Today, we're broadcasting from Tom's Restaurant in New York. I'm enjoying a big salad. In honor of the occasion, this will be a very special edition of the power rankings, where each team will discover their true Seinfeld personality.
On a completely unrelated note, enjoy this weeks jaw-dropping EBay item, Haiti.
http://yoderdesign.com/travel/images/countries/haiti_map.gif
By the way, your esteemed broadcaster has finally received his first hate mail. I've never been so proud. A tear forms at the corner of my eye. My life is complete.
And now, numbers followed by team names.
Zeta Conference:
1. Cape Town Cubicles - Kenny Bania - The best team in the conference. The best, Jerry!
2. Monty Pythons - The Soup Nazi - 4th Quarter against Dragasani: No soup for you!
3. Rome Raiders - Newman - You wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me and my helmet.
4. Springfield Isotopes - Izzy Mandelbaum - It's go time!
5. Macedonia Marauders - J Peterman - My neck is one gargantuan monkey fist.
6. Dragasani Dragons - Jerry Seinfeld - I miss the days when they made toys that could kill a kid.
7. San Antonio Natives - Joe Mayo - George, can you do me a favor and stay by the phone in case anybody calls and needs directions?
8. Sevastopol Wolverines - Morty Seinfeld - Cheap fabric, and dim lighting. That's how you move merchandise.
9. Stalingrad Loyalists - Sid - Professional Car Parkers.
10. Serbian Head Hunters - Helen Seinfeld - You're a comedian, couldn't you come up with something?
11. Istanbul Anatolian Guard Dawgs - The Drake - Boy, I'm really starting to dislike the Drake. Hate the Drake!
12. Belgrade Blaze - Cousin Jeffery - Most likely to lead an edible foliage tour.
13. Draguignan Dragons 83 - Kevin - Bizzaro Jerry
14. New Jersey Mafia - Mr. Wilhelm - Most likely to join a carpet-cleaning cult.
15. Orange Blood Nation - Mr. Kruger - Orange Blood Nation: 'We don't care, and it shows'
16. Slobodzeya Es Cargo - Crazy Joe Davola - Now I'm gonna put the kibosh on you. You know I've kiboshed before. And I will kibosh again.
Alpha Conference:
1. Lisbon Crows - Art Vandelay - He's an importer. And exporter. He's an importer/exporter.
2. Saratov Jokers - David Puddy - He keeps asking me to give him a high-five. Slapping hands is the lowest form of primate ritual.
3. Kharkiv Thrashers - Mickey Abbott - Rock flies right through paper. Nothing beats rock.
4. Sacramento Storm - George Costanza - Serenity now! Serenity now!
5. Mildenhall Grim Reapers - George Steinbrenner - What about drugs? You doing some of that crack cocaine? You on the pipe?
6. Bluegrass Hitmen - Cosmo Kramer - Hey, you know what would make a great coffee table book? A coffee table book about coffee tables!
7. Moscow Meat Whistles - Jackie Chiles - Lewd! Lascivious! Salacious! Outrageous!
8. Grondo Titans - Frank Costanza - At the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year.
9. Sevastopol Seamen - Justin Pitt - We must annex Poland by the spring!
10. Smashing Skulls - Mr. Lippman - Top of the muffin to you!
11. Buffalo Reverands - Lloyd Braun - There's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
12. Sofia Dogs - Tim Whatley - Dentist to the stars.
13. Glass City Fightin' Thundercats - Ping - Head hurt! Head really hurt!
14. Danish Disasters - Uncle Leo - If there's a woman that can take your presence for more than ten consecutive seconds, you should hang on to her like grim death... which is not far off by the way.
15. Birmingham Lions - Susan Ross - Dead.
16. Zheleznovodsk Chubby Wizards - The Pig Man - Actually just a fat little mental patient.
On a completely unrelated note, enjoy this weeks jaw-dropping EBay item, Haiti.
http://yoderdesign.com/travel/images/countries/haiti_map.gif
By the way, your esteemed broadcaster has finally received his first hate mail. I've never been so proud. A tear forms at the corner of my eye. My life is complete.
And now, numbers followed by team names.
Zeta Conference:
1. Cape Town Cubicles - Kenny Bania - The best team in the conference. The best, Jerry!
2. Monty Pythons - The Soup Nazi - 4th Quarter against Dragasani: No soup for you!
3. Rome Raiders - Newman - You wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me and my helmet.
4. Springfield Isotopes - Izzy Mandelbaum - It's go time!
5. Macedonia Marauders - J Peterman - My neck is one gargantuan monkey fist.
6. Dragasani Dragons - Jerry Seinfeld - I miss the days when they made toys that could kill a kid.
7. San Antonio Natives - Joe Mayo - George, can you do me a favor and stay by the phone in case anybody calls and needs directions?
8. Sevastopol Wolverines - Morty Seinfeld - Cheap fabric, and dim lighting. That's how you move merchandise.
9. Stalingrad Loyalists - Sid - Professional Car Parkers.
10. Serbian Head Hunters - Helen Seinfeld - You're a comedian, couldn't you come up with something?
11. Istanbul Anatolian Guard Dawgs - The Drake - Boy, I'm really starting to dislike the Drake. Hate the Drake!
12. Belgrade Blaze - Cousin Jeffery - Most likely to lead an edible foliage tour.
13. Draguignan Dragons 83 - Kevin - Bizzaro Jerry
14. New Jersey Mafia - Mr. Wilhelm - Most likely to join a carpet-cleaning cult.
15. Orange Blood Nation - Mr. Kruger - Orange Blood Nation: 'We don't care, and it shows'
16. Slobodzeya Es Cargo - Crazy Joe Davola - Now I'm gonna put the kibosh on you. You know I've kiboshed before. And I will kibosh again.
Alpha Conference:
1. Lisbon Crows - Art Vandelay - He's an importer. And exporter. He's an importer/exporter.
2. Saratov Jokers - David Puddy - He keeps asking me to give him a high-five. Slapping hands is the lowest form of primate ritual.
3. Kharkiv Thrashers - Mickey Abbott - Rock flies right through paper. Nothing beats rock.
4. Sacramento Storm - George Costanza - Serenity now! Serenity now!
5. Mildenhall Grim Reapers - George Steinbrenner - What about drugs? You doing some of that crack cocaine? You on the pipe?
6. Bluegrass Hitmen - Cosmo Kramer - Hey, you know what would make a great coffee table book? A coffee table book about coffee tables!
7. Moscow Meat Whistles - Jackie Chiles - Lewd! Lascivious! Salacious! Outrageous!
8. Grondo Titans - Frank Costanza - At the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year.
9. Sevastopol Seamen - Justin Pitt - We must annex Poland by the spring!
10. Smashing Skulls - Mr. Lippman - Top of the muffin to you!
11. Buffalo Reverands - Lloyd Braun - There's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
12. Sofia Dogs - Tim Whatley - Dentist to the stars.
13. Glass City Fightin' Thundercats - Ping - Head hurt! Head really hurt!
14. Danish Disasters - Uncle Leo - If there's a woman that can take your presence for more than ten consecutive seconds, you should hang on to her like grim death... which is not far off by the way.
15. Birmingham Lions - Susan Ross - Dead.
16. Zheleznovodsk Chubby Wizards - The Pig Man - Actually just a fat little mental patient.
