Well I tried to do a kinder and gentler version of the Wild Wild West Rankings, but once I finished and was re-reading I threw up in my mouth, repeatedly. So it is what it is. If you don't like it you can blow me. Really.
PS Its bad jokes in bad taste, don't get your puss raw over it.
_________________________________________________________________
Cincinnati Cardinals: 10 Previous: 10
Cardinals need to learn to share. Sharing is important to being a good neighbor. Letting Canada have only 180 yards is really stingy, all the while keeping 450+ for yourselves. Its OK Dragons, if I had extra yards I would share with you. Maybe the Cardinal learned a good lesson for next week. Matchup: Laval
Manitoba Maulers: 9 Previous: 9
Look everyone! Mani the Mauler has come by! Mani has a really tough job. He is expected to win every week now! Can you imagine that, children, every week! Well he certainly did his very important job this week with the Lions; allowing only 160 yards to their offense. The Lions QB cubs were very playful, allowing the Maul players to wrestle them in the grass 7 times! On a personal note: I am no longer in love with this team, she started screening my calls, I have found another love! Matchup: Urkels
North Bay Drift: 8.5 Previous: 8.5
Rancho Penistaco Static Field was no match for the North Bay WPA (Winter Precipitation Accumulation). NB hung 700+ yards on Rancho and they did it in every way measurable by Bort. Drift D was able to keep the gimmicky Rancho offense in check in order for the Drift to put another notch in the left column. Rivalry Matchup: Arroz
Edmonton Thunderchiefs: 8 Previous: 8
Ed Thunderknowns are now my favorite team. I have strong manemotion for them. I want to take them behind the bleachers....well you get the idea. I really thought the Urkels where the princes of CA#5, what the freak happened. Well in this one the Knowns happened. The Known O was not remarkable, but apparently effective enough (370 yards). It was the D that stole the show. They bent (400+ yards) they back pedaled (70 Urkel pass attempts) and they jumped routes (5 INTs/2 for TDs). They had one 80 yard play for a TD. Its not how Big Tuna would draw it up, but that is certainly one way to beat a good (great?) Urkel team. Matchup: Thrash
Alberta Irukandji: 7.5 Previous: 8
Remember those old Sprint commercials? Yeah, that's right. The one with the pin dropping. Matchup: Maul
Vancouver Vikings: 7 Previous: 7
Notched a win over the FMMP squad. Looked decent on both sides of the ball. Its really hard to peg you guys, you kinda just bump along. Had a couple long plays for TDs in this one, whats that mean? Have to consult the Magic 8 Ball....."Reply hazy, try again". One thing is decided...it was a win. Matchup: Demos
Moose Jaw Roughriders: 6.5 Previous: 7
If the Fish were a sleeping giant they just got morning wood all over your defense. 450+ yards of O given up by your D. 63 Fish rushing attempts for a 4.4 average is like alot of yards. Fish had the ball 2 mins to your 1 min. That will shorten the game. Back to the board. Matchup: Dragons
Arroz Con Pollo: 6.5 Previous: 6.5
Rice with Chicken: 668 yards YEAH; Demos: 585 yards BOO! Chicken busted 7.2 yard average on the turf and 9.3 in the atmosphere. Kinda like a lap dance only you actually get to score. Demos with 446 in the air, that's rough. Kinda like butt sex, true you are getting laid but you might be a a bit sore later. Rivalry Matchup: Drift time!
Rancho Penasquitos Thunderbolts: 6 Previous: 6.5
Keep the faith Rancho. There are very few teams that have much fun in the Drift. Its not all snowballs and sledding. I might suggest adding some flavor that that offense. Gimmicks are good but not when they are the majority of your playbook. Matchup: Fish[
Manitoba Lions: 5.5 Previous: 5.5
Hey Lions, you may or may not know that this league plays games every 48 hours. I would check with the Manitoba Maul front office to see if there is a available makeup date soon. All completely rude commentary aside, that Lion O is cowering in a dark booth at the local adult entertainment store partaking in some underground German scat films. Now really, all completely offensive and rude commentary aside I would like to say that all of us will struggle or have struggled against those Maul DEs. Little bastards. Matchup: FMMP
Canada Dragons: 5.5 Previous: 5.5
Dragons had a play date with the Cards that was not very much fun. Maybe you need nicer playmates. To get beat that badly is unfortunate but it appears there were some positive things as well. For one your passing game had some life at 5.8 an attempt, but only 45 total plays of offense it seems you just couldn't put anything together. Matchup: Moose Jaw
Fort McMurray Mounted Police: 5 Previous: 5
Shameless play off of Chriztian's Prediction post: FMMP had what it thought was a harmless wet fart in its shorts that turned out to be a 'Thigh Runner'. It was promptly mopped up by an astute Vikings janitorial staff. Unfortunately the FMMP hopes for a turn around win were also mopped up. On the bright side FMMP did do some somewhat valid work on the Vikes rushing game. 3.3 yards per on 34 carries. That was an area that they had struggled with this season. On an even brighter note I checked for borked FGs and saw none. Cheers for that! j/k Matchup: Loveable Lions
Laval Crusaders: 5 Previous: 5
Nice 'gimme' game. Allowed 6 yards. Whatever. Matchup: Cards
Victoria Fish: 5 Previous: 4
Yeah baby! You whipped the Moosers like my 5 year old neice whips me at Rock Band! Wow, hope that doesn't effect my e-cred. ...and in CA#5 there was much rejoicing at the potential return of the generic sea creatures. Matchup: Buttsore Rancho
Fhockey.com Demos: 4 Previous: 4
Hey, you guys remember Wham!? They had some big hits but were still gay. Not that this applies to you guys, just an observation. In reality, offense looked sexy vs. the Chicken but the defense well......remember Wham!? I loved them. Matchup: Vikes
Saskatchewan Thrashers: 0.000001 Previous: 0.00001
Wake me up before you go-go, Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo, Wake me up before you go-go, I don't want to miss it when you hit that high. Wake me up before you go-go, 'Cause I'm not plannin' on going solo, Wake me up before you go-go, Take me dancing tonight, I wanna hit that high! Matchup: Thunderknowns
Cheers!
PS Its bad jokes in bad taste, don't get your puss raw over it.
_________________________________________________________________
Cincinnati Cardinals: 10 Previous: 10
Cardinals need to learn to share. Sharing is important to being a good neighbor. Letting Canada have only 180 yards is really stingy, all the while keeping 450+ for yourselves. Its OK Dragons, if I had extra yards I would share with you. Maybe the Cardinal learned a good lesson for next week. Matchup: Laval
Manitoba Maulers: 9 Previous: 9
Look everyone! Mani the Mauler has come by! Mani has a really tough job. He is expected to win every week now! Can you imagine that, children, every week! Well he certainly did his very important job this week with the Lions; allowing only 160 yards to their offense. The Lions QB cubs were very playful, allowing the Maul players to wrestle them in the grass 7 times! On a personal note: I am no longer in love with this team, she started screening my calls, I have found another love! Matchup: Urkels
North Bay Drift: 8.5 Previous: 8.5
Rancho Penistaco Static Field was no match for the North Bay WPA (Winter Precipitation Accumulation). NB hung 700+ yards on Rancho and they did it in every way measurable by Bort. Drift D was able to keep the gimmicky Rancho offense in check in order for the Drift to put another notch in the left column. Rivalry Matchup: Arroz
Edmonton Thunderchiefs: 8 Previous: 8
Ed Thunderknowns are now my favorite team. I have strong manemotion for them. I want to take them behind the bleachers....well you get the idea. I really thought the Urkels where the princes of CA#5, what the freak happened. Well in this one the Knowns happened. The Known O was not remarkable, but apparently effective enough (370 yards). It was the D that stole the show. They bent (400+ yards) they back pedaled (70 Urkel pass attempts) and they jumped routes (5 INTs/2 for TDs). They had one 80 yard play for a TD. Its not how Big Tuna would draw it up, but that is certainly one way to beat a good (great?) Urkel team. Matchup: Thrash
Alberta Irukandji: 7.5 Previous: 8
Remember those old Sprint commercials? Yeah, that's right. The one with the pin dropping. Matchup: Maul
Vancouver Vikings: 7 Previous: 7
Notched a win over the FMMP squad. Looked decent on both sides of the ball. Its really hard to peg you guys, you kinda just bump along. Had a couple long plays for TDs in this one, whats that mean? Have to consult the Magic 8 Ball....."Reply hazy, try again". One thing is decided...it was a win. Matchup: Demos
Moose Jaw Roughriders: 6.5 Previous: 7
If the Fish were a sleeping giant they just got morning wood all over your defense. 450+ yards of O given up by your D. 63 Fish rushing attempts for a 4.4 average is like alot of yards. Fish had the ball 2 mins to your 1 min. That will shorten the game. Back to the board. Matchup: Dragons
Arroz Con Pollo: 6.5 Previous: 6.5
Rice with Chicken: 668 yards YEAH; Demos: 585 yards BOO! Chicken busted 7.2 yard average on the turf and 9.3 in the atmosphere. Kinda like a lap dance only you actually get to score. Demos with 446 in the air, that's rough. Kinda like butt sex, true you are getting laid but you might be a a bit sore later. Rivalry Matchup: Drift time!
Rancho Penasquitos Thunderbolts: 6 Previous: 6.5
Keep the faith Rancho. There are very few teams that have much fun in the Drift. Its not all snowballs and sledding. I might suggest adding some flavor that that offense. Gimmicks are good but not when they are the majority of your playbook. Matchup: Fish[
Manitoba Lions: 5.5 Previous: 5.5
Hey Lions, you may or may not know that this league plays games every 48 hours. I would check with the Manitoba Maul front office to see if there is a available makeup date soon. All completely rude commentary aside, that Lion O is cowering in a dark booth at the local adult entertainment store partaking in some underground German scat films. Now really, all completely offensive and rude commentary aside I would like to say that all of us will struggle or have struggled against those Maul DEs. Little bastards. Matchup: FMMP
Canada Dragons: 5.5 Previous: 5.5
Dragons had a play date with the Cards that was not very much fun. Maybe you need nicer playmates. To get beat that badly is unfortunate but it appears there were some positive things as well. For one your passing game had some life at 5.8 an attempt, but only 45 total plays of offense it seems you just couldn't put anything together. Matchup: Moose Jaw
Fort McMurray Mounted Police: 5 Previous: 5
Shameless play off of Chriztian's Prediction post: FMMP had what it thought was a harmless wet fart in its shorts that turned out to be a 'Thigh Runner'. It was promptly mopped up by an astute Vikings janitorial staff. Unfortunately the FMMP hopes for a turn around win were also mopped up. On the bright side FMMP did do some somewhat valid work on the Vikes rushing game. 3.3 yards per on 34 carries. That was an area that they had struggled with this season. On an even brighter note I checked for borked FGs and saw none. Cheers for that! j/k Matchup: Loveable Lions
Laval Crusaders: 5 Previous: 5
Nice 'gimme' game. Allowed 6 yards. Whatever. Matchup: Cards
Victoria Fish: 5 Previous: 4
Yeah baby! You whipped the Moosers like my 5 year old neice whips me at Rock Band! Wow, hope that doesn't effect my e-cred. ...and in CA#5 there was much rejoicing at the potential return of the generic sea creatures. Matchup: Buttsore Rancho
Fhockey.com Demos: 4 Previous: 4
Hey, you guys remember Wham!? They had some big hits but were still gay. Not that this applies to you guys, just an observation. In reality, offense looked sexy vs. the Chicken but the defense well......remember Wham!? I loved them. Matchup: Vikes
Saskatchewan Thrashers: 0.000001 Previous: 0.00001
Wake me up before you go-go, Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo, Wake me up before you go-go, I don't want to miss it when you hit that high. Wake me up before you go-go, 'Cause I'm not plannin' on going solo, Wake me up before you go-go, Take me dancing tonight, I wanna hit that high! Matchup: Thunderknowns
Cheers!
Last edited Jan 14, 2009 14:11:46
