost Everybody is Good and Those That Aren't Want To Be. I'm your host, Darth Pinky, and today we'll be taking you around the Africa AA#3 league, with teams in exotic locales such as Quiçama Park, Angola; The Comoros Islands; Madagascar; Namibia; Zambezi; Tanzania; Djibouti, the smallest country in the Horn of Africa region; Durban, South Africa, which is evidently hard to locate, what with it being right on the coast; the beautiful city of Kumasi, Ghana, home of the Most Favored and Blessed Ashante Empire of Ghana; wherever the hell it is that one of the two undefeated teams play; and Pullman.
And then, there were two: after finishing the first half of the season with a perfect 8-0 record, the Bad Doggies of Namibia have dropped two straight to come back to the pack a bit. This leaves the Hotheads and the Dessert Carts still riding their undefeated waves. The Hotheads will certainly reach 11-0 today against the CPUs, but the Carts' path is less certain, with the Big Monkeys standing on the verge of getting it on in a tilt that, if the playoffs started today, would occur in Round 1. And in a season where more is left to chance than previous sim code allowed, few outcomes can be certain. Mostly. One that is completely certain is that Jaxon Voom will say something outrageously narcissistic and potentially obnoxious at some point soon after this post makes it to the forum, and Clubfoot Dingleberry will distinguish douchebaggery from narcissism within an hour or so. Bank on it.
So, kids, close that porn, wipe the Vaseline off your hands before they touch the keyboard, sit back and listen and Darth Pinky gets this prediction in under the deadline:
Tanzania Lumberjacks vs. Namibia Wildehond - Even with the Bad Doggies losses the past two games, this is the Game of the Week. Any time you get two of the Top 4 going at it, you've got a rockin' tilt. And with all the games between high-level teams happening over the next six weeks, you can be assured of one thing: These aren't the final standings.
Prediction: Woodies continue the Bad Doggies' spankings
Durban DesertHawks vs. Zambezi Silverbacks - Another massive contest, outdone in size only by certain mouths in this forum. Dessert Carts still holding onto their undefeated season; Big Monkeys fighting for a shot at a Top 4 spot. They've got a lot of backs to climb over, but it's not out of the question.
Prediction: Dessert Carts make Monkeys slip on a banana split
South African Ratels vs. Madagascar Serpent Eagles - Another powerhouse game. Lots of those this week. Don't judge either team by their record; the Snakes™ can bring it and the Rabids are tough to beat when their running game picks up traction. Gotta love this conference when these teams are either out of it or kind of out of it.
Prediction: Snakes™ turn Rabids into Roadkill
African Fever vs. Gabon Glocks - Duh. Stat-padding galore. Like they needed it.
Prediction: Hotheads bury the needle
Quiçama Park Rangers vs. Comoros Killer Whales - Free Willy is off the pace this season, but they know what it takes to put together a winner. Jellystoners are making a hard charge before their own personal Gauntlet runs them through the end of the regular season. They're hoping that's all it ends.
Prediction: Jellystoners put it to the Willy's rock-hard D
Zambia Zombies vs. Pullman Sinsations - Record-wise, it's an underwhelming contest; matchup-wise, it's not a bad game. I'd like to think we've learned enough at this point to know that what might look obvious has nothing to do with anything. Confused? Me too. Let's see if we can re-group.
Prediction: I want to say Tuggers... really, I do... but I think the Ungrateful Dead takes it
Monrovia Blood Diamonds vs. Ghana Ashanti Empire - Two teams tied at 8-2 and fighting for playoff position and it might only be the 4th-best game today. Cool. Make your own prediction here.
Comoros Lions vs. Djibouti Booties - Da Booty vs. the Shaven Kitties. I had to say it out loud just to see if anyone's head explodes. You four over in the corner should wipe the Vaseline back off your hands - now you're making a mess of the keyboard again.
Prediction: Da Booty shakes it on the Kitties
That's it, y'all... I think this came in before the games simmed, but regardless, I haven't seen them, so it's all good.
Play nice.
And then, there were two: after finishing the first half of the season with a perfect 8-0 record, the Bad Doggies of Namibia have dropped two straight to come back to the pack a bit. This leaves the Hotheads and the Dessert Carts still riding their undefeated waves. The Hotheads will certainly reach 11-0 today against the CPUs, but the Carts' path is less certain, with the Big Monkeys standing on the verge of getting it on in a tilt that, if the playoffs started today, would occur in Round 1. And in a season where more is left to chance than previous sim code allowed, few outcomes can be certain. Mostly. One that is completely certain is that Jaxon Voom will say something outrageously narcissistic and potentially obnoxious at some point soon after this post makes it to the forum, and Clubfoot Dingleberry will distinguish douchebaggery from narcissism within an hour or so. Bank on it.
So, kids, close that porn, wipe the Vaseline off your hands before they touch the keyboard, sit back and listen and Darth Pinky gets this prediction in under the deadline:
Tanzania Lumberjacks vs. Namibia Wildehond - Even with the Bad Doggies losses the past two games, this is the Game of the Week. Any time you get two of the Top 4 going at it, you've got a rockin' tilt. And with all the games between high-level teams happening over the next six weeks, you can be assured of one thing: These aren't the final standings.
Prediction: Woodies continue the Bad Doggies' spankings
Durban DesertHawks vs. Zambezi Silverbacks - Another massive contest, outdone in size only by certain mouths in this forum. Dessert Carts still holding onto their undefeated season; Big Monkeys fighting for a shot at a Top 4 spot. They've got a lot of backs to climb over, but it's not out of the question.
Prediction: Dessert Carts make Monkeys slip on a banana split
South African Ratels vs. Madagascar Serpent Eagles - Another powerhouse game. Lots of those this week. Don't judge either team by their record; the Snakes™ can bring it and the Rabids are tough to beat when their running game picks up traction. Gotta love this conference when these teams are either out of it or kind of out of it.
Prediction: Snakes™ turn Rabids into Roadkill
African Fever vs. Gabon Glocks - Duh. Stat-padding galore. Like they needed it.
Prediction: Hotheads bury the needle
Quiçama Park Rangers vs. Comoros Killer Whales - Free Willy is off the pace this season, but they know what it takes to put together a winner. Jellystoners are making a hard charge before their own personal Gauntlet runs them through the end of the regular season. They're hoping that's all it ends.
Prediction: Jellystoners put it to the Willy's rock-hard D
Zambia Zombies vs. Pullman Sinsations - Record-wise, it's an underwhelming contest; matchup-wise, it's not a bad game. I'd like to think we've learned enough at this point to know that what might look obvious has nothing to do with anything. Confused? Me too. Let's see if we can re-group.
Prediction: I want to say Tuggers... really, I do... but I think the Ungrateful Dead takes it
Monrovia Blood Diamonds vs. Ghana Ashanti Empire - Two teams tied at 8-2 and fighting for playoff position and it might only be the 4th-best game today. Cool. Make your own prediction here.
Comoros Lions vs. Djibouti Booties - Da Booty vs. the Shaven Kitties. I had to say it out loud just to see if anyone's head explodes. You four over in the corner should wipe the Vaseline back off your hands - now you're making a mess of the keyboard again.
Prediction: Da Booty shakes it on the Kitties
That's it, y'all... I think this came in before the games simmed, but regardless, I haven't seen them, so it's all good.
Play nice.
