1.LooseCannonCop once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
2. Bill Gates lives in constant fear that LooseCannonCop' PC will crash.
3.Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. LooseCannonCop can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.
4.LooseCannonCop counted to infinity - twice.
5.LooseCannonCop's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
6.LooseCannonCop's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools LooseCannonCop.
7.LooseCannonCop does not sleep. He waits.
8.LooseCannonCop can speak braille.
9.Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of LooseCannonCop's sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
10.LooseCannonCop doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
11. LooseCannonCop puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
12. LooseCannonCop once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.
13. LooseCannonCop owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
14. On a high school math test, LooseCannonCop put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because LooseCannonCop solves all his problems with Violence.
15. LooseCannonCop can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
16. LooseCannonCop can delete the Recycling Bin.
17. If you spell LooseCannonCop wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean LooseCannonCop?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
18. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for LooseCannonCop .
19. Once a cobra bit LooseCannonCop leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
20. LooseCannonCop died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
21. LooseCannonCop was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
22. LooseCannonCop can believe it’s not butter.
23. LooseCannonCop does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. LooseCannonCop goes killing.
24. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but LooseCannonCop says its beef, then it's fucking beef.
25. LooseCannonCop can slam revolving doors.
26. Giraffes were created when LooseCannonCop uppercutted a horse.
27. Superman owns a pair of LooseCannonCop pajamas.
28. LooseCannonCop doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
29. LooseCannonCop sleeps with a night light. Not because LooseCannonCop is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of LooseCannonCop.
30. LooseCannonCop secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result.
31. LooseCannonCop can kill two stones with one bird.
32. When LooseCannonCop gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
33. LooseCannonCops' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because LooseCannonCop will not take shit from anyone.
34. LooseCannonCop sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, LooseCannonCop roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
35. LooseCannonCop was once on Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
36. LooseCannonCop doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
37. If you play Lil Wayne’s “Prom Queen” backwards, you will hear LooseCannonCop banging your sister.
38. Death once had a near-LooseCannonCop-Norris experience.
39. LooseCannonCop can have both feet on the ground and kick ass at the same time.
40. LooseCannonCop is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
41. Some kids piss their name in the snow. LooseCannonCop can piss his name into concrete.
42. LooseCannonCop is always on top during sex because LooseCannonCop never fucks up.
43. LooseCannonCop can strangle you with a cordless phone.
44. Ghosts are actually caused by LooseCannonCop killing people faster than Death can process them.
45. LooseCannonCop doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.
46. The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that LooseCannonCop didn't kill you in your sleep.
47. LooseCannonCop eats the core of an apple first.
48. LooseCannonCop was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because LooseCannonCop does not "attempt" murder.
49. In 1991, LooseCannonCop shot a 14 on an 18 hole golf course, falling short of his personal best by 2 strokes.
50. LooseCannonCop can play the violin with a piano.
51. LooseCannonCop never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.
52. LooseCannonCop has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
53. LooseCannonCop can build a snowman out of rain.
54. LooseCannonCop plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
55. M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that LooseCannonCop can touch this.
56. LooseCannonCop once punched a man in the soul.
57. LooseCannonCop can drown a fish.
58. The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with LooseCannonCop.
59. LooseCannonCop can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon
60. LooseCannonCop is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Jeep.
61. LooseCannonCop once had a heart attack; his heart lost.
62. When LooseCannonCop enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
63. When LooseCannonCop looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between LooseCannonCop and LooseCannonCop.
64. LooseCannonCop is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like LooseCannonCop
65. It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. LooseCannonCop can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
66. LooseCannonCop likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
67. Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge LooseCannonCop' roundhouse kick.
68. The only time LooseCannonCop was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
69. Mr. T once defeated LooseCannonCop in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, LooseCannonCop invented racism.
70. LooseCannonCop once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn't even in a bowling alley.
71. LooseCannonCop can make a paraplegic run for his life.
72. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to LooseCannonCop and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
73. Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for LooseCannonCop.
74. Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. LooseCannonCop can throw Brett Favre even further.
75. LooseCannonCop doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the fuck out of the way.
76. The last digit of pi is LooseCannonCop. He is the end of all things.
77. When God said, "Let there be light", LooseCannonCop said, "say please."
78. The chief export of LooseCannonCop is pain.
79. LooseCannonCop can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the fuck LooseCannonCop is.
80. Champions are the breakfast of LooseCannonCop.
81. A rogue squirrel once challenged LooseCannonCop to a nut hunt around the park. Before beginning, LooseCannonCop simply dropped his pants, instantly killing the squirrel and 3 small children. LooseCannonCop knows you can't find bigger, better nuts than that.
82. LooseCannonCop doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
83. Pinatas were made in an attempt to get LooseCannonCop to stop kicking the people of Mexico. Sadly this backfired, as all it has resulted in is LooseCannonCop now looking for candy after he kicks his victims.
84. The quickest way to a man's heart is with LooseCannonCop's fist.
85. LooseCannonCop is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
86. LooseCannonCop can tie his shoes with his feet.
87. LooseCannonCop is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis.
88. LooseCannonCop does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
89. LooseCannonCop cannot predict the future; the future just better fucking do what LooseCannonCop says.
90. LooseCannonCop once had an erection while lying face down and struck oil.
91. Someone once tried to tell LooseCannonCop that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
92. The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns LooseCannonCop is.
93. LooseCannonCop was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery."
94. If you can see LooseCannonCop, he can see you. If you can't see LooseCannonCop you may be only seconds away from death.
95. Before LooseCannonCop was born, the martial arts weapons with two pieces of wood connected by a chain were called NunBarrys. No one ever did find out what happened to Barry.
96. Upon hearing that his good friend, Lance Armstrong, lost his testicles to cancer, LooseCannonCop donated one of his to Lance. With just one of LooseCannonCop's nuts, Lance was able to win the Tour De France seven times. By the way, LooseCannonCop still has two testicles; either he was able to produce a new one simply by flexing, or he had three to begin with. No one knows for sure.
97. Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about LooseCannonCop during sex, because they are doing the same thing.
98. LooseCannonCop is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
99. LooseCannonCop doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
100. LooseCannonCop used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
2. Bill Gates lives in constant fear that LooseCannonCop' PC will crash.
3.Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. LooseCannonCop can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.
4.LooseCannonCop counted to infinity - twice.
5.LooseCannonCop's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
6.LooseCannonCop's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools LooseCannonCop.
7.LooseCannonCop does not sleep. He waits.
8.LooseCannonCop can speak braille.
9.Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of LooseCannonCop's sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
10.LooseCannonCop doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
11. LooseCannonCop puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
12. LooseCannonCop once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.
13. LooseCannonCop owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
14. On a high school math test, LooseCannonCop put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because LooseCannonCop solves all his problems with Violence.
15. LooseCannonCop can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
16. LooseCannonCop can delete the Recycling Bin.
17. If you spell LooseCannonCop wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean LooseCannonCop?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
18. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for LooseCannonCop .
19. Once a cobra bit LooseCannonCop leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
20. LooseCannonCop died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
21. LooseCannonCop was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
22. LooseCannonCop can believe it’s not butter.
23. LooseCannonCop does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. LooseCannonCop goes killing.
24. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but LooseCannonCop says its beef, then it's fucking beef.
25. LooseCannonCop can slam revolving doors.
26. Giraffes were created when LooseCannonCop uppercutted a horse.
27. Superman owns a pair of LooseCannonCop pajamas.
28. LooseCannonCop doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
29. LooseCannonCop sleeps with a night light. Not because LooseCannonCop is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of LooseCannonCop.
30. LooseCannonCop secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result.
31. LooseCannonCop can kill two stones with one bird.
32. When LooseCannonCop gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
33. LooseCannonCops' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because LooseCannonCop will not take shit from anyone.
34. LooseCannonCop sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, LooseCannonCop roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
35. LooseCannonCop was once on Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
36. LooseCannonCop doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
37. If you play Lil Wayne’s “Prom Queen” backwards, you will hear LooseCannonCop banging your sister.
38. Death once had a near-LooseCannonCop-Norris experience.
39. LooseCannonCop can have both feet on the ground and kick ass at the same time.
40. LooseCannonCop is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
41. Some kids piss their name in the snow. LooseCannonCop can piss his name into concrete.
42. LooseCannonCop is always on top during sex because LooseCannonCop never fucks up.
43. LooseCannonCop can strangle you with a cordless phone.
44. Ghosts are actually caused by LooseCannonCop killing people faster than Death can process them.
45. LooseCannonCop doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.
46. The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that LooseCannonCop didn't kill you in your sleep.
47. LooseCannonCop eats the core of an apple first.
48. LooseCannonCop was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because LooseCannonCop does not "attempt" murder.
49. In 1991, LooseCannonCop shot a 14 on an 18 hole golf course, falling short of his personal best by 2 strokes.
50. LooseCannonCop can play the violin with a piano.
51. LooseCannonCop never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.
52. LooseCannonCop has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
53. LooseCannonCop can build a snowman out of rain.
54. LooseCannonCop plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
55. M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that LooseCannonCop can touch this.
56. LooseCannonCop once punched a man in the soul.
57. LooseCannonCop can drown a fish.
58. The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with LooseCannonCop.
59. LooseCannonCop can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon
60. LooseCannonCop is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Jeep.
61. LooseCannonCop once had a heart attack; his heart lost.
62. When LooseCannonCop enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
63. When LooseCannonCop looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between LooseCannonCop and LooseCannonCop.
64. LooseCannonCop is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like LooseCannonCop
65. It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. LooseCannonCop can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
66. LooseCannonCop likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
67. Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge LooseCannonCop' roundhouse kick.
68. The only time LooseCannonCop was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
69. Mr. T once defeated LooseCannonCop in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, LooseCannonCop invented racism.
70. LooseCannonCop once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn't even in a bowling alley.
71. LooseCannonCop can make a paraplegic run for his life.
72. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to LooseCannonCop and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
73. Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for LooseCannonCop.
74. Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. LooseCannonCop can throw Brett Favre even further.
75. LooseCannonCop doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the fuck out of the way.
76. The last digit of pi is LooseCannonCop. He is the end of all things.
77. When God said, "Let there be light", LooseCannonCop said, "say please."
78. The chief export of LooseCannonCop is pain.
79. LooseCannonCop can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the fuck LooseCannonCop is.
80. Champions are the breakfast of LooseCannonCop.
81. A rogue squirrel once challenged LooseCannonCop to a nut hunt around the park. Before beginning, LooseCannonCop simply dropped his pants, instantly killing the squirrel and 3 small children. LooseCannonCop knows you can't find bigger, better nuts than that.
82. LooseCannonCop doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
83. Pinatas were made in an attempt to get LooseCannonCop to stop kicking the people of Mexico. Sadly this backfired, as all it has resulted in is LooseCannonCop now looking for candy after he kicks his victims.
84. The quickest way to a man's heart is with LooseCannonCop's fist.
85. LooseCannonCop is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
86. LooseCannonCop can tie his shoes with his feet.
87. LooseCannonCop is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis.
88. LooseCannonCop does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
89. LooseCannonCop cannot predict the future; the future just better fucking do what LooseCannonCop says.
90. LooseCannonCop once had an erection while lying face down and struck oil.
91. Someone once tried to tell LooseCannonCop that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
92. The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns LooseCannonCop is.
93. LooseCannonCop was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery."
94. If you can see LooseCannonCop, he can see you. If you can't see LooseCannonCop you may be only seconds away from death.
95. Before LooseCannonCop was born, the martial arts weapons with two pieces of wood connected by a chain were called NunBarrys. No one ever did find out what happened to Barry.
96. Upon hearing that his good friend, Lance Armstrong, lost his testicles to cancer, LooseCannonCop donated one of his to Lance. With just one of LooseCannonCop's nuts, Lance was able to win the Tour De France seven times. By the way, LooseCannonCop still has two testicles; either he was able to produce a new one simply by flexing, or he had three to begin with. No one knows for sure.
97. Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about LooseCannonCop during sex, because they are doing the same thing.
98. LooseCannonCop is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
99. LooseCannonCop doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
100. LooseCannonCop used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
