Washington D.C. - The Washingtons Capitals announced today that all home games during Season 6 will feature castrations of mascots and "sex" pits at each endzone. Not since the introduction of the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders have a football team changed the dyanmic of the game of football so much
"Our sex pits will be at each end zone and feature men and women having sex," said Admerylous, the GM of the Capitals," will have close up shots of money shots and cams will be placed on top of all the men's forehead for cam shots. This is what the game is all about. Sex sells in the 21st century, and were bringing it to football."
Sex pit "seats" will cost 100 dollars per person, but the ticketholder must have whoopie at least once a game and particate in the half time orgy. Gay whoppie is not allowed and only men with big packages are allowed to buy season tickets.
"The process is quite simple. We ask the couple or individual to come down to our headquarters. If your a man will measure your package and your ability to be stiff through 4 quarters of exciting football, snow or shine. If your a women, you must be attractive and have a nice set of tits," says Catfud, fullback and part time team gynecologist.
Simulate castrations will also occur at home games this year. The mascot of the opposing team will be castrated on the field goal post before the game. The Capitals spent nearly a million dollars making replica's of all the opposing teams mascots for the season. Each mascot will include a penis. Nestly the Eagle Bird, the Caps mascot, will castrate the mascots using a plastic machete.
"The molding process is quite simple. Lets take Bostons mascot, Oscar the Irish Drunk. What we did was create the mascot and included male genital. In the penis, we stuff it with fake blood. We have a line to indicte where Nestly the Eagle Bird has to cut. And thats when the fun starts, " smiles molding expert Miguel Sosa.
FOX, CBS, NBC, and ESPN have all declined to show the pregame and halftime shows. Endzones will be blurred out.
"Our sex pits will be at each end zone and feature men and women having sex," said Admerylous, the GM of the Capitals," will have close up shots of money shots and cams will be placed on top of all the men's forehead for cam shots. This is what the game is all about. Sex sells in the 21st century, and were bringing it to football."
Sex pit "seats" will cost 100 dollars per person, but the ticketholder must have whoopie at least once a game and particate in the half time orgy. Gay whoppie is not allowed and only men with big packages are allowed to buy season tickets.
"The process is quite simple. We ask the couple or individual to come down to our headquarters. If your a man will measure your package and your ability to be stiff through 4 quarters of exciting football, snow or shine. If your a women, you must be attractive and have a nice set of tits," says Catfud, fullback and part time team gynecologist.
Simulate castrations will also occur at home games this year. The mascot of the opposing team will be castrated on the field goal post before the game. The Capitals spent nearly a million dollars making replica's of all the opposing teams mascots for the season. Each mascot will include a penis. Nestly the Eagle Bird, the Caps mascot, will castrate the mascots using a plastic machete.
"The molding process is quite simple. Lets take Bostons mascot, Oscar the Irish Drunk. What we did was create the mascot and included male genital. In the penis, we stuff it with fake blood. We have a line to indicte where Nestly the Eagle Bird has to cut. And thats when the fun starts, " smiles molding expert Miguel Sosa.
FOX, CBS, NBC, and ESPN have all declined to show the pregame and halftime shows. Endzones will be blurred out.
