Beardogs Barked, but no Bite
Bel Air Beardogs 9
Spicewood Longhorns 10
A football game is decided over the course of 4 grueling quarters, but in some cases one play can truly define the entire game. This game was decided by one such play :
3:57 remaining in the 4th quarter, Beardogs down by 4. Roy Ducketts had just returned a Spicewood 19 yard punt 13 yards, giving the Beardogs great field position. 5 plays later, they found themselves 4th and goal on the Spicewood 0.5 yard line. With Beard OG, the conference's leading scorer on the ground, ready to go the Beardog coach opted for the easy field goal assuming the defense would hold.
It did, twice. The Beardogs just couldn't and hadn't been able to get anything going offensively all night. They were only able to etch out 194 yards of total offense which begs the question : why not go for it on 4th and goal late in the 4th quarter?
Thats a question we may never have an answer to but it ultimately cost the Beardogs the game. On a night when neither team shined on the offensive side of the football (3yd rush avg / 3.5 pass avg Spicewood ; 2.6yd rush avg / 2.7 pass avg Bel Air), the Longhorns Maija Vilkkumaa made what ended up being the deciding play in the game. Early in the 2nd quarter Maija was able to catch a ball in the back corner of the endzone while being double covered (full credit to RJ Stew for buying enough time to allow the play to develop). In a game that lacked much scoring, that was all the Longhorns would need to shutdown a truly putrid Bel Air offense this night.
AROUND THE LEAGUE
The Western Conference of USA's A#7 league consists of 16 teams. Of these 16 teams, 4 scored more then 30 points in week 5's action. 6 more scored 3 or less (and if you want to include New Brunswick, 7 scored 6 or less). The blowouts are back and better than ever! (Thank you Dallas for beating Ambridge so badly their baby's babies are going to be born with turf marks on their rears)
Denver 14
New Brunswick 6
Greg Martin leads the Western Conference in rushing and has basically had his way with opposing defenses so far this season. That makes what the Pirate's D was able to accomplish even more impressive. Their stat line? 6 tackles for loss, 3 forced fumbles (though they weren't able to recover any), an interception, and a sack. They held Martin to his lowest yard total (78.5) thus far and jacked him up all night (3 fumbles were all Martin's). With the Pirate D setting the stage, Morten Fullben stole the show finishing two drives with touchdowns. Who cares that he only had 4.5 yards, they were 4.5 important yards! New Brunswick LB Colt Brooks did everything he could to stop the bleeding, posting 11 tackles and a hurry in the loss.
Las Vegas 34
Portland 3
The Billionaire has boatloads of connections in Las Vegas (what can we say, we love to gamble!). Before this game, one of them called us up to tell us to watch the fireworks. Being that there were no scheduled fireworks for the football game, we inquired as to his meaning. The story goes something like this : As Las Vegas starting tackle Beeda Ramino and starting guard Ogie Ogiltorpe walked through the tunnel before game time, Portland press and casual observers cleared the path as if the Pope himself were wandering their halls. Did they scatter out of respect? No, they scurried out of pure fear at the sight of these behemoths. Our connection in the press saw this, and could only imagine the destruction that awaited Portland (in their house no less). Well, the destruction went something like this : 474 yards total offense (303 rushing / 171 passing), 5 touchdowns. Two Vegas scat backs posted 100 yards rushing games and if they weren't busy breaking Portland tackles (9 total), Ramino and Ogiltorpe were pounding them to the ground (32 pancakes between the two of them). Portland fought valiently but their 0.3 yard rush average wasn't enough to counter the chaos reaped by Beeda Ramino and Ogie Ogiltorpe.
Ambridge 0
Dallas 70
The Kraken : 18/139.5/3 TDs
Julius George : 14/61.5/2 TDs
4 different players with rushing touchdowns
37 broken tackles as a team
337.5 total rushing yards
10 total touchdowns
...
...
...
Oww
(I legitimately feel sorry for Jefferson Joe Gilliam (QB Ambridge) who was hurried 9 times and sacked twice on this night. I'm starting the save Jefferson Joe Gilliam fund as he's been classified an endangered species. Please donate!)
Oakland 33
Chicago 0
33 points would make someone believe this was a display of offensive excellence. Well... you'd be partly right if by offensive excellence you were referring to Oakland's Kicker, Seth Logan, who scored 15 of the Wizard's 33 points. Quincy Wilson managed a respectable 4.5 yard rushing average and a touchdown to go along with Logan's precision strikes.
Miami 0
Waco 35
How many quarterbacks have we talked about this week? Wait, none right? Hold on I'm checking... yeah none. Thats because none are really having great years, save one : Hugh Laurie. He was the only one to throw for 200+ yards this week (to 7 different receivers), and leads the league in yards and touchdowns. In a conference thats really hurting for offensively field generals to step up, the Davidians don't need to worry. Coupled with Laurie's consistent excellence, Wolfgang Puck (23/101.5/2 TDs) and Zayn Tippit (18/114.5/1 TD) solidified the ground game. Beyond the obvious, what makes Waco so scary is how balanced their offensive attack is : 41 rushing plays for 216 yards / 38 passing plays for 224 yards. They can beat you whichever way you'll let them, and they do it with style (Defensive Touchdown anyone?).
Scottsdale 27
RGB 2
During the broadcast of this game, both teams suddenly disappeared and timetravelled to the early 1900s! I'm just kidding because that would be totally ridiculous, but they may as well have. Back then forward passes were against the rules and they may as well have been in this one. Both teams combined were only able to tally 157 passing yards. So the game was boring right? Wrong. Scottsdale's two headed monster (Calvin Maddox and Nuke Laluche) went berzerk on RGB for 317 yards rushing.
Hartford 20
Grand Haven 0
This is the third game in a row that the Grand Haven defense has allowed only 20 points, and with the skewed time of possesion I'd say thats an accomplishment in itself. Ice Simeria, Grand Haven's defense leader, had 15 tackles (3 for loss) and corner back Guess Who had 11. So its another L, but at least some stars are starting to show up in the barren night sky for the Mist. The Hellhounds halfback Jon Joseph carried Hartford's offense again, posting another 100 yard rushing game. They did what they needed to do for the win, but Grand Haven's D stood strong all night.
CLOSING STATEMENTS
When we were young we heard stories about the Boogeyman and how he would hide in your closet and scare you if you were bad (everyone has their own alteration of the story, mine involves closets). We all grow out of it, but I'm starting to think it might be real... and there might be two Boogeymen: Beeda Ramino and Ogie Ogiltorpe. If this is true, I'd like to request you please steer clear of my closet! The last thing I want is to be awoken in the middle of the night, scared, and then pancaked through my bed.
Bel Air Beardogs 9
Spicewood Longhorns 10
A football game is decided over the course of 4 grueling quarters, but in some cases one play can truly define the entire game. This game was decided by one such play :
3:57 remaining in the 4th quarter, Beardogs down by 4. Roy Ducketts had just returned a Spicewood 19 yard punt 13 yards, giving the Beardogs great field position. 5 plays later, they found themselves 4th and goal on the Spicewood 0.5 yard line. With Beard OG, the conference's leading scorer on the ground, ready to go the Beardog coach opted for the easy field goal assuming the defense would hold.
It did, twice. The Beardogs just couldn't and hadn't been able to get anything going offensively all night. They were only able to etch out 194 yards of total offense which begs the question : why not go for it on 4th and goal late in the 4th quarter?
Thats a question we may never have an answer to but it ultimately cost the Beardogs the game. On a night when neither team shined on the offensive side of the football (3yd rush avg / 3.5 pass avg Spicewood ; 2.6yd rush avg / 2.7 pass avg Bel Air), the Longhorns Maija Vilkkumaa made what ended up being the deciding play in the game. Early in the 2nd quarter Maija was able to catch a ball in the back corner of the endzone while being double covered (full credit to RJ Stew for buying enough time to allow the play to develop). In a game that lacked much scoring, that was all the Longhorns would need to shutdown a truly putrid Bel Air offense this night.
AROUND THE LEAGUE
The Western Conference of USA's A#7 league consists of 16 teams. Of these 16 teams, 4 scored more then 30 points in week 5's action. 6 more scored 3 or less (and if you want to include New Brunswick, 7 scored 6 or less). The blowouts are back and better than ever! (Thank you Dallas for beating Ambridge so badly their baby's babies are going to be born with turf marks on their rears)
Denver 14
New Brunswick 6
Greg Martin leads the Western Conference in rushing and has basically had his way with opposing defenses so far this season. That makes what the Pirate's D was able to accomplish even more impressive. Their stat line? 6 tackles for loss, 3 forced fumbles (though they weren't able to recover any), an interception, and a sack. They held Martin to his lowest yard total (78.5) thus far and jacked him up all night (3 fumbles were all Martin's). With the Pirate D setting the stage, Morten Fullben stole the show finishing two drives with touchdowns. Who cares that he only had 4.5 yards, they were 4.5 important yards! New Brunswick LB Colt Brooks did everything he could to stop the bleeding, posting 11 tackles and a hurry in the loss.
Las Vegas 34
Portland 3
The Billionaire has boatloads of connections in Las Vegas (what can we say, we love to gamble!). Before this game, one of them called us up to tell us to watch the fireworks. Being that there were no scheduled fireworks for the football game, we inquired as to his meaning. The story goes something like this : As Las Vegas starting tackle Beeda Ramino and starting guard Ogie Ogiltorpe walked through the tunnel before game time, Portland press and casual observers cleared the path as if the Pope himself were wandering their halls. Did they scatter out of respect? No, they scurried out of pure fear at the sight of these behemoths. Our connection in the press saw this, and could only imagine the destruction that awaited Portland (in their house no less). Well, the destruction went something like this : 474 yards total offense (303 rushing / 171 passing), 5 touchdowns. Two Vegas scat backs posted 100 yards rushing games and if they weren't busy breaking Portland tackles (9 total), Ramino and Ogiltorpe were pounding them to the ground (32 pancakes between the two of them). Portland fought valiently but their 0.3 yard rush average wasn't enough to counter the chaos reaped by Beeda Ramino and Ogie Ogiltorpe.
Ambridge 0
Dallas 70
The Kraken : 18/139.5/3 TDs
Julius George : 14/61.5/2 TDs
4 different players with rushing touchdowns
37 broken tackles as a team
337.5 total rushing yards
10 total touchdowns
...
...
...
Oww
(I legitimately feel sorry for Jefferson Joe Gilliam (QB Ambridge) who was hurried 9 times and sacked twice on this night. I'm starting the save Jefferson Joe Gilliam fund as he's been classified an endangered species. Please donate!)
Oakland 33
Chicago 0
33 points would make someone believe this was a display of offensive excellence. Well... you'd be partly right if by offensive excellence you were referring to Oakland's Kicker, Seth Logan, who scored 15 of the Wizard's 33 points. Quincy Wilson managed a respectable 4.5 yard rushing average and a touchdown to go along with Logan's precision strikes.
Miami 0
Waco 35
How many quarterbacks have we talked about this week? Wait, none right? Hold on I'm checking... yeah none. Thats because none are really having great years, save one : Hugh Laurie. He was the only one to throw for 200+ yards this week (to 7 different receivers), and leads the league in yards and touchdowns. In a conference thats really hurting for offensively field generals to step up, the Davidians don't need to worry. Coupled with Laurie's consistent excellence, Wolfgang Puck (23/101.5/2 TDs) and Zayn Tippit (18/114.5/1 TD) solidified the ground game. Beyond the obvious, what makes Waco so scary is how balanced their offensive attack is : 41 rushing plays for 216 yards / 38 passing plays for 224 yards. They can beat you whichever way you'll let them, and they do it with style (Defensive Touchdown anyone?).
Scottsdale 27
RGB 2
During the broadcast of this game, both teams suddenly disappeared and timetravelled to the early 1900s! I'm just kidding because that would be totally ridiculous, but they may as well have. Back then forward passes were against the rules and they may as well have been in this one. Both teams combined were only able to tally 157 passing yards. So the game was boring right? Wrong. Scottsdale's two headed monster (Calvin Maddox and Nuke Laluche) went berzerk on RGB for 317 yards rushing.
Hartford 20
Grand Haven 0
This is the third game in a row that the Grand Haven defense has allowed only 20 points, and with the skewed time of possesion I'd say thats an accomplishment in itself. Ice Simeria, Grand Haven's defense leader, had 15 tackles (3 for loss) and corner back Guess Who had 11. So its another L, but at least some stars are starting to show up in the barren night sky for the Mist. The Hellhounds halfback Jon Joseph carried Hartford's offense again, posting another 100 yard rushing game. They did what they needed to do for the win, but Grand Haven's D stood strong all night.
CLOSING STATEMENTS
When we were young we heard stories about the Boogeyman and how he would hide in your closet and scare you if you were bad (everyone has their own alteration of the story, mine involves closets). We all grow out of it, but I'm starting to think it might be real... and there might be two Boogeymen: Beeda Ramino and Ogie Ogiltorpe. If this is true, I'd like to request you please steer clear of my closet! The last thing I want is to be awoken in the middle of the night, scared, and then pancaked through my bed.
Last edited May 4, 2008 21:09:58
